Monday, January 31, 2011

Bored Games - Baby E Post

Me and My Magic Kit-one of my bored games
I have this very cool magic kit. And it has a lot of tricks that will amaze you and your friends.  They even have the balls in the cups trick.  It even comes with a video to show you how to do it. And a book with over 250 tricks. I keep my magic kit in the front closet with the other bored games. For when you're bored. My mom gets mad at my brothers when I say they're bored games, and they tell me I'm wrong. My mom tells them I am right.

I'm in Tae Kwon Do and I'm about to move up a belt. Today is my test. At 5:15.

My mom is obsessed with giant Nutcrackers.

This post is kinda random.

I play this fun online game and if you have kids, who are like ten or below, they will like this game. It's called Kung Fu Panda World. Just type it in on Google and it comes up. It's cool because you get to make your own panda, tiger, or a monkey. And there's this thing called Chi and whenever you get enough of that you move up a belt. If you have kids that like stuff like this, they will like it.

I am Belt Level 4 in that game.

My mom just asked, "Do you want to talk about the snowstorm?" and I said, "nooo...I'm not a weatherman."

Well, my mom got me a new Uglydoll journal. And for Christmas, I got this cool book that tells you how to make normal boring drawings into funny drawings. It's called "How To Draw Funny." I like it because it tells you that you don't have to be funny to draw funny things. Though it's kind of hard at first, but it works. 

They give you tracings, the outline, and so it always works.

Oh! I got two new HUGE  Uglydolls. I will show you pictures when my mom takes them.

There is going to be snow today. I hope it's not too cold that I can go outside. And have my friends come over.

P.S. To the lady who got my chocolate truffles: "Hi. And make your kid try to play that game Kung Fu Panda World."

P.P.S. My mom had a party for her kitchen ladies from work, and my dad made us watch this movie upstairs that was really old because the people had funny clothes in it. He said it was from the 70's.

Bye.

I wish the weekend wasn't over.

I do know why they call them bored games, because you do play them when you're bored. We have a closet in the front part of the house that is all bored games. And I am right.

--------------------------------------

Friday, January 28, 2011

Vodkamom

Dirty Socks & Pizza


To be called upon to help a friend, I consider an honor.

When someone needs a hand up, and they think of you, that is a blessing to me.

Vodkamom, a wonderful friend of mine, is working her way through a new phase in life.

She has called in bloglife support reinforcements, to help pull her through these changes.

I'm a blessed one to be on the list.

I am pulling my friend through with a guest post at her site. I have a childhood story there.

If you don't know VodkaMom yet, you will love meeting her. She is one of the finest Kindergarten teachers, in real life, that you'll ever meet.

Come, meet Vodkamom, and leave your warm wishes and positive energy there, and learn more about what life is like, growing up with English being a second language.

I hope to see you stop by, and wish VodkaMom well.

Thank you!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

And Good Morning To You, Too Or A Techygeek Gives My Blog An Eval

Doooood--can you believe this blog???? Seriously???
Setting: lovely, quiet evening at home. Happy children scattered about, busying themselves. Husband glad to be home and relaxing.  Mom senses all is well, and decides to sneak just a few minutes on the family computer.

Hey, honey, look at this...Blogger has this HELP page. I wonder what's on it.

Just leave it alone, Empress. I'll tell you what you need to know.

Mom, you should do what Dad says and leave it alone.

No, no. I'm not going to do anything. I just want to see what's on there. Maybe something new.

Listen, Alexandra, do you want to know something? I can show you. It's what I do. So, what do you want to do to your blog now?

Nothing, nothing. I'm just wondering why Blogger would have a HELP page if something cool wasn't on it.

Don't click on anything, or order anything, or sign up for anything. I can show you what you want to know.

No, I'm fine. I just wonder what's on there.

Well, don't stay on too long. It's late. We're all going up to bed. And don't click on anything and then come wake me up at 1 am like the house is on fire because the screen went blank and you airquotes didn't do anything.

No, I won't. I'll be up soon. 

Mom, don't do anything, alright? Just don't.

Sheesh. I won't. Good night, everyone. I love you. Now, good night.

Alexandra??? You'll come up soon, right?

Yes, yes, I will. Promise.


Good. Everyone's upstairs. Now, I wonder...the HELP page. What could be on there. ....ooooooooooooooooooooohhhh. Wow.  Look. Right here, it says you can send in your blog for a little looksee and someone will evaluate it for you. Wow. That sounds cool. I'll just send it in and then see what they think. My URL, and that's it. Awesome.  Done.  And, look, a man named  Mr. ElCapitan227, will review it for me.  See you, Mr. El Capitan, in the morning.

 
 Setting: next day, early a.m.

I can't wait to see what they suggest for my blog! This'll be so fun. Maybe they think I should change my colors, use more earth tones or something. Let's look...oh! an email from ElCapitan! *open*


Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa???? HUH???

Dear GoodDayRegularPeople: 

What is it that you hope to accomplish with your blog? What is it that you wish for us to evaluate? We have all reviewed your request to evaluate your blog and cannot understand what the purpose of your blog is. Your purpose is unclear. What do you want us to review? From what we can see, you have no main target audience, nor do you have any sort of introduction as to why you are posting.

You have outgrown your platform as is sorely evidenced by the clutter on your sidebar. The sidebar is cluttered, and it's purpose is also unclear. Are you selling advertising? Do you have advertising space for sale? The purpose of your sidebar is unclear.

You list many blogs on your sidebar.Why do you have blogs listed on your sidebar? Do you write at the blogs listed on your sidebar? The purpose of all the blogs listed on your sidebar is unclear.

From what we can see, we do not know what you are asking of us. You have crammed as many things as you can into your blog, and a first time visitor will have no inkling as to why they have been directed to your blog.

Also, who are you? From what we've read, it appears you are a rotund, rosy cheeked happy go lucky matronly woman with short curly hair. Is this how you would like to be seen? Your profile is not one of a sophisticated woman. Nor a professional businesswoman. Your blog does not appear to be one of a woman who appears to wish to advance herself.

We suggest you begin over with a sleek, sophisticated site. Clean lines with orderly columns and much less color. Please have a professional photograph taken, and placed in a more visible spot on your blog main page. Make the purpose of your website clear. What is it you offer? What are your skills? Why would someone want to be at your blog? We see no reason to be at your blog.

We are not sure if you've sent in this blog URL as a joke, or if you really are the author of this blog. If you are the author, we suggest you begin over, and study other blogs for at least 3 months before you begin again.

ElCapitan227

-------------------------

Believe it or not, this email was actually  sent to me after I sent in my blog URL for a free eval on the Blogger HELP page. And, no, I did not dare show it to my husband or kids.

I laugh about it now, but can I tell you, at the time? I should've gone up to bed with the lovely family.  The ones who have no trouble knowing my purpose.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dreams Should Be Netflix - Baby E Post

From Mommakiss, and my mom WANTED it
This is a picture of me with a thing we got from a blogger that my mom really likes, Mommakiss. And my mom wanted this. It makes her laugh. We have it for a year and then some else gets it. My mom says if she has anyone's address they should be scared.

Hi. It's Baby E. It's cold here today, but I hope not too cold that I can't go outside. I love to go outside and build snowforts and climb under them. I can stay outside a looooooooooooooooong time. Longer than anyone.

We bought a new microwave oven yesterday. My mom came home with it and my dad saw it and he said, "Alexandra now we can't send the kids to college."

Every time my mom buys something he says, "the kids can't go to college now."

But yes we can because I told my dad mom has a lot of useless stuff around the house she can sell and we can go to college with that. Like these big Mexican clay bells in the kitchen, you should see them. They are huge, and do nothing, my dad says.

I wanted this microwave oven, too, because it has a lot of settings and it is powerful! My superpretzel was done crispy like at the fair, in 30 seconds. It is an UltraOven.

Remember I said that last week I just began having dreams and sleeping? It's true. Before then, I would wake up awake. But now I'm having dreams...and sleeping is dangerous.

When I go to sleep, I wish you could pick your dreams like Netflix. I would pick adventure dreams like Guardians of  Ga'Hoole.

I loved that movie. That's the kind of dream I would always order.

Now, I'm reading The 39 Clues book series. 

There are 10 books, and I finished 4 of them already. I started one Friday, and am almost done today. I have one more chapter left.  I get very involved in my books, and cannot do chores when I'm reading. I told my mom that when she asked me to set the table. She said she knows what that's like and let me finish my chapter.

My mom is so behind with me, that I'm going to talk about Christmas stuff today. Can you believe we saw 3 versions of the Christmas Carol? My mom loves that movie and she is crazy like that. And we saw the live play, too! But that one was awesome.

I love The 39 Clues book series because they give so many describing words that make things real in your brain. I love these books. My brother read the first one and told me I would like it. He said he didn't know I would like it so much. The words in the book make you see the things in your head--it's awesome.

My dad won't let my mom go to Costco with us when we go on the weekends, because he says that if she comes with us, she'll buy everything, and then we can't go to college.

Bye! 


-----------------------------------------------

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Why I Love Getting Older

 

Juicyredpepper "Why is it that we have to wait until we are 50 years old, before we see just how beautiful a red pepper is?," Sandy Dennis laments in Alan Alda's mid-life themed movie, The Four Seasons.

That clarity of appreciation that she speaks of, that wonder of our world, is one of the things I've grown into since getting older. It is a new way of living for me, and I love it.

I wasn't always this way. I lived life in a blur, crossing things off my list of what needed to be done, and diving into the next project. As I've gotten older, I have found a wonderful place to be in my life--that of gratitude for what is around me. At this age, I've come to realize what is important, and--not to be morbid--but I also know that I have already spent half of the life I've been given.

I want to spend the life ahead of me in happiness. I don't want to waste any more time with sadness, miscommunication, or missed opportunities, as I have done. I know each day is gone at sunset, and, like currency, spent forever.

I want to revel in my world, with all of my senses, fully aware. 
 
My husband and I are blessed with three beautiful sons, and being an older mother, our young sons are with me on this new found place in my life. What I now feel is a sense of extraordinary in all that once was ordinary to me. This new perception mimics the wonder of our youngest son.

My son and I walk hand in hand, and I marvel at the softness of his skin in my palm. We walk without needing to take a watch along, we find earthworms, and squat down to see how they squirm their way back to where they came from. We look at the vast possibilities of flowers, stopping to admire and count how many petals in each, and talk about which colors look best next to each other. He sees nothing unusual in soaking in the world with his whole being. As for me, this is a new way to see things. I used to run on all cylinders, like a machine, multitasking through my day. Efficiency! Efficiency! was my mantra.
 
But now, something about being my age is so real and visible to me: it is a marker on the half way point of my life gauge, a road sign on the highway, a mile marker. It's a second chance to get things right, and not long make the mistakes I've made, such as living life as a to-do list.

My age feels like a golden ticket allowing me to change the way I've been doing things. I have the okay to get rid of all the anger over petty things, to let things slide, to make allowances for people, consider differences in opinions and lifestyles. It is a more loving volume in this book of my life.
 
Getting older can conjure up different feelings and attitudes in people. I never thought about what it would feel like to be getting older. I had no apprehension, and I only had what my older sisters had been telling me would be a "new and improved me" with age.

My older sisters would so often tell me how much I would enjoy getting older. They may not have realized that they were doing that at the time, but with their comments of, "oh, that won't bother you when you're older," led me to look forward to growing older.

I feel unbound from all these heavy thoughts, the thoughts I used to have that took up so much of my mental and physical energy. Worries of someone disagreeing with my opinion at our town meeting, or of how the neighbors would think of us if they saw weeds in our lawn. Yes, these things are important, to keep your home and appearance up... but to let it become a source of daily concern? Not so very healthy for the mind and soul. I looked forward to the days my sisters spoke of, when I'd no longer be tied down to things that I somehow felt in my gut--things that were a waste of what could be spent in positive thoughts.

My sisters are right. I do love being older. I am more secure in myself when I express an opinion, I think twice, no—three times before I speak, so that the words I choose are gentle. I try to see why someone would say some of the things that they do, and examine all the possibilities that would bring them to that opinion. While I don't make allowances for bad behavior, I try to understand the root cause.

I feel freer, happier, and more accepting and understanding of myself and with what I am able to do. I no longer feel that I need to be all things and do all things, or that I have to keep up with what everyone else is doing and is able to do. I recognize my limitations, and frankly, my shortcomings. I may not do all things well, but I'll try my best.

What I have is valuable enough for me, and my family. I don't need more to show what I am, or who I am. 
 
This new me finds joy and blessings in what used to be everyday and expected.

Our weekly Farmer's Market has become just such a new source of this beauty for me. I walk past the vendors with my children, stopping at each stand. I linger at the farmer who seems to have the largest peppers each time. I pick up a red pepper, turning it over in my hand. My children watch me and say, "yes, yes, we know what you're going to say; 'kids! just look at how beautiful this red pepper is... isn't it glorious?"

My children are right. I do ask them that. Every single time, because red peppers have become more beautiful to me, with each year.

----------------------------------- 


Thursday, January 20, 2011

I Have Grown Tired Of The Taunting

Oh, look, the beautiful Cheryl cavorting OUTSIDE in December, how delightful. And sleeveless, no less


And the ever so sweet AshatShades telling of the 70 degree weather in Texas. Did she mention the blue sky?


And, lookahere, who's so eager to tell of OUTDOOR WINE TOURS, PEOPLE! In January!


I've had it.

Done.

In my face, no more. Not in my house. Oh, oh......and? oh.

I am bringing it. I don't care if it's already done been brung by you.

I.am.bringing it.

So, in your face with the weather taunts...here you go. Some weather slinging your way...

Uh-huh. Jealous?

Booyah!
Don't hate me cuz I live here
Once again, for effect.

This could be you-- if you were man enough
You can't handle this



This is how they found me. After I didn't return from getting the mail.

Hmmmmm....seems to me that for someone to be able to not just survive but thrive under these conditions, she'd have to be a pretty hot blooded mama, don't you think? I mean...right? Stands to reason.

Ergo, we all now know why I'm here, and you taunters are there...the scorching sizzling hotness that is me, keeps me warm and toasty (no complaints about how cold it is brrrr....from the emperor, either)

And, so...taunt away, mamas. I have made my point.

Love you, guys.

Did this post fool you under the guise of bravado?

Naaah?

....didn't think so.

I am soooo so so so stinkin' jealous of you all.

xo

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Already Know - Baby E Post

The Winner of the Baby E mug, the truffles, and roasted hometown coffee

Hi. It's me. Baby E.

Today I finally get to post my stuff, and I want to talk about other stuff, but my mom says this is supposed to be the blog post about the Winner of the chocolate and coffee and the mug giveaway she did for Christmas 100 YEARS AGO--hello?? BUT my journal is bursting with stories. Cuz my mom is so behind with me.

I have to tell you about Christmas. And, oh, my friend came over yesterday and we made an underground snow fort. But my mom is bugging me NOW to tell you the winner of the Xmas chocolate.

I already know the winner of the contest we had here, because I picked them. My mom had a giveaway of chocolate and a mug of me and coffee. And today the winner of the mug of me and the candy is Number 7.

Number 7. My mom will tell you who that is now, right, mom?

I picked Number 7 because I used to be 7. And now I'm 8, but I picked Number 8 last time.

MOM:  "Well, we had about 60 people who wanted the mug of your mug, Baby E, but Hey, hey! Look who Number 7 is, Baby E, it's Mommy of a Monster. That sweet, sweet lady with the jail twins. You know, the ones who like to dump out the flour when she's on the phone? The ones who secretly whisper to each other on how to drive mom batty today? Poor thing, she needs this chocolate. And the mug to hold the coffee we'll be sending her. Poor thing..."

Mom! Everyone's a poor thing to you! I wanna talk about how I finally had a dream for the first time in my entire life. And I slept for the first time.

I don't sleep. No one believes me, but I say, "Then, if I sleep, how come my eyes are ALREADY OPEN, when I wake up?? Hello???"

It's cause I don't sleep. But, last night, I finally had a dream. A whole one. We watched a whole movie in it.  

For Christmas, I got some pretty cool See In The Dark goggles for me and my brother. We each have one so we can see in the dark. They are so cool. My mom has a picture, but she can't do it now. She's "busy" air quotes.

I ordered some books. I like to order books. I wish I had 50 dollars to order books.

When my mom says, "You want to order some books?" I'm all like POW! Book Orders! Score! Book Orders! Book Orders!

Just so everyone knows,  I like book orders!

BYE!

Baby E
------------------------------------------

OK: so, Natalie, from MommyofaMonster, you are the truffle, Baby E mug, and special roasted here in our town coffee winner. Please email me your address, Nat. xo And, Nat? You know, I could really go for a WHOLE PAGE on your blog called TWINS. Just, think about me, for a change, hmmmm?

And, finally, we'll be sending out all the chocolate and coffee packages: Suzy Soro, it will be in the mail, wonderful lady, by Thursday morning.

Thanks to everyone who entered. I love giving away truffles, our town's best blend coffee, and the mug? With Baby E's face on it? Well, I can't wait till you get to see Baby E's face everyday....why should I be the only lucky one?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Motherhood in NYC

Smokin' the pots and the pans, I am.

Yo yo to the fie-ee-oh.

Do I sound high? I must be. Pass that *legalize the mommy ganja!* here, would ya?

I must be high, because I think a post of mine is up today at Motherhood in NYC.

Yes.

@MarinkaNYC

As in Marinka.

Pass that virtual weed here, baby, I don't want this buzz to end.

Click on over to Motherhood in NYC, where I spill the Colombian Coffee Beans with stories on what my "colorful" Colombian childhood was like.
----------------------------------------------
Always: thank you for your support, for the way you follow me through to the clicks, fully. 

You all make me look so good. And I appreciate it beyond words.

And, Marinka? I love you, man.

[truthfully? I eagerly accepted the gift of guest posting, just to get one step closer to *awesome dude*]  But, still, yeah--I must confess to my stomach dropping exhiliration at seeing an email from Marinka in the inbox. What can I say? I'm human.
xo

Sunday Best - Do Your Children Pray?



There Really Is No Greater Joy
  
I remember staring at a placard, years ago, while in a Christian bookstore, that read, "There is no greater joy than to know my children walk with the Lord." 
This was before I had children, but the sign interested me enough to pick it up, and I wondered at the words. I thought, "Yes, it's nice if your children believe what you believe, yes, it's nice if they have something rock solid in their lives, but why joyful? Maybe gratitude, but joyful?" I placed the placard back on the shelf, and went on to look at other things.

Time has found me now the mother of 3 boys.
Our mornings are always the same:  to have breakfast, get dressed and washed up, and then we all walk to the front room window, the one that faces the sunrise, and we kneel to pray. One of our three sons will take his turn pulling out a biblical verse card that I have printed out in my own handwriting,  making the words mentally accessible to them. I've chosen simple verses, and underneath, I have written a small example of why this verse is one I feel important for them to know.

They have never squawked at this routine, they have never refused to nor questioned why we do this every morning. After they each pick up their breakfast dishes, we automatically head to the front room, where we bend down on our knees, and we begin our prayer. When we finish, I hug each of them, and whisper, "God bless you in your day."

We all do this without thinking, it's as natural as brushing our teeth and making the bed. It is our morning preparation for the day. It doesn't matter if we are late, have run out of time, or are not in a good mood. We kneel together, and pray, everyday.

Last summer, I had to have minor surgery done. I was sleeping downstairs on the sofa during this time, to avoid going up and down to our bedroom upstairs. One morning, right after the surgery, as I was laying sleepily on the sofa, our 3 boys came down, had breakfast, got washed up, and began to prepare for their day.  I wanted to get up and remind them to pray, but I was groggy from the pain medication I had taken the night before. I kept wanting to say something, but I felt too weary. I watched them through half closed lids, and slowly began to fall back asleep.  I could hear my oldest son tell his two brothers to pick up the dishes, and get ready for the day. Then, I saw three shadows, one following the next, in a line, walking, headed to the large front room window. I saw them all stand in front of the window, stop together, then they knelt down. 


The oldest reached for the box of verses, and handed the verse card to the middlest, who then read the passage slowly enough for the youngest to understand. At the end, I heard them pray for "mama's healing."

They finished, quickly stood up, and went about their day. 


What I had just seen them do, on their own, without a reminder from me, left me speechless and smiling through tears that quickly spilled out of my eyes.

My children got it, they truly got it. Prayer was not an obligation to them, prayer was communication. Prayer wasn't something that their mother and father made them do, prayer was something that had grown into a natural, effortless part of their life.

I smiled, joyfully, and the words from the placard I had seen so many years ago, blessedly came in a rush to my thoughts, "There is NO greater joy than to know my children walk with the Lord."
_______________________________ 

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Listen To Your Mother




Ann Imig from Ann's Rants is working so hard on this show: Listen To Your Mother.

This show is in Madison. But there are also shows in Austin, L.A., Valparaiso, and Spokane, that you can audition for.


I'm going to audition.

They gave me the time slot of Saturday, February 12. 11:00 a.m.


Whether I make the cut or not, I'm not going to miss this event on Mother's Day, May 8.

So, either way, on stage or off stage, I'll be here.

Looks like we all need to break a leg!

Wish me luck.
------------------------

Join LTYM’s national Mother’s Day celebration by participating in the 2nd annual Madison LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. Come audition and/or join us at The Barrymore on May 8th 2011. Join the Mama Movement! LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER has community-based productions scheduled in Austin, TX, Los Angeles, CA, Madison, WI, Valparaiso, IN and Spokane, WA for Spring 2011.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Why, Yes......

Well, why, yes, Chalupa! As a matter of fact, I'd LOVE to come over and tell you about how crazy my husband is.....



Gone visiting! hope to see you here at The Flying Chalupa 

**To my sweet girl, thanks for the invite, Chalupa...you rock my world. xo

Monday, January 10, 2011

But You Have To Promise To Not Tell Anybody...

For KLZ


Shhhhh....I'm so glad you snuck over here.

Promise you won't tell anyone what I'm going to tell you, alright?

Are you dreaming of the thrill of having a guest post up at ScaryMommy,? Then let Jill know here. 

Do you think you have something fantastically funny for the peeinyourpants humor blog LOL? Drop your post link to Robin  here.

Is there a perfectly poignant, reflective piece you want to show somewhere exquisite? Submit it to the lovely blog known as FourPerspectives here.

Want to know how to send a post for the motherlode of all submission sites, BlogHer ,to review? Go here, lovey.

Got something KnockYourSocksOff  funny that can only be done justice at FunnynotSlutty? Read this first, make a sacrifice to the blogging gods (preferably your firstborn), then try your luck with Jacki  here.  

Do you feel altruistic, and have some incredible wisdom that every mom must know in this lifetime? And want to proudly display the mamapedia contributor badge on your site? Send it along to mamapedia, by emailing it here. 

Have a great story on being the mother of boys, or on parenting teens? Then Stef at WhateverNation would love to hear from you here. 

Want to post something on the community of blogging that has become your life? Submit here, at Life2Us. They want to hear from you. 

Know a few tricks of the blogging trade and want to see your name up in lights at The Lady Blogger's Society, send them your post link here.  

Always wanted to get into a writing/critique club? Join here, at TheRedDressClub.

Are you one of hundreds just trying to get Kris' PrettyAllTrue attention? People, send her the link that you want her to read and submit a visit request (she is all kinds of orderly), here.

Do you want more than anything, anything, to try at least once in your life, something that stretches your limits and involves publicly reading an original piece of yours, with a message so important, you'll overcome stagefright for? Only me? Well, consider auditioning for Listen To Your Mother's National Production.


Thanks for coming over, and I know you can keep a secret...

shhh......love you, guys.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Funny Not Slutty

Funny not Slutty




I'm just busting my butt getting all my dreams out of the way for 2011, so I can slack off the rest of the year.

No kidding. [yeah, kidding...]

I have wanted to have a post featured at the top comedy website, FunnynotSlutty , so badly, it's been like a fever for me. I had a fever, and the only cure was FunnynotSlutty. Today, I got the prescription. A post I submitted with hope, is up there.

The only thing you need to know about FunnynotSlutty, is that if something  does not make publisher and creator Jacki Schklar laugh out loud, it won't go up. Which means that FunnynotSlutty is laugh out loud funny. All the time.

So that a daily visit to FunnynotSlutty.com? And you can throw away the Prozac, or at least cut your prescription in half.

Thank you, Jacki, for giving me a chance at FunnynotSlutty. Here's what Jacki says about this awesome humor network for women:   



"Why "Funny not Slutty"? Well, when you get a number of females together who want to show off their stuff to get attention, they are usually slutty chicks. But we're not. We're funny chicks!

We feature comedy for women created by female producers, writers, humorists and comedians. Our content may be a little smarter and a little deeper than your average web humor (sometimes). Take a look around the
site and contact us with your suggestions and comments."

FnS is Comedy for women created by female producers, writers, humorists and comedians.
FnS Original Productions have been featured by Funny or Die, BestViral.com, TVGuide.com and Internet Video Magazine.



 Visit FunnynotSlutty. You can pick from blogs, vlogs, videos, posts, humorous essays, just funny women, all the time.

Put FunnynotSlutty on your blogroll, so that when you feel like you need a laugh, you can pop over.


 If you're a lover of female-based comedy, pop over.

When you're looking for something funny for your blog, pop over and get something there.

Visit, and visit some more. Because, you know, you can never get enough Funny not slutty.

You won't regret it, well..maybe the 3 hours you spend there when you really should've been doing laundry instead, that, yeah...but, the rest? Sheer Heaven.

Try it. You'll say, "how did I NOT know about this?"

Become part of the community at FunnynotSlutty. Go. Now.

And, thank you, Jacki, for bringing us Funny, not Slutty.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Deadbeat Dads

Remember? The pull of a post title....
 Deadbeat Dads. What to do with them.

What woman doesn't love to be asked her advice...on anything. Music to our ears, "what should I dooooooooooooooooooo????"

Well, a reader is asking advice at The Mouthy Housewives, on a deadbeat dad. And you know how delicate and tactful with advice dispensing we are at The Mouthy Housewives.

Come see what I tell little missy about trashing her baby daddy... all over facebook.

xoXObigxlittlexBIGO

P.S. Thank you, Wendi...pinch me, I'm dreaming...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

As Long We're Sending Truffles to Suzy Soro...

Whaaa??...truffles? and this Baby E mug, too??









Baby E and I have written here before, of a woman named Suzy Soro.

Suzy Soro is so many wonderful things. First, she is a woman who has shown such kindness to me, and  Baby E,  more times than I can count.

Suzy is a comic, who blogs, at Where Hot Comes To Die, where you will find some of the funniest, out loud laughing posts. She, and I'm not the only one who has said this, sends out the best tweets on twitter. If you don't follow @HotComesToDie on twitter already, you really need to.

She is a stand up comic, based out of L.A., who has been on Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and lots more.

Suzy is one of the most interesting people I've met. In my life. The list of the things she has taught me, coached me through, advised me on, encouraged me...would take another post.

But, all this to tell you that after sending her emails thanking her, Baby E and I decided to do more. Send her truffles.

The small town we live in is a "tourist town," we have candy shoppes, coffee shoppes {you have to spell them "shoppes" here} art shoppes, jewelry shoppes. And etc. AND the best homemade truffles AnyWhere.

We are sending a love care package to Suzy Soro, and we want to send one to you.

To thank you.

For visiting here.
For the awesome 2010 you gave us.
For how happy you made Baby E with your comments. {That? priceless}
To thank you for the visits at BlogHer, and following over to guest posts.

All your time, and moments spent reading, mean so much. To me, to Baby E.

You've given us a voice, and connection. And a written thank you doesn't feel enough for us.

We want to do something back...like homemade truffles in a Baby E mug.

Please, leave a comment, and Baby E will scientifically determine the winner. Like, count 7, add 3, take away 1, add 4. Something like that. The lucky number, gets chocolates, and a Baby E mug.

Enter! Win! Eat! Drink! *happy sigh*

We love you, man.

Note to Suzy: you don't have to enter. You're already in. We love you. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

BlogHer Post Up....Come Hit Me With Some Love

Proud to be here January 5


Dreams do come true. Mine have.

A post I submitted to BlogHer is up today.

I am so very happy.

Happy for so many reasons.

It's hard to say why I have such joy.

I think the main reason is that I have always dreamed of writing. I have diaries from 3rd grade on, where I have entered, "I just want to write."

I have always been vulnerable to words. Words have always saved me. I have always wanted to do the same for others. To somehow help them feel less alone, less out in the world, less something.

Thank you, BlogHer, for allowing me the chance to reach others with my words.

Can you see the 8 year old little girl over here, clutching her diary, smile?

I would so much appreciate it if you would click over to BlogHer and leave me a comment there.

THANK YOU! Without all of you, this never would have happened. THANK YOU, ALL!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Mouthy Housewives-----Blast From The Past

Selflessly Neglecting Their Families To Give Us Advice since 2009

When I first began blogging this year, I found a blog that I have loved since.

The Mouthy Housewives.

Hilarious beyond beyond double snort funny advice dispensing by gloriously irreverent brilliant women.  Women like Jessica Bern,  Wendi Aarons, Heather Hitchcock, Marinka, Kelcey Kintner.

I followed them and read for a month or so, then in April, I decided to send in a letter requesting advice, called "Does Mama Have a "Puter Addiction?" I signed it "Headed to Rehab?"

Well, Mouthy Housewives took it.

When I found out they were posting my letter, I died. I.died. Anyway, here is my original letter requesting advice for my --ahem--mommy friend air quotes with the computer addiction. The resulting comments, from Gigi and Erin and others...oh, more precious than a Modern Family marathon. {damn near close}

Now, go, get your Depends on for your mommy bladders, cuz this blast from the past here? Kills me.






Dear Mouthy Housewives,


How do you know when you really do have a problem with spending too much time in front of the computer? If the kids mention it, is it a problem? If the husband hasn’t mentioned yet…then maybe not a problem? If the house hasn’t been cleaned in, oh–3 weeks, but hot meals still being served, semi-problem? If feeling guilty? Then, a problem?

Signed,


Headed to Rehab
__________________________________________________________________

Dear Headed to Rehab,


Let me get this straight.  Your husband hasn’t mentioned that you’re on the computer too often, your house was cleaned sometime within the last month, you’re serving hot meals and you’re wondering if you have a problem with the amount of time you spend on the computer?   Well the short answer is, “no!”  The slightly longer version of the answer is, “Are you kidding me?  NO!”

If you were spending too much time in front of the computer, your kids would be getting nothing but some kibble and a bowl of water for nourishment.  Your house would look like something from an episode of Hoarders and your thighs would be permanently scarred from laptop burns.  And you thought you had a problem.  HA!  Not even.

I think the real problem here is society!  YES, SOCIETY.  It’s society who wants to keep us wimmens in the kitchen and away from the technological devices.  You’re obviously buying into this oppression.   Were you exposed to lots of lemon scented Pine-Sol as a child?  I suspect so.

I suppose there are other things you could be doing with your time, like cleaning your house everyday or sewing or, GAH, volunteering.   Sure, they are noble endeavors, but can you imagine what your funeral will be like someday?  Snoozefest, for sure.  Hanging out on the computer all day exposes you to all sorts of fun and interesting people.

Now go relax with a little Facebook or Twitter.  Enjoy!

Sincerely,
Jennifer, Guest TMH

28 Responses to “When Does Mommy Have a Computer Addiction?”

04.16.10#1
Comment by brigid.
My child just got on the bus in clean clothes with breakfast in her stomach. I say that earns me a good 45 minutes of computer time.
I like the way you think.

04.16.10#2
Comment by Nicki Woo.
Oh, Thank God! My kids and my husband are complaining, but I haven’t served kibble, yet. So I should be in good shape, right?

04.16.10#3
Comment by Jennifer S.
Just, whew.
WHEW.

04.16.10#4
Comment by Heather.
I was exposed to a lot of Pine Sol as a child too. Let’s start a support group.
04.16.10#5
Comment by Sierra @ ChildWild.
LOVE THIS. I just wrote an article for Strollerderby about how the “concern” over moms multitasking and computer use is really just a front for more social mom-control, keeping women in their place and guilt-tripping them for using their brains: http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2010/04/15/parents-working-at-home-hurts-kids/

04.16.10#6
Comment by sharon byrne.
Some people spend the day with the TV on- I spend it with the computer on. I figure if you can walk away from it if something else demands your attention (bleeding children/bird flies in the house/telemarketer calls…) then there is no problem at all!

04.16.10#7
Forget the rest – how do YOU feel without the computer? Do you get high blood pressure, tachycardic, and sweaty palms wondering if you have a new email or Twitter message? Do you forget the diaper bag but never your Blackberry? Do you keep the red blinking light within view even during intimate moments? If no, you’re not to Intervention stage yet. Call us when you start audibly saying LOL and FF and WW to your kids.

04.16.10#8
You just made about a million bloggers feel better.

04.16.10#9
Comment by Marinka, TMH.
As long as you don’t name your kid “Twitter”, I don’t see a problem. And even “Twitter” can have the adorable “Tweetie” nickname.

04.16.10#10
Comment by Stacia.
Addiction? Absolutely not. But I’m already doing the 12 steps … read blog, make comment, refresh reader, edit own post, ignore cell phone, publish post …

04.16.10#11
Comment by Formerly Gracie.
First: Jennifer, I adore you, but I think you already knew that :-P
Second: I am typing this as my kids are in the same room, but learning how to to amuse themselves. It’s a vital life skill. Most important of all, they’re learning that Mommy is a woman of the world (the world wide web, but still…) and has other other interests besides wiping their bummies. So blog away!

04.16.10#12
Comment by Marie Green.
While I loved this post, and chuckled a little, even, (why YES, I *was* exposed to copious amounts of lemon-scent pinesol… that explains so much now!), I have to say that I sometimes think I DO spend too much time online.
My only marker for judging this is: on days when I’m too busy to spend hours and hours on the computer, I feel SO MUCH BETTER at the end of the day. I’m happier, more content, and more “in love” with my kids and husband.
While I don’t think I have an “addiction problem” I do think that I [sometimes] need to have better boundaries with my time in general, and specifically how much time I spend online…
Thanks for the funny post on a topic we all think about from time to time!

04.16.10#13
Comment by Heather.
So about those laptop burns…that’s not really a sign of a problem right? I atleast make sure to serve the kids warm food, thank goodness for microwaves. I’m going to order myself a cooling pad though, just in case.

04.16.10#14
Comment by MommyNamedApril.
i think the yardstick is something like cereal for more than 4 family meals (not including breakfast) = maybe a little too much time on the internet. otherwise? you’re golden. ;-)

04.16.10#15
So…kibble’s *not* ok?

04.16.10#16
Comment by Lisa.
What I don’t like about spending time on the internet is how the time itself seems to disappear.
When my daughter naps, if I hop online, it feels like the hour or maybe two goes by in the blink of an eye. I don’t feel like I actually got much of a break – it certainly doesn’t feel that way. I think part of it, is that no matter how much I read, there is always more out there, so I’m left feeling wanting more.
I’ve found it’s actually much more relaxing to watch a dvr’ed episode of something. Definitely feels like much more of a break.

04.17.10#17
Comment by Alexandra.
Oh, now I’m very scared…does it mean you have a problem if you relate to every single comment made up above?
How about the fact that you know what they all mean?
And then, throw in the rationalization comment that “others watch TV”
I feel like Jake Sully who is now a blue Na’avi.

04.17.10#18
Comment by mrsblogalot.
YES! YES! YES!!!!!!!
Love=blog validation mixed with blame on society along with a Lemon Pine Sol chaser
I’ll have whatever Jennifer is having…always!!!

04.17.10#19
Comment by Aging Mommy.
I keep telling myself the carpal tunnel syndrome in my left wrist and the stiff neck and shoulders I have are nothing to do with the time I spend on the computer – denial is a sad state to be in but don’t let ANYONE dare take my computer away!!
Love this site – just discovered you through The Empress and look forward to reading more!

04.17.10#20
Comment by gigi.
Relative to my own mother, who spent every afternoon “resting” (aka NAPPING) on the couch while watching Days of Our Lives, Another World and some other now-defunct soap opera while I ran amok in a vacant lot next to a busy road, I feel that my incessant computer time during the day, as well as my waking up in the middle of the night thinking about blog posts, is pretty damn intellectual.
found y’all from the Empress and can’t wait to read more. This is the kind of smart blog I’ve been looking for.

04.17.10#21
Comment by robin.
A-women…finally a place to call home…I lIke it here..!..the only thing that really bothers me about my addiction is the “butt spread”..I need to find a way to stand and do lunges while typing..now that would be my answer from above..the kids can cook now..the hubs has a hobby..and besides everyone says I ask too many questions..now they beg me for my time…Lol

04.18.10#22
Comment by Motpg.
I figure I’m ok as long as I don’t start thinking about my blog when my husband wants to “cuddle”. I Haven’t done that…Really…

04.18.10#24
Comment by Lz.
Good advice! If my kids are dressed, fed and not yelling for me, I think I’ve earned some computer time. My husband thinks differently. He is wrong.

04.19.10#25
Comment by Cheryl.
No kids. One husband who does worry I spend too much time on the computer. He spends way too much time on it too it’s just he doesn’t think very highly of blogs. Dolt. Don’t cook but that’s not new. I think I’m good for awhile. Pine Sol kept me off the computer for ages. I’m just catching up.

04.19.10#26
Comment by SeriousMom.
Hey, at least I’m improving my mind by playing word games and reading blogs, right? Although, I could probably lay off the ebay.

04.19.10#27
I’m thankful for these words because….I’ve been wondering….

04.29.10#28
Comment by Zoey @ Good Goog.
My husband does mention it regularly. But I ignore him, because I think anyone who spends hours on an xbox doesn’t really get a say. And my 2 year old often closes the laptop but I don’t take that seriously because, well she’s two, she just likes closing stuff. That’s my story anyway and I’m sticking to it.

___________________________________

I'm posting my favorite posts from this past year, because it's fun.  This post was originally up at The Mouthy Housewives.




Monday, January 3, 2011

Blast From The Past

How can you resist??




What you write above your post is just as important as what you write below in your post.

A post title is like a newspaper or magazine headline. When you’re standing in the grocery store line, and you have NO plans at all of purchasing a magazine, you just can't. Budget orders and all. BUT still your eyes fall to the headline that is your siren call. “Madonna’s Secrets to a Perfect Stomach” the magazine promises. “Oooooh,” you think, “I’d like a stomach like Madonna’s.”

You can’t help yourself, you find yourself reaching for the magazine in hopes that, yes, you, too, can get what the headline promises.

That’s the power of a good title. It’s a magnet that draws in your audience. If you write a stellar post, and you’d like to showcase it, then you just have to title it that way. There are so many opportunities for your post title to be seen, might as well make it a good one.

Let’s say you have posted what you feel is your best humor piece ev-er, regarding your threadbare yoga pants that have finally bitten the dust. You’ve worked on it, it shines, it makes you laugh every single time you have re-read it before finally pushing “Publish.” You want the world to laugh with you, it’s just so good. But, how do you get people to see it?

You ask yourself, what would you want to read ? “My yoga pants are old,” or would you be pulled in by the enticing “Naked and Threadbare in Yoga Class.”

Your post title can be seen in so many more places than just your blog. It’s the first thing visible in RSS feeds, it’s displayed in other blogger’s blogrolls, it can be seen with the comments you leave on other blogs. I myself have hopped over to another blog being lured by the post title left in the comment box. Who wouldn’t click over to “Exploding Yoga Pants and You: What You Need to Know.”

Twitter will show your post title, so will your Facebook page. Search Engines will pick up your post title keywords: someone will google “Yoga Pants” and Voila! arrive at your doorstep, and returning again if they like what they find at your blog.

Post titles are displayed on your own blog, under “my favorite posts.” A good post title will work that way, it will draw people to come  to your blog, and want to meet you. Of course, you still have to deliver. We all know the mantra, "content is king. content is king. content is king..." (sorry, fell into my ohmmmm moment there...).

So, let's take time with our post title, let's be creative: try switching the order of the words around. Take the few extra minutes required to think of something unique and enticing.

We can call a post “Heritage.com Says I Look Like A Man” or “Ashton Kutcher is My Twin.” Now, wouldn’t you be powerless and click over to find out more based on that promise of information of how a blogger you know is related to Ashton? I know I would. Wait, both would work for me...I'm easy like that. 

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