Friday, July 23, 2010

Lifetime Movie Network Originals Present: Celine!!!


A Lifetime Movie Network Original
The Empress, as played by Celine!!!
                                                                       
Stephanie, of DramaMamaasked: "If there was a movie made of your life, what would be the movie, and who would play you and why?"

The answer is the 2008 Lifetime Original Movie, "Through the Eyes of the World: The Greatest Singer in the World: Celine Dion!!!" (..and you do need the 3 exclamation marks when speaking of Celine!!!)

Sad to say, as much as I'd like to ask for Sophia Loren to play my life, in "Nevus," the steamy story of a small Italian village's sultry temptress, I couldn't honestly give that answer (but I would really, REALLY like to...).

Nope. All evidence points to me having to be played by Celine Dion, and end that sentence complete with a rolling hands bow all the way down, forehead to knees.

I have been told more times than I can possibly recount, that I look EXACTLY like Celine Dion. And not as in, "wow, you are so beautiful, you look like Celine",  nor as in "oh, you are so tall, you look like Celine," but as in "wow...your face is so long, you look like Celine," and "your mouth and chin and lips are really weird, like Celine Dion."

The eery similarities continue. We begin with the uncanny facial resemblance to Celine,  and move on to me standing in front of any mirror, at age 12, the same age as Celine was, holding a hairbrush for a microphone, pretending I'm saying "maman! It's me...on the radio!"  ala Celine, and I commence to belt out a haunting, melancholy dirge.  I was forever holding diva concerts in the bathroom, the more heartwrenching the song, the better.

Celine's life and mine paralled each others throughout highschool, also. Like Celine, I was often "without the shoes and always losing the boyfriends."  The boys would tell me, as they told her, "but you are too skinny, and flat," but I, like her, knew I was beautiful. I, like her, "felt the beauty I had ...here...inside..." And we'd both beat our chests and stare out ferociously with that declaration. 

Like Celine, you can make me cry--like that! Snap! "And the tears...they come to my eyes."  Just to hear my son say, "maman! and I am in tears."  It is too hauntingly beautiful, the name...the name! of maman!

I end, with these undeniable identical occurrences in Celine's ,and my, life:

*Celine's husband paid for her braces, mine paid for my retainers
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*Celine often publicly states that her life, her life, it is like a dream!! I often feel myself walking through my day in a foglike dream state, also.

*In the 80's, I had been known to wear my tuxedo dress backwards.

*My eggs are old enough to be in wheelchairs, too.

*I am really skinny.

* I want to be Canadian, please.

*Celine has hit the longest, highest note on record. My neighborhood hears me hit some pretty good ones here at home, when the windows are open for the summer.

*Celine has been known to burst into tears, at the thought of the happiness that surrounds her.  I, too, have been known to burst into tears when I look around and see what surrounds me at home.

And, finally, like Celine, my children will tell you that I am "here, there, wherEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR they are...I, will be there with them, too................" seeing what they're up to, and what mess has to be swept up next, and finding out who is eating in their bedrooms....

Because, I am Celine Dion, the greatest mother! in the world!
Originally posted at Dramamama's on July 2, 2010. 
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LAST DAY TO VOTE FOR ME!! PLEASE CLICK HERE TO VOTE! (you need to scroll down to the bottom of the post there today) YOU CAN VOTE EVERY DAY, SO, GO ON...MAKE CELINE"S DAY!  THANK YOU!

49 comments:

  1. This really is an excellent post.

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  2. Please tell me you DON'T beat on your chest like she does when she is singing. That worries me... she is so skinny I'm afraid that one day she'll punch clean through that chest of hers.

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  3. This totally made me smile. Hey, wait, do you have a photo of you wearing a backwards tuxedo? You know, you can't mention it and then not follow it up with a picture. hehehe. PS -- You're prettier!

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  4. Yea, Celine... er... um... I mean Empress!

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  5. I love this - had a great laugh, my beautiful skinny friend. Off to vote again.

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  6. You got her bang on. Oh Celine!!! We are all better mothers for your example of mothering.
    Do you know that she was not able to be at the Vancouver Olympics bc she was going through invitro treatments. She told the whole country.

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  7. Hahahaha this is such an awesome post, Alexandria I love especially the comparisons of the husbands LOL

    PS: Midwestern Mama Holly's comment make me laugh even more! ROFL!

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  8. a deep, hand flourished bow to you, my dear at your sheer awesomeness. and then when I come up from that very deep, gravity defying bow I will look up to a far off place (coincidentally that place is also the spot where the light leaves a soft glow on my face, not at all highlighting my prominent nose) leaving everyone wondering what the hell I'm looking at. but what I'm looking at is the glory that is you. I have some Celineish features, but I tell everyone that I'm French Canadian.

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  9. This was hysterical! I love the "fog like state"
    and "burst into tears". Awesome!
    Apparently I do something with my face that makes people exclaim "You looked just like Jaime Lee Curtis" but only when I do that with my face. I don't know what it is.....

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  10. "*She has been known to burst into tears, at the thought of the happiness that surrounds her. I, too, have been known to burst into tears when I look around and see what surrounds me at home."

    I never knew that I had something in common with Celine Dion. Thanks for point that out!

    Great post, as always.

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  11. oh lordy.
    i can't stop thinking about her lil rene right now. i mean. old rene. i mean. gross.

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  12. But do you let your sons wear their hair long? I need to know this about you ... it may change my whole opinion of your blog :))

    Verrrrrrrry funnnnnnyyy!!!

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  13. What an interesting thing to contemplate -- who would play me in a movie about my life. Hmm...

    I doubt any answer I'd concoct would be as entertaining as this -- loved it! (Especially "be where-eeeeeever you are"!)

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  14. I love this post! And you are waaaay prettier than Celine, whom I love, btw. And I can totally relate to the "bursting into tears by what surrounds you at home" line. LOL that is my life in a nutshell with a 4 yr old.

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  15. It takes a lot to make laugh out loud, but honey, this one made me LAUGH OUT LOUD!! I loved it!!

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  16. Because of her beauty and grace, I can see Audrey Hepburn playing your part. Not so much Celine. I’m not a fan.

    And I tried to vote again today, but got errors on both your links. What’s up? Voting over?

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  17. So maybe then Heather MacDonald could actually play you? She does a GREAT Celine. So she could be Celine being you. Totally works. You know, in case Celine is pregnant with 8 fetuses when they cast your movie.

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  18. Haha, I remember reading this before. I think of you every time Celine comes on the radio now!

    Have a great weekend, Alexandra!

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  19. I knew I'd read this before! Yippy for me! I haven't completely lost my mind. Yet.

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  20. Please reassure me that Mr.Empress does not sport a teeny, greasy, pony tail which is thankfully not visable in your wonderful "late" father's day tribute?
    Dana

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  21. well Celine will never be the same to me...:)
    Excellent post, you are EXACTLY like her.

    Happy Friday

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  22. Love this one! You totally crack me up. Okay I'm off to vote now - Good luck:)

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  23. I have the giggles right now over this post.

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  24. I want to be a Canadian, please!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWQf13B8epw

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  25. I could read this post every day. Seriously. I've said it before and I'll say it again: YOU ARE EFFING FUNNY!!!!!

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  26. Thanks so much for the comments on my recent post - it means a LOT to me! God definitely sent you my way. I may have to pick your brain sometime in the future!
    This post is so cute! I have no idea who would play me...hmmmm. I'm following you now and I voted for you - good luck! :)

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  27. You are just so good! loved this. :)

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  28. Now I'll never look at Celine the same way again...great post! Thanks for linking up with me today...LOVE IT!

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  29. LoL. Very cute. Do you speak French too? :)

    Off to vote! Good luck!

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  30. I still have Diva Concerts in the bathroom.

    Because, really, that's the most appropriate place to have them.

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  31. Well Celine Dion...ok, See, I'm Canadian and from Quebec, and I know people who went to school with Celine so I sort of feel like I own the rights to her. I can probably make a few phone calls and see what we can do about getting her to play you in a movie about your life. Whaddya think? ;)

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  32. Funny stuff, Empress! I especially love the comparisons between you and Celine. You definitely have a lot in common! ; ) On another note, I gave you an award on my blog today. No strings attached, just wanted you to know that I enjoy your posts!
    http://jamcjohnsonfamily.blogspot.com/2010/07/one-lovely-blog-award-that-is.html

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  33. This was great. I can't think of one person who would play my life in a movie. I will drop you a vote now.
    Smiles...

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  34. You do remind me of someone who is not Celine, but I can't think who it is. It might be my friend, Sydney, now that I think about it. I loved this post. Spot on!

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  35. This could be the best post you've ever written!

    PS You are prettier than Celine.

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  36. You crack me up! I'm afraid that I'd end up getting portrayed by Holly Hunter... and her voice is just downright annoying...

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  37. Oh, wow! That just made me laugh obnoxiously loud, punctuated with spitting ice tea on my keyboard. I'll be billing you later!

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  38. I so loved this! You have the best humor.
    The 80s tuxedo wearing backwards? I'm still laughing over that.

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  39. eggs in wheelchairs... *snicker*

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  40. wonderful post...

    tell E i miss getting to read his post today and hope he has a great week...and cant wait to read about all his adventures...

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  41. Ah yes, the tears! And of course, the first thing that sprang to mind was the "Canadian Connection" LOL....but...ya know...most Canadians aren't overly thrilled to have to lay claim to her...YOU, however, I'd take in a heartbeat...maybe we can arrange a trade, you for Celine??!!

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  42. If I were drinking milk right now it would be shooting out my nose. You are HILARIOUS! It is such a pleasure to read your posts and get happy!
    Enjoy the day!
    Erin

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  43. OH my soul!!! LOL!!!! I always thought Celine was quite lovely so I am positive you are too! Found you through LBS. Definitely going to follow you now. Love what I've read thus far in your faves links!

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  44. heehee...so funny! Love your creativity.

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  45. Ok, I had to come over here and look for your Celine post. This is hilarious! Love it!

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  46. I love it!!! When is the movie coming out!? Because the description "temptress" hooked me right away. Sounds like it's a perfect match.

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