An Acknowledgement To The Level of Craftiness Employed On A Daily Basis In This House

This used to frost me.

I mean, ooooh....really just frost me.

I used to get madder than a woman who's been arguing with her local library for the past three months over who's got the Disney's Prince of Egypt DVD.

It seemed that anywhere I looked in my house, there'd be the very thing that would just push me right over the edge.

The near empty Kool-Aid pitcher in the middle shelf of the refrigerator.

The two drops of apple juice left in the gallon, next to the Kool-Aid.

The trash can under the sink that was kinda full, but not full enough to spill out...yet.

Our Mr. Coffee, along side the toaster, with barely 1/4 cup of coffee left in the pot. 

Tony The Tiger smiling at me from a cereal box filled with, oh...what? Let's say FOUR frosted flakes inside.

A snack cabinet loaded with bags of Lay's, Jay's, Doritos; each one filled with a precise count of no more than seven, no less then four, chips.

The gas gauge in the car; at a level where the *pingpingping* of the cutest little gas pump ever has been lit since last Thursday -- at least.

And the soap dispensers in the bathroom....my three all answer yes when I ask them if they've washed their hands; so, are we using air as soap now because when I went to wash my hands just now the pump I saw in there hasn't seen soap in it since Jillian tried to convince me to lose 20 pounds in 30 days the day after New Year's.

But, tonight, when I opened the refrigerator door and saw the Kool-Aid pitcher sitting on the shelf with only an eighth of an inch of yellow liquid silt covering its bottom, it hit me like a bolt of lightning.

Holy cow but the forethought the four guilty parties in this house go through to NOT be the ones to have to make the fresh Kool-Aid, or empty out the apple juice and crush the container and bring a new gallon up from the basement, the piling up of the trash -- like a game of Mr. Tip It.  How there is just enough coffee in Mr. Coffee to make it look like there is still some coffee in Mr. Coffee, leaving cereal in the boxes so it sounds like there is still cereal in the boxes so they don't have to be the ones to throw out the box and take it to recycling, same MO with the bags of chips in the snack cabinet...if you shake the bag and hear something in there, then you don't have to be the one to get rid of the empty one and replace it with a new one from downstairs.  Perfectly timing out the gas longevity in the car so it juuuuust gets you home, but no one else anywhere else.

And the empty soap dispensers in the bathrooms.... let's just say that if that's the level of cleanliness in this house, then it was no small miracle the swine flu didn't take us out last year.

It astounds me; the cerebral gymnastics required to calculatingly measure, determine, estimate how much is not too much but just right for leaving the Kool-Aid, juice, snacks, car, trash, coffee, full enough so that no labor or replenishing is required on their part.

I noticed a trophy store on the way home from school the other day, I'll be stopping by there and placing four orders tomorrow, because such skillful levels of ingenuity just can't be left unrecognized.

Bravo, children, well done. 

Please, sir, the trophy over there? The big one? Make it out to read "First Place: To The Artful Kool-Aid Dodger."
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Life Off The Internet????

Aiming Low.

I've resolved to do it: set the bar high enough where you can just step over it.

I hope you decide to Aim Low too this year.

Like, why pay attention to the whispered rumors of LIFE existing off the internet.

Pssshaw....we gots everything we need right here.

Click on over to my Aiming Low post today and see what I think about the scuttlebutt of living life off line.

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*I'd be remiss if I didn't thank you for your clicks over to my other writings. Makes me smile when I see your comments over there.

I'm truly fortunate with the kind people I've met...I wish you a wonderful 2012.

xo

Resolutions I Can Live With, Vol. 20

It was over twenty years ago when I finally got smart to New Year resolutions.

People agonize over them, they pin their hopes on them; eventually, some cry out in self defeat -- me, I can't wait for January 1st to bring it to my door.

January 1 -- the day that I resolve to do nothing about the things I can't do anything about.

Board the 2012 Let It Be Train with me. Life is better when you just surrender.



My 2012 List of New Year Resolutions I Can Live With:

#1.) I will accept the fact that there will be days that my hair will look like Leon Trotsky.

#2.) I will tell myself that no matter how loud and bassed up I play my Fatboy Slim, *check it out now I say FunkSoulBrother* errr..sorry* it will still always be the driver's seat of a cranberry minivan that I'm sitting in.

#3.) I will come to realize that a woman who begins to prepare dinner by 2:55 p.m. so that it is piping hot and on the table by 5:19 p.m. will never have a headstone that reads like this.

#4.) I know that people exist who wear exercise pants for exercising; I will, however, continue to wear exercise pants without exercising because of their two way stretchy fabric.

#5.) I will be realistic with my lululemon dreams and that even if lululemon promises this....

I know I will get this...

#6.) I will make the purchase of Crest WhiteStrips being fully aware that their promise of seven shades whiter will still only get my teeth this far up on their color gradation scale.

#7.)  The fact is that it doesn't matter how I see myself in my head groovin' it on the dance floor -- I must look at this picture and know that this...this is how I will always really look out there.

#8.) I need to admit to myself that I will until the day I die believe that the sole act of purchasing this DVD is enough to get me the same results as actually following along to the DVD.

#9.) I will stop stacking up books next to my bed so overdue the police are knocking at my door and quit pretending like it's them that'll be plastered on top of my face when I fall asleep at night instead of a Star magazine.

#10.) I will stop getting my hopes up on Hair Appointment Days and just be glad that someone else is washing my hair. What I say to the hairstylists vs What they hear me say to them will never be the same. And it will always be my word against theirs.



Now, deep liberating breaths, and welcome, 2012.
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 **SORRY about all the images I had to pull on this post. Got one of those scary alerts asking for photos to be removed. People: really, the age of pulling images off of Google is gone.

Take it from me. Now I understand why so many people post without pictures....used to wonder, but wonder no more.

Oomancy

What do Colombians do for New Year's Eve?

Well, you know it wouldn't be something as tame as wearing plastic hats and blowing confetti filled horns.

Stop on over to FunnynotSlutty today where I share an interesting way to ring in the New Year.

Live an out of the ordinary life, through me. You're welcome.
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*HUGE Thank you and many bows done with a rolling hand to Melinda from the very funny Finding The Humor. She's brightened my New Year already by giving me The Versatile Blogger award. She also says some pretty nice things about me *blush and beam* Thank you, Melinda!

Happy New Year and Wishes For the Most Ambitious Resolutions

Happy New Year to all of you, dear wonderful people.

Thank you so much for the gift of your time spent reading my posts, and leaving the funniest, most encouraging comments.

Really. I can't imagine my life without you.

Well, I can, but it would be a less richer one.

A thousand thank yous.

I send wishes for the best to all of you, in 2012.

xo