NOT Mom Of The Year

The Mommyologist and Life Without Pink have officially kicked off their "NOT Mom of the Year" entry contest. whooo hoo...that's where I reign. Link up and enter your post, telling why that title has you written all over it. Knowing the peeps I do, it'll be a close competition.



My Mom's Entry as sooooooo NOT Mom of The Year, posted by me, her teenage son:

My mom should get the NOT Mom of the Year Award because everything she does is ruining my life.

If I don't have any friends ever again, it's because of her.

But, then, I think secretly that's what she wants.

For me and her to be forever together. She has no life except for us. Like, we are the most important things to her in the world. Get out.

She won't let me get on FB unless we have all these lame-o old people safeguards.

She needs the phone numbers of anywhere I'm going. She asks if there are guns there, or who is going to be home.

For everything.

If no parents are going to be there? Forget it, you won't see me there. I've missed so many parties I've heard about cuz of her. Like the one where the cops had to come because the kid's bonfire got out of control.

She has to know where I am ALL.THE.TIME. Come on, I'm 16...I know about everything.

All she wants me to ever do is go to the Doctor, or the Dentist, or the Dermatologist. I think she has a crush on those old guys or something. She's always calling them whenever I tell her about any little thing I feel or get.

She hounds me about eating. Like I'll starve or something. She tells me I have to eat everything I get on my plate for "balance." I just want the chips and soda.

She asks me every morning, "did you put on deodorant? did you remember to floss?" Just cause I forgot a few times and she had to bring my stuff to school.

She has to look at the books I'm going to read first. Yeah, I know when I was little I read a book that was too scary for me and I didn't want to go to the basement...wait, I still don't want to go to the basement cuz of that book. But, so what.

Most of all, she makes it impossible for me to do what all the other kids are doing. With her in the watchtower, I will never be able to smoke a cigarette, or surf the internet, or get in the car with someone who's high or had a beer, or stay out past my curfew, or sneak around doing anything.

She knows everything, and talks to me about everything. And people can hear her when she picks me up and shouts "HI HONEY!" so loud. And she always asks, "how are you doing?" I live with her, I'm always doing the same.

The worst part is the lock downs on my iTouch. And I have to share my cell phone with my brothers. And big guess what? Lock downs on that, too. Shocker, right? And she has to listen to any music before I download it. She says things like, "what you hear affects what you think." She's always talking in code like that.

Like, now, it's Summer. No school, right? Relax, right? Not if my mom is your mom.

I just want to sleep late and do my PS 2. And then watch movies till late. But "guesswho" has me in Sand Volleyball, Diving, and Speed School. Yeah, I'm a really good Vball player and got an award for it, and yeah I've been diving since forever and am a strong swimmer and could totally save someone's life if I had to, and yeah I made it to the finals at the conference track meet. But that's only cuz she's had me doing that stuff my whole life.

Who wouldn't be good after doing something for years. That's what I tell her.

That's why she should get this award, she is NOT mom of the year.

Like this kid in town, and his mom, now she is the mom of the year and is so awesome....he gets to do ANYthing.

C's and D's on his report card are OK with her. If I come home with a C, I have to listen to how "C's are the gateway grade to D's." His parents are letting him go to a "fun" high school for half days only, not like me. I know she'll make me take every class they list on the books!

He doesn't have to do homework. He can see R rated movies and has unlimited PS time, and has M rated games, and has parties in their barn when his parents go to Las Vegas for the weekend. He doesn't have to do any sports over the summer, at all, or during the school year. And his mom runs out and gets him fast food whenever he wants it. He has a computer in.his.room with no parental controls. He has his own phone. His mom lets him have girls over when she's not home. My mom says that's cuz he's going to graduate this year, but I don't think age matters. So what if he's 3 years ahead of me.  

He has Eminem on his iPod, I'll bet.

His life must rock.

And she makes me wear a belt.

My mom is ruining my life.