BlogHer13 Re-Entry: Annual BlogHer Tattle-Tale List

Around here, we do the BlogHer recap differently. We publish the BlogHer Family Tattle Tale list compiled by my youngest boy, Auggie, while I'm gone Wednesday through Sunday. For five days, he keeps a notebook and I come home to ruled sheets of paper filled top to bottom with all transgressions done unto him by family members in my absence.

The best thing that comes out of BlogHer is coming home to this Tattle Tale List. 

Welcome to my joy, as recorded and reported, by Auggie:

WEDNESDAY:  There's no tattles. My friend is here. He never saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid so we watched it.


THURSDAY -- Dad wouldn't let me get something at ToysRUs that was four dollars with my own money *put this in all caps*

FRIDAY -- This is not a tattle but Dad made Italian sausage not chicken nuggets. Shocking. But he cooked them frozen. That is not shocking. We made him use the meat thermometer because Xavier (16 year old brother) was scared of pork poisoning and they looked pinkish.

SATURDAY -- Xavier is driving me insane (all caps please). It's really bad. He keeps bugging me about seeing Pacific Rim even though I don't want to. He says "Oh yeah you gotta see this it's so cool." It doesn't look good. There's too many giant robots and not enough giant monsters. 

STILL ON SATURDAY -- Also Dad was okay, though he said "Your behavior is quote quote uneventful." Because I was trying not to get in trouble. But not really behaving, just not being naughty.

SATURDAY STILL --  Amazing. Dad got me a book WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

AND STILL -- Xavier keeps bugging me to see the movie, it's infuriatin' (no G, mom just an apostrophe)

ON ALL THE DAYS -- Whenever we meet people and whenever we see people we know Dad always used the same lame joke and when people ask how it's going with mom gone, he says, "Their limbs will all be on." The same joke. It's so annoying and cheesy.

SUNDAY -- Only one more day, mom. Dad is crabby. Just because I asked him if he was ever going to take a shower or just read the paper all day. Also, I don't think he wears underwear under his pajamas. It doesn't look like it.

BAD STUFF: I missed you Thursday the most. I cried. Because everyone left at the same time: Alec (18 year old brother) and my cousin and my friend. And you.

GOOD STUFF: You got me a lot of souvenirs while you were gone, right, mom?

"Mom!"

 Dearest Auggie: There was a toy party I went to... you'll have to wait and see. (Check the silver bag) Love, Mom. xo

 * * * 

*If you're interested, here's Auggie's BlogHer12 Tattle Tale List. 

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Things You'd Never Guess About Grapes and A Name Change*

Li'l E's* Food Group Report on Grapes

*Li'l E:  "Mom, how much do I have to write about grapes?"

Mom:  "As much as you can remember. You know, just go back and remember what we read. Write all that down."

L'il E: "But, Mom....that's so much stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufffff."

Mom:  "Just do what you remember. What makes grapes, grapes. Why they're important. How unique they are, the different kinds of grapes, why we like them...all that you remember. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm reading to you, and write that down, alright?"

L'il E:  "But, Mom....there's so much to wriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite."

Mom:  "Do what you can, what you know, about grapes."

L'il E:   (voice brightening up a bit too suspiciously)  "Mom, can I use pictures?" 

[yes, readers, I totally missed the alert message on this red flag. Should've been paying more attention to the "loophole alert loophole alert" message being sent ...]  Yah. And since I was not listening with both ears and brains,  I said....

Mom: "Suuuuuure, Li'l E. Go ahead. Pictures will be great."

[famous last words]

And, so, you see, Dear Reader, this is why we have the wonderful Food Group Report on Grapes above, telling you all about the different kinds of grapes:

Mommy Grapes
Baby Grapes
Grapes on Parade
Grapes Rolling Down A Hill
Grapes Hiding in a Box
Grapes Standing on Their Heads
Grapes SideView
Grapes that are Happy Grapes


*IN OTHER NEWS: This will be the last post entitled Baby E posts.

Name Change Explanation: *sigh*. I do not like negative comments. I do not like negative emails. I do not like people worried and concerned that I am treating Baby E like a baby and not letting him grow. I have received emails and comments this month letting me know that I am screwing Baby E up royally (royally...just couldn't pass that up)  by calling him Baby E.

In my culture, "baby" does not mean, a literal baby. It means, "my little one."  In this case, meaning is lost in translation. But, the concern about the concern about Baby E concerned me enough that we will publicly change Baby E posts to Li'l E posts.

Publicly. 

In the castle, he shall remain,  Baby Emperor.