Happiness is....

Brief history of myself, don't want to make too much of it, but it'll be evident and crop up time to time, reflective of my writing. I have had depression since I can remember, literally, since I can remember. I have memories of not even being in school yet, and wanting to burst out crying, just like that. I have always been searching for a way/ways to enjoy my life. It is a struggle. Prescriptions have never worked, nor exercise, nor material things, attempts at talk therapy. Now, the good news, I have had much much luck with what I've learned at the website TheHappinessProject. Immense luck.  I'm hopeful...

I have been led to the most amazing blogsite. I've been following it for a month now, and I have made more cognitive progress here than I've made in years of appointments with talk therapists. The Happines Project is a book/website that I had heard about.  I finally decided to find out more about it, rather than just skimming magazine articles on it. This book was on the NYT's bestseller list, www.happiness-project.com.

Yes, The Happiness Project. That one. And it's not what you'd expect it to be. Not cheesey, or hokey. There is so much information on there, you'll be able to find at least one thing that speaks to you. Gretchen, the author, has been blogging in her search for happiness, what it is, ways to find it. She has one minute videos that are astounding in their content. Her side-bars contain "tips of the day", actions that are easy enough to instantly implement into your day, that make a world of difference. She has motivating quotes. What I enjoy the most are her daily blog entries, and her book reviews, where she reports back on all things happiness.

The inspiring thing for me is that I have come to believe what she says, that it takes conscious effort to be happy. One can't merely wish for it, or blame others for not having it: it is something we work for, and dig around, to help us find. Just searching for it will lighten our load, since it will change our thinking and mindset. Gretchen has columns of quotes, columns of action tips, all different ways to change your life. My plan of attack against the depression that has taken too many years away from my life, is to select a daily quote from Gretchen's site that motivates me, along with an action tip, that I will implement that day.

The pearl I walked away with today, after visiting her blog, the one that speaks volumes of truth to me is a quote from Saint Therese of Lisieux, "...for the love of my God, and the love of my brothers and sisters, I take care to appear happy and especially to be so." Amen. Even though my depression is beginning again to feel insurmountable, I'll work hard to "come through" for my family. Just because I'm down, doesn't mean the whole house has to feel down. Like I told you, it's hard work.

The action tip that I'm going to implement in my life today is, based on her daily tip today, is  "hug more, kiss more, touch more." I feel my teenage son needs more physical evidence of my caring for him, so I will plan on snatching a quick hug in before he leaves for school, while we're still in the house. He's grown too tall and too embarrassed to allow me to hug him when I drop him off in the mornings. I'll plan for it at home.

As Gretchen sums it up, "It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light",  this change in automatic thinking  will take work, but anything worth your while does. I'll let you know how I'm doing. 

Commisery Loves Company

Commiseration. Yes, sometimes commiseration can be the best solution.

I have been thinking about the blogs I frequent often, the ones I jump up to check on each day. What keeps me returning there? Why do I like them, and look forward to their posting? It's what I find there:  moods that match my own on some days, other days it's a place where "they get it." I don't want answers to my problems, I just want to be somewhere where it's OK to be who I am. With no feelings of needing to impress, or pretend to be something I'm really not.

I've read that "water seeks it's own level" and "water seeks the path of least resistance." And that is what a "blogfriend" does. They're easy, they get you, they know what you live. When we find ourselves complaining, or feeling short ended on this life gig sometimes (we're only human, right?) it's strangely and curiously uplifting to find someone muddling through, too. There is something about the "safety" you feel at a favorite blog. You can be comfortable in your reaction and your response, and what you say in the little square box, because you know that there can be a difference in opinion, and you're still good.

Sometimes, we just want to be understood. Sometimes, we don't want a solution. We just want to nod "yes, yes, yes" and let that be all there is to it. And laughing along in recognition of it all, lightens the load. So does tearing up at a post they may write that cuts right to your heart. 

You can't really describe chemistry, or put a formula to why you feel drawn to a specific blogger and their site. If we could, we could all buy the book and begin blogs and sell them later for mega grande dollars, or at least a few thousand.

You can't really figure out how you find your "tribe," your group of women that make up your daily life as much as your family and co workers, and physical friends do.

You begin blogging one day, and then little by little, and one by one, you meet people that bring joy to your life, people who make you smile excitedly when you see it's them on comments, or in an email, or a tweet, or the sweetest of all: " a direct message to you from..."  on twitter.

I think we all just want to belong to a part of something larger than what we have just physically around us, we want to be accepted, and be the larger collective of what we are like, what is important to us. Finding our values and sharing what is dear to us, tethers and binds us to others. We no longer feel alone, and misunderstood, a stranger in a strange land.


There are times, yes, when we truly want a fix, a solution, resources, help, ideas...but there are, more often than not, just times when we only want to hear, "me, too!" Times when we want to know that someone misses our presence in their life that day. We want to know that we matter, and that someone likes us being part of their world. It's nice to know that someone is thinking of us when they wrote a post. It's nice to know that we, also, have somewhere to go with feelings we have inside, or news we want to share, or when we need someone to listen at 1:00 a.m.

Commiseration, sometimes just the sweet balm we need, and no more.

She said Yes

Baby Emperor: "Mom, will you come with me cuz I have to go to China for kung fu school. I need to go live there for a year to study with what's called a master kung fu teacher. I already can do awesome kicks and swirls...watch...zhoomboompow. I have to be gone a year, though, cuz it takes that long to get really good, but if you come with me, you won't have to miss me."

The Empress: "How can I resist?"

It's In The Genes

My short husband and I were on a homeschooler field trip yesterday (short husband aka my 7 yr old son, as in, with me 24/7 and always up in my bidness). Throughout the field trip, a certain "concerned" mom kept asking us, "how are you enjoying the field trip?" "Fine, " I would keep responding, although I'm sure my eyebrows became more and more knitted together into a unibrow, as I tried to determine why such interest in our enjoyment of this field trip??? At the end of the field trip, she again asked, "how did you enjoy it?" I wanted to just shout, "What the F already...enough about the field trip, ask what you want to ask..." What magic answer was she waiting for? What information was I supposed to be reading into her question? Why her obsession with the enjoyability factor of this fieldtrip??? But, instead, I took a deep breath, smiled tightly and answered, "fine."

On the quiet ride returning home, my young son abruptly thinks out loud from his car seat behind me, "I wonder why people don't just say what they mean, like, instead of keeping on asking us how we liked the field trip, why didn't that lady just say whatever it is she really wanted to say.."

Exactly, Padawan, exactly.

And The Final Rose Goes To....

Tell me Vienna Sausage on The Bachelor doesn't look.just.like.this. Throw in a nose like an anteater, and...Voila!