Monday, November 22, 2010

Things You'd Never Guess About Grapes and A Name Change*

Li'l E's* Food Group Report on Grapes

*Li'l E:  "Mom, how much do I have to write about grapes?"

Mom:  "As much as you can remember. You know, just go back and remember what we read. Write all that down."

L'il E: "But, Mom....that's so much stuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufffff."

Mom:  "Just do what you remember. What makes grapes, grapes. Why they're important. How unique they are, the different kinds of grapes, why we like them...all that you remember. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm reading to you, and write that down, alright?"

L'il E:  "But, Mom....there's so much to wriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite."

Mom:  "Do what you can, what you know, about grapes."

L'il E:   (voice brightening up a bit too suspiciously)  "Mom, can I use pictures?" 

[yes, readers, I totally missed the alert message on this red flag. Should've been paying more attention to the "loophole alert loophole alert" message being sent ...]  Yah. And since I was not listening with both ears and brains,  I said....

Mom: "Suuuuuure, Li'l E. Go ahead. Pictures will be great."

[famous last words]

And, so, you see, Dear Reader, this is why we have the wonderful Food Group Report on Grapes above, telling you all about the different kinds of grapes:

Mommy Grapes
Baby Grapes
Grapes on Parade
Grapes Rolling Down A Hill
Grapes Hiding in a Box
Grapes Standing on Their Heads
Grapes SideView
Grapes that are Happy Grapes

*IN OTHER NEWS: This will be the last post entitled Baby E posts.

Name Change Explanation: *sigh*. I do not like negative comments. I do not like negative emails. I do not like people worried and concerned that I am treating Baby E like a baby and not letting him grow. I have received emails and comments this month letting me know that I am screwing Baby E up royally (royally...just couldn't pass that up)  by calling him Baby E.

In my culture, "baby" does not mean, a literal baby. It means, "my little one."  In this case, meaning is lost in translation. But, the concern about the concern about Baby E concerned me enough that we will publicly change Baby E posts to Li'l E posts.


In the castle, he shall remain,  Baby Emperor.


  1. I think Baby E's report is all kinds of awesome.

    And phooey to those who dispute calling him Baby E.

  2. I've never thought you were actually referring to him as a Baby. Weird.

  3. are you kidding? we use "baby" around here the same way. constantly. I just asked my 17 year old if she minds me calling her baby. She does not nor does she feel like we are keeping her a baby. IT'S A TERM OF ENDEARMENT!!!!


    love the pictures BABY E!!!!! you sure know grapes.

  4. First, that is one amazing report, even if it's not precisely what was asked for. You have to love someone who thinks outside the box!

    And second, I don't know a nice way to say this so I'm just gonna say it. People need to mind their own business and keep their noses out of that which is no concern of theirs.

    I call my 16 year old brother "baby" because he's the baby of the family. He hasn't sent me a bill for therapy yet so I think it's okay. (Do I call him that in front of his friends? No. I like living.)

    Even if I didn't use that word myself, I would still say that people need to butt out.

  5. Aw, sorry you got negative email/comments regarding his nickname. As long as he doesn't mind, that who cares, right?

  6. Boo hiss on those who take issue with "baby." My youngest will always be my baby. Even when he's 40 and is married and has kids. Yes, my future daughter-in-law will love me.

  7. Oh, well, I'm SOOOOO sorry someone took offense to you calling your little guy Baby E. Seriously, I don't think you should change it. Call him Baby all you want. He's YOUR BABY.
    Anyway. Stepping off the soapbox and LAUGHING so hard at the freakin' grape report!!!

  8. Lil' E sounds like a i like it though..


    I guess I can still call you E. Maybe the Lil' will grow on me. I just imagne you in a big puffy jacket now with gold chains around your neck...not that this is a negative comment, dont want to upset the empress...smiles.

    Grapes. Know what? I grow my own. We have an arbor in the back yard and usually get several buckets full each summer. They are a sweet and tart grape. We love to jsut pick them right off the vine and eat them. And my boys like to spit the seeds...sometimes at each other...when they think we are not looking. (I do not suggest you try this)

    i particularly like the grape parade as i imagine this is what they would do in their spare time. On another note, we have a family of 7 deer that live in our back yard....they are wild but for some reason choose teo sleep here...and they like the grapes as well...

    any way, peace out homie! (speaking your new rap that your mom gritting her teeth at my humor?)

    gotta go!


  9. If Baby E doesn't mind than why should anyone else?

  10. I love you and I am totally going to continue calling him Baby E. Because I'm like that.

  11. Wow ... peer pressure in blogland ... who would of thunk it? I think you should NOT change it.

    ... Just in case you wanted another opinion :P

  12. Alexandra, I'm horribly behind, but thinking of you always!

    I can't believe people actually email you to criticize the way you call your son. My brother is 40 and we still use the diminutive with him.

    I hope you have been well. I am going to catch up here and there whenever I can. xoxo

  13. We know a man who never had kids of his own but married a woman with 3. He has raised those kids with such love. When one of them had a baby he was so excited to have his first grandchild. And he called that little boy baby instead of his name to the point that I had to ask my sister to remind me what the child's actual name was because I forgot.

    The boy is now 9 and our friend still calls him The Baby. My sister told me SHE thought it was ridiculous that our friend called him baby at that age. I reminded her that it wasn't HER CHILD.

    In other news, the only man I ever loved called me Baby and I'm not. Well, unless there's a spider and then, yes.

    People in the blogosphere can be overbearing. Remember how that charming anonymous person came on my blog and MADE FUN OF MY FIRST CAR? I was broke and in show biz and had just moved to LA and it's all I could afford and you're going to come on MY BLOG and mock me?

    "I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
    ~Bill Cosby

  14. I'd give him an A for cheeky drawings!


    Whose effing business is it what term of endearment you use with your own child?

    That said, Baby E, Li'l E, he's still excellent!

    Someday, I'll share what my Dad called me.

    And I came out mostly okay.

  15. What the??? Sheesh, people!

    That's just plain silly!

  16. Wait....his real name isn't Baby E! You know how I am all literal. I thought that was his name. I'm kidding ;)

    But I mean come on people, really???

  17. I love the Grape parade!! As for the name, well, yes, people do take things too seriously sometimes, don't they?

  18. Dear Zygote E: That report is awesome. (Of course, this stuff is always funnier when it's done by other people's kids. Just ask my mom.) Anyway, I think being asked to write a report about grapes is kind of silly. Maybe if you handed out samples, like a taste test, then it'd make sense, but I think you took lemons and made lemonade. Er... grape-ade. Whatever. My point is: grape rolling down a hill and grape in a box are my favorites. And since I know you sell your art, how about you make me one of each and I'll buy them? I'll frame them and put them up in my baby's room. (Tell your mom that if anyone but her actually read my blog there'd be more people up in arms about the fact that we call our kid "Moochie". As if it were their business.) ((And I'm serious about the art. How much $$?))

  19. I've got some sour grapes about the negative baby commenters. let me at them.

  20. Oh, how I love that kid! And I'm glad to know home schooling teachers have to deal with the same stuff as public school teachers like me. (Missed you!) :)

  21. Does E know that grapes become raisins and raisins are people?

    Well. You're welcome.


  22. People are nuts. I never ever thought of him as a baby. Sheesh. Besides Lily sounds like a girl's name.

  23. Boo for negative emails. Yay for learning food groups. My daughter is on food groups right now too and keeps pounding the table saying "I want grains! I want grains!" She's supposed to be on a gluten-free diet so this particular curriculum is unfortunately teaching her what she's missing...

  24. Oh good grief. I can't believe you're getting flack for calling him Baby E. These people must not have kids. Because every mom knows that it doesn't matter if they're 3 or 35, they're still your babies. I think those people need a copy of "I Love You Forever" and maybe need to pro-create themselves. Morons.

    And Li'l E, your grape pictures are great.

  25. Either way, he cracks me up!


  26. From an academic standpoint I'm a bit distressed he didn't address the critical raisin issue. You can't really talk about grapes unless you are willing to face the darker side- when grapes go bad. I trust in the future he won't shirk away from all sides of the academic debate.

  27. He's gifted. And SO is his mother.

    And I enjoy reading the comments ALMOST as much as the post.

    Baby E- and WHY NOT???????????? xoxoxoxox

  28. That's a cute family of grapes by Lil' E. Sorry you got grief for calling him baby.

  29. That grape parade has me rolling. Hysterical. Glad you let him embrace his inner artist with this post :)

    And I totally don't understand the fuss over calling him Baby E. Sheeesh. My dad STILL calls me "lala bean," a rather embarrassing nickname that stuck since childhood and I'm 31. And I turned out mostly okay :p Oh well. Lil' E it is!

  30. Okay first of all... that picture? Sheer awesomeness, as so many of Baby E's creations are. Secondly... I can't believe you've received negative comments. I'm sorry. You deserve better than that. I have it on good authority that Baby E is a smart, precocious child who is fully capable of understanding that you mean 'baby' as a term of endearment and not as a physical or emotional descriptor. I think it's sad that some people want children to grow up far too quickly and mature well beyond their years. Every child should be so lucky as to have their mom lovingly refer to them as their baby. Perhaps if I had been given endearments of love I would have the support system and self-esteem to do things equally as creative and fantastic as Baby E.

    You call him whatever you like on line, my friend. We'll know it's Baby E, tried and true.


  31. Awesometastic grape parade Lil Baby E...oops I bet that's exactly the kind of thing the trolls don't want. Double diminutive, the essence of bad parenting!

  32. Awesome! I call my grown up kids 'monkeys' and they are normal as young men can be

  33. I see L'il E/Baby E has his Mothers' wit....I particularly like the grape hiding in a box and the one rolling down a hill....genius. If I said 'grape' to my son he'd associate it purely with wine...does that say too much about his mother?
    Excellent post. I am thoroughly enjoying reading through the blog.

  34. I like 'E' because I would have done something like that. He is clearly wise beyond his years or as my son once said, "wise beyond his ears."

  35. I just read several of Baby E's posts, they are fanTAStic. I'm trying to think of a way I could get my almost-3-yr-old to talk long enough for a blog post . . . but so often when he's talking it's to "chooo chooooooooooo" his trains as they go through the "ding ding ding thing." I'm not sure how much of that people want to read. ;)

  36. Yeah!

    And, hey!

    Those 2 nasty emailers must'v caught me on an emotionally frail day (every 3rd day of the week, more often during holiday season)

    what the H am I thinking???



    Thanks, peeps...I love you.

  37. You know, you shouldn't worry too much about what others think of the name you call your child. I call my daughter "voodoo turd baby" quite frequently and I haven't received any crap about it. Perhaps they are just too scared to cross me.

  38. Go you!!! Don't let anyone bully you. Glad you are keeping his nickname.

  39. Yay! I love that you're gonna keep calling him Baby E. Eff the haters! You should call him what you want in your literal caster AS WELL AS your blog castle. Because it's yours. And you're the boss. Period.

    PS - Grapes On Parade rocks. I'm picturing little Welch's juice boxes in a drum line.

  40. Li'l E pulled a good one with the picture there. lol. Funny how we sometimes give concessions without fully realizing it.

  41. I love this stuff, a sweet little dose of little boy-ness!
    the grape in a box is my favorite:)
    And Oh Yeah! Baby E Forever!

  42. A+ for Baby E and for you Empress...thank-you for regularly making me laugh xx

  43. Baby are a genius for playing your mom like that. If I only had your brain when I had to write a 10 page paper in my nursing classes. It would have been so much funner to draw guts than having to explain what they do. Oh and it would have saved me tons of time. TONS.

    Also, I am sorry that people feel that your name isn't cool enough. Poop on them and off with their heads. They should never question your awesomeness.

  44. OK, for starters I love the grapes! Very clever pictures, and I think more people should write with more pictures.

    But on the whole "Don't call your kid a baby" thing? WTH? Can't we all just chill a bit? Never even crossed my mind that he was abused or humiliated.

    Wow. I think I may still call him Baby E, since it's just so cute and all that.

  45. So interesting that people feel the need to comment on every little thing, but they do! Oh, how they do! I support your right to call him whatever you want. I'll miss "Baby E." Maybe you can bring it back every now and again just for fun.

  46. I don't care if they are 30, both of my kids will still be my babies. And I may still call them that.

    PS: Momma grape and the 3 baby grapes? Simply awesome.

  47. Candace says:

    What happened to if you can't say anything nice at all, just don't say anything???

  48. All Hail Baby E and his Kingdom of grape drawings!!!

    Can't believe people would actually take it upon themselves to write that to you!! Geeze....what a bunch of jesters.

    I loved the report- very clever!! :)

  49. Yay! I'm glad Baby E shall remain. It's endearing. I love his report on grapes. That is just all kinds of cute...and smart!

  50. No matter what you call the offspring publicly or privately; that is one grape report!

    And being caught emotionally off guard does tend to happen. ESPECIALLY around the holidays and tends to lead to major meltdowns of gigantic proportions. Melt away!! Melt away...

    Just please don't burn the peacock. OK??

  51. Hi. Thanks so much for stopping by!!
    I love the grape report - as a teacher I think it would be a nice change from all those factual type reports. As far as Baby E. Don't change. We have a Shaye Baby and the whole family will probably refer her that way forever.

  52. I love grapes!
    Great post Baby E.
    Grapes are also good frozen too...

  53. What kind of dumbass would take time out of their day to send you that type of email?

    I think you're grape.

  54. L'il E?! Sounds so gangster!

    And I must say, this post got me REALLY excited for homeschooling!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, Empress! As I'm sure all your readers will back me up on, we are thankful for you in Blogdom!


    P.S. Let me know when you need your next shipment ;-P

  55. I call my husband "baby". What a weirdo! :+)

  56. Lol! Wow, I cannot believe the things people can get upset over. That they would take time to email you about that. Well anyway, Happy Thankgiving!

  57. Can I still write Baby E on my comments?

  58. I'm sorry but I cannot stop laughing. There are people out there with so little to do in their own lives that they actually reprimanded you for calling him "Baby E"!?! That is utterly ridiculous; although I must admit to being a fan of the Li'l E name as well. :)

  59. I am late again to this party, and I see that Baby E shall remain (rightfully), Baby E.

    Just wanted to say, Empress.

    That whether or not I comment?

    You always make me smile.

    I love a child with a loophole plan! I have two of those sort of children over here.


  60. Yay - he remains Baby E and I don't have to flip that switch in my brain after all!!! (phew, trust me... the brain can't handle too many changes!)

  61. I hope he got a good grade just for having the intelligence to pull this off. I'm sorry people have the gall to try to tell others how to run their lives and family. Baby E Or Lil E, either way, will always have a special place in my heart of bloggers!

  62. Those who disapprove of the name "Baby E" -- it's a case of SOUR GRAPES!



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