Never quick with a comeback, I'm also slow on the initial response time. Most things catch me off guard. I prefer to think of it because I'm always deep in thought, so let's leave it at that. Best explanation of all time for the following list of actual craziness that has left my lips:
1. "What are your hours?" I asked when I called the local police department. "Ma'am, we're a police station, we never close."
2. "If you don't wear your hoods up today in the rain you'll get wet." Shouted out to my teens, as they left to walk, in the rain.
3. "Gloves are good for keeping your hands warm. Wear your gloves if you want to keep your hands warm." To my poor children at soccer, it's no small miracle they don't turn around and have me hauled away.
4. "Let's make sure we get up early so we're not late." Duh, mom, why don't my kids ever just say DUH MOM.
5. "I lost that DVD I checked out last week so we'll have to replace it, huh?" Pretty much, Alexandra, when you lose a DVD from the library, pretty much they'll expect you to replace it.
6. "You guys want to eat something good for dinner tonight or should I just make something else?" Ummm.... mom, we think we'll take the something good.
7. "What happens if you give me the bangs you think I should have and I don't like it?" Well, then, dear middle age customer, I guess you just don't like it, because we don't offer glue back on hair services.
8. "This dress makes me look like I had a bunch of kids and then I never exercised again." Um, maybe because you had a bunch of kids and then never exercised again? Actually, no words back from 20something cute salesgirl, just blinking eyes, because.
9. "Do you have any running shoes that will make me run longer and not feel like I hate running so much?" Nope, nope, nope we don't. And if our store did have anything like that, we'd be the richest people in the world.
10. "Kids, come over here and help me, I'm trying to take a picture of myself but all the ones I keep taking make me look I don't know what the heck is going on." Mom, that's because you keep taking a picture, and you don't know what's going on.
11. "Thank you for being camp counselours at Boys State. My son had a wonderful time. Your mothers must be so proud that at your age, you give of your time like this." Said in front of my mortified 18 year old son, who leaned in and hissed, "MOM! One of them is a practicing criminal defense attorney and the other one's a West Point graduate and an Army Engineering Officer!" But they look sooo young....
12. "I'm going to put some socks on, because my feet are cold. Then maybe a sweater." Said while standing in front of the dishwasher because evidently now, I feel the need to announce everything to the world.
Not just me, right? Dear G-d, not just me. Please leave me your so-genius-only-I-know-it comment. You have one, right? *Please, right*
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