Thursday, July 15, 2010

A Mommy Of The Year Responds To A Not Mommy Of The Year

I've received an email from Ima Perfect-Mom,  and reviewing it with my bud, KludgyMom, we've collaborated on this tongue-in-cheek response. Ima questions me, on how I, and others, can boast on being anything less than perfect for our children. How can we? Well, because there is a group of moms known as "real moms." You are either able to relate and laugh at being less than perfect, or not. And that's what makes the world interesting, we are all so different.

Can't we all just get along? And accept that others may parent differently than you do? Please be kind, and welcome:

Guest Post by Ima Perfect-Mom

I am emailing you to tell you that I am shocked that you, and others, are eagerly vying for the title and trophy to "NOT Mommy Of The Year." Why are you joining in on this nonsense? And expecting to win a title for it? Are your children old enough to know that is your goal? I, for one, would never brag of my poor mothering skills. I would never display like a peacock and his feathers, all my shortcomings in the role of motherhood. A child's upbringing is not to be taken lightly.

Are your children old enough to realize they are receiving less than perfect mothering? And know that you are proud of it?

Mothering is the highest calling in my life. Not just in my life, but to many of the fine women I know who are diligently offering their lives in sacrifice to their children. Our homes are stress free, clutter free, and appealing to anyone that may drop over.

Our meals are planned with care and attention, and never "from the hip." We are always presentable, and are often horrified when we see you at the store in what appears to be your husband's T shirts.

Is this how you want your children to see you in their memory?

For me, and others like me, we don't understand you. We don't understand how you don't have perfectly planned meals, or how your children sometimes appear in public with ketchup stained T shirts, or how it appears that you've missed not one, but several, haircut appointments. And is that this morning's newspaper's rubber band in your hair? How is it that you are not able to keep up with your laundry? What is it that you do with your time?

We don't understand you.

We don't understand why you would want to publicly acknowledge that your children have "meals" of Ritz Crackers and a cup of milk, that an unexpected visitor would encounter breakfast dishes in the sink. How is this possible? And do you really park your children in front of a DVD so you can get dinner ready?

Realize, please, that perfect parenting takes all of your time and effort and attention and nothing less. Realize that and do change whatever it is that is keeping you from this. I give all of myself to my children, why won't you do the same? As I said, I am not able to understand you.

You need to parent as I do, and live as I do. It is the right way. There is no other way. And I am begging you to change. For your children. Now, please, reconsider how you are spending your time, and reprioritize what is important to you. With practice, you and the other women in this competition, will come to realize there is only one right way to be. Like Me.

Again, I ask you, why would you brag of a poor mothering moment? And then hope to win a title for it?

With sympathy for your families, Ima Perfect-Mom

Both this post and the NOT Mommy Of The Year Post are meant in fun. Let's just be nice to each other, and realize we can learn something from BOTH sides of the mothering spectrum. We all love our kids to the moon and back, and want them to be happy. But it's also nice to know, that there are others like us, who fall short of the Perfect Mother. I know that's what saves my sanity. I am not Mommy of The Year.

52 comments:

  1. Okay, I'm cornfused. Did you actually get a REAL email, and then this post is the response? Maybe the emailer grew up in a time where moms pretended to be perfect so they couldn't actually talk to each other about how tough it REALLY is, and so they comforted themselves w/ valium and bourbon.

    Or maybe it's someone very, very uptight who really wants to be perfect.

    I dunno. It's odd someone would be upset about it.

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  2. Well, if that were a real email, someone needs to lighten up. And I'd bet all the $ I don't have that they don't have comedies in their cabinet. Whatever. If we don't laugh at ourselves and share some of the booboos, we're not going to go very far in this Mom thing. I root for the silly oopsies! Why? Because I'm not alone in my booboo moments.

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  3. I don't know if this was an actual email, but it if was, someone needs to lighten up... A LOT. And I'd bet all the $ I don't have that they don't watch comedies. But they need to. I, while I'm not entering, support it because if we can't laugh at ourselves, we're not going to go far in this Mom thing. To me, it's nice to know you're not alone in the messing up. That's support at it's best!

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  4. If the actual email is anything even close to this tongue in cheek one, that person is clearly certifiable. Did they really think you were seriously trying to be the worst mom ever? LOL!!!! It's a joke emailer person who clearly has issues . . . . remove the stick from where it's been planted. Yeesh. LOL.

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  5. I had to go through your last post and wade through your 1001 comments to see what you were referring to. I was getting all heated up thinking someone was mean to my Empress. Maybe it was Gigi's site? Which gets me just as worked up.

    Sometimes this vast kingdom of blogland can be a humorless place. I'm sorry if you got one of those folks who doesn't understand the concept of tongue in cheek. All I can say it their household must be just a clown car of fun. Sorry. I know you told us to be nice, but I just had to. XXXXOOOOO

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  6. I think it's all made up. there was no condescending email, as far as I know, but I think the post sort of made it sound a little bit that way. :)

    but it's nice to know how many people will rush to your rescue when you're going for such an underachieving award as Not MOther of the Year. LOL!

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  7. What in the world??

    Ima, Sweetheart, come alive. Really. It is okay. You'll find that the real world is a beautiful place where you're LOVED for being ALL of what you are.

    Mothers, no matter what species, are the bestest things in the world.

    BTW, this may not be to your liking, but if my mum kept cleaning ketchup off my shirt and made me feel embarrassed to be me, I'd feel like a caged bird and I'd spend every waking moment comparing my feathers to those of others, instead of realizing the strength in my wings and getting them to fly.

    God bless you, dear girl.

    Praying for a speedy recovery.

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  8. Oh too funny! The best parts of "being perfect" are the imperfect parts, right? No mother is perfect, and we can ALL ALWAYS learn something new, or different, from someone else. This post is hysterically wonderful!

    :)Lisa

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  9. The best parts of being perfect are the imperfect ones...those are the real moments at least. We are all always learning, and mothering is one tough job to say the least!

    :)Lisa

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  10. Some think the Perfectionism is a form of OCD. While trying to be the Perfect Mom does not make you criminally insane, it is rather annoying. Besides, if you want to be the perfect mom that implies that you want your kids to be perfect. How sad is that for the children?

    But then again, what do I know? I can hardly make a complete sentence without the word "booger" popping in.

    Booger . . . see, there I go again.

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  11. I definitely wouldn't want to be raised by a mom who was always perfect. Perfectly boring....

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  12. I welcome this emailer to come to my house and cook for me. She is more than welcome to do that. She can clean too.

    Me? I'll be at the pool with my kids, being a terrible mother.

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  13. Hahahahahah!!!!!
    That's just fantastic! Love it.
    But really that perfect mom is a figment of a normal mom's guilt riddeled mind right? Right?!

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  14. I think it's all part of the joke...I don't think she received a real email. :)

    but it's nice to know that you would all come to our rescue if we tried to really vy for an underachieving award like Not Mother of the Year.

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  15. One of the duties of motherhood, I think, is to give one's self and others permission to be less than perfect. We're all doing the best that we can, right?!

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  16. Ridiculous. Those of us who did a Not Mom of the Year post(at least, the ones I've read anyway LOL) are just admitting that we fall short of being perfect as moms. But, um, EVERYONE falls short of being perfect in everything. But, I still take care of my kids and love them. That's what's important.

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  17. I was taking the whole concept as very tongue in cheek and just sorta goofing around.

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  18. Someone clearly needs to get a self-depricating sense of humor like the rest of us! Life is too short.

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  19. I have a tough time believing there are many like Ima Perfect up there. Stress-free and clutter-free indicates that she has a nanny and a housekeeper.

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  20. Wait...seriously?! This is a real email that you received?! How does this person even have TIME to type something that long? And my next question: is she a Stepford Wife or something?!

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  21. I'm convinced that the perfect moms on tv like June cleaver were secretly popping pills and sneaking sips of cooking sherry in the kitchen.

    I tried for way too long to be a perfect mom and ended up miserable and depresses. So I vowed to instead to do the best I could and enjoy my time with my kids.

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  22. Ha! I LOVE it! The perfect response to the "perfect" mom. Unfortunately, she won't get it...she's too busy ironing the bed sheets while her "perfect" children are taking their daily naps. Oops...sorry...did I say that? BTW, I loved your NOT Mom of The Year Post, someday your son will realize that you ARE Mom of the year and just exactly for all those reasons:)

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  23. Really. Don't hate me just because I'm perfect...
    I mean, almost everyone in my charge is still alive, right?

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  24. I just informed my kids that my butt was super sweaty, that's how awesome & perfect I am. Then I baked cookies.

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  25. "If my husband comes home from work and the kids are still alive then I've done my job."
    ~Roseanne Barr

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  26. Wait... what's wrong with using newspaper rubber bands in my hair?? :p

    I sure hope this was a joke, though I imagine it is. I can't imagine someone this uptight actually exists :)

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  27. I would LOVE to see the real email.

    'Cause I would probabaly wholeheartedly agree with that perfect mom... as you certainly know, I'm nothing short of perfect.

    Now, where the f**k did I leave my wine glass....

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  28. That email rates, for me, as the not mommy of the year ... could you imagine that person raising you? ... Oh wait ... that person did raise me ... maybe that explains why I'm the opposite. :)) I agree with another comment that says "... go ahead and have your perfect life ... I'll be at the pool having a blast with my kids..." and I'll let them get dirty from head to toe ... and I'll probably let them go to bed without a bath because they were swimming ... and I'm really sure that they will have peanut butter pretzels and apple juice for dinner :P

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  29. Pffft! Newsflash... the is no such thing as a perfect mother. Successful, yes, perfect, no way. If you don't believe me, just ask your kids AFTER they reach age 12. They will be happy to point out all your flaws.

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  30. Anyone who believes in the myth of a "perfect mother" is delusional.

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  31. I assume they're being sarcastic, but who knows?

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  32. Ummm...so maybe the biznatch that was complaing about me after my humor post about the reasons bratchild would need therapy is now stalking you? ;)

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  33. Lol...miss one, or more haircut appointments for your kids? (snort) Guilty.

    Dishes in the sink? Totally guilty.

    Meals from the hip? Absolutely guilty (and this is from a woman who WRITES MEAL PLANS)

    Oh wait..and yes, I allow my teenager to play violent video games.

    In my house, we all know that none of us are perfect. My math skills are terrible, I have no sense of direction, and I can't tie my shoes. But Jake surely knows that I love him more than anything on this Earth and yes-he's old enough to know Mom isn't perfect.

    And he loves me all the same. :)

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  34. WHAT?!? This is insane. Who has NEVER been caught with dishes in the sink? Who plans out each and every meal? With being so perfect, how in the world did she have time to read blogs and respond? Where were the children during her typing time?

    I have relaxed so much here lately ... and I don't panic now if a friend stops by and my house, children and sink are not in perfect condition. I'd rather sit down over a glass of vino and chat.

    That's what's so great about being a mom and a friend.

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  35. What the heck are planned meals??!!!

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  36. Oy, girl...I was getting all worked up there reading the post until I got to the end where you said it was all in fun. You cheeky monkey, you.

    Hey -- the changes to your layout look really nice!

    xo

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  37. I liked it that you posted a photo of Bree from Desperate Housewives --perfect!

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  38. Nobody's perfect. Even those who appear to be perfect have something...SOMETHING lurking under the surface that ruins the image of perfection.

    Take Bree VandeCamp, for example. Perfect example! She's more messed up than any other mom on Wisteria Lane.

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  39. what's so wrong about crackers and milk for a meal!?!?

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  40. Hell, I just splatter more ketchup all over their shirts and call it designer wear for toddlers. Give me a break.

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  41. Thank you soooooooooooooo much for this. It's absolutely on par with how I feel--- overly criticized by the perfect mom society when I'm honest about my capabilities and limitations. Thank you.

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  42. This has to be a joke. Please for the love of god let it be a joke...
    Love your new look by the way:)

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  43. Oh my goodness, I can't believe you published my letter...see that's another thing us perfect moms don't do...we don't air our dirty laundry in public.

    for shame!

    I'm kidding, for all of you who don't know me...

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  44. oh the best posts I've read are NOT mother of the year - and this response is just priceless.
    i revel in my imperfection. my kids ain't perfect, either, and damn skippy, it's going to take them far!

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  45. Ah jeez ... I can't believe someone gave you a hard time about that post!!!

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  46. I totally wanted to punch Ima until I realized, that she was probably totally fictional.

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  47. Oh, my goodness, you're all so sweet. THe way you're picking up your rolling pins and heading over here to my rescue. Mrs Ima Perfect-Mom has gotten the message, that's for sure.

    Thanks for having my back, I've got yours...

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  48. Oh, I totally read it as tongue-in-cheek, and thought she was laughing at herself. Hilarious! Or is it just me?

    I know that NO mother is perfect, however, what IRKS me most is the way some mothers want the world to think they are perfect (Bree van der Kamp is perfect! I mean, perfect as the imperfect perfect mother) Some people need to lighten up and just admit that sometimes they burn their meals or lost their kids' report cards or buy meat that is 30% off (hm, not that I am talking from personal experience here...)...

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  49. Wait, that was a real email? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAW! Must be real hoot at parties.

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  50. Of course, Bree on Desperate Housewives has the most f**'d up kids on the planet. Did she not abandon her homosexual son to the streets? After covering for his hit-and-run accident, that is? I haven't watched that show in a long time, but I seem to recall the daughter being pretty messed up, too.

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