I've received an email from Ima Perfect-Mom, and reviewing it with my bud, KludgyMom, we've collaborated on this tongue-in-cheek response. Ima questions me, on how I, and others, can boast on being anything less than perfect for our children. How can we? Well, because there is a group of moms known as "real moms." You are either able to relate and laugh at being less than perfect, or not. And that's what makes the world interesting, we are all so different.
Can't we all just get along? And accept that others may parent differently than you do? Please be kind, and welcome:
Guest Post by Ima Perfect-Mom
I am emailing you to tell you that I am shocked that you, and others, are eagerly vying for the title and trophy to "NOT Mommy Of The Year." Why are you joining in on this nonsense? And expecting to win a title for it? Are your children old enough to know that is your goal? I, for one, would never brag of my poor mothering skills. I would never display like a peacock and his feathers, all my shortcomings in the role of motherhood. A child's upbringing is not to be taken lightly.
Are your children old enough to realize they are receiving less than perfect mothering? And know that you are proud of it?
Mothering is the highest calling in my life. Not just in my life, but to many of the fine women I know who are diligently offering their lives in sacrifice to their children. Our homes are stress free, clutter free, and appealing to anyone that may drop over.
Our meals are planned with care and attention, and never "from the hip." We are always presentable, and are often horrified when we see you at the store in what appears to be your husband's T shirts.
Is this how you want your children to see you in their memory?
For me, and others like me, we don't understand you. We don't understand how you don't have perfectly planned meals, or how your children sometimes appear in public with ketchup stained T shirts, or how it appears that you've missed not one, but several, haircut appointments. And is that this morning's newspaper's rubber band in your hair? How is it that you are not able to keep up with your laundry? What is it that you do with your time?
We don't understand you.
We don't understand why you would want to publicly acknowledge that your children have "meals" of Ritz Crackers and a cup of milk, that an unexpected visitor would encounter breakfast dishes in the sink. How is this possible? And do you really park your children in front of a DVD so you can get dinner ready?
Realize, please, that perfect parenting takes all of your time and effort and attention and nothing less. Realize that and do change whatever it is that is keeping you from this. I give all of myself to my children, why won't you do the same? As I said, I am not able to understand you.
You need to parent as I do, and live as I do. It is the right way. There is no other way. And I am begging you to change. For your children. Now, please, reconsider how you are spending your time, and reprioritize what is important to you. With practice, you and the other women in this competition, will come to realize there is only one right way to be. Like Me.
Again, I ask you, why would you brag of a poor mothering moment? And then hope to win a title for it?
With sympathy for your families, Ima Perfect-Mom
Both this post and the NOT Mommy Of The Year Post are meant in fun. Let's just be nice to each other, and realize we can learn something from BOTH sides of the mothering spectrum. We all love our kids to the moon and back, and want them to be happy. But it's also nice to know, that there are others like us, who fall short of the Perfect Mother. I know that's what saves my sanity. I am not Mommy of The Year.