NaBloPoMo Day11: My Secret Lovers Live in My Others Folder

What Secret Lovers?

What Others Folder?

 

If you're on Facebook, you have an "Other" folder, it's where messages that have been filtered out of your inbox go because they don't come from friends. To get there, you just click on the message box and then click "Other." But before you do, just know that you can't unread what you read.

 

When I'm feeling a bit non-treasured, or unappreciated, I go to my "Other" folder. My Other Folder Lovers never sleep, busy through the night to fill up my inbox by at least three messages come 7 a.m.

 

I almost always read, chuckle, share on FB, then delete. Except for the gems... the ones I have printed out and carry with me, laminated and close to my breast, because Mr. Musaf in Egypt really just can't quit me and I want to remember that once upon a time, people had it bad for me.

 

Today was a grey day, kids were gone extra long because of school paper meetings and basketball, so I turned to see if I had any new boyfriends in Saudi Arabia and Tangier. Well, well, my friend, there is some severe shortage of women around the world, because my boys were on fire for me last night. 

 

Sharing these with you today, my favorites from my Others folder that I woke up to -- maybe they'll warm you up on this chilly November day:

 

I like your idea of parts. That is what I have not heard of. It makes perfect sense! Please share again with me!

 

Kisses to you! I’d love to win a free chance of knowing you. All best wishes for it!

You are great with tips! I follow you to know more and there are some really great! Here I really like the thought of you. Thanks for considering!

 I used four days to know of you. I am here now and glad to know I’m on the right track!

Thank you for the timeliness! Your face is like a story and a thriller! However, I need to know you more and am realizing it is missing. You provide a lot of the missing pieces.

Thanking of you with kisses! As previously commented, it was perfect timing! I am also attempting right now and this is perfectly timed well!  Best of success to you!!

I like the idea of raising family. I think also that it would be a very good idea for you to track me and answer the questions. A double check is to be possible, it can come to me because of our love with you. Make sure it is the raised question!

And the ones tucked snug and forever into my $19.99 Maidenform bra:

from *milton*
Hello that such of your face! To be your friend is my dream. I am a man who like adventure -- you think of that?

from *precioso*
How are you doing today gorgeous? Hope you had a great day..its been nice going through your
profile and I will be glad if we can get to know each other better as it takes nothing
but just a moment to know someone. Hope to hear from you soon...I wish you a love

Oh, Milton, you smooth talker and promiser of adventure. Throw in a Starbucks International card, and I am yours.

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This post is part of National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo. Click to learn more about it and to participate on your own blog. If you've written a NaBloPoMo post, please share it in the comments.

And don't worry if you don't post every day: NaBloPoMo is about spilling the words and building community! So write! So visit some new blogs!

NaBloPoMo Day10 - Why a Roundup?

I can only speak for myself, but one of the top reasons I have a love of blogging is because of the reading. There are writers in my online world that inspire me, motivate me, make me laugh, touch my heart, and more than anything, make me feel fortunate that I just read their words.

I'm borrowing from Melisa Wells of Suburban Scrawl for my NaBloPoMo Day 10: Copycatting her blog roundup. It's a perfect NaBloPoMo post because more than anything, NaBlo'ing is about momentum and community: write, read, share.

If you've seen something this week while visiting NaBlo'ing blogs, leave it in the comments, please. We bloggers love a good read.

Here's my picks from this week:

--Mandyfish with a tale of one of the world's worst bosses. "So, You Want to Work in Advertising." I wanted more! (let me be clear, not more suffering for Mandy, just more story) I love everything Mandy posts.

--Tina of The Gallivanting Monkey. "Anna Stesia, " a post with writing that doesn't let you breathe. Tina will be a regular for you after you discover her.

--From Rita Arens of Surrender, Dorothy, "The Run." A meditation on doing something when you just don't know how you'll put one foot in front of the other. The reasons for it, spelled out beautifully by her.

--A blogger you need to know, Arnebya. Her post "Not the Records," will have you cry-laughing. Is Arnebya always this funny? No, sometimes she is perfectly smart.

--Tracy of Sellabitmum. Tracy is a blogger I share a lot, she is funny, honest, down to earth, and interesting. Her post, "The Republican Next Door" is good for a chuckle, but you'll find heavy on real life posts from her, too. She's a great follow.

Happy NaBloPoMo sharing everyone!

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This post is part of National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo. Click to learn more about it and to participate on your own blog. If you've written a NaBloPoMo post, please share it in the comments.

And don't worry if you don't post every day: NaBloPoMo is about spilling the words and building community! So write! So visit some new blogs!

NaBloPoMo Day9 - Everybody Grab a Rake!

Why do we have to rake? Why, indeed. All I know is that I am not going to grumble and groan about having a house to take care of. I am grateful for the shelter and the guarantee of a warm place to call home. My children, on the other hand, don't see it through the eyes of gratitude, the way I do.

Raking Duty was this afternoon, also known as time to ask mom why we can't live with leaves all over the place. I told them to google why, but to do it later, because right now, Everybody grab a rake.

If you would have been with us this afternoon, you would have been treated to the pearls leaving my children's mouths, like these:

Are my hands cold, or warm? I can't tell anymore.

I feel like I need a piece of chicken or something.

Are we doing this right? Because the neighbors are looking at us.

Doing this makes me feel sad. I feel so sad.

You know what's annoying, mom, when dad knocks on the window from the inside and gives us the thumbs up. 

There's some animal poop here and we don't have animals that poop so I don't want to be doing this side anymore. 

This is dumb. The leaves just keep coming back.

If I knew why we have to do this I would do it but I don't, so why are we out here for six hours?

I want do be done now. 

Man, mom, the way you're raking it's like you're mad at somebody.

He keeps putting my leaves onto his pile so it looks like he did more but you can see, look! My arms are shaky from all my work!

Why can't the trees just keep their leaves?

Hey! If we pretend we're ice-picking it's kind of fun. Forget it, it only works for five minutes.

I'm just going to be done when I decide I'm done, I'm not going to wait for you to tell me.

Why can't we use the leaf blower? And don't say saving energy, we need to exercise, our bodies work or any of your usual reasons!

We're not going to be doing this until dark again are we, because last night that lady across the street came out and slammed her garage door really loud.

That's it, mom. All of us talked. We are done. You keep doing other stuff and we are raking and so we are done.

In the defense of my grumbling children, they were outside with me from 10 a.m. until 1 p.m. today. The three of us, three hours altogether, that's a lot of work. They're good kids, and I'm just going to pretend the reason they helped me was love for their mother, and not the story I told them about how raccoons look for leaf piles to hide in so they can jump out on the person who takes out the garbage at night.

Shazaam! Leaf piles, removed!

 

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This post is part of National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo. Click to learn more about it and to participate on your own blog. If you've written a NaBloPoMo post, please share it in the comments.

And don't worry if you don't post every day: NaBloPoMo is about momentum and community! So visit some new blogs!



NaBloPoMo Day8 - Climbing on an Elephant

You think the work would be getting up here. That would be nice, except that's not the way it happens when you make a bunk bed. Hoisting your 5 foot 5 body frame atop the pine wood tower when you have the upper body reach of a T Rex is just Step One of Saturday Humiliation Day, the day I make my kid's bunk bed.

Let me tell you, any image of grace and poise I once held of myself disappears in two short minutes. It's like the video I saw today of a zoo keeper trying to get on top of an elephant.

Picture that scenario, if you would please, complete with butt up in the air, because that is exactly what it's like.

Except that the lucky zoo worker's job is done once he makes it up, and he can heave a sigh of relief with his butt up there. For me, that's just when the party gets started. I find myself in 3 feet by 6 feet worth of space with my tender knees that bruise like pears shoved up against the wall. That's the first friendly hello from the bed's bulky frame.

Once I scoot away from the wall, I gather my Geritol gumption and work my way through to the corner of the bed like I'm on a kneeling pilgrimage to Our Lady of Guadalupe. When it feels like it's Day 3 on the pebble paved path, I know I finally made it to the next step, pulling the covers off. 

Bunk beds are deceiving. The word bed means comfort, the kind of sweet comfort that comes whenever you're in a bed. That would be any bed that's not a bunk bed -- that's where the difference is. Being in a bunk bed is not the same thing as making a bunk bed.

There's lots to consider when you're up there, like time to start making the bed, even if just getting there makes you feel you earned the right to a nap. You still have to do the work, which is easy if you're 12 and under, but middle age has a way of making you feel like you're kneeling on baby marbles any time you're on your knees, which, in case you didn't know, is the only way to make a bunk bed.

Bunk beds go against things you usually see as good for you. Like you'd think all this motion would be a good opportunity for stretching. Not so. A good stretch feels great, when it's done in an environment conducive to a full range of motion --- this is not the case when you're 5 feet off the ground in a confined area like a hamster caught in an air duct.

You find yourself doing a combat crawl from one side of the mattress to the other and do you know how hard it is to do a combat crawl when you've never had combat training to learn how? Damn hard. I've heard the armed forces have tricks of the trade, something I haven't been privy to in my chickensh*t life. Also something I don't want to google because I don't want said armed forces on to me and calling my house looking for my kids and asking how ripe old they are.

If it's too late and you already own bunk beds, I say in Clinton's raspy yet attractive gastric reflux induced voice, I feel your pain. Reaching for one end of the corner with the fitted sheet ends up with the opposite corner popping up and you knee-race back over there and then you're in the middle of a live version of a whack-a-mole game.

And if you're thinking of bunk beds, you still have time to ponder whether you want to make a bed while kneeling. Because that's how you'll be doing it from now on. Go - try it now, on a regular bed.

Pretend the floor around you is lava and you can't use it. Don't forget about the part where your ankles knock against the wall at every turn. If you don't love the experience, then think hard about whether or not the return on doubling your floor space is worth the price of suiting up like a knee-pad clad volleyball player every Saturday morning.

Making a bed while kneeling. That's all I'm going to say. EXCEPT plug this into your formula too:

 

Your height

No floor to stand on

You will be on the bed while you make it. For the entire time.

Are you 4 foot 10 and 72 lbs

Can you live with a bed that will never be smooth enough for a pottery barn shoot?

 

On the other hand, if you enjoy playing whirlpool with the blankets in the middle of the bed while you crawl to the sides to tuck them in, this may be just the thing for you. Because you will become a human maelstrom with the swirling around that goes on. I guess there is a plus side, to be fair. The bed is so high up who's going to see it anyway.

 

If you still decide to get or keep those bunk beds, then swirl away, my bunk bed making friends! And don't say I didn't try and warn you. Which is more than my so-called friends did for me. (they knew I was ordering them, too. FULLY KNEW.)

Noteworthy: Step One to Bunk Bed Ownership (and woefully missing from the manual): If there is a ceiling fan, remove it. 

 

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This post is part of National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo. Click to learn more about it and to participate on your own blog. If you've written a NaBloPoMo post, feel free to share it in the comments.

NaBloPoMo Day7 - Flash Movie Reviews

photo credit: http://www.wikigallery.org/

It's the weekend. This week has made me feel like the old back-broken man in The Wood Gatherer.
My cure is just one thing: immersing myself into oblivion with a microfleece blanket, a bowl of popcorn swimming in butter, and some good movies.

Let me help you wipe Monday through Friday off your mind with my flash movie reviews.

Ah, Friday night and my sofa, here I come. *Warning: Movie spoilers ahead*

Hunger Games: Shaky cam clown regime makes kids duke it out and hopes no one will notice how much their lives suck.
 
Pacific Rim:  Giant robots fight-punch crusty monsters from the briny deep. If you have a problem with this, you probably shouldn’t see this movie.

Turbo:  A tale about a mutant snail. You’ll never look at Chap Stick in the same way.

Hunt for Red October: You guessed it, a hunt for red October.

Star Wars: A war with people in space.

Saving Private Ryan: You can guess it’s about WWII with soldiers trying to save a guy named Ryan.
 
Lord of The Rings: Believe it or not, there’s only one ring and the *lord* quote quote has been dead for a thousand years. Or the lord’s just a creepy eyeball chained to a tower.

National Treasure: Nicholas Cage tips his hat to American history while trying to clear his family’s name.

Pirates of the Caribbean/Curse of the Black Pearl: Pirates who sail the Caribbean and something about a curse, and maybe a pearl.

Planes: Someone took the story of Cars and flipped it backwards.

How To Train Your Dragon: An instruction manual for training scaly flying beasts.

Kung Fu Panda: A pudgy panda that does Kung Fu that finds out the secret to winning is believing in yourself.

Matrix: There’s a dude who lives in a computer and there’s no sunlight but he somehow needs to always wear sunglasses.
 
Thor: Hammer wielding buff beach bum lays a beat down to some trolls with crackly skin and dandruff issues.

The Avengers: Whose bright idea was it to put all the super heroes in one movie? Nobody saw that coming.

Captain America: Wonder where his allegiance lies.

Man of Steel: Mean square-head general from Krypton with a haircut that looks like he just got out of the shower plays hide and seek with man in tights.

Despicable Me: Pointy nosed middle aged man commands an army of earplug-looking yellow beings that brings all the kids to the theater because they love these things.

Indiana Jones: Not what you think. Doesn’t take place in Indiana. Beats Nazis with a bull whip and finds stuff from the Old Testament.

The King’s Speech: You can bet by the time it’s over the King’s gonna give one helluva speech.

Lincoln: Probably not about JFK. How daaaaaaaaaaaare yoooooooooooou think it’s about JFK.

Argo: Ben Affleck works movie magic to save American embassy workers in a tight spot.

Transformers: Exploding space robots hide each others’ valuables underneath historic land marks on Earth.

Lone Ranger: Believe it or not, he actually has friends.

Iron Man III: Iron Man decides to throw in the towel. Probably not going to show up for Avengers Club meetings.

The Butler: It actually is about a butler.
 
Real Steel: A touching father/son reunion story and robots still can’t settle their differences.

Galaxy Quest: A look into the epic age-old conflict of space squids versus galaxy lobster men.

Finding Nemo: A large portion of this film is spent looking for an orange fish named Nemo.
 
Hotel Transylvania: Paranoid monsters at human-excluding hotel.

ParaNorman: Sketchy animation drives small children out of the theater.

P.S. My favorite thing about escaping into movies? I don't have to try and say anything. 

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This post is part of National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo. Click to learn more about it and to participate on your own blog. If you've written a NaBloPoMo post, feel free to share it in the comments.