Monday, April 5, 2010

Hasten, Children, The Hour is Nigh

Me: "Children, get thee down, do not be as fools!"

2nd Oldest: "What is she talking about?"

" *sigh* I think she wants us downstairs for breakfast."

Baby E:
"Do we have to come down already, Mom?"

Me: "I have my raised my voice to you, yet you have not quickened your step. You think that all is well, but I have asked you to complete the task assigned unto you---and yet it is to be seen!"

Oldest: "Alright, Mom, we're coming down....but we have off today, and all week, remember?"

Me: "Slovenliness? You speak of slovenliness? I have not languished in my bed, and yet I am renewed of strength and spirit! I strike while the hour is present, I have shown you this ten times by ten times, so you may see it as truth. But you still have no faith in my ways!"

Baby E:
" Mom, I don't want to have breakfast now. I want to just stay upstairs and play with my Legos for awhile first."

Me: "Laughter? Play? You shall hear neither until our tasks are done on this day. And when your stomach cramps with hunger, then where shall you look for what was once laid before you? No, child, no, I warn you to be careful of which master you choose to serve."

2nd Oldest:
"We'd better go downstairs, I know her, she won't stop."

Me: "Do my sons refuse? Is it because I am a simple woman? Is it because I do not strike fear in your heart? No, it is not fear that I want you to act upon, but love....yes! love, for what else is there for me to give? Children, come, come! That I may quench thy thirst, and warm your bellies with that which I have labored to set before you."

2nd Oldest: "*sigh* Don't tell me, let me guess, Mom's been staying up late watching The Ten Commandments again."

Oldest: "Yup."

Me: "Come, my oldest, for my love for you is stronger than any fierce wrath which you may have, O my teenage son. Come to me, all my sons, arise! to greet a day, let us go forth, let the trumpets sound! and let us surrender our hearts to the treasures of a day of which we have never seen!

The Caravan awaits to take us to our journey. We must go with all speed!"

Baby E: "Does she mean get in the car?"


  1. Bwahaha! I love this! The Empress has spoken... now get cracking!

  2. Yes, I had a feeling thy had been casting thine eye onto the Easter television tradition of The Ten Commandments. You, madam, are no Egyptian princess, I would say! :-)

  3. Love it!! What a great, unique and very funny post. I am so glad you found me and now I have found your site!

    My daughter was in that sort of mood this morning - she just wanted to play but we had just thirty minutes in which to get dressed, eat and get out of the house so that she would be at preschool on time. I think she's a little young for me to start practicing Antony and Cleopatra speak on her just yet but I certainly intend to try that approach when she is a bit older!

  4. Hilarious! Living in your house sounds like non-stop hilarity and excitement. Your boys/mini emperors are all very lucky.

  5. Haha! Everything must seem better if you role play from another time. I will have to try that in the classroom someday!

  6. Ooh, I wanted to watch The Ten Commandments but I totally forgot it was on last night! We watched The Blindside (GREAT MOVIE).
    And what a clever post! There is a blog called Everyday Shakespeare that this reminded me of.... the blog is a bit intimidating though because I never understand Shakespeare well enough to work it into daily life. Hopefully I'm doing a better job with The Ten Commandments (at least in the spiritual sense -- although I like the literal sense here!).

  7. That is too funny! I can just see them making faces at each other! It could be a sitcom! "Does she mean get in the car?" I know not of what she speaks! :)

  8. Lovely CatLady: glad I made you smile today. It's all for you....xoxoxo

    Lisa! You're so right. I should've chosen my picture with more of a discerning eye. Maybe Memnet the handhag?

    AgingMom: thanks for your lovely comment. It is fun to play around like this. They think I'm a dork.

    OmwCW: How are you? How was Easter???? Have missed talking to you. I have fun over here, don't know if the boys do...

  9. Praise God. I have found you. Great one, you bring me laughter!! Behold, your mighty post!

  10. Hi, thank you so much for stopping by my blog and your kind words.

    I do this ALL the time to my kids. It's sad because they don't even flinch anymore. I also like to dictate to them in song.

    And by the way, GREAT command of the old English. Yowza!

  11. Dear FabuLeslie: your blog is beautiful! Thank you for the visit, I feel like I'm on vacation when I hop over to you.

    Dear Alex: I'm loving your blog, too. And BlindSide was great. I can't believe that is a true story. Nice to see you here! Truly.

    LaMere: I am totally saving your line for my next Ten Commandments marathon. "I know not of which she speaks." Hilarious..:)

    VeronicaLee: you are so very sweet. Thank you for stopping by...

    JoAnn: I know, I poor kids. I hope they don't think this is normal. Wait, I think their dad told them it wasn't . Thank you for the visit, love seeing you here..:)

  12. Hi There...I put up an award for you..I forgot to tell you earlier...!

  13. Ah mighty Empress, I doth empathize with your plight! If only I might as well summon my spawn with grand words a la Ann Baxter... Alas, 'tis not to be... heavy sigh...

    Great post.

  14. You are so funny! If I ever spoke to my children like that, they would look at me as if I had gone completely mad. Thanks for the smiles!

  15. Dear, sweet Robin: OMG, I'll be right over!!!! Thank you!

    My little DEM: how was your Easter? I LOVE Ann Baxter in Ten Commandments!! Let's form a club.

    Dear W onthe RC: Happy to have you here! I say, start your kids on the nonsense early, that way, people will never shock the heck out them!! :)

  16. You are the perfect mixture of weird and hilarious.

  17. I was rolling. Your kids must absolutely adore you. Okay, perhaps not yet while they're still telling you to drop them off on the corner so the other kids don't have to see you, but later - later on. They will so appreciate you and your wonderful humor!

  18. Hey Cleopatra,

    Don't they know who is talking to them?

  19. Dear Muthering Heights: I'm so glad I fed your humorous soul today, because you feed my spiritual soul at your fantastic blog. Thank you!

    Dear Arizona Mamma: My, now don't you know how to give a compliment. Perfect mixture of love and flattery. Thank you! Great to have you here! Thank you.

    Miss Welcome and Dis Normal: *sigh*, there are reasons why I try extra extra hard to make my children laugh. I have a prior post that speaks of this, but my Smart Son hasn't had the chance yet to show me how to link to it. Yeah, I grew up in the proverbial unhappy home...I don't remember my mother laughing once. Those memories make me work extra hard to make sure my children hear laughter. (have you ever seen so many labels on a blog that is less than 2 months old? No laughing matter :)
    Thank you for your kind words!

  20. i LOVE this and am totally going to try it. my daughter will get a kick out of it while my son will probably launch into his own secret language.

  21. I know her, she won't stop.


    This is me and singing. The kids HATE IT, and it is so fun to musical-theater-torture them.

    Great post. Thanks for linking up!

  22. I love "I know her, she won't stop." I've definitely said the same of my mom...and will soon have the same said of me.

    Over from ann's rants.

  23. Oh, your good. You're really good. I sing very loudly and very off key to my kids, like I am performing in the Broadway production of Grease. Happy Mom's Day!

  24. So fun. I loved this post. It's like reliving a morning in my house, except I am not so chipper!

    Nice to meet another homeschooling family.

  25. Hi Alexandra@The Empress. I found you through Mama Wants This. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. It made me smile and I could almost imagine myself being there watching you act out the 10 Commandments with your kids!



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