Day One Summer Vacation: a Twitter Play-by-Play

Times of transition can be desperate times. Re-acclimating and getting to know each other again. My three kids were home last Friday for their first day of summer vacation. And it was, as my brilliant youngest boy explained, "we're like boxers figuring each other out before we decide what we can do."

Absolutely. The first day of summer vacation. I made it through, but not without my twitter. My twitter that saved me from losing that last grip I had on sanity and running out into my cul-de-sac, naked and babbling, a la Anne Heche. 

Here we have #Day1 of summer vacation, deconstruction style and documented on twitter: smile smugly or nod in relatability as you read and watch my not so slow descent into madness: 

10 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Just discovered guarantee to get kids to wash hands after they go to the bathroom: google and show Full Size Image of E Coli bacteria.

 

9 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Why do I continue to be shocked each time DS, 9, tells me he cleaned his room in 10 mins & I go check & find it all shoved under the bed?

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Said they'd get jobs if they kept fighting:& now I'm sitting here amazed that they sweep like they're pushing a dust broom at a car factory.

 

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

So, I'm finally seeing all the notes sent home from school that I never saw as I empty out 3 boys' backpacks. #DAY1 summer vacation

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

#Day1 Summer Vacation and cries from upstairs of  "mama! He's shooting at me with pretend lasers!"

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

#Day1 of summer and obviously I need to teach the kids a new language b/c they sure don't understand me in this 1st one: #NOMOREHITTING

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

And b/c of my screaming on #Day1, DS, 9 comes downstairs wearing his chain Pirate necklace with skull on it: "to protect me from you today."

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Already made 15 bucks. RT @GDRPempress: #Day1 of summer vacation & already blown my gasket: $5.00 fine for next person who says my name.

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

#Day1 of summer vacation and I've already blown my gasket and put a $5.00 moratorium on my name. Next person who says it pays up. #3boys

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Not even 24hrs into #Day1 of summer vacation and we're already at Dr.'s office: soccer cleat to right shin. #bloody #painful

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

#Day1 has been spent w/ 2 teens laughing at me for what I think is brilliance on my part: Vball knee pads on to wash floors.

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Teens laughing as I pull over--again-- to that GD music with sirens in the song.

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

#DAY1 Telling kids about the "there are starving kids in India" as they complain of cereal for lunch. 

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Deep breaths: #Day1 of summer vacation & think I'm going to lose my mind from three hours of "Which Transformer would you want to be?" talk.
 

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

"Mama, would u rather get a 1,000 paper cuts then fall into some Purell or shove a rock down ur throat?"question of the day  #Day1 summer vacation

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Having to step up game as kids hear neighbors across street had Ramen Noodles for lunch.

8 Jun Good Day, Reg People ‏@GDRPempress

Serving cereal for lunch,#Day1 Summer Vacation: DS, 9: "No offense, but, is this what summer's going to be like?" *only with bloggy moms*

And how did you all survive?? 

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In love with my slick parenting style? You can follow my weekly parenting column at milwaukeemoms.com

This Might Give A Lesser Man A Stroke

My husband is a neat man. Organized in a way that you'd wonder a few things about him if it weren't for the fact that he has bits of normal here and there. Like occasionally leaving an empty coffee cup near the TV. But only when he gets interrupted from his morning's routine. Something unexpected happens, like a phone ringing, and yeah, a coffee mug may get left on a table. But it's a momentous occasion, and the kids will point and screech in surprise Dad! you left the coffee mug on the table! Mom! Dad left the coffee mug on the table! Meanwhile, Mom has left coffee cups on the stove, on the island, in the microwave, on the toilet tank, and that's before 10 a.m.

To him, there is only one way to load a dishwasher: efficiently. He feels that if you take note, and commit to memory the exact pattern of plate and glass and pot placement, you will get the most bang out of your dishwashing cycle. Why waste time and brain cells loading the dishwasher a different way every night, just follow the pattern, large to small, glasses on top...and stand back and enjoy the joys of your linear plate lip line up. He'll tell me, You can't just stick bowls with cups and plates and glasses and hope it all fits. The care of this dishwasher loading, well, thank goodness I'm not the jealous type because there is a questionable appliance relationship here. *not questionable if you ask him, questionable if you ask me*

When the kids and I do the laundry, we let him take care of his own. Our clothes finds their way off the floor and into drawers. He takes his socks and underwear, and performs advanced origami folds on them that would win him a 4-H blue ribbon. His dress socks are rolled differently than the athletic socks. Which he keeps apart from the socks he wears only for snow shoveling...which need to be kept separate from the socks he wears only for working in the yard. My teen son comes home from school, sees me, and peeks under my pants leg, Mom. Really? My socks again? I tell him they're the most comfortable.

He keeps his pajamas folded and at the edge of the bathroom counter. I will confess here that many times during the month, if my day's clothes are of the comfortable type? They will assume the magical role of tada becoming pajamas at the stroke of midnight.

He feels you should stop and fill up at the closest gas station when you see your car's dashboard signal you're low on gas. Attributable quote: Saying you're a little out of gas is like saying you're a little bit pregnant. I convinced him to take his car instead of the minivan to pick up the boys from swimming tonight because we're on empty, and I was going to get gas later tonight, but then it got too late, and then it got to be almost below zero outside, and for sure I will fill up first thing tomorrow morning.

The evening routine in our house ends with him polishing his shoes for the next day, and placing them side by side with shoe trees inside. (I think I kicked my boots off in the laundry room tonight, I can't remember, I hope so. I'll look tomorrow...)

He likes his shirts medium starched, for his slippers to be kept upstairs in the bathroom where he changes after work so he can step out of his shoes and straight into them, and he likes to open the mail before he sits down to eat. And the night always starts out on a better note if I remembered to bring the mail in.

It surprises me every time I flip the garbage disposal switch instead of the light switch. When he sees me jump, he shakes his head. It's always going to be the one on the right.

He loves order and routine, it makes him happy, he finds it soothing after being gone all day.

And while I'm in the midst of the January Crabs, the kind where just the sound of him clearing his throat makes me want to hurl a handful of Luden's at him, I stop and remind myself of how he likes his world. And how it's not, because of me, and I think, A lesser man would've had an aneurysm by now. 

 
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