Icky People Go Away, Don't They?

Yuk. Icky People. The kind that turn you into an impulsive three year old kid that just wants to push 'em down on the wood chips.

These kind of people disappear from your life when you change environments, right? I mean, if you leave the place of Icky People, you don't see them again, that's why you leave.

But why do they keep showing up again?

Icky People, and how they just never seem to leave my life -- read about it at my post today at Aiming Low, where if you make it to mediocre, it's been a good day.

What To Eat When Stress Strikes

The other day on twitter, I saw this cry for help: Looking for good stress eating ideas. Open to all suggestions. Except pie.

I quickly tweeted back: Anything with whipped cream!

Well, that suggestive bit of twitter triggered (twiggered?) cravings in me that I haven't had since I was last pregnant.

Stress eating, it feels so good, is it that wrong? A chocolate filled croissant warmed just a tad in the microwave? Rich hand whipped cream in a flavored coffee? It's not so bad.

When I'm stressed, I reach for the hot, the melted, the chocolate. Gooey cheesy burgers. Toasted bagels with slathered cream cheese, double loaded mozzarella on pizza, chocolate drizzled over anything.

I wish I could remember the tweeter who had asked for suggestions, because today, mama got some stuff for her:

Stress Eating Favorites: 

Sliced bananas in a bowl mixed with microwave melted Hershey's kisses and mini marshmallows.

Graham cracker S'mores, 23 seconds in the microwave.

Hot cocoa with a 5 second squirt of Reddi-Whip. Chocolate sauce? Don't mind if I do.

McDonald's will mix half and half of any flavor shakes for you. Lately, I'm all into the half Arctic Orange with half Chocolate. Ho my god.

Peeled, sliced apples smothered in melted French Vanilla frosting.

Any kind of cupcake, any number of them. They don't count as cake calories because they're little.

Hot dog sliced down the middle and filled with shredded cheese, then wrapped in bacon and put under the broiler for 4 minutes. Dang.

A dinner plate full of Doritos chips, sprinkled with taco seasoned shredded cheese, diced tomatoes, crumbled turkey meat, microwaved for 1:25, then dolloped --  twice -- with sour cream and guacamole.

Guacamole. Period.

One scoop of chocolate ice cream with maraschino cherries on top. Mmmmm-hmmm.

Frozen Girl Scout Thin Mints.

Boy Scout Cheese Pop Corn.

Instant brownie in a box brownies slathered with raspberry preserves while they're still smoking hot.

Those Hot-Lava-Cake-in-5-microwave-minutes kits. Holy Wow.

Lay's Thick Cut Vinegar and Salt Potato Chips stuck in between the bun and hot sloppy joe meat.

25 crumbled crackers floating on top of a home made bowl of chili, heavy on the tomatoes.

The Martha Stewart Brand New Recipe for Boston Cream Pie cupcakes. Again, due to size, calorieless.

A baked potato, nuked, and stuffed with bacon bits, sour cream, cheddar cheese and a touch of salsa.

A tall glass of Fanta orange soda served over a big fat scoop of creamy vanilla ice cream: JUST like a dreamsicle.

Come on, Miss Stressed Out Eater Tweeter, where are you? ... I'm ready.

 
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The Six, No, Seven, Men I'm Glad I Had In My Life

You know how you're driving along, and a blast from the past comes on the radio and takes you back to a good moment in your life? I get that a lot. Hearing music from certain parts of my life brings out all the ghosts of people I once knew so well, I can't believe I know nothing about them anymore.

I've had some good people come passing through my life. Though their names aren't important, the part they played to a shy, insecure girl is one I'm forever grateful for.

In no order of one being any better than the other, here is a list of The Six Seven Kinds of Men I wish every woman had the good fortune to have had run through her life, just once:

• The Dancer. This week end favorite is as close to having a handsome BFF as you will ever get. This guy doesn't care who's watching, what his friends will say, he just wants to pull you out on the dance floor and see you smile. Bobby Z's face is the one I always see when Walking on Sunshine comes on.
• The Holiday/Special Day Rememberer. Oh, man, this one. Not a birthday, 6 week anniversary, Sweetest Day, or Earth Day passes without a lovingly signed card slipped into your college backpack. A genuine sweetheart with a heart of gold. It's Mark R I see when the stores start announcing Time To Buy A Card!
• The Sharp Dressed Man. Enjoy it for as long as you can stand sharing the mirror with someone almost as pretty as you are. How fun is it to know a guy that likes to shop as much as you do? And one who really cares about his answer when you ask, the blue or the grey shoes with this one? Fun times. Gary B, you still that sharp dressed man?
• The Talker. Michael A, how you would listen and have opinions and get as upset as I was when I told you what my crap roommate was pulling. I loved it. Walking and talking and holding hands for hour long walks, when you made me feel as if you didn't want to hear any one else's stories but mine at that moment. I heard you were married, I hope you're still listening like this, to your wife. If you are, you've kept her a happy woman.
• Oh, the allure of the World's Most Handsome Man. Whew. How great is that while it lasts? To walk into a place and have jaws drop at who has their arm draped around you. Bill K, I always made it seem like you were the one lucky to be seen with me, actually, that summer we were together I felt like Angelina herself, and I couldn't have walked prouder. Remember the carload of girls at the gas station that just about ran over the gas pump when they saw you get out to fill up?
• The Sweetheart. Wouldn't the world be so wonderful now and then if these sweethearts were able to dole themselves out to everyone, just a few months here and there, so we'd all get some of this love and devotion? The sweetheart who calls you like he promises, rides his bike over in the rain, learns how to make homemade pizza just because you mentioned how much you think you'd like to try it.  Chris H, when I ran into you and your three little kids at the toy store 15 years ago, I could tell right away, you hadn't changed a sweet hair on your head. What a lucky wife you have.
• The Comedian. Once again, you are here, Gary B. No one has made me laugh harder at absolutely nothing than you. It's this gift of humor that you had that meant I could never stay mad at your shenanigans. And you know just what I mean; being an hour late and showing up as if you hadn't realized it was an hour late. You knew, and you packed some jokes you could pull out in your defense as soon as you rang the doorbell. It was my admiration and love for how you made me laugh that kept us friends from the time we were 16 until we were over 30 years old. That's a long time to be friends. And then you had to move in with that jealous girl, Tammy 15 years ago. I hope you are doing well, because I think -- of everyone here --  I am most grateful for you.

There it is, the list of Must Have Men In Every Woman's Life. The memories are almost sweeter than the real thing.
 

Is this No. 1, No. 3, or No. 4? Or all of the above?

xo

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Dead Sea Whaaaa?

Last Spring Break, instead of going away on vacation, we decided to stay home and hit up all the museums and other things we never seem to have time for during the year. My husband and I didn't tell our three boys the next day's agenda, and the kids would find out the day's plans on that morning. Made for some frustration, but also provided that awesome element of surprise. Surprise makes any occasion special. Every morning they'd wake up and ask with true enthusiasm, Where are we going today? Baby E would be the most excited, things are still new to him. With every disclosed plan over breakfast, he'd pump his fist in the air and shout, Yes! We'd clean up the table, pack snacks, and go.

One day during the week our plans were to see The Dead Sea Scrolls. This trip required planning, advance ticket purchase, arriving at a specified time: a real coordinated effort and I was so excited to tell them. We are going to see The Dead Sea Scrolls! I announced while waving our tickets over their corn flakes.

I had to order the tickets for the exhibit two weeks ago and the exhibit is on loan from FOUR separate museums, along with private collectors. This exhibit has taken years of international negotiations, and cost a great deal of money in terms of insurance and being on loan. Cool, huh? I caught my breath but my eyes were still on fire. My mood was contagious, and they were fascinated. Baby E seemed to ponder the information, but with a quizzical look in his eye.

This exhibit contains articles that are over 2,000 years old! I had all their eyes and ears. These articles were stored in tall clay jars. A shepherd found them when he was throwing rocks down a cave. He said that every time he threw a rock into a cave's opening, he'd hear the shattering of a clay pot.  They stared at me, waiting for my next word. All in all, they found eleven caves full of these tall clay receptacles. When they opened the jars, do you know what they found? They found some contained the Dead. Sea. Scrolls! Still no peep from Baby E, I did find it unusual that the fist pump was absent to the day's featured event. Had he become jaded by all the fantastic fun awesome mama had planned?

While in the car on our way, the chatter continued.

Mom, how did they hold the scrolls together?

Mom, how do they know they found all the scrolls?

We can ask those questions when we get there, I told the older two boys.

I glanced in the rear view mirror, trying to catch Baby E's face. He was just taking in the conversation, but looked ill at ease.

You feeling okay, Baby E?

Yes, mom. But how do you know we'll like this?

Because it's over 2,000 years old! Cool, huh?

I guess so.

We finally arrived at the museum and rushed in to pick up our special Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit tickets at the will call Box.

Ah! The tickets! Let's go!

Everyone ran ahead, but you know who dragged behind.

What is wrong, honey? I studied Baby E's eyes for a hint.

Nothing. But, are you sure every one wants to see this?

Oh, yeah, this is huge, I explained, Big stuff. Like the kind of thing you'll tell your kids about.

He walked on, not saying much, holding my hand tightly. We waited in our assigned queue for the 10:30 exhibit showing.

There's a lot of people here, aren't there? I said, in attempts to get a conversation going with him.

Yeah. I just can't believe everyone wants to see this. He sounded so skeptical.

Of course! I said, who wouldn't be interested? Just think, 2000 years old!

He quietly chewed his upper lip as we waited. Mom, is that all we're going to see? he wanted to know.

Is that all? I echoed incredulously. We'll be here an hour, reading about the discovery, and how they pieced everything together. You'll love it -- I'll tell you about everything we'll look at. We'll even get the audiophone guided tour, alright? He still didn't seem reassured.

The velvet ropes were unclasped, and it was finally our turn to enter the exhibit. The mystic music was playing in the background, there were painted sand dunes on the walls, there were the placards, the grainy photos of the initial discovery, the stories, and finally, at the end, the clay jars! With the Dead Sea Scrolls!

Baby E stood in the middle of the exhibit, hands up in the air. Well, where are they?! His exasperated voice broke the silence in the exhibit.

They're all right here, I shushed him, see them?

No. Where are they? The dead sea squirrels you said we were going to see today. The ones they found 2,000 years ago? 


I give you Exhibit A-----The DEAD Sea Squirrel as in, the amphibious creature that lives both on land AND sea, and that has been DEAD for 2,000 years.

I won't even tell you how much he didn't enjoy the laughter he brought to that entire hall that morning.

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Unattended Google Searches

The unattended google search. You read about it, you discount it, you say Naaaaaaaaah...that's something that happens to other people, it'll never happen to me and my kids.

It always happens to other families, doesn't it?

Except when it happens to yours.


My post at Aiming Low today, on what we saw when we saw the Unattended Google Search.

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Aiming Low: Where mediocre parenting is the gold standard.

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**In some exciting family news, our oldest son, Alexander, 16, has been chosen to attend an intensive civil education program known as the Civil Leadership Academy, in Washington, D.C. for one week. He was the only cadet chosen in the state of Wisconsin, and one of only 24 chosen nationwide. He leaves today for one week. When he completes the program, he and the other cadets will present before Capitol Hill legislators.


We are very proud. 

Thank you for allowing me to brag a little. He's a great kid.

xo