Death by WebMD

The other night, I spent 15 minutes thinking I was dying because of the world's fastest appearing black mole, right there on my left arm. There are some people who may have noticed this small irregularly squarish shaped spot and thought, “Hmm. New freckle, I guess,” and then there are people who swallow hard, start to nervous cough, and hit the keyboard, fingers trembling as they enter,  “freckle.black.new.arm.”

But if you're on my team, #WebMDAlarmists, why assume it’s nothing when we can WebMD it and be told to get our affairs in order and make amends?  (By the way, search out “caskets.cheap” while you’re putting yellow post-it notes on who gets what from your necklace collection.)

WebMD  doesn't teach a gentle lesson — their target audience is not the common-sense kind. No, we are the ones who want to know, “WHAT ARE MY CHANCES?? Will I make it to my son’s high school graduation? I ask you, WILL I??”

The Internet is extraordinary and Googling is great. When I need to find out hours for the library, I check out my library’s website. When I need soccer cleats for my boys that won’t interfere with my Starbucks budget, I search for “family sports shoes. cheap.”  But WebMD, even if all you want is the low-down on pimple care, will offer you the serious ailment of the day. Because why not?
I want to break my online Doctor dependence — I want to go back to the land of watch and wait. It’s not a good thing when your kids start coming to you, holding out a scratched finger, asking you to “Google it, Mama — it could be worse than a paper cut!”

I need to start listening to what my twitching cheek muscles tell me, quit the WebMD symptom checker madness. They never tell you anything good. You won’t read a paragraph that begins, “Pshaw. You worry wart. It’s gonna be fine! No need for big toe amputation — most likely just a pebble stuck in your shoe.”

I like my life, I love my life. I don’t want it imaginarily cut short because of a sensitive ingrown toenail. The thing with me is that everything I read, I remember, and this “oh my god!” with each twinge of pain I feel is going to kill me. Until WebMD starts listing possible causes of back pain as “Bad Mattress” along side “Spinal Degeneration”, it's best for my sort to just stay off.

The voice I want to hear in my head from now on is not “Heeeeeere’s your death,” but the reasonable one that says, “Take it easy, let’s see what the doctor says.”

Why bury myself before I have to?

I will silently mouth to myself, that here and now, today is “Take My Life Back Day." I will begin by swearing off of WebMD. I need to, I miss the living in fatdumbandhappy land. I miss that.

Oh, and that suddenly appearing black mole with irregular borders? A small puff of wind blew it off my arm. Pizza crust remnant. I guess there's more than one reason for wearing long sleeved shirts to protect from skin damage.

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Sometimes, We Forget

The sad thing, disappointing really, about human nature is that we take a lot of what we have for granted. Sometimes, the only way we stop and give a silent nod of heartfelt thanks for all that we are so fortunate to have and enjoy, is when we hear news of someone coming up against a challenge.

We hum along in our day to day, packing lunches, going for a bike ride, running our errands, and never think for a minute how our legs work, or bodies work, our freedom and ease of movement. We meet with people or speak in front of people, and give no pause or praise for the function of our brains and mouths and hands and eyes and all of it. We forget, it's not like this for everyone, or for someone, right now.

I have an internet friend, considerably younger than I am. Whereas my annual mammogram came back Good news! Everything looks good. Please make an appointment next year at this time! Hers came back, we need to do more tests now. And then they came back, we  need to start treatment now.

I am reflecting on my good fortune of good health. I am feeling how closely someone could be writing the above paragraph about me, versus me about them. This isn't meant to be a deeply introspective or depressing post. It's me waking up to the fact, that things happen. And the older I get, the greater the chance of things happening.

I don't want to only feel grateful when I come up with news from a friend that needs light and love, and prayer, and love again. I want to always feel grateful. I want to say it here, where it can be found, I want to say it to myself while I drive and when I walk with my children. I want it to hum like an undercurrent that keeps my heart going, Thank you Thank you Thank you I am good I am good I am good.

I want Thank you to be the steady pattern to my breathing so it feels out of rhythm when my inhale exhale isn't a living thank you thank you thank you. I want it noted somewhere, so it becomes real,  that I was thankful, grateful, aware and knew that I was fortunate, that I am good I am good I am good.

**Love and prayers to my friend, T. You are a beautiful, talented, powerhouse of a human being.

 

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Everyone Watches Jesus Christ Superstar All The Time, Right?

My family quit trying to pretend to be normal a long time ago. We've even stopped wishing for it. Easter traditions in this house means shushing everyone and sitting down for the all time best of the favorite movies: the 1973 rock opera, Jesus Christ Superstar.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY should I dieeeeeeeeeeee ohhhhhhhh
Why should I dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."

Right here.

Our reasons for loving this 1973 classic are beyond measure, but I'll give you the quick tour: the best Jesus ever, Ted Neeley. There is no other Jesus possible. His octave range is from the heavens. The HIGH songs that never sound like wailing, but instead true lamentations of the soul. How else can you hold three boys stone quiet during a movie without one second of dialogue?

This movie is the best Jesus movie with the best Jesus songs and the best Jesus. You won't hear songs performed better by anyone as they are here. You won't see a scene played with more pained authenticity than when JS Superstar's Pontius Pilate washes his hands of Jesus' death.

To watch this film is to see an amazing masterpiece, the singing, the actors, the story, the zealots dancing, the Age of Aquarius hair! All without a single word exchanged. It's the gut punch of music that stirs emotions that words cannot.

My children were amazed when I pointed that out to them, a story told all in song. And they are not fans of musicals.

"This is a musical?"

"Yes it is."

"But I don't like musicals. And Dad hates musicals. Are you sure it's a musical?"

"Yes it is."

They never even noticed. They only love it because to them, it's now church.

Jesus Christ Superstar is over 40 years old. It's still, so good. Timeless, eternal. Just like the original story.

I'm going to sum up my obsession for this movie this way - chilling, to the bone, tears in my eyes, you can hear a pin drop in our house when we watch. Even after 1,000 views and now on to a second generation of fans.

Finding Your Place in the Blogosphere

A few weeks ago, I was interviewed by Tammy Soong of Blogging Betties for their newly launched podcast series. (Congratulations!) I was asked the question, How did you find out where you belong, what your space is, in the internet world where there are thousands of blogs?

I breathed an audible sigh because I wasn't thinking how obnoxious and rude that sounds when taped live, as if they're making me endure the biggest torture of my life, and then I went full-scale into what I feel explains how we fall into that which we're drawn to.

I hope you'll give the podcast a listen. And maybe, there might be a pearl or two of wisdom that will help you feel your way home in this vast world of internet real estate. (After all, miracles happen and it is Holy Week)

Thanks so much, and have a wonderful spring break!

Click here to listen: Podcast Episode #006: Alexandra Rosas Finds Her Place in the Blogosphere

**ABOUT Blogging Betties:  Blogging Betties Podcasts, where veteran bloggers/gal pals Poppy, Tammy, and Vanita share all the tips, tricks, and tools you’ll need to navigate the blogosphere. Each week we bring in top bloggers to tell their stories, spill their best secrets, and share their past screw-ups. Get ready to make your mark — the Blogging Betties are here to help. Follow them on Facebook , twitter, or the Blogging Betties website.

**thank you to Poppy, Tammy, and Vanita: I had so much fun talking with you!

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Best Internet of the Week

A few internet wins from the week. I know you'll enjoy:

--A short imagined dialogue between an accountant and a manic pixie dream girl while preparing her taxes.

--A very funny tumblr that takes on Family Circus, Time is a Flat Circus.

--And 12 Keys To Stronger Writing, by Annie Dillard.

“You could think that your voice as a writer would just emerge naturally, all on its own, with no help whatsoever, but you’d be wrong. What I saw on the page was that the voice is in fact trapped, nervous, lazy. Even, and in my case, most especially, amnesiac. And that it had to be cut free.”

Have a great week, everyone!

 

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