|Me and my brother, Xavier|
Monday, Baby E Post Day. Today, he and his brother, have tips for your kids on how to shop the Bargain Bin for Video Games, Wii games, Nintendo games. I always wondered how they knew what to get, just by me holding up a $5.99 game box and asking, "this one, boys?" "Mom! No! Look at the box!" Here, the secrets to how they know:
*new to Baby E? Read more about him here
It's me, Baby E.
My mom takes us to buy games and we look through the Bargain boxes. She'll hold up a box and say, "How do you guys know what to get, maybe it's a good game, how do you know it's not?"
Because, mom, here is why we know:
- Anyone can make a game. That's why some are dumb.
- If they misspell words like Enneymy, that's not a good game.
- Usually, $4.99s are bad. Sometimes the $9.99s aren't too bad. The $15.99s are the luckiest.
- Fake quotes on the back will tell you if it's bad. Like "Captain Smith says Smooth Sailing!" and "Major Jones says Victory is yours!"
- If they show just pictures of the characters, but no game levels pictures, it's bad. It's just a screensaver for $4.99 then.
- Don't buy dumb titles, like "Tank Builder Blow Up Guys." Because the game will be one tank that you blow up and that's all.
- If it's a 1/2 star review, not even a full star, it's a bad game.
- If it says, be the first to review this game! It's a bad game.
- We have to tell you again to not buy dumb titles: like "Vehicular Combat." Titles are the biggest clue. My mom can't get that.
- When you see a game you might want, always ask the helper in the store how long the game is. Because if it has 40 hours of playing time, that is a GOOD GAME. Get it. You want a long story to play.
- $4.99s last two seconds.
- Two Player games are good. Party Games are bad. Especially if the box says, "WooHoo! Have fun with all your friends with this Party Game!" The more fun they try to make it sound like the more you know they're trying to get you to buy it.
- Really don't listen if they say on the box, "Addictive!" and "Can't stop!" and "You won't put it down!"
- Some lame party game titles are, "CampFire Story SmackDown." Don't get it, even if your mom tries to get you to buy it and says, "but this sounds like so much fun!"
The biggest clues are:
- Wienie comments like, "It'll make you explode from fun!" and "It'll give you enough courage to climb Mt. Everest!"
- Cheesy graphics. When it's a 2D picture trying to look 3D.
- Extremely cartoony. Like it's trying to have too much fun on the box.
- ALL MARIO GAMES ARE GOOD. If you see a Mario game on sale, probably not, BUT IF YOU DO YOU SHOULD BUY IT.
- One main character maximized on the cover and nothing else on the cover with it. Like ONE GIANT CHESS piece. That is a lame game. My mom still won't believe us. Like there is a picture of ONE HUGE CHESS piece on the cover of the ChessMasters Nintendo game she got us. That was so bad.
- Fake names are bad. Like "Transbotters" and "Robotformers" or "Powerbots" or "Megaformers." Then they say, "Play MegaFormer and transform into a Roboton!" It's a trick to make you think it's a Transformers game. Real Transformers will say TRANSFORMERS.
- The games your mom thinks will be fun are not. There is a game called "Paper Boy Defender" and it says "Get your papers delivered before the Evil Paper Robber stops you!" Your mom will like this game. Don't Get It.
- The biggest clue is the name: like DomeBuilder. PirateFish. DetectiveBug. SargeantDog.
- When you look for games in the Clearance Bin, dig to the bottom. The good ones are sometimes stuck in the cracks on the bottom. (once my brother lifted me up and I fell in and that was funny.)
I am sorry to say that the most expensive games are the best. That's why they cost so much. They are good.
Next week I want to tell you snippets of the good week I had this week.
Your kids can write these ideas down and take them to the store with them.