Friday, February 5, 2016

7 Date Night Ideas That Failed Us


To keep that love alive and the home fires burning, you need to date your mate. Date them and forget about the To Do list that hangs over your head even when it's out of sight. Make the time to forget about the 1,000 things you have to do before the month is over and especially do not discuss your kids when you're together. Like, pretend you don't even know them. Little Mark, Jr. who? If you follow this advice you will remember once again, just why you are together. A bottle of wine, no - two, will help bring back smoky memories of the carefree love you shared way back when.

We have been married 20 years, and we are so due for a date night that we'd need six months at a monk's retreat to silence these buzzing brains from trying to balance life. With this not-dating guilt in mind, I decided to give Date Night a try after an article I saw as I flipped through a magazine while waiting to get my prescription for dry eye syndrome.

The whole half page was glossy with exclamation marks for quick and easy love tips for the married crowd! *By the way, not today, but sometime soon, I'd like to talk about why only women's magazines are DATE NIGHT DATE NIGHT KEEP YOUR DATE HAPPY and men's magazines are "Get yourself this car, belt, shoes, vacation and you be you, dude."

Starting with Idea No. 1 and all the way to Idea No. 7, I felt a tingle of high hopes. Well not really, but I had a flash that at least one of these would be hot fun. Poke the flames, yannow?

Yeah no.

Here's what goes wrong when you're two decades into chronically unromantic:

Idea 1.) "Short on time or money? No problem! Here's a quick and easy way to stoke those embers! (am I the only one so far going ewwww... ) Pick a new board game to play!"

What actually happened: We brought out the game. Something called Othello. I got dizzy as soon as I saw all the black and white discs and the reversible board and the 10-page instruction booklet. I had to put my head down. Meanwhile, since my husband wanted to go to bed before sunrise, he became "order-y" and saw it as one more job to delegate.

Date Night Idea #1: a bust. Let's move on ...

Idea 2.) "Pick a theme! Have fun enjoying "Irish Night" or "French Night!" (again, pretty sure it's just me, but ewwww with fake accents)

I did all right with this one. And for future reference, I told my husband the only love language for me is Jalisco's Mexican take-out. With wilting Styrofoam containers opened up on our laps, we sat and watched Nacho Libre. Then we both fell asleep on the Costco chaise-o-lounger with salsa stains on our chests. Fun? I guess it was a bit of all right.

Idea 3.) "Pop in your wedding video, look at your honeymoon pictures!  Here's some exclamation marks to get you started!"

Oh my god oh my god oh my god. Idea #3 gets my vote for worst idea ever. THE WORST. What's hot about looking at my stomach so flat and my husband's hair so dark? We both got sad-eyed and gobsmacked about how we had no idea we looked so good that we wondered why the hell didn't we just walk around nekkid back then?

Dang, we were hot. (Me: He was lucky to get me. Him: She was lucky to get me)

Idea 4.) "Feed the kids an early dinner and put them to bed!"

Still laughing about this one. Since we don't believe in Benadryl for dessert, the only ones that would be going to bed after an early dinner would be me and Mark.

Idea 5.) "Slumber Party! Pile blankets on the floor along with throw pillows and have a sleep over!"

Ummm, we already do this. Substitute piles of newspapers for throw pillows and the book we're reading for a blanket, and pretty much, there's our *Slumber Party!*

Idea 6.) "1-2-3 Get artsy! Grab a canvas and brushes and co-paint a picture together!"

I'll tell you right here and now, if my husband wanted to grab a paintbrush then I'd have no need to work 2.5 part-time jobs so I could call Rob the Painter every two years for the past ten years to paint the walls in this house.

Idea 7.) "Make a platter of favorite snacks! Pop some kettle corn and cozy up for a movie!"

What?! Now I'm the one handing out exclamation marks.
Snacks and a movie? Why didn't you say so 7 steps back?! Turns out we've been date-nighting for the past 20 years!

It's just like this dang world to try and make us think we have to change what we've been doing when what we've been doing, is right all along.

xo
 
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25 comments:

  1. Date night tips are so silly. The massage oil and sexy music ones are my favorite suggestions. Like anyone needs to repeat the Oil Covered Mattress debacle of '01.

    We're married, for cripes' sakes. No amount of board games and favorite treats is going to erase the knowledge we have of each other at every level of sickness, terrible behavior, and bad breath.

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  2. So funny and so spot-on! Love the snacks-and-movie date!

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  3. Bahahahaha! I love your take on these and it comforts me. The last time I lost one of our word games,the sting made me want to throw the dictionary at him. I made dinner, how could he not let me win after such amazing plays. And the slumber party on the floor? I hear enough sciatica complaints as it is! ;)

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    1. Sounds like we've been living a date night life, and didn't even know it, Andrea.

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  4. I'm just here to say how much I love that picture. And that our latest date night was last night, #7, as we watched the BBC version of Broadchurch and tried to help each other decipher the Scottish accents. Super steamy.

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  5. Honestly. When we do go on a dinner date, we spend the first hour talking about the kids because they aren't there to eavesdrop!

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  6. Omg hilarious! I was grossed out by all the same ridiculous parts. Accents, ew, but nachos yay :)

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  7. I never think carefully orchestrated plans end up yielding truly meaningful moments (this is why I dislike holidays, too). The magazine ideas are hilarious in how tone deaf they are to real couples living real lives. Successful marriages find their "dates" in random moments that no one could see coming. Like when I just walked in the house and announced to my husband, "I stopped at the bakery and bought cookies!"

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    1. My husband never loves me more than when I walk up to him with a bowl of ice cream and a spoon.

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  8. Awww yeah. Apparently my husband and I are professional daters as well. Thanks for the boost in my confidence. ;)

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    1. I know! Those were my exact words: we already date so leave us alone, women's magazines!

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  9. Oh good lord!!! Who comes up with that stuff? I'd rather have my wisdom teeth pulled than watch our wedding video and I'm pretty sure if I pulled it out, my husband would go running and screaming down the street.
    xo jj

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    1. This is always aimed at women. YOu will never see a men's magazine telling him how to have the best marriage ever.

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  10. LOLOLOL <3 this. And I'm pretty sure "netflix and chill" is our constant date night, too, though I don't think it's date night worthy bc one of us usually ends up falling asleep and then annoys the other with a top 10 list of "what did I miss? Who is that? What happened to the brother?"

    Anyway, I love your Benadryl for dinner suggestion. Oh, I see. You're saying NOT to feed the kids Benadryl. Noted.

    I kind of do love the themed date night idea. But maybe more in theory than in practice?!

    XOXO you always know how to make me giggle, Alexandra :)

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    1. Hey, just help us out here, Charlotte! 20 years married and 2 years of dating before then. What can we do for fun???

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  11. I'm giggling. Once we painted each other. Mine turned out ok and is hanging in Juliet's room. Matthieu's was all Picasso. I love your running commentary.

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    1. Jennie, that "painted each other" I read as a sexy date night. I had to read it again to see that you did portraits of each other. My fault, I had date night on my mind. xo (gave me a laugh, thank you)

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    2. HA - I did the same thing. VERY sexy date night. Lol

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  12. Glad I am not alone. I use the excuse that we are too far from anything to 'date'. He doesn't like TV much, but I can get him to eat dinner in front of the TV if I get a good western. :D However, we ARE going out for Valentines. Brunch. This is big. <3

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    1. Oh, brunch would be dreamy. Signed, I am the brunch maker.

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