Everyone Gets a Bad Rap

I think I just read my 1500th article on someone being an a**hole. I know for sure I've passed the 600 mark on posts regarding 'my partner sucks!' Neighbors, bosses, ex-friends, the people in your life, they're all jerks, too.

The thought that passes through my head when I read this, because of course 1. it's my head so my thoughts and 2. I know what I'm about so I know what I know about me. Anyway, what I think is this:

I'm pretty much an a**hole too, ask the people I live with. It's not just my kids, my partner, the crotchety thorn in my side grocery clerk. My two horned head rears its ugliness many mannnnnny times a week to those I could be nicer to, more patient with.

Yesterday morning, I was short-tempered. A**hole-y, if you will. Someone had to get me out of bed and not a one among my three kids wanted to be the one to poke the bear. I didn't want to wake up.  And I was an a**hole about it. Especially to the littlest one who handed me a stack of school papers to be signed at 8:19 when we had to leave at 8:19. Talking to him in a louder than needed to be voice at a faster than needed to be pace about checking his backpack the night before, I'm not sure what I thought that would do -- maybe make both of our mornings more productive?

The afternoon found me irritable, grouchy, cantankerous, and full of pet peeves, like the way the city plow dumps the snow at the end of our driveway but never the neighbor's. Enough to turn me into a  hissing old bat. I wish, sometimes, that I were a person without pet peeves. But then I'd miss the snarky conversations in my head that crack me up.

Crabby is my kids' favorite descriptor of their mom. They're so sweet, they'd never say a**hole. It doesn't take very much for me to bare my fangs like a wild hog. Just the usual of too much to do and not enough time, pressure and stress of the much too long to-do list, and I blow. My children have to listen to me grumble and kick boots out of the way when it's arctic outside and I have to leave the house to get groceries. Mix in not enough sleep, not being enthusiastic about cold weather, not really being into making dinner again, and Roooooooooaar! I sound just like when I used to play lion with the kids, except for the past ten years, I haven't been playing.

Everybody wants so much attention and everything needs so much attention. My children, my marriage, my house, my own life. I've taken to listening to only one kind of music in hopes of calming the savage beast -- slow piano collections from the Target slow piano collection music CD. And cleansing breaths? They used to be something I needed to remind myself to do, now it's the only way I know how to breathe.

I thought Darth Vader was raspy from being in that nasty fire. Turns out he's deep breathing trying to be less of an a**hole.

Doesn't work all the time, does it.

I know people call others a**holes, I do it. Especially when I'm driving, just ask my kids. But it would be only fair if we looked at the entire picture and reported what it's really made up of: the person in the middle of it all, being an a**hole right back. That's how it is with me, anyway. Every time I roll my eyes when my husband stares in the refrigerator, right at the soup I set aside for him, right there in the middle of the shelf, right there in front of his eyes, I'm being an a**hole. But he never calls me that.

I speak for myself only, of course. Maybe you all aren't the a**hole that I am. I know we don't have to be a**holes, I know that. But it comes easily to me some more than others, my kids push my buttons, my spouse forgets his manners. My kids' mother lets her buttons be pushed, and my spouse's spouse thinks eye for an eye when it comes to the words please and excuse me. That's how it really is.

The perfect storm just takes a couple of a**holes who forget to forgive each other, have grace for each other, and to deep breathe the lion hahahahhahaha kind of breath this lady shows us here:


 She may look and sound dumb, but if it makes her less of an a**hole, I'll take it.

Food Pantries - What to Give

Some things are funny, some never are.

I know that humor is subjective but when it comes in the form of dismissive unawareness to another's plight, I can't not say anything. Yesterday I was at our grocery store when I overheard someone pushing their cart in front of me say, "Oh, the Thanksgiving food barrels are out! You know what that means, I can clean out my cabinets of the turtle soup I never used!"

Oh, so funny, right? Nope. Nope nope and again nope. I told her how I think if I were without food, that I'd appreciate food that was within its expiration date. (maybe she'll listen to me, maybe she won't. you can't tell with people)

There are families who count on the food donations that fill food pantries. It's hard to think of families making the trip to a pantry to find items that so obviously scream 'discard.' I've heard jokes like this before. When I was working and around a lot more people than I am now, our company would hold food drives. There would be laughter when someone would say, "Good! Finally a place to dump the canned artichokes I've been hanging on to for ten years!"

To the people who think this way about food pantries, can I ask you to please stop? If someone goes to a food pantry, it's because their family has to eat.

Before I decided to write this post, I called our area pantry and asked them the best items to donate with the food donation barrels that are out for the month of November. I want to share this with you so that when you do pick up extra unexpired items at the store (as would be, you know, the loving thing to do) you'll get these items, educate others about these items, and let your kids see and remember what items are best.

Happy food drive filling, and enjoy the warm fuzzies fluttering in your heart:

1.) Mixes and cereals made with water. Many households are without eggs or milk, butter, so anything that only requires water is awesome. Think pancake mixes, cereals, oatmeals, Ramen, boxed noodles, instant rice. You get the picture.

2) Mac and cheese that comes with the cheese mix in a foil pouch. Nothing needed but boiling water for the noodles. Stovetop stuffing is perfect, too.

3.) Lots of canned protein. Turkey spam is really good and along with some boxed noodle mixes, there are the fixings for a complete dinner. 6-packs of tuna are awesome!

4.) Peanut butter. Oh, in all the sizes and packages. I pick up the peanut butter crackers in a 10-pack because I know they 'll be used to build a protein-packed lunch for a hungry child.

5.) Squeezable fruit sauces. These can be used for breakfasts, school lunch, after school snacks. We can help kids to get their fruits during times of  doing without. Small lunch size cups of mandarins are great for Vitamin C. Target sells them in packs of 16. Also, fun sized cartons of craisins, raisins, yummy yogurt raisins.

6.) Toothpaste and toothbrushes! Some cute toothbrushes will make a child's day! I pick up 5 or so and toss them in, along with kid toothpastes and some floss.

7.) Something special for kids. Why not? They're little and what fun to find bags of individual Oreos in the bags your parents bring home. Wouldn't you like that if you were little? Say yes. Something that is unexpected and not a necessity, but a reminder of what makes you happy, that's doing good right there.

8.) Remember canned and dried beans/lentils/chickpeas for vegetarians. Minute Rice makes a dehydrated pack/combo of rice and beans together -- you add water to the fill line, they're pretty good.

This list will be my guideline when I donate to food pantries. I'll vary it, but one steady item that I will always always always include from now on is 2 boxes of instant baby cereal. It only needs water, it's the first food many infants have, and what a relief for a mama to know that in her cabinets, her baby has something to eat.

You guys are the best. If you have it to spare, please share.

xo

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Mommy, Is it True Introverts are Rude and Mean?

"So here’s what I have to say to the quiet, stay-at-home, Meg from "Little Women" introvert: Get over yourself. What we have here is a failure to communicate. At all. Because you don’t like talking. Why do I have to learn how to handle you? Why do I have to hear about your inner workings? And most importantly, why do I have to excuse your antisocial behavior? I really don't have it in me to give you the benefit of the doubt, so, here's an idea: Be Friendly!"

Oho! And Whoa! See this? This is something I just read on a pretty big site. Sure sounds like we, of the introvert variety, are not her favorite type of people. In fact, she's ranted a full-on war nerf-gunned straight at us. 

There's lots I could say, I mean, I'm hurt enough to start defending myself, but I'm taking a deep breath, and asking this, instead: Why do some extroverts let us bother them?

Do we rain on your good times?
Do we bring you down?
Do we grate on your nerves and just over all annoy you?

Instead of not liking us, why not try something new -- don't let us get under your skin.

If you view us from a different perspective, maybe you won't pull your hair out the next time you're seated next to us at the school fundraiser. I mean, you tell us, Just talk already! like that's the easiest thing in the world. Which it is, for YOU. But you forget, therein lies the chasm. Because *Just talk already* works for extroverts; that's why you self identify as an extrovert, which is something introverts don't answer yes to on personality profiles. It's not that we're not friendly, it's that we're just not the extrovert's definition of friendly.

Imagine this, as unnatural as it would be for you to picture yourself being quiet, that's just how uncomfortable it is for introverts to be gregarious. It goes against our nature. Is this helping you understand us a little bit now? It's like this, say you tell introverts "get over yourself" -- ooh, wait! you just did! -- well, that would be equivalent to us saying to an extrovert "can't you just dial it down at this party? You don't have to meet everybody!" Hard, right? Because it's not your personality type. You like the mingling, the electricity, the buzzzzz of connecting. We do, too, just not at Action Level 86.

We're okay with you when you do things differently than we would. When you stand two inches from our face asking us 59 questions about our childhood, our first Christmas toy, how many generations deep do we know our family tree, we go with the flow as long as we can. We may back up a few inches, but we allow you in. If we begin to feel lightheaded from losing out on oxygen, we'll excuse ourselves, refill our lungs, and we'll come back. And then we can answer the rest of your questions.

It sounds like you're taking our subdued vocalness personally, Extrovert. It's not aimed at you. If you talk to us, and I know, I know, you're tired of being the one to have to make the first move, but if you do, you'd find out surprising things. I identify as an introvert, so does 30 percent of the population. That's a lot of people to turn your back to, right? But if you did slide over and spend some time with me, you'd find out that I love to speak publicly. I'm an oral storyteller, and I donate my time to hospitals and community clinics, teaching about finding humor through tough times. We're worth the extra effort you feel you don't have the energy for. 

So, Extrovert, truce, please? Let's not have separate camps, because some days I feel extroverted like you. And maybe some days you feel introverted like me. (no? never? okay. see? easy going) We don't hate you, we love you. And we love talking, too, it just takes us longer to assess and ponder, which is why we love you. You make a lot of things fun, and you do it fast, you really do.

I'm going to ask you to consider loving us back, with our contemplative quietness and all. We don't shun people, we have friends, and we even like to do things with others. Admittedly, we prefer and are more comfortable one on one, which is when we really shine. (Try us, you'll like us!) While you'll never find us working a room or standing in the middle of a circle at a party, our arms in the air and voice booming while we retell a story of being attacked by howler monkeys in Costa Rica (ooh, it's a good story, remind me to tell you next time we're together, just me and you), we're not snobs, we're not conceited.

We're not recluses.
We're not hermits.
We're not boring.
We don't think we're socially superior.
We don't need to be fixed.

We are just chill.

That's pretty much it. But we're nice people. Introverts aren't panic filled at the sight of people, we enjoy conversation, we just approach it differently, for sure, but we're interesting, and good listeners. Some of us are funny.

You know what? Let me read your paragraph again.

Now that I re-read it, extrovert, I think you meant to write about rude people. Oh, it's all good now. Then, yeah, absolutely, I agree, RUDE PEOPLE! Get over yourselves!

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