Thursday, August 11, 2011

Back To Life, Back To Reality

What??? No parties tonight?

My children save me, every day.

I've just come back from an amazing conference in a beautiful city, where I was able to talk non stop with those who understand about my passion: blogging.

But, now we're all back home. And even though I wander around Target, hopefully, wishing upon a star to see someone with a BlogHer badge hanging around their lovely neck...I know it's not going to happen.

We're all back to life.

As always, my children, save me with their view of life, and reports of what went down in chinatown, while mom was gone.

I came back to this: a sheetful, in a notebook, of things Dad did that were wrong, wrong, wrong:

THINGS DAD DID WRONG AND BAD WHILE YOU WERE GONE, MOM

  • We actually had to tell him to do the dishes. He said, "Why can't you do it?" in a crabby voice.
  •  He made us go to bed at 11:00. And yelled at us for the slumber parties.
  •  He slept until like 12:00.
  •  We had fries and chicken nuggets for like the whole week. 
  •  There was mold inside my water bottle. From not washing the dishes.
  • And luckily I was smart enough to not take the mold infested water one to my soccer game.
  •  On the two last days, he made us do everything that was free to do.
  • We only went to the pool, and the park and a free bike ride. And, besides, I don't like family bike rides.
  •  He only let us go on one ride apiece at the fair. 

  • He stayed on the computer all day and we had to be quiet the whole time.
  • He said we woke up too early, and made us be quiet when we were up and said we ate our breakfast too loud and it was only cereal.  Even pouring Cheerios was too loud.
  •  He only let me have one sour ice pop a day and he took all the green ones for himself.
  • All he did was take us places and that's it and we had to do everything else ourselves: like feed the fish.
  •  And like he doesn't even know how to feed fish: he dumped so much fish food in there and the fish were smart enough to not explode from it.
  •  And, thankfully, he did the dishes but like only an hour before you came home.
  •  And he didn't wash the clothes at all and the laundry room was piled up with clothes and I had nothing to wear.
  •  When we were at the fair he ate good stuff in front of us and he wouldn't take us home until he finished the delicious hamburger we couldn't have.

  • And he really cut down on our computer time.  We only got like half an hour a day.
  • We had to make him go to the store to buy food. And he went only once. Like four hours before you came home.
  •  He didn't make cake or anything. 
  •  And he would walk around without a shirt on. And sit down to eat like that. Yuk.
  • He forgot to tell us to take a shower.
  • He tried to bribe us with extra computer time to not tell you this stuff.
  •  He tried to be cool by saying "lame."
  • And worst of all, mama, he didn't buy us ANYTHING!!

***
Ahhhhhhhhhh....it's good to be missed. I'm back home, boys. I missed you, too.





68 comments:

  1. Sounds like the typical weekend with Dad in charge!

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  2. I only wish I could have written lists like this when I was growing up.

    We've all left blogging and moved on to GOOGLE PLUS. HAVEN'T YOU HEARD?

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  3. It is truly good to be missed! Missed you on the blog!

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  4. haha...what does he think of their list? There's nothing like mom, right?

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  5. LOVE this! Did your husband realize he was so gonna be busted when you got home? I just read some of your list aloud to my husband and he laughed the laugh of the guilty.

    I MISS YOU, ROOMIE!!!! I say let's go away again soon, make them appreciate us more!

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  6. This is hilarious! I think mine probably wished I would have gone off and left them occasionally. Looking back, perhaps I should have.

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  7. Poor things, he really tortured them! The last three had my laughing out loud by accident, which scared the crap out of Kurt, who was sleeping beside me. Heh.

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  8. He didnt make cake? He should be fired!

    Too bad we didnt run into each other, I would have loved to meet you!

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  9. BlueZoo: you were there???WHy didn't you try to find me?? And say HI?? I would've loved to see you.

    Helena: oh, SO GOOD TO see you. On my way to your place.

    Mrs. A: Will be thinking of your endeavors this weekend. With prayers, as promised.

    Varda: The mountains of laundry? Didn't it take FOREVER??? I miss your great laugh.

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  10. This is awesome!!!! Love the perspective of the kids!!!

    The Emperor sounds like good people to me:)

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  11. no, you're not going to get cake with those chicken nuggets:)

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  12. I LOVE this! I can't wait until I can go away long enough for my boys to write a note like this. :D

    Or just to go away....sleeeep....

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  13. I am so thankful that you have smart fish and didn't have to clean up their exploded bodies from the fish tank when you got home!

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  14. Hahahahaha. I can't wait until Baby Girl is old enough to tattle on Daddy. Didn't make cake! The nerve!

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  15. haha..this make me smile as i probably commit a few of those every time i have them...lol

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  16. Aaah - this delights my heart. So, so funny. Sounds like my grumpy husband whom I love.

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  17. Haha! And strangely we know this situation plays out every time we leave to go somewhere. At least he went and got groceries!!!

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  18. LOL @ "didn't make cake". I remember one or two really crazy weekends with Dad when I was growing up. Talk about adventure. You are clearly so, so needed in your family. :)

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  19. Daddy was a naughty boy while you were away!
    I'm sure your boys will appreciate you even more now. :D

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  20. It is nice to be missed. And this is pure priceless.

    XO

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  21. HE DIDN'T MAKE CAKE OR ANYTHING?
    That is just simply unforgivable ;)

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  22. Isn't it nice to be needed so? Love that they kept track and made you a list.

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  23. Oh, wow. Your husband is a truly, terribly, amazingly bad father!

    How very sad for your boys. Tragic, really. ;)

    My husband is also a truly, terribly, amazingly bad father, unless I am being a truly, terribly, amazingly bad mother.

    It's good to travel and do exciting things, but it's even better to be home with our people. You and I are cut from the same cloth in that way.

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  24. Oooh, so I take it Dad got busted? Hee...

    There's no one like Mama.

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  25. Oh my gosh. I especially loved that he didn't bake any cake or remind the boys to shower. How dare he!

    And yes, I think this was the perfect way to be told that you were missed.

    I went to a sock knitting conference last weekend. You're so right. It's hard to come back to the real world and not see knitters (or bloggers) wearing a fun lanyard and talk about knitting (or blogging).

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  26. Very cute. It definitely shows how much you're missed.

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  27. Oh, yeah: and the drama continues. Here, they said, after I came home with grapes, bananas, apples, peaches, oranges..."MMMMMM! FRUIT!! It's been so long since we had fruit!"

    Now, where could the flair for the dramatic come from???

    *ahem*

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  28. I'm amazed they survived, really.

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  29. Couldn't stop laughing at him eating with no shirt on.

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  30. That is so funny! How dare he not make cake?

    I can't even imagine if my husband had them alone for a few days.

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  31. Give the guy a break, he's trying. What's up with guys always wanting to walk around with no shirt on?

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  32. Hah!

    Probably a mad dash to complete everything before you walked in the door!!!!!!

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  33. How many of those tattles were from Baby E?

    The moldy water made me gag a little. :)

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  34. I see nothing wrong with doing things that are free. Although this list reminds me of Alex somehow...although he can't quite tattle yet.

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  35. My husband is generally annoyingly competent when I'm away (except for the laundry). Eve always finds something to complain about though, even if it's that she sucked at the game he let her play at the movie theatre. Of course, he's away forty times more than I am, so his odds are better.

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  36. this is adorable!

    love, Candace

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  37. I'm simply left wondering why the kids didn't do laundry or dishes, if the situation were that dire (says the guy who is eating dinner at the computer, wearing nothing but underwear, drinking a beer as the wife & kids aren't home)

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  38. This line:
    And he would walk around without a shirt on. And sit down to eat like that. Yuk.

    Was my absolute favorite!

    Glad you enjoyed yourself at BlogHer. It's a dream of mine that I will be there next year. I'm a newbie though, one thing at a time.

    You never know, perhaps you will see someone from BlogHer at Target- it's a magical place you know!

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  39. Welcome back...it's amazing how children can always cut to the chase. I can't wait to hear about your adventures at BlogHer...

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  40. Hmmm....where have you been hiding for the past few years? Found you via Ms Lefler :) Nice to meet you Empress, I think I'm going to like you.

    love,
    the Yogini

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  41. "He forgot to tell us to take a shower...." That is hysterical.

    Ahh, it's nice to be loved and appreciated.

    Welcome home, jj

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  42. What can I say, you rock, even as a mom!!! Sometimes it's good then, huh, to be absent from the scene, just so that our kids could truly appreciate the goodness that we all are as mommies ;)... especially when compared to daddies :D

    That bid about the fish being smart enough to not explode... HAHAHAHA... couldn't stop laughing at that one. Your kids are geniuses.

    Maybe they won't mind giving you a foot rub now that they've got their cool mom back? ;))

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  43. Glad to hear you had such a fabulous time! There's nothing like getting away from it all, even for a day or two. Now you feeling both appreciated and refreshed! It's a win win!

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  44. It is nice to be missed. And dads are just kind of screwed. No matter what they do, they can't be moms. I read your 'voices of the year' piece from BlogHer and just about died. It was awesome.

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  45. That's freaking hilarious! Especially the one about eating shirtless! You've got some tattletales, there.

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  46. You all are so funny...still digging my way out of this mess. one week later.

    Mount Laundry threatens to do me in.

    xo

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  47. I absolutely love that they kept a list for you. I also love that you put songs in my head (I think we're alone now, back to life...)

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  48. I think dad wrote the list so you won't leave again.

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  49. Wait; you're supposed to make cake and remind them to wash? No wonder I wasn't greeted with cheers and a list!

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  50. I know, I know::: I run such a beautifully child friendly ship...of course they missed me when things were like "normal" homes.

    I spoil them to death. xo

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  51. I have to admit: fries + chicken nuggets = heaven.

    *Sigh*

    SO AWESOME meeting you in San Diego!

    XOXO

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  52. your kids actually left you that note! Wow, that is some kind of mother/children camaraderie that I need to attain here. But yet, somehow I imagine it would be ME on the computer all day telling them to pipe down.

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  53. I am laughing hysterically over the details of their "injustices!" Those boys have it going on! Even if they didn't get to do ANYTHING except feed the fish this weekend. I would love to meet them sometime.

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  54. Oh My! They may never let you leave again. Not making cake-such slacking! ; )

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  55. Your boys are so sweet to write you a list! You are loved indeed.

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  56. I laughed and laughed!!!!! This is one of my favorite blog posts ever!

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  57. Awwww, I'm sure all your boys were happy to welcome you back home!

    This is my favorite: He tried to bribe us with extra computer time to not tell you this stuff.
    <Sounds like someone is BUSTED!

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  58. I love the one that says he didn't make cake! Lol

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  59. I am struggling here to find fault with Dad's parenting skills. I give him 10 out of 10.

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  60. That is so funny! Hey we have other important things to do. I'm not sure what they are yet...

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  61. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Reality can be beautiul :)
    Welcome back home...

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  62. I know you already have 67 comments about this post but I apparently missed it, and it's absolutely hysterical, and I just had to tell you. Also, how can we be married to the same person? You know, not being Mormons or anything...

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