Tuesday, July 30, 2013

BlogHer13 Re-Entry: Annual BlogHer Tattle-Tale List



Around here, we do the BlogHer recap differently. We publish the BlogHer Family Tattle Tale list compiled by my youngest boy, Auggie, while I'm gone Wednesday through Sunday. For five days, he keeps a notebook and I come home to ruled sheets of paper filled top to bottom with all transgressions done unto him by family members in my absence.

The best thing that comes out of BlogHer is coming home to this Tattle Tale List. 

Welcome to my joy, as recorded and reported, by Auggie:

WEDNESDAY:  There's no tattles. My friend is here. He never saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid so we watched it.


THURSDAY -- Dad wouldn't let me get something at ToysRUs that was four dollars with my own money *put this in all caps*

FRIDAY -- This is not a tattle but Dad made Italian sausage not chicken nuggets. Shocking. But he cooked them frozen. That is not shocking. We made him use the meat thermometer because Xavier (16 year old brother) was scared of pork poisoning and they looked pinkish.

SATURDAY -- Xavier is driving me insane (all caps please). It's really bad. He keeps bugging me about seeing Pacific Rim even though I don't want to. He says "Oh yeah you gotta see this it's so cool." It doesn't look good. There's too many giant robots and not enough giant monsters. 

STILL ON SATURDAY -- Also Dad was okay, though he said "Your behavior is quote quote uneventful." Because I was trying not to get in trouble. But not really behaving, just not being naughty.

SATURDAY STILL --  Amazing. Dad got me a book WITH HIS OWN MONEY.

AND STILL -- Xavier keeps bugging me to see the movie, it's infuriatin' (no G, mom just an apostrophe)

ON ALL THE DAYS -- Whenever we meet people and whenever we see people we know Dad always used the same lame joke and when people ask how it's going with mom gone, he says, "Their limbs will all be on." The same joke. It's so annoying and cheesy.

SUNDAY -- Only one more day, mom. Dad is crabby. Just because I asked him if he was ever going to take a shower or just read the paper all day. Also, I don't think he wears underwear under his pajamas. It doesn't look like it.

BAD STUFF: I missed you Thursday the most. I cried. Because everyone left at the same time: Alec (18 year old brother) and my cousin and my friend. And you.

GOOD STUFF: You got me a lot of souvenirs while you were gone, right, mom?

"Mom!"
 Dearest Auggie: There was a toy party I went to... you'll have to wait and see. (Check the silver bag) Love, Mom. xo
 * * * 

*If you're interested, here's Auggie's BlogHer12 Tattle Tale List

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28 comments:

  1. at least you were missed right...ha, dad does not allow toys but buys a book...well not so bad dad...lol...too funny on the tattles..sounds like not so bad a week...hmm perhaps i should check my meat temps too...smiles.

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  2. This was hysterical! My husband sent me a message stating that our youngest daughter emphatically told him - I MISS MOMMY!!! - because he didn't handle a disciplinary action correctly. I'm guessing that's a compliment to me, right? :)

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  3. I LOVE THIS.
    Snorted at no underwear under pajamas. Heh.

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  4. That kid is something else! LOL! At least you know you were missed!

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  5. I love it very much.thanks saw this page bookmarked and very much liked

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  6. He just now realized your husband goes commando?...giggle... I love this. So relieved mykids are not tthe only ones who tattle on their father, so glad my husband is not the only one who uses my absence as an excuse to lay around, and so glad my husband is not the only one who doesn't wear underwear (am I over sharing?) PS: I read all your FB posts and was jealous with envy. One day BlogHer baby!

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  7. Auggie had a good run while you gone. No one was mean to him at all. I love that Dad buys books.

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  8. Cracking up about the "no underwear under his pajamas" comment! Observant boy!

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  9. Oh this is AWESOME. I love the directives to put things in all caps. What a hilarious kid you have. The "On All The Days" category made me almost spit my coffee.

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  10. I came home to the same thing, but it was all verbal. That was fun.

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  11. Precious, priceless...I love it! Sunday is just hilarious, as well as the same lame joke!

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  12. Calling out dad for not wearing underwear might just be my favorite. That was hilarious.

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  13. Dads and their lame jokes! They all do that and it only gets worse as they get older.

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  14. So good. I want to hug my phone because his smile like your eyes is so beautiful.

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  15. funny. my kids can't wait for me to get back to tattle..they call and text daily.

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  16. This is wonderful!! I love his list, I think I would go away just to come back to this!! Thanks for sharing it!!

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  17. Sunday was a real low point, it sounds like. (You are very missable.)

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  18. Love this and the tattle pot!!

    But loved seeing you even more. :-)

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  19. I'm reading all the BlogHer recaps because I think it might be the closest I get to BEING THERE for a few years. Welcome back!

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  20. On All The Days is my favorite because really, all the days this happened. And more, underwear under the pajamas. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT. I'ma die. Aren't you glad to be back?

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  21. I love that he made his dad use the meat thermometer to test the doneness of the sausage!

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  22. You're all so wonderful to cheer this little guy on. He missed me so much, and hugged me tighter than any person on earth ever dreams of. He is a treasure. I am a lucky woman.

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  23. Oh my goodness this is so sweet. Love this. What a great way to record what you missed...and through the eyes of a child. Awesome.

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  24. Besides "it doesn't look like it," I'm a fan of "And still... infuriatin'" Love that Auggie doggie. Seems to me he's either turning kinda zen, or things were kinda calm in the kingdom. Calm before storm, given the circumstances with your dear mom, but maybe everyone was on their best behavior because they knew what was important.

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  25. OMG, this:

    "Also, I don't think he wears underwear under his pajamas. It doesn't look like it."

    is comedy gold. I love this kid.

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