Wednesday, April 21, 2010

First Love



You are my first born, my first love. You are 15 today, and the emotion of that makes my throat so tight I can hardly stand it.

We've learned everything together. You've pulled me through, and I've pulled you through.

I actually believed I knew what love was, before you were born.

There needs to be a new word invented, for the ferociousness of the feeling I felt for you, when I held you in my arms for the very first time. And saw your face for the very first time. I literally gasped, your eyes were so blue. It was like one of those camera shots, where everything else was out of focus, and only one thing stood sharp and clear and in the center: you.

I have clapped at every first that you brought my way. Everything with you has been new, fresh, wonderful. It's a trail of firsts, that we've both cut together. I marvel at all of it, how could I not?

It's been wondrous and exciting and scary and shaky.

There is a reason that firstborn children are leaders, and doers, and shining stars: because they were the first ones in their parent's sky.

I love you, Alexander....and my voice will crack if I attempt to tell you more than that today.

I love you. And you might taste the tears that fell silently on your sandwich this morning while I packed the lunch of my firstborn son.




Happy Birthday, my sweet boy!
How I love you, Alexander.

38 comments:

  1. What a sweet and wonderful post.I thought I knew what love was too until I had a baby... then I was head over heels.

    thanks for the reminder [it is hard with teens sometimes]

    ReplyDelete
  2. PS Love the photo of you two!! Just beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy Birthday, Alexander! Your mom is the most loving woman in the universe and she adores you more than you will ever know. Gorgeous post. Big hugs to all!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh my. Have a huge lump in my throat. This is so sweet and tender and true. And makes me miss my big boy who is away at camp this week. They really are wonderful, those sons. Congratulations on yours. He's adorable. Or handsome. Or whatever 15 year olds would prefer to be called.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ohhhh...Happy Birthday..Alexander..that is lovely..!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This was just lovely.

    Happy Birthday to your baby.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Happy Birthday to Alexander! What a handsome lad!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow, I didn't want to cry first thing on a Wednesday. What a handsome guy he is! and what a great mommy he has. You captured perfectly how I feel about my son. Enjoy the day!

    ReplyDelete
  9. What a lovely birthday present to your son.

    Happy day.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Happy Birthday, Alexander! What a heartfelt post!!!!

    You guys have the gorgeous thing going on!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This post was so sweet! Thank you for posting it today and almost making me cry at work! Not that I would be reading a blog at work. Ever. Um..Ahem. I have to go now.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh...what a wonderful tribute to your son! (And how lovely you both are!!) I wonder if your children read your blog? I think it's a special thing you are doing, putting on "paper" your feelings for your boys.

    It's true - really there are no words to describe our love for our kids, especially for that first one, when that love that you never knew you could be capable of feeling just comes out of nowhere and hits you so powerfully. I LOVE the way you ended the post!

    Happy Birthday to Alexander!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Happy birthday to Alexander! And what a moving post -- you are such a sweet mama! And the picture at the top is adorable.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh my...that is a beautiful note to your 1st born. I could feel you love just reading it and thought of my own first born son, he's only 5, but I know soon enough he'll be 15...

    ReplyDelete
  15. This choked me up. I had better go out and start enjoying my kids before they grow up on me and only remember their mother on the computer and screaming at them!

    ReplyDelete
  16. ::sniff::

    Wonderful words and wonderful picture, too.
    Happy Birthday to him!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh, what a lovely tribute to your son, even if a somewhat tear inducing one for your readers :-)

    Have a wonderful day celebrating

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love how satisfied he looks and how proud you look. Adorable picture of you two. He is a wonderful kid. You are so very blessed.

    ReplyDelete
  19. And I will be cutting and pasting this into my own card next month:) What a...poem, really.

    I am over the moon for my first-born son, too, because he just split apart my world. I love my others as much, but I know that he was the trailblazer.

    ReplyDelete
  20. What a beautiful tribute. I hope your son has a wonderful birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  21. oh oh oh! so wonderful, Empress! Happy birthday little Emperor!

    (and aren't you both gorgeous! first time i've actually seen you)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Seriously...have you ever thought about writing Hallmark cards?

    My heavens above...that was so sweet! So very sweet and so very true.

    Happy birthday to your first born!

    Megan

    http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  23. Happy Birthday, though a little late. Fifteen is a good year. And for The Empress I only have two words….Learners Permit.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Love this post. As the mother of boys, I know exactly what you are feeling!

    So sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I love that line "I thought I knew what love was before you were born," because it's so true. You have no idea till you look that baby in the eye...

    Happy Birthday to your son.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Well, I came back to follow you...and to apologize for not having done so sooner. I truly thought I was already. Then today, I searched for your blog from my dashboard and it wasn't there! So, I am here now. Dutifully following the empress.

    P.S. Did my other comment go through? Left one here last night.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Empress,

    That was extraordinary. Happy Birthday to your sweet, handsome boy.

    Take each day and hold tight, my oldest baby is now away at college for the very first time. I swear, it was yesterday that she wouldn't let my hand go at the playground. Just yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hello my friend ..tomorrow is your day...Wooo Hooo..Mwha..!

    ReplyDelete
  29. What a beautiful boy and what a beautiful post -- did a number on my postpartum hormones!

    ReplyDelete
  30. THANK YOU to all of you for wishing Alexander a Happy Birthday. He was actually very touched when he saw this post up. I do tell him I love him on a daily basis, but this public tribute caught him off guard. It was a very sweet moment...

    Thank you, all, I feel so blessed, lucky, happy, fortunate, to have you all as my friends. I think you're fabulous!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Beautiful post, and a lovely photo of you and your son.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm a little late, but please give Alexander one more happy birthday wish! It means so much to my children to have a sappy post every once in a while. They don't tell me that, but I know.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You've got me all choked up now. That was beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Happy Birthday to your Alexander!!!!

    My oldest will be 14 this summer and it tears me up everytime I think about it.

    Rachel

    ReplyDelete
  35. thank you for visiting my blog. Change is difficult and some need more time than others to embrace this change. When the time is right it will happen for you.
    Love your post on your first born. I am missing my two grown up sons who are not here... My oldest is 25 and the other is 23!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I feel the same way about my daughter. She will be 20 soon. I feel like she has made my journey as a first time mom so much easier.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails