Dear Abby, Tell Us True

My kids are telling me that the Dear Abby letters we read 'round the dinner table as we put off doing the nightly dishes, can in no way be real.

They tell me that teens simply do not speak in the vernacular that is presented in said manner.

Oh, Dear Abby... please let it not be true.

Here's what we think, about who really writes those Dear Abby letters.

My Dear Abby post on Aiming Low... where we aim for mediocre.

*thanks, everyone, for the read*

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Auld Lang Syne Like You Mean It

New Year's Eve will find you doing this. Don't say it won't.

Why we all pretend we know The Words to Auld Lang Syne. Monthly column up at Aiming Low.

Happy New Year! All together now,

Should old acquaintance be forgot... and hmmmm something something something....

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Movie Reviews for the Netflix Crowd

Finding yourself with a free evening, and feel like throwing on a movie? Here's what's out there, quick and dirty, One Sentence Movie Reviews.

Via Aiming Low, your best bet for humor and entertainment on the internet.

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BlogHer Announcements and Catching Up Around These Parts

Summer, more than any other season, passes by at lightning speed. Whereas January feels eight weeks long, three months of summer seem more like we just get started, and it's half way over.

We try to do as much as we can to take advantage of school being out and the weather being beautiful. Summer fills up fast, and this month high up on the happenings is a conference I've gone to for the last three years. BlogHer, the world's largest conference for women in social media. It happens in only one week and is in Chicago this year, which is beautifully close for me and for the first time, I won't have to fly. How I love that.

The number of those attending BlogHer was over 5,000 last year when it was held in NYC. This year, higher attendance is predicted. Going to your first BlogHer convention can be intimidating, and the BlogHer team wants everyone to feel welcome, wanted, and eager to return next year. With that goal in mind, BlogHer has assembled a "BlogHer Newbie" conference mentorship team, conference veterans who will be available starting at the opening day breakfast to answer questions, reassure, and then be visible during the Friday through Saturday conference. I'm proud to have been invited to be among the welcoming crew of the BlogHer Newbie mentors that will be there to remind you that we're all excited and happy to be here... so take a deep breath and smile.

If you are at BlogHer, please smile and wave if you see me. I'd love to say hello. If you want to find me easily, come to Erin Margolin and my "Room of Your Own" talk, "Shedding the Facade: blogging vulnerably." It's an open forum on Friday from 10:30 to 11:15, and we'd love to hear your voice on the topic of writing your truth, the risks, the benefits, why some of us choose to do it. We'd love to see you Friday morning.

I'm also very proud, and humbled, that BlogHer has selected my post written for my mother, "I Wish You Could Have Known Her," as a Voice of The Year/Heart category. Thank you, BlogHer. 

Other than busy getting ready for the conference next week, I've also kept up with some sites I write for. I'd love to see you there:

--You can find me at Purple Clover asking Dustin Hoffman to marry me because of this...

--If you click over to Aiming Low, you'll see this post on supervillains that features my middle son's debut of his first published artwork on a website. Thank you to the founder of AL, Anissa, for this honor.

--I talk about the undeniable signs of aging, and even give you a handy quiz so you know just how far along you are into this process. Feels good to know you're not alone, doesn't it? Go on, answer the questions, on FunnynotSlutty.

--Teens, the joy of raising teens can be yours if you remember to feed them/listen to them/love on them. This week's post on milwaukeemoms . com, "It's only hard if you do it right."

--I'm being featured on Canadian humor blogger Leanne Shirtliffe of Ironic Mom. She's gone on vacation and those friendly Canadians just left the front door wide open. I snuck a post in, "Kids don't fold like wallets." Thanks for having me, Leanne. **Leanne is the author of the newly published "Don't Lick the Minivan: and other things I'd never thought I'd say to my kids."

We are caught up. Almost.

Tell me, what's new with you? If you say just swinging in my hammock, I'll be so jealous.

Have a great summer, and thank you for reading. Having you spend your time here with me has encouraged me and made me feel pretty happy. Joy comes from community and belonging, you've given me that so many times over. Thank you.

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Frank Sinatra's Garbage and a winner!

Over at Aiming Low today, the top humor and entertainment website, talking about those among us that see dollar bills where the rest of us see, well, garbage.

The full of hopes and dreams and visions of coinage -- lots and lots of coinage -- for what sometimes is just, junk, but not to the clientele of Pawn Stars.

Click on over and read what a typical episode of this top rated History Channel favorite, Pawn Stars, is all about.

**And this: the winner of the amusing Random Penguin note cards giveaway is Charlotte Klein of My Pixie Blog. Congratulations, Charlotte, email me your address! 

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Chuck That Thesaurus

Books sit in piles in front of me, dollars spent on Amazon in hopes of that one right word, reading late into the night to expand my wordstock, following the monthly "It Pays To Increase Your Vocabulary!" with each new Reader's Digest issue.

For what? For naught, that's what.

I just saw a video where Dennis Rodman answers all these world important questions with freakin' made up words! I sat my husband down and made him watch a news interview done after Dennis' trip to Korea -- when it was finished, I rolled my eyes and turned to my husband, asking his feedback on the ridiculousness of the word vomit just witnessed. My intelligent, well employed husband says, "THAT? Was awesome."

There you go. Awesome.

Read about my word snobbery conversion, at Aiming Low. My post today "I'm Going To Make Up My Own Words."

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*Thank you. xo

Let Me Tell You About Those Chirpy Birds

So you think those beautiful bird songs are all innocence, sweetness, lovely trilling at the joy of being able to fly? Guess what? There's a lot going on in the feathered kingdom, and most of it? Not G rated.

Be glad your kids don't have bird song decoder rings.

Brought to you via Aiming Low.

My post today, What our bird friends are really saying. 

President's Day Means Aaaaaaall The Presidents

Would you be surprised to learn that President's Day is 1.) always written with an apostrophe and 2.) a day set aside not only to commemorate Washington's birthday, but also to acknowledge past U.S. Presidents?

As in aaaaaaaaaaaall the presidents?

I've got a few favorite past Heads of State, and I know perhaps a tad too much about this one, because among my many attributes--besides being a still in the closet secret lover of  blue grass music--I am also a history geek.

So, after you take a few minutes to yourself to snicker about that little fact, click on over to Aiming Low and find out about a colorful past Leader of our United States: Andrew Ol' Hickory Jackson, aka "If Keith Richards were President."

Happy National Post Office Closed Day to you all!

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What? You Don't Google "Large Black Mole" at 3 a.m.?

Nuh-uh. Don't make it like I'm the only one.

And if I am, so what. I never said I was normal.

Up on AimingLow today, my post on what to do when you WebMD too much.

You're welcome, and thank you, for your love and kindness these past two weeks. (really. HUGE thank you)

Jobs are Good

Jobs are good. If you have one, you're lucky.

I love mine. Let's get ready to start the New Year right, with some tips for getting your boss to like you, really like you, and keep you around a while longer.

Brought to you by Aiming Low, my post today--keeping that job you have, by finding out "What Your Boss Wants From You."

Here's to a peaceful, happy, employed New Year.

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50 Shades Of Tell Me More About How Much You Saved

Know what sounds as sultry as "Santa Baby" to my husband around this time of year? Special talk, talk like "I saved half off and got buy one get one on the kids' shoes today." He low throats growls to "Chicken breasts were 4 dollars a pound so I bought and froze enough to last us through February."

Victoria Who? The only secrets my husband wants to know come from one of the three stores in town that has General Mills cereals 5 for 10 dollars this week.

That's my husband's sexy time talk: how much did I save him and did I go to the store on double coupon day. He is counting down the days until we get our Senior Sunday discount.

50 Shades of Money, that's the book he'd write. And I've got excerpts of the chapter outlines on my post this week, brought to you via Aiming Low; 50 shades of Pay.

In and Around The Lake She Just Stands There

Turns out you don't have to get high and spin donuts on freshly fallen snow in an empty parking lot for kicks.

You can try the new roundabouts that are sadly popping up at just about every entrance to Walmart. A roundabout can undo me like little else can. Please lie to me and tell me it's not just me. My post at AimingLow, Why I Hate Roundabouts. (and no, hate is not too strong a word.)

See you there, and please leave a piece of advice--because I have no idea how to find my way out of those.

xo

Why Is It Still In The Closet?

When my youngest was four years old, we took him to a build-a-bear store to, well, build his own bear. For those not familiar with build-a-bearing, your child chooses from among 15 barrels filled with what look like fuzzy mini sleeping bags. These are the toy animal pouch carcasses that will soon be stuffed with plush animal batting via a hose you stick up the butt of desired baby panda, baby bear, or baby dinosaur.

Swooosh and you watch your fuzzy new baby come to life (both of them) as the stuffing is pumped in by your little one. But, my son thought as he controlled the foot pedal to the tuft dispenser, hmmmm full is good, fullER must be da bomb. And so, that's how we came home from the mall with what looks like a baby panda float from the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. Can you picture it? Like a puffy cheeked Kung Fu Panda about to toss his cookies.

I tell you this because THAT'S what my closet looks like.

But why? My post today, brought to you by Aiming Low: First World Problems, the Walk-in Closet. I try to answer why do we hang on to the things we do, for years on end, in our closets. 

I hope you'll join me there, and Happy Thanksgiving build-a-bear overstuffed faces to you!

To My East Coast Friends: Mi Casa Es Tu Casa

My friends on the East Coast have been hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. Many still with flooded basements, like DustyEarthMom, and many going on Day Ten without power or gas, like VerbVixen. (read her post today, for a heartbreaking account of what life is like right now after Sandy)

I have a love letter to my East Coast bunch up at Aiming Low today, and I mean every word.

The internet has brought you into my life, all you wonderful smart and funny people from the East, and I'm sorry it's taken a storm of the century for me to tell you how special you are to me.

My love letter to my friends on the internet, caught in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

You are a hardy bunch, but still, wouldn't hearing how much we love you and care about you, feel really good about now?

xo

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Middle Age Mom Guide To Trick-or Treating

Things change as we get older. Some things go up, some go down ... some things just get lost. Like our minds.

Just in time for Halloween, via Aiming Low; my post on The Middle Age Moms Guide to Trick or Treating. Also known as, "How To Find Your Way Back Home Without the Help of Daylight."

I love you guys.

Have a spooooooooktacularly eeeeeerie night!

xo

Adventures of Middle Age Mom

A new series has begun at Aiming Low, where I get to share how awesome it is to be a middle age mom in this new modern world.

Technology advances overnight in the year 2012, and when you come from a childhood of three television channels while growing up and a phone that had to be attached to a wall, I am a stranger walking in a strange land when I enter the world of my children.

Come with me today, courtesy of Aiming Low, and read what it's like when MAM, decides to go video-game shopping at Joystick Junction.

*Thank you so much for reading, and supporting, my stories on the internet. You guys are da bomb (though my kids say "don't say that anymore, mom")

Seriously, thank you.

xo

For The What Just Happened Moments

What if there were a way to help you make sense of things, when unsensible things happen? Like, when you look before you pull out of the garage but you still hit the car left in the driveway behind you. Or leaving home with plenty of time to make it to an important appointment, but you get stuck in unmovable traffic, and forget to bring the phone number you need along with you.

Let's pretend it's not just me, and think of how wonderful it would be to have something that deconstructs the what just happened moments in life.

Brought to you by Aiming Low, maybe this idea can help.

This Time, I'll Remember All This Stuff

If you've been following me along this week, you've probably seen on twitter and on the website Aiming Low, that Aiming Low is holding their conference this weekend in beautiful Callaway Gardens, Georgia.

I'll be hosting a RoundTable session there on Friday, and I wish you all could be there. (would be so great) The opening keynote for Aiming Low's first ever "non-conference" is by JC Little, the astonishingly talented artist who blogs at The Animated Woman, and closing out the weekend is Ree Drummond, of The Pioneer Woman.

This is my 4th conference (I know!) and with each one, I've come back smarter and determined to do things differently at the next one.

I made my list tonight of the things I remembered I have to remember to do at a conference. It's typed up and coming with me:

This Time, I Will Remember To:

--Bring my camera along

--Take important phone numbers along

--Find out people's real names so you don't ask Kymberli if she knows when JW Moxie is coming in (oh, she'll know. Since SHE is JW Moxie)

--Pack snacks because planes do get stuck on runways

--Take the address of the hotel I'll be staying in

--Remember the business cards

--Remember the toothbrush and floss (throw in extra floss)

--Hand lotion is nice, too

--Buy my family souvenirs RIGHT AWAY because you always run out of time

--Make sure that I have my driver's license

--Drink water before I go so I don't get light headed

--Bring my glasses so I can read and see and drive

--Don't pack big liquid bottles in the carry-on, they'll just throw it out. And pull me out of the line to ask my permission to throw it out.

--Take only four outfits and nothing more. They're only clothes.

--Remember the cell phone and charger!!!

--Tylenol tylenol and tylenol.

--Talk to people I don't know. Maybe they'll appreciate it, maybe they won't. But it's the right thing to do.

--Don't get hurt if someone looks at me funny when I try to talk to them. It could be that they forgot the Tylenol tylenol and tylenol.

--Take breaks in bathrooms to deep breathe and relax. Deep breathe and relax. I paid, I'm there, don't think "your money's worth" means being in learning mode the whole time. The money's done been spent already.

--Remember that I came to meet people I've liked online for so long. Don't expect grand things, but if something blossoms beyond the computer, take it like that extra scoop of ice cream Mr. Ottenstein used to give me with a wink when I was little.

I'll be back Sunday night, and let you know all about it. In the meantime, if you want to see the gorgeous Callaway Garden Resort where Aiming Low is having their conference, looky here.

Yeah. (I know!)

xo

Pongan el Papel!

Who hasn't heard these words growing up, right?

I like to kid myself that my upbringing was not as strange as I remember it.

The amazing Aiming Low humor site indulges me by allowing me their space to process all that came at me at lightning speed while I was growing up.

Like the phrase, "Pongan el papel!"

My post at Aiming Low today, the pieces that explain what you see here before you, every day.

Pongan el papel! You can apply it so so many things. [a clue, and also: pun intended]

*Thanks for visiting there. I appreciate it is so much.

Doctor, Is It Reversible??

No, I'm not talking about my husband and the big V. Today, I'm confessing; telling you about what my husband and I did -- with all the intendedness of providing the best for our three children -- we thought we were doing what we should be doing, and now we wonder, can it be undone? Were we wrong??

Is it too late???

Please, hold my hand, and tell me it'll all be okay.

I need to hear it. My post today, via Aiming Low, What Happens When the Best Intentioned Plans Go Awry.

**Thank you to everyone who visits and supports my writing at other websites besides this blog. It means so much to me, and you encourage me in a very big way. THANK YOU.