Seasoned American Blogger 2

"I think so much. And that makes me want to say what I think. And I think about that all day. What's scary is if I don't say what I think, that would mean I wouldn't be sharing. Which means then no one will hear it. Can you imagine? I mean.... why even think? That's what a blogger wrestles with. Everyday."

In a world that asks for more, we bring you...  more.

Finishing what American Blogger started, Seasoned American Blogger 2, is life with no instagram, no FB, no tweeting, and no Pinterest. Because being a human is soooooo interesting.

Seasoned American Blogger 2. With more of what you loved in American Blogger -- more hats, more hair, more pillows, more thoughts, more age. A special film, for those who remember the days when we didn't take a picture, post on FB, tweet a funny thought, or instagram your new Aerosoles, in the entire day.

"Seasoned Blogger 2 is beautifully cinematically backlit and filmed from bed,  and filled with more of what Seasoned Americans asked for -- except the chevron pillows, 'cause this mama's seasoned and mama don't play fads."

Watch it today. It will change your life. Only because you'll lose the two minutes that you spend watching it. So, that counts for being true.

**no children's emotions were harmed in the filming of this video**

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Thanks Giving 101

For the past 20 years, I have been falling asleep in the same way: in quiet thoughts of thankfulness for all that I’ve been given and all that I have.

I read a post earlier this week where the author shared her perspective on life’s trials and challenges. She wrote that she worked hard to find good in all of life's situations. Tragedy aside, life is full of difficulties. Difficult can feel insurmountable, but putting our chair in a different corner of the room allows a fresh look at something that we'd rather not have to deal with.

Sometimes, you have to decide to find some good in the worst of things.

Giving thanks, thanksgiving, is something that I had to make a deliberate decision to implement in my life.

I had grown tired of  feeling angry, shortchanged, and envious of all that others seemed to have--but that I didn't. I was tired of waking up that way--dissatisfied and sorry for myself. I was tired of falling asleep like that, asking why I wasn't one of the lucky ones. Morning and night, my mind went to discontent and emptiness. That was my life.

About 20 years ago, I found a book on making your life's work be the cultivation of an attitude of gratitude. I wanted that: to be thankful every day for many, many things--for the people that make up my life, for the experiences that I’ve had, for the wonderful characters that have played roles along my journey here. For the sun on my face, for a body that is still capable, for a clear night sky, for my family, my friends, for the gift of being able to write, for the opportunity to contribute in some way.

It is the conscious act of gratefulness that will make for the quality of life.

Feeling grateful feels good--that's not just a feeling in our head and heart. Research done by D. Jeannine Calaba, Psy.D., author of The Power of Appreciation, has done studies that confirm that when people feel thankfulness, good things happen to their minds, hearts, and bodies. They sleep better, they are more content, they are more patient, they feel more fulfilled and are more supportive to those around them, they have a bounce in their step. People who practice gratefulness have less depression, anxiety, envy, and jealousy.

Giving thanks for what we have creates positive energy that others feel. It is a force that can transform disagreements, calm strained relationships, improve work situations, help to accept health adversities, maybe make peace with aging. Being grateful can pull us through financial crises, medical challenges, children with special needs, and the valleys in life.

Gratitude has come to mean living in peace and joy with what I already have in my life. I can want more, absolutely, but I can work toward any goals with the assurance in my heart of being happy with what I already have. I no longer pursue dreams with the thought, "Then I will be happy." To hold gratitude for the life I have and the people I share it with, deepens the love I feel for those around me.

I want to be that person that says, “I am fortunate in the life I have. I will find happiness in my life. If I have nothing more than I have now, I will still remain content.”

Being appreciative makes you look at your life as more than trials, difficulties, and bridges that seem too far to cross--being grateful releases joy.

I have spent too many years being angry over things that seemed unfair in my life.

Anger at losing my father at only six years old. Anger at being raised by a clinically depressed and detached mother. Anger at trying to grow up American, but being too different to fit in. Anger at not finding my way and looking nothing like everyone else while a teenager. Anger at seeing all that everyone else had that I didn't. Anger that my three pregnancies required five months of bed rest each. Then, anger at children being born early requiring NICU stays and coming home on apnea monitors. Anger at my children having peanut and dairy and egg and beef and countless allergies all meshed together with asthma and eczema requiring steroids. Anger at feeling so out of place in my small town. I could go on still and write a second paragraph on all that I was angry about--but that wouldn't be good for anyone.

So. Much. Anger. They say to never go to bed angry--well, I don't think I slept for 18 years.

All that anger that would never bring me any closer to the happiness that I ironically chased. When I decided to work toward being grateful, my eyes were opened to all the miracles I had missed: like being able to be what has made me the happiest in my life: a mother. My children who survived tenuous first years, but are now healthy, a devoted husband, a home that is never without heat or food, my good health, being able to spend time on my writing, my three boys who express their love to me every day. 

I grew to become appreciative for all my experiences, because they are what made me into who you read on this blog. Yes, it was tragic to lose my father to suicide when I was six and that my mother became despondent after that. BUT, but, I was raised by a dedicated grandmother whose influence remains with me today, and I was a bright child, always able to transfer my thoughts to paper and and keep notebooks full of my stories.

I was very good at the written word and this won me scholarships. I was able to attend college. And being able to write, here, and to have a place to work through my stuff, y'all. I mean, how much better does it get?

Tonight, when I lay in bed for those first few moments, I will close my eyes, and take a sweet, deep breath. I will think--and smile--with thoughts of all the good that is in my life. There is so much.

I will fall asleep being grateful for another day, for my life, and for what I have here--with all of you.

I am grateful for you, your thoughts, your time. The gift of you and your energy.

You fill me with joy.

Thank you.

***

**Just given another reason to be grateful: mamapedia ( a collective site I love with a readership of 800,000) just notified me they've syndicated one of my posts today, True Mommy Confessions. Please stop by, add your own confession, and think about submitting your writing to mampedia. Great opportunity for exposure and they've got a nice community of dedicated readers there. 

NaNoRhinoPlumbNo Just No

November is a busy blogging/writing month. If you're on the internet, you'll be seeing websites displaying their badges, full of hope and proudly announcing "I'm doing NaNoWriMo!" and "Join me and let's NaBloPoMo!"

What the what the? as my 10-year-old likes to say.

The first time I heard about NaNoWriMo was three years ago, and I couldn't resist saying Nanoo! Nanoo! Shazbot! while snapping imaginary rainbow striped suspenders and thinking of chasing rhinoceros. I still can't help it now, because I'm like a sixth grader.

NaNoWriMo is short and dirty for National Novel Writing Month. You begin November 1, like formally sign in to a site that keeps your work on file, and you write a 50,000 word novel in a month. 30 days and nights of wild-eyed obsessed frenzy (or would that just be me) until you reach your goal of 50,000 words by midnight November 30. Starting November 25, you can send your words in to have your count verified.

That's National Novel Writing Month. Cute, clever.

The other busy writing collective for November is NaBloPoMo. This one, I can't help saying po' me--like a third grader, when I see it. Because turns out not only am I like a sixth grader, but a third grader, too. NaBloPoMo is a blogging project where you post on your blog daily, for the month of November. Starting November 1, mind stimulating prompts are provided--I think it's a good writing exercise. 

National Blog Posting Month. Because who doesn't want to hear from me 30 times this month. Tempting. I. Know--but I won't be nambopamboing your inbox.  

I would never knock the aspirations of the ambitious among us. Doing either of these November writing exercises is taking on a project that's win win all the way around. Kick start that novel you've had inside you since junior year in high school. Post every day for a month--it could bring your passion for the written word to a whole 'nuther level. I say try it. Try both. Just dooooo it 'n get in dere, as they say in Wisconsin.

But, knowing me better and longer than I know anyone else out there, the reasons to not NaNoWriMo my butt off, and to not get on the NaBloPoMo crystal ship, are based on how very well I know myself.

If I were to commit to 50,000 words a month for NaNoWriMo, that would be all I'd think about. I know. I just completed a short 4-part story on my blog last week, Red Flags, and while I was working on it, it became the only thing that ran through my cerebrum. And not in a dreamy, creative what if Bill actually wanted Susie and not Janet kind of way, but in a too far into that existence way. 

I was absorbed into the world I was tapping out here, and it made me silent in my real life. I didn't talk to my kids when I was up with them in the morning because I was too busy re-arranging paragraphs in my head. When I picked them up from school, I asked how their day was, and then mentally jumped back into the next part of the tale I was constructing here. My mind never stopped.

There was too much living going on in the non-real world and not enough in the real one. But that's who I was for that week.

Really, I don't know how Stephen King does it. How does he get Crazy Mary in his head to Shut.Up?

That's why I'm not touching NaNoWriMo. Not for any prize rhino.

On to why I won't post a blog a day with NaBloPoMo. It's not because I won't have anything to say or would be at a loss for prompts--oh you all don't know the RESTRAINT I show on this blog. If I didn't know how obnoxious it would be, I'd post more times a day than Gawker does.

I can't do NaBloPoMo because I'd be Geena Davis in Thelma and Louise, "somethin's come alive in me and I cain't turn it off."   

And there you have it: my reasons for not joining in on the fun. I know things about myself. 

I'd lose you guys over my verbosity, I'd lose myself, and there'd be less of me than there already is in this house for my sweet babies.

I am, however, excited and looking forward to getting some action from the bloggers out there that I wish would post more often. And I'm eager to read about the end stages of the process of both of these projects with all of you: I can't imagine it would leave anyone unchanged.

As a show of solidarity, I've got your badges up with y'all, yo. ::taps heart, kisses index and middle finger:: 

     

Peace Out. xo

***

Exciting news: thrilled to be featured on Studio30Plus today, with a love letter to my middle boy. If you're not already a part of the S30Plus community, think about joining up. They're an online writing community with over 700 members, weekly prompts, daily features, chats, writing exercises. I've found great blogs through the community there, like Abby Has Issues. 

In their words, "Studio30 Plus is a social media site for writers. By joining you can expect a vibrant, creative community established to help its members in countless ways."

Interested? Click on their FAQ Page.  

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The Thing About The Bloggess Is This

The Bloggess.

Boom.

Just having that up as the post title and I risk having my site crash.

Saying you've never heard of The Bloggess is like Paul McCartney believing Heather Mills when she turned to him and said, "The Beatles? I never heard of them."

Yeah. Suspect. Like that.

The series I've been doing this month highlighting the Great Depression Slayers of 2010 is now down to the second last living hero in my life: Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess. It took only two weeks back in 2008, when I first found out about blogs and bloggers to land at Jenny's site. Picture a woman, a quiet introspective over analytical woman who has been feeling like she fell off the face of the earth since she began staying home with her children in 1995. Feeling different and unlike the other SAHMs she's met. Hiding the truth about her depression, anxiety, and just pick a card already...they'd all apply.

Then she clicks over to a site and the post she finds there reads as if her brain has just been pulled out and transcribed. That woman would be me, mouth all agape, and spending close to 3 hours clicking on post after post at a blog called The Bloggess. Finding more and more words that make me feel like I found my tribe. The commenters there, hundreds of them, all saying the same thing: we have found our Mother Ship, and her name is Jenny.

I followed Jenny Lawson over from a passing mention on another site, it read "...like something you'd see at The Bloggess'." Lackadaisical like that, as if we should all just know The Bloggess.  After clicking over, I couldn't leave.

Because this is the thing about The Bloggess. She has this we're all in this together feeling in her writing. And it's sincere. You can't convince me otherwise. You feel her love for you, her compassion and you know if you needed her, for whatever reason, she'd do anything to get you the right words you needed to hear to make it through just one more day.

That's one thing about The Bloggess.  The other is that she makes you just want to hop on a plane to Texas and be her bestie.

To hell with your Fear of Flying.

Jenny, for the four years you've given me, and the many more years you've given everyone else who has fallen so easily in love with you, Thank You for loving on us. For taking us into your fold and whispering, shhhhh...it's ok, you'll make it -- I'm making it, look at me. Giant metal chickens named Beyonce knocking on my mofo front door and all.

I'm making it, Jenny, and you've helped me, by giving me a place where I feel I belong.

I love you, Jenny Lawson.

 Photo of The Bloggess by Karen Walrond

 **This blogger was one of the handful so implicit in my making it through the winters and the seasonal depression they bring, before I began my own blog in 2010 and became a part of this incredible online community. During this month, I'll be highlighting the bloggers I call "The Great Depression Slayers of 2010." To the crucial ones I clung to before I began blogging, the ones that pulled me through, I thank you.
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The Year Was 2010 B.B. (Before Blogging)

I've been posting this month about the value and the anchor that blogging is in my life. If you've ever clicked over to my About Page, I tell you about four or five times how blogging saved my life. This isn't hyberbole. I feel so very fortunate to have a computer, to have google searched the Top Bloggers of 2008 that were featured in a Time magazine I picked up four years ago, and to be writing this post today because of blogging.

With that first click onto a Top Blogger Blog in 2008, I stepped through a portal that took me into a level of friendship, companionship, support, and was three fourths of the reason I was able to make it through what would happen to me two years later, what I have come to call The Great Depression of 2010.

I had read blogs for about two years before I decided to begin my own in 2010. In those two years of visiting the few blogs I came to depend on, I had no idea how many thousands more existed. My online world then was limited to a few emails for school and work purposes, and my handful of blogs that really became my contact with someone I felt a connection with.

Details aren't important, but there were many stressors in my life in 2008. I know I was able to survive the depression that grew out of the anxiety and panic that had been showing their punky faces on a daily basis because of the early blogs I had found. No one person should be expected to carry the burden of another, and with that same reasoning, no one blog/blogger should be all things I needed. I had the humor bloggers I followed that kept me from forgetting how to laugh, and there were the important balancing ones for me: the blogs that understood the overwhelming emotions I was enduring at the time. They were in the same space as I was then, and were working their way through and lighting the path ahead for me. They let me believe light existed on the road ahead. They took me along as they searched for happiness, new states of mind, survival. These bloggers became the Never Surrender! heroes of mine.

From one of the humor blogger sites I followed in these Pre Blogging Days, I found a blogger that became my solid wall to lean on with the road we shared. I followed a blogger home, Britt Reints, because of the comments she'd leave there; she spoke with truth, as well as with grace.

One post of hers (read it, it's fabulous) in particular, had me visiting her words again and again over the long winter. It was about how very difficult, exhausting, all encompassing it was to learn to survive with depression...but, still, even with all that energy expended, she would never quit. She'd keep on going, no matter how empty her tank felt.

I found my strength on her site, which is now called In Pursuit of Happiness, because there is something about not being judged, not being told to just take a happy pill, not being reminded how people have it worse than you, that makes you decide to take up your own shield and spear and blow your conch, charging into battle.

Britt, for all that you've done for me and so many others, over the years, I thank you.

You are one of my Great Depression Slayers of 2010.

 Thank you, Britt. I love you.

Big P.S.: please read Britt's About Page. You'll be blown away by her sincerity and determination.

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**This blogger was one of the handful so implicit in my making it through the winters and the seasonal depression they bring, before I began my own blog in 2010 and became a part of this incredible online community. During this month, I'll be highlighting the bloggers I call "The Great Depression Slayers of 2010." To the crucial ones I clung to before I began blogging, the ones that pulled me through, I thank you.

Yeah. It Hurt A Little.

Months ago, as I sat staring at the dream like photography and honey sweet posts on a blog of a young mom's rural life that I had stumbled onto, I decided to finally send this writer an email, and tell her how much I enjoyed the peek into her simple, self sustaining farm life. Many times, I would be the only commenter on her site, other times I would be one of two or three others.

I didn't say too much, I only mentioned how much I appreciated the beauty and skill of her photography along with the quaint narration of their daily life. I loved the pictures of the rusty red pick up truck they had taken to the farmer's market and brought home sunflowers that she arranged in an old milk pitcher on their vintage barnwood table.

It was all so pretty, gauze-like, and so much more delicate than my own life.

I thanked her for the simplicity of her posts, and told her I admired the peaceful and non material way she and her husband  had chosen to raise their children.

Sometimes I hear back after I send an email like this, sometimes.

Some will respond with a brief, "Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!" and sometimes the responses back have grown into wonderful ongoing friendships.

But what I received in return to my email this time flattened me.

Stumped me about the human condition. Made me ask what has happened in someone's world that a sincere expression of gratitude for their writing and their blog, results in a reply back like this:

hey alexandra.

so can i tell you that i really don't know how to respond to this?

i started to write a long note about all my struggles as a mom and that i can totally relate to what you wrote and that i have felt the same thing when reading other mom's blogs.

then my husband came by. read over my shoulder and said your e-mail was clearly a joke. or that you mistook me for another blogger because no one reads my blog and if they did, how could they possibly feel that i'm doing everything right. (oh yeah...that's my guy! ;-)

so now i'm kind of confused. and really tired after a long, frustrating day. and i need to go grocery shopping. so i just thought i'd write back and say hi. thanks for your note. i really hope i don't make you depressed. really.

and if my husband is right and your e-mail was a joke...oh well. joke's on me. not the first time and certainly not the last i'm sure.

either way.  hope you had your fun. i'm wishing you all the best...

Socks the breath out of you, doesn't it?

I sent a reply back, apologizing, and assuring her that my admiration was authentic.

I never heard back.

I remember reading a tweet, "if you have a thin skin, 'tis best you steer clear of the internet."

'Tis best to toughen up, too, because this one...yeah, it hurt a little.
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 Photo Source

How Do I Talk To My Body?

A Prayer for my Post Baby Body.

I'm being featured over at Studio30Plus today, with words sent up to the goddess of all post bearing children.

I hope she hears me.

Wanna chant along? [couldn't hurt] I hope to see you here.

Very cool website for bloggers 30 and over

**If you're here from Studio30Plus: Welcome! and thanks for following me home. Look around some of my favorite posts on the Popular Posts page, hope you like them.

Want to know more about Studio 30 Plus? S30Plus is a place where you can read interesting, out of the ordinary posts, and meet bloggers that you may not have met otherwise.

They also have thought provoking weekly prompts that kick your bloggy brain into inspired mode: this week: "These Things I Know."

If you're not a member there, join up. Register, then click on Magazine, and Create a Blog: have others read something a little different from you.


Make your Maudlin Monday something special today.

xo

What Does Your Blog Look Like To Others?

As if my life were not exciting enough, last week beat all.

I went and took my Starbucks money, and had a personalized blog assessment done by Eli/Rose Social Media.

It was so.very.cool.

I have always wondered what my blog looks like, what impression it gives. And, for the cost of one of my trips to Starbucks [double tall breve latte], I found out - for the special introductory rate of $7 until May 1,  Eli/Rose Social offers a 25 point blog assessment. Talk about giving it away!

Eli/Rose, an idea whose time is now, is a business founded by Liz of a belle, a bean, and a chicago dog, and KLZ of Taming Insanity. These two brainy, social media savvy lady bloggers have the best idea in the blogosphere that I've seen: they offer many blogger/etsy/ and business services, but the coolest is their Personal Strategy package - for $15 they can guide those interested in taking their blog to the next level.

I received 3 pages of an analysis and detailed review of my blog that was so interesting. Their points were something I could implement right away, and, just as a sample: one idea they offered shaved 4 seconds off my blog loading time.

Important stuff when you want people to be able to visit you.

I was so pleased and impressed with what Liz and KLZ did for me, that I want to spread the word on Eli/Rose. I invited them here for a chat, and we discussed some basic questions, that I think will let you know just how worth it I feel their services are. [psssssssssst...read through to the end, there is a GIVEAWAY involved!] Pay attention people, they have already worked with over 25 bloggers!

Welcome, KLZ and Liz!!

What services does Eli | Rose Social Media offer to bloggers?

Eli | Rose offers a wide array of blogger services. The cornerstone of our offerings is our 25+ point blog assessment and customized personal strategy session. We’re offering special pricing on both through May 1st.

I am not very tech-savvy, how will I be able to implement your recommendations?

Our blog assessment is put together in a simple checklist format. We’ll even provide links to any relevant tutorials you need.

Are you guys going to be mean?

No, no, not at all. We fully recognize that it can be hard to have someone review your work. But don’t worry. We’re not mean - we want to see your ideas grow. Growth does not come from meanness.

Besides your blogger services, what else can I find on your site?

In addition to our blogger services, our site offers regular tips and tricks for etsy shops and small businesses, as well as social media news and best practices.

If I get an assessment, will I instantly start raking in cash?

This, unfortunately, we cannot guarantee. What we can say is that others that have worked with us have seen substantial increases in everything from followers to pageviews.

Is my significant other going to be mad I spent money on this?

Again, no guarantees, but we doubt it. Our blogger services cost roughly the price of a trip to Starbucks with your family.

So, after I get my personal strategy and assessment, what else?

Keep following along. We’re planning to add blogging webinars to our bag of tricks in the near future. In the meantime, we’ve got some great post topics lined up on everything from blogging basics to innovative marketing ideas. 

I think I might know a couple people who’d be interested.

That’s awesome. We’ve got a referral program. If you love your blog assessment, refer 3 people who pay for a service and we’ll give you a free personal strategy session. And if you've already purchased a strategy session, you'll get a discount on a webinar of your choice.

Find us at http://www.elirose.com, like Eli | Rose Social Media on Facebook or follow Eli | Rose on Twitter @EliRoseSocial

**Great news! Eli | Rose Social Media is giving away one free blog assessment. Head over to Eli | Rose to enter this giveaway. Entrance is simple:

- Follow Eli | Rose Social Media via GFC or email

- Like Eli | Rose Social Media on Facebook

- Follow @EliRoseSocial on Twitter

- Tweet about the giveaway: I just entered for a chance to win a blog assessment from @elirosesocial ! http://bit.ly/aDdU31

Entries will be accepted through Monday, May 2^nd. Winner selected via Random.org.

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COMMENTS CLOSED. Please go and visit http://www.elirose.com and ENTER to win your free blog assessment! 


P.S. I was not compensated in any way for this review. I just love what these two are doing so much, that I begged them to do a review. Naah...not really, I just asked nicely.

A Mommy Of The Year Responds To A Not Mommy Of The Year

I've received an email from Ima Perfect-Mom,  and reviewing it with my bud, KludgyMom, we've collaborated on this tongue-in-cheek response. Ima questions me, on how I, and others, can boast on being anything less than perfect for our children. How can we? Well, because there is a group of moms known as "real moms." You are either able to relate and laugh at being less than perfect, or not. And that's what makes the world interesting, we are all so different.

Can't we all just get along? And accept that others may parent differently than you do? Please be kind, and welcome:

Guest Post by Ima Perfect-Mom

I am emailing you to tell you that I am shocked that you, and others, are eagerly vying for the title and trophy to "NOT Mommy Of The Year." Why are you joining in on this nonsense? And expecting to win a title for it? Are your children old enough to know that is your goal? I, for one, would never brag of my poor mothering skills. I would never display like a peacock and his feathers, all my shortcomings in the role of motherhood. A child's upbringing is not to be taken lightly.

Are your children old enough to realize they are receiving less than perfect mothering? And know that you are proud of it?

Mothering is the highest calling in my life. Not just in my life, but to many of the fine women I know who are diligently offering their lives in sacrifice to their children. Our homes are stress free, clutter free, and appealing to anyone that may drop over.

Our meals are planned with care and attention, and never "from the hip." We are always presentable, and are often horrified when we see you at the store in what appears to be your husband's T shirts.

Is this how you want your children to see you in their memory?

For me, and others like me, we don't understand you. We don't understand how you don't have perfectly planned meals, or how your children sometimes appear in public with ketchup stained T shirts, or how it appears that you've missed not one, but several, haircut appointments. And is that this morning's newspaper's rubber band in your hair? How is it that you are not able to keep up with your laundry? What is it that you do with your time?

We don't understand you.

We don't understand why you would want to publicly acknowledge that your children have "meals" of Ritz Crackers and a cup of milk, that an unexpected visitor would encounter breakfast dishes in the sink. How is this possible? And do you really park your children in front of a DVD so you can get dinner ready?

Realize, please, that perfect parenting takes all of your time and effort and attention and nothing less. Realize that and do change whatever it is that is keeping you from this. I give all of myself to my children, why won't you do the same? As I said, I am not able to understand you.

You need to parent as I do, and live as I do. It is the right way. There is no other way. And I am begging you to change. For your children. Now, please, reconsider how you are spending your time, and reprioritize what is important to you. With practice, you and the other women in this competition, will come to realize there is only one right way to be. Like Me.

Again, I ask you, why would you brag of a poor mothering moment? And then hope to win a title for it?

With sympathy for your families, Ima Perfect-Mom

Both this post and the NOT Mommy Of The Year Post are meant in fun. Let's just be nice to each other, and realize we can learn something from BOTH sides of the mothering spectrum. We all love our kids to the moon and back, and want them to be happy. But it's also nice to know, that there are others like us, who fall short of the Perfect Mother. I know that's what saves my sanity. I am not Mommy of The Year.