Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What The Boys Would Be Like Without You, Or An Extremely Belated Happy Father's Day

Here you are, with our three boys, holding up the grass snake you found in the yard that day. You had first found the skin that he had shed along the bushes at the side of the house, and somehow you knew that there would be a snake not too far behind.

You called our boys over, they came running. Somehow, when it's me calling their names, it's not received with the same excitement and enthusiasm. You didn't say a word, you just waited for them. I would have been shouting, "come here! a snake! look -- what do you think, what kind is it? how long do you think it is? do you think there's more? will he eat mice? we should go inside and google what kind, I wonder where he lives, you think it's poisonous? what if he bites!"

Somehow, you knew to say nothing but their names.

When they come to your side, you hold up the snake, they are doubley -- no, tripley -- pleased with the visual and unexpected surprise. I would have spoiled it with words.

I run over, too, to hear what all the shouts of  "me! can I hold it? I want to hold it!" are about.

A common garden snake, but you turned it into a day where they peered into their future, and -- in an instant, saw what they could be like one day. To see what being a father can mean and gave them a role to aspire to.

I can't do that.

If they were with just me, their conversations would include words like, "adorable, sweet, cute as can be."

If they were with just me, they would have heard me scream at the first uncoiling of that snake in the bushes, and they would have had to come to my rescue.

If they were with just me, you wouldn't see the joy that their smiles can barely contain in the picture above, while they feel what it is like to be a boy, who has a father.

If they were with just me, they would secretly pray at night for a father; just like I did, just like my two brothers did.

Happy Extremely Belated Publicly Declared Father's Day To You ...

With love,

from your kingdom

**My father passed away suddenly when I was in the first grade. My brother was seven, my other brother two. I spent my entire childhood wishing for a father. In my days of dating, I would not become serious with anyone who wasn't father material.  And I was waiting for the best. The wait was indeed long, and the process disheartening. I met my husband when I was 33 years old, and I remember knowing, "this man would make a good father." I only wish my two brothers had had a father who would call out their names to show them a snake he had found in their garden.











52 comments:

  1. You've just about summed it up perfectly. There is something that only fathers can give. I am so happy you found the right one.

    I'm going to go vote again now.

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  2. All I can say is that you're a brave, brave woman! My SIL has 4 boys...I don't know how she does it. SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did!

    Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes

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  3. Very sweet. Your men are wonderful... snakes and all.

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  4. What a sweet and heart felt post. I too found a hubby that was Father materiel. There is nothing sweeter then seeing a Daddy play with his kids:)

    Hugs to you!

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  5. Oh, I have tears in my eyes... It is a wonderful tribute to your husband, and I am sorry you did not know your father for long. Dads really are underrated - there are many amazing fathers out there, and they don't get enough credit for playing such an important role in their kids' lives. You are so right to point out the unique things that they can be and give that we can't as mothers. I have to always remember that too. Thanks for writing this!

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  6. I'm crying a little bit. Spoiling things with words. I do that.

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  7. Hi, from Clover. That made me cry a little.

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  8. That was so sweet. Well said, Empress, well said.

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  9. Well, now I'm completely teared up. How beautiful.

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  10. Wow, what a powerful post. And so much better than what I did for Father's Day . . . I shaved my legs to commemorate the occasion. ; )

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  11. What a great post. You've definitely got a keeper! And I love the picture. The boys are absolutely bursting! Love that!

    I'm sorry you lost your dad so young. :::hugs:::

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  12. You said it very beautifully. These are special moments.

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  13. So wonderful. You chose wisely my dear.

    I'm afraid I'm sissifying my two boys because I am their main caretaker. Hmmm, maybe just some "boy" time for the three of them this coming weekend...

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  14. What a beautiful post! (Minus the snake part of course... ick!) And what a wonderful gift you've given to your children, in not only picking out a mate for yourself but a father for them. Kudos!

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  15. Oh, I love this post! How I hadn't found your blog sooner, I don't know....only been a blogger and blog reader for a few months now.

    I marvel at how differently kids react to fathers, and you nailed it. Snake?? I would have been yelling way too many words....probably would have scared the poor thing to death.

    Yeah, I think your wait was worth it...what a catch.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and I'm glad I found yours! I like it here, too...

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  16. That was very cute and such a loving post.

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  17. This post has brought (several) tears to my eyes. What a great Daddy your boys have as a role-model and support system. They are very lucky indeed.

    I'm sorry you lost your Dad so early in life. That must have been so hard on you and your family.

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  18. Your blog keeps not letting me comment, but I've been voting for you anyway. This was a wonderful post. I can't imagine growing up without a father -- and my mother, without my father to balance her out? Whoa. I'm so glad you found such a great father for your boys.

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  19. Oh, that is beautiful!!! I love how my son gets to experience two very different worlds between my husband and me. Off to vote for you in the contest!

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  20. Oh, Empress, that was just beautiful. Your family sounds so sweet & loving and you totally deserve that.

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  21. My girls would want to hold it. But I'm thankful we haven't had any snake encounters because Craig is too chicken and I'd be the one to do the snake removal.

    Sigh...

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  22. This is a wonderful tribute to your husband. Like you, I would've been the one screaming and running the other way too. I'm glad I found someone that my little girl can look up to with her doll eyes and know the kind of man she should want to be with in a partner.

    I grew up with a dad who was never around and when he was, he wasn't very pleasant to be with so I spent my life looking for a partner who would be the exact opposite of him. Took me 30 years - it was worth the wait.

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  23. I once heard that there are three types of dad's...the kind that get in the pool with the kids, the kind that dangle their feet in the water while sitting on the edge and the kind that lay in the lounge chair reading the paper. I wanted a step dad for my kids that would get in the pool. Sounds like your husband is a get in the pool kinda guy. The best kind.

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  24. What a sweet post! Also, I have to go take another shower. Snake talk makes me all squishy and slimey inside

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  25. That was awesome. I do hope your hubs reads your blog. He sounds great!

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  26. This post is so touching. Not only does it show how much your kids enjoy their dad, but it also shows how much you love him. : )

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  27. This is written so perfectly. I absolutely love this post. So thought-provoking, makes me think about my son and husband.

    BTW, The subject of snake is very timely. I just had a snake encounter this afternoon! I think it was the first time I saw a snake in maybe 20 years! I never realized what it felt like to run IN MID AIR until today! Literally! It is really possible! I was halfway across the parking lot of the garden store, I turn around and my kids are still way back there looking for it!

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  28. He plays his daddy role just perfectly!!!

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  29. Ohhhh, Empress. That one made me cry. So utterly lovely. And even more so that you recognize this amazing bond your husband has created with your boys. I love the looks on each of their faces in the picture. A simple story with such a huge meaning behind it.

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  30. What a wonderful post! I grew up without a dad as well, and when it came time to settle down, I gravitated towards stability, practicality, and fatherliness as well.

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  31. Rofl! I love the snake! I'm glad your family goes together like peas and carrots :)

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  32. well said your highness...you've got my vote

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  33. Great article about hubs and his relationship with the boys. I grew up playing with snakes, and I learned, through the Boy Scouts, not to run when you see a snake. Look to see if it has an arrow head, and around to see if it has a mate then walk away slowly. Now I would just stand there screaming like a homecoming queen getting a bucket of Gatorade poured over her head by the football team.

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  34. Love the belated dad's day post. So true how they run to his side the second he calls them. I could be screaming their name for 30 minutes with no response. And sorry to hear about your own father. Sounds like you got yourself a good dad for your own kids.

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  35. What a great post. Is your husband single?

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  36. beautiful. Dads are so important, and even more so for daughters I think.

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  37. Sweet and lovely post. So true about fathers and how they do things differently AND play such a part in our lives.

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  38. that was lovely. I miss MY father. sniff. sniff.

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  39. What a wonderful tribute to the man who is your children's father. I'm sorry you didn't have the joy of a father's love.

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  40. First off, your boys are just as cute as can be. Seriously. Second, what a beautiful tribute to your husband as a father. Moms, while TOTALLY AWESOME, just can't fill that role for boys.

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  41. This is a 5 star post! I loved it! Boys so need dads like this to show them how to be great men. My parents divorced when I was 5, and I so needed a father who loved me in my life. Like you, I was looking for a husband who would be an awesome father - I started praying for him when I was 12. And God sent me the absolute best! Perfectly wonderful post! And I love how you championed men being men!

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  42. So poignant....you totally made me think. I honestly don't even want to imagine what my boys would be like without their dad!! We are truly blessed to have good men...

    What a beautiful tribute to you husband...belated and all!!

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  43. What a wonderful tribute! Boys do need their Dads and it's amazing to watch them together...there is nothing better:)

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  44. In relation to the comment you left on my blog... I also grew up without a dad, but that was because he chose to work all the time and be away from my 2 sisters and I most of my childhood. I think this had a profound impact on how we viewed what a "normal" husband-wife relationship is. We thought it was normal that a wife and mother (namely my mom) could and should never rely on her husband to do anything around the house, like fixing things and yard maintenance. Nor should she rely on him to be a companion. Nor should a father discipline his children. Nor should she rely on him to support her. Nor should she rely on him (later on in life) to bring home a paycheck anymore. He stopped earning money a long time ago but still "works", doing "freelance" things. So he is still away, still never contributes to the house, and now my mom supports their household for the most part.

    And since we girls could not hold his interest by virtue of our own value as a human being, when we hit adolescence all 3 of us thought the only way to hold a boy's interest was with our sexuality (not precisely sleeping with them, but fooling around). For my sisters this eventually blossomed into full on promiscuity (I met my husband before I went in that direction). We figured my dad didnt find us interesting enough to spend time with us, but at least with boys we held an ace up our sleeve: our sexuality. And that was how we hoped to keep them interested-because obviously our brilliant personalities would never be enough.

    So my husband I know will be different to our daughters. He is completely involved with our girls, reads to them, puts them to bed. When they get older he will probably take them to a purity ball. He is instrumental in building their self esteem, almost more that I am as their mother. We read this book by Dr James Dobson-How to Raise Girls. GREAT book- it bring up things we never even thought of but that make sooo much sense!! I highly recommend it for parents of daughters.

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  45. So sweet. I didn't exchange a word with my father until I was 28. We still haven't met. I know what you mean about wanting a father throughout my childhood. HUGS

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  46. Thanks for this. I think I'll go give my dad a call. And hug my kiddos' daddy a little tighter when he walks in the door from work. They are both the snake-wielding kind, and I'd be lost without them, too.

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  47. I think this post was worth waiting for!

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  48. This was absolutely beautiful. I too had to wait until I was 33 to find my prince charming too. And it definitely makes it all worth it.

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  49. Wow -- That was lovely. You are lucky. Your husband is lucky. And, perhaps someone got lucky after writing this post.

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  50. I am verklempt reading this. Beautiful, heartfelt post :) Well done, indeed. This is a wonderful photo of all your boys, too. (((warm fuzzy thoughts)))

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  51. Wow, the last paragraph? *sniffle* that's just lovely.

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