Thursday, July 9, 2015

35 Ways My Mom Loves to Torture Me Over Summer Vacation

Summer post by my son, Auggie.

The first thing I want to say is I would rank these but then I would run out of numbers:

I'm in my room for prolonged amounts of time. By my standards. When I do something that I don't think is that bad.

I can't do anything with friends.

I can't do any social media.

I can't have a phone.

I can't text.

I can't have an iPod that does all the stuff. I have an iPod but she won't let me do the stuff on it that I could do.

She won't let me watch R movies and they're summer blockbusters.

She makes me do what she wants.

She doesn't make my older brothers play with me.

I can only do half an hour of video games a day. And THEN she sits next to me to make sure they're good games.

I can only watch shows for an hour a day.

I can't call people whenever I want.

She makes me go for family walks.

She barely just got me a headset to play video games with.

She signs me up for swimming lessons in the mornings when it's the coldest.
She gets mad when I say if she thinks swimming is so important then why isn't she the one taking the lessons.

She won't let me hang out with girls.

She won't let me hang around downtown or in movie theatres.
Parks, either.

She has me at a $20 spending limit in stores.

She won't let me just do "nothing."

She takes me on “surprise” field trips.

She buys me books that are “classic” that I have to read.

She makes me take a shower.

She makes me use a pillow or something between my body and the iPad so I don't get radiation. Especially over my "reproductive organs."
She makes me tell her my one plan for the day.
She calls places to see who I'm going to be with when I say I'm going somewhere with somebody.
I can never say "somebody" when she asks me who I'm going with.
I can never say "somewhere" when she asks me where I'm going.
I can't stay up after midnight even though I only have swimming the next day.
Even though it's vacation I still have to do errands and chores.
Even though it's vacation I still have to change clothes and can't wear the same underwear after I take a shower.
Even though it's vacation and we're not in school seeing people I still have to brush my teeth and floss even if no one sees me in the mornings except her.
Even though it's summer she won't cancel my dentist appointments.

She makes me write her blog posts.

* * *


  1. Aw, Auggie - take comfort. I make my boys change their underwear and brush their teeth and take showers and...come to think of it, I've enjoyed reading your post so much, I'm inspired to get them to write up some posts for me. ;) I hope you're having a fantastic summer! You've got a special mom!

    1. Linda, I was just given the gentle suggestion to maybe "just not be home so much."

  2. Guffawed at the last one!

    Ah, poor Auggie. May all your life be this tough.

  3. It's okay, Auggie. I make my girls do Xtra Math.

  4. I think your mom is doing a fabulous job. And around here, my lucky kids only have three weeks till school starts again and they get FREEDOM. from mom and her ideas.

    1. Yes, Auggie's mom thinks she is too!! Thanks, lady. xoxoxo

  5. You have BME (Best Mom Ever). When I was young, my dad made us tell him everything we did when he asked the question, "What did you do?". 'Nothing', 'Same ole thing', or 'I dunno' were NEVER acceptable.

  6. She does sound annoying. I think you should forget the flossing and the brushing AND wear the same pair of underwear all summer so at the end of the summer when you go back to school and are seeing people (I mean real people, not mom) you can share your excellent summer vacation from hygiene with everyone you hang out with, like girls. Then you can spend your high school years never coming close to using your "reproductive organs" for "fun". Hmm. This may actually have been your brilliant mom's reverse psychology in action once again. Auggie? Listen to Your Mother. It says so on the book cover.

  7. Oh my gosh, I totally make my son take a shower too! See, you're not the only kid dealing with this stuff... :)

    Auggie, will you blog for me please?



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