Monday, September 20, 2010

LifeSkills 101: A Zombie Primer

Monday, Monday: oh, Baby E, you surely make me smile on a drizzling Fall day, and, hopefully, someone else out there, too. Monday is Post Day for  Baby E., Baby Emperor, sweet Baby E. I am his royal scribe, as he documents this moment in time, his world, as an 8 year old boy, knows it: today? How to be safe from zombies.

About My Life
Hi. It's been so long, a long time since I sat and talked to you. A long time. I think it's because we are so busy. I started soccer and I love it. I have practice 4 times a week, and then 2 games on the weekends. I don't care if it's raining, I still want to play. Guess who made the scoring goal on Sunday's game. It was me. It was 7 to 7, and I kicked it in for the last point and it felt like a countdown in my head, ""5,4,3,2....1!" Score! By me! I love to play soccer.

I Need Your Votes
I told my mom I was going to do this and she said "Yes." I want you all to vote about my computer time. I think I should get to do computer time every day for an hour. I only get to do it for 30 minutes, and then even only 30 minutes on the weekends, too. I told my mom I was going to ask you to vote for my computer time. Can I have one hour a day? I want you all to vote about my computer time.

LifeSkills 101
This is about zombies and is important and you should know it.

It is almost Halloween which is my favorite part of my years. I love to wear a scary costume, and to pick it out and I love to go trick or treating at night. I like to be scared, too. I love Halloween! I told my mom it would be handy to live in a graveyard or cemetery because that would be very handy for Halloween. You would already have a decorated house that way.

The only problem would be on Halloween night. Because of the zombies and things.  If you lived in a cemetery house, then you would be first in line for a visit from the zombies. And for werewolves, and for ghosts, and mummies. That would be the bad part. You would be in the line of fire.

I told my big brother this, and he told me some tips to be safe. They are real. If you do this, and live in a cemetery house, you will be safe. You need to do this, like my big brother said:

1.  Do not touch a zombie, they will give you a virus that will make you one, too.

2.  Do not try to outrun a werewolf, because they can run fast like a dog and will overrun you. Just stay still and hide behind a tree without even moving to breathe.

3. If you live in a haunted house, do not stand by the windows!! Ever! Don't you know that zombies and werewolves and mummies will just crash their hands through the glass and grab you because they can't get hurt anymore. Do Not Stand By The Windows!

4.  Be careful because Aliens will come on Halloween night, too, because they come and pretend they're in a costume, but are really in their real skin.

5.  Go and buy a MiracleEar, and wear it on Halloween night, that way you will hear as soon as mummies or zombies or werewolves are following you or coming. They are easy to hear because they always drag their feet when they walk, because they are stiff from being dead.

6. Oh! And DO NOT lock the doors. That is dumb. Don't think that locking the doors will keep you safe. Zombies just bust through the doors. Right down the middle. Crack! Right.through. Into splinters. Crash!

My brother says these things are true and to do them and you will be safe.


I will take pictures of my Halloween costume and I can't wait!! My mom goes with me and she is always a fortune teller gypsy.

Next week I want to tell you about my 3 life choices for what I want to be.

Also, tell your kids that if they want super clapping power abilities to scare away the zombies, then to put stickers on the inside of their hands because it makes you clap louder.


Oh, when my mom makes stuffing for no reason, I just want to kiss her.



Bye, Baby E., I love you....


  1. Congratulations on scoring the winning goal, Baby E! Way to go!

    Before I can vote on your computer time, though, I'd have to know what you would use that extra 30 minutes a day on. It matters, you know?

  2. Oh my, but that is a good post. I have never heard a better reason for a hearing aid than the one you offered, Baby E.

  3. Wow - soccer star! You and my 8-year-old E (also lives and breathes soccer) have a lot in common.

    Except the scary stuff. He's no fan. Which kind of makes me happy, because zombies, werewolves, ghosts and mummies scare me. A lot.

    But stuffing? That rocks. And so does your Mama.

  4. Oooo an hour a day? Maybe on the weekends but the weekdays.. that sounds like a bit much..

    And WOW way to go the scoring goal!! Very very cool :)
    And stuffing is a very good thing *grin*

  5. definitely need an hour. Most definitely. i think you probably need more than that. An hour in the AM and hour in the evening....

    I love Halloweeen too! hope you have a good week Empress!

  6. Baby E, I think one hour of computer time on the weekends would be ok, but 30 minutes on a school night is plenty. Just my two cents.

    Also, not standing by the windows is a very good tip. I'll have to remember that in a few weeks. There's a graveyard not far from our house so it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

  7. I think that you should get an hour on the weekends, but leave it at an hour during the week.

    Congrats on your winning score! That is awesome!

    Thanks for all of the information about zombies!

  8. Well...coming from a mom who pretty much lets the inmates run the asylum, I would say your mom is doing a good job by keeping to her 30 minutes a day and on weekends, although...weekends could be upped to one hour.

  9. That is a great reason to buy Miracle Ear! Congrats on your goal Baby E, thats really cool! :) And about your computer time, I would hafta agree with your mom. I think its more than enough time to be on the computer.

  10. Sorry, Baby E, but I think I'm going to stick with your mom on the 30 minutes of computer time. After all, you need time to keep practicing soccer so you can continue to be the hero for your team!

  11. Most excellent rules for staying alive around zombies and werewolves. Thank you!

    Congrats on the winning goal. That's awesome.

    I think you should bargain with your Mom and ask for 45 minutes of computer time.

  12. Hi Big Guy E, (my son would never tolerate being called Baby!)

    So, here's my vote:
    Either mom will give you 45 mins. everyday.
    You stick to 1/2 hour on weekdays, but then you get 1.5 hours on the weekend days!

    Good luck!

  13. Great post, Baby E!

    I think your mom has the right idea with limiting the computer time to 30 minutes a day (and just so you know, she is way more generous than I am!) Maybe you could bargain for a bit more time on the weekend - IF you have done all of your chores and homework!

  14. I think it would depend on what you were using that computer time on. Do you do educational things for 30 minutes first? Then it might be okay to do a fun 30 minutes. But not all at once. What about earning extra time throughout the week? You could do extra chores or extra credit that would net you points = minutes and then swap that out for all or part of your time on a weekend? My 4th grader has been playing a lot of math, spelling and spatial games. Those are better use of that time, don't you think?

    Have fun with the soccer Baby E! Score!

    Enjoy the day!

  15. Hmmm . . . How much television do you watch a day? Television PLUS computer time should not total more than 90 minutes per day, I would say.

    And mom?

    Make this boy some stuffing.


    He is all kinds of adorable.

  16. hey e,

    glad to see you again. way to go on the goal...that is awesome. i played soccer when i was think we talked about that when we were discussing asthma.

    cant wait to see your halloween costume...we are working on a boba fett costume for my youngest...still unsure about my oldest. its their birthdays this weekend so i am making a death star pinata.

    those rules sound pretty good. will stay away from the windows and find me some stickers. hope no aliens come by, maybe if i give them candy they will leave me alone.

    as far as the computer time, try asking what you could do to earn more time. that way your parents see you are willing to work for it. that usually works for me. cant guarantee it, but it is better than demanding it.

    have a great rest of your day!


  17. Dear Baby E.,
    Good to hear from you. Thanks for keeping in touch. Congrats on the soccer goal...and now on to serious matters: computer time. Gotta go with the Empress on this because I'm a mom too. BUT ALSO, a half hour LESS on the computer means a half hour MORE to perfect your David Beckham abilities so you can show 'em who's boss on the field. You know?

    Thanks for the zombie tips. Especially the Miracle Ear. My neighbor has one and no wonder she's lived until she's 85 without being eaten by a zombie. You should read "The Passage" by Justin Cronin when you get older. Best. Book. Ever. Even has zombie-vampires. In fact, I think your mom would like it too. Yo, Empress, read it!

    Your humble servant,
    The Flying Chalupa

  18. Baby E,

    My twin (almost 5 year old) girls just started playing soccer. Any tips for them? One of them scored a goal at their first game over the weekend!

    Also, Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday ever. This year I want to be Madonna or a flapper girl. But I am not creative and I cannot sew. Any tips for me?

    As for your computer time----I vote that your mom knows best.


  19. Baby E, I believe your computer time should require some math:

    Five minutes x every year you have lived = Baby E's daily computer time

  20. Congrats Baby E on the goal. But I hate to break it to you on the computer stuff - my kids get maybe one hour a WEEK. I'm a really mean mom.

  21. Baby E,
    Wow those were some great zombie tips, if I ever live near a cemetery I will memorize them by heart.
    Computer time? Mom has final say but maybe you could work for extra? Make dinner or something then report back to us.
    Your loyal subject,

  22. Oh Baby E, you make me laugh so hard! Thanks for the zombie tips, they will come in handy:)

    Sorry, I'll have to leave the computer time up to your Mom...she is very wise you know.

    Congrats on your soccer winning goal!!

  23. goooooooaaaaaalllllll! congrats~!

    this limiting computer time thing is new to me since my kids have just discovered it, but 30 min. a day max sounds about right to me.

    I need to limit my kiddos' t.v. time more than I do. thanks for reminding me.

    And M. and you would love to hang and talk about all things spooky. Except zombies. He fears they are under his bed at time.

  24. Zombies touching you doesn't make you a zombie -- they have to bite you (I have years of zombie genre viewing and reading behind me on this). I try not to mess with other moms' computer time limits, but I agree with the others that said maybe more time on the week-ends if you've been really good and told your mother repeatedly how fabulous she looks.

  25. True window in my car was once shattered by a soccer ball. Weld class players used to train by my dorm at college. They really kick that hard! Also, that's another reason to not stand by windows.

    I loved your story.

  26. Have you ever seen the Thriller video? I think you would like it. It's really old and you might find it corny but, it scared me pretty good when i was younger so, it might scare you too. It shows zombies grabbing people through the window so your brother was definitely right about that.

    I used to love when my mom made good stuff for no reason too. Like cookies. I do that for my kids sometimes and they get excited.

    You should try negotiating with your parents on the computer time--maybe coming to a compromise of 45 min. a day on weekends. Only on weekends though because you need to concentrate on your school work during the week. Trust me, I know. I wast a lot of time on the computer when I should be doing school work.

  27. Gotta listen to Mom, dude, or she won't make that stuffing, you know. What is it with zombies these days? I've been reading zombie books, but ones that would make you roll your eyes until they fell out of your head. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies doesn't sound like something a guy would like, but your mom might.

    Just think when you're the Uber-blogger and soccer star, we'll all be like "Yeah, we knew him way back when." Oh, and I will so NOT be touching zombies. So thanks for the warning. Ew.

  28. I think 30 minutes is great at your age. Don't you know that using the computer for too long makes your brain mushy and that's what makes the zombies realize you're weak and they can take over? Keep your strength and stick with just 30 minutes.

    Maybe when you're in 4th grade you can have a whole hour because you'll be bigger then,but only when you get your homework done first. That's my vote and I'm a teacher so I hope I pull more weight!!

  29. Wow, that's some serious soccer time!

    I'm sorry Baby E, but I have to say I think 30 minutes a day is plenty.

  30. Baby E! I love your posts! I could go for an hour a day for you!

  31. Great post, Baby E! I try to stay away from the windows in my house, and it's not even haunted...just in case, you know.

    Computer time? I think your mom is one smart lady, so you should listen to her. But, MAYBE SOMETIMES a little extra time could be negotiated on the weekends for a special treat.

    Congratulations on your winning goal!

  32. Congrats on your goal! I hate to tell you, but 30 minutes a day is perfect. An hour and your brain will melt out of your ears. it will! Thanks for the zombie tips. I'm going to share them with my kids, if that's okay with you!

  33. Baby E, I have to say that you are most welcome at my dinner table anytime. Well, when you aren't playing soccer. You know why? Well, for one I enjoy your posts SO much. But the best reason is that my 16 year-old son is very much into zombies, and if you would so graciously come to dinner then you and he could talk about them for hours.

    I would appreciate that very much.

  34. Baby E,

    Congrats on the goal! That's pretty darn awesome!

    And how awesome is your mom making you stuffing out of the blue?! Now I want some!

    I will definitely stay away from the windows! That's very good advice, you know.

    And the computer time? Yeah. Sorry bud, but I'm with your mom there. 30 minutes on weeknights is perfect. Maybe you can ask for a little more on the weekends?

  35. Haha- i love me some HALLOWEEN, too! Have you read the Essential Zombie Survival Guide? Methinks you should!

  36. I think maybe it depends on what you are spending your time doing on the computer. If you are learning something and it is educational then I think you have a case for 1 hour. But Baby E if it is time spent on the computer turning your brain to mush, then it is your mom's job to make sure she protects you from brain sludge-itis. She loves you. It is her job to protect you from these terrible computer ailments. I would love it if your mom made stuffing for me, for no reason, too.

  37. Just wanted to say hello. Taking a breather before I get back to mountains where there is no internet.

  38. Hi. First I want to say Happy Birthday Empress!!!!! Secondly, I want to vote that Baby E gets to earn that extra half hour based on how he does at school. That's what my son has to do. We love you both!!!!

  39. 30 minutes is plenty of computer time for you Baby E. If you sit in front of the computer for all of that extra time, I fear it will impact your soccer awesomeness. No one wants that!

  40. Baby E; I think your mommy's right about your computer time. Sorry about that. I know it's not what you want to hear.

    But with Halloween quickly approaching, and the nights getting longer? I am very glad you are here handing out safety tips on how to stay away from the zombies! I don't want to be a victim!! So thank you, Baby E. Make sure to wish your mom a Happy Birthday!

  41. This gave me a huge smile. Thanks. Oh, and um, maybe a compromise? 30 minutes during the week and 45 (or an hour) on the weekend?

  42. Thanks for making me smile, as always Baby E. I also think 30 minutes is enough on the computer during the week, but maybe if you do your chores & the family bike ride & everything, she'd extend it to 1 hour on the weekends:) Also, thanks for the hand-clapping trick - my son will love that one!

  43. 30 minutes a day sounds good to me! Sorry Baby E...I know you want more :(

    Fantastic tips for staying alive around werewolves and zombies since Halloween is coming up soon. Thank you!

  44. Thank you Baby E for the AWESOME zombie tips-those will be helpful as the halloween season approaches.
    So I'm a meanie with the computer time/computer wii ds games-30 minutes a day supervised IF bratchild does chores/homework/is a pleasant human being.
    An hour a day on weekends-same conditions.

  45. Baby E. I agree with 30 minutes on weekdays but maybe an hour on Saturday would be alright.

    Thank you for the Zombie tips. I will be sure not to stand near the windows!

    P.S. I love stuffing too: )

  46. Hi Baby E! Congratulations on scoring that goal!!! I think 30 minutes on a school night is good. My daughter would tell you you are lucky to get that because she gets NO computer time at all. But she is also not as responsible as you when she is on the computer. I think if you are being responsible, maybe you could get 2 30 minute sessions on the computer when its not a school day.

    Thank for the tips at keeping zombies at bay. I used to live across the road from a cemetary. I will definitely stay away from the windows!

  47. Baby E is absolutely right. Zombie attack preparedness is something that we should all be well educated in. My husband has a few zombie plans in case the worst happens.

  48. Happy Birthday, Empress!

    I hope you have a wonderful day.

    We love you.

  49. Congrats on the goal. Now, you might not like my vote but Moms know best, so I say 30 minutes during the week, and maybe one hour on the weekend if Mom thinks it's ok.

  50. ok, so let me go against the grain and say an hour of computer time is OK. as long as you're blogging ;)

  51. I think that an hour on the weekends would be okay. 45 minutes during the week is probably a good amount. Unless you are using that time for school or education things?? If that is what you are doing it shouldn't count "against" your 45 minutes. All education stuff is unlimited.

    .....OR!! Whatever your mom says, because no matter what, she is the boss!

  52. I am going to go buy a Miracle Ear even though I don't live in a haunted or cemetery house, because you can never be too careful - I don't want to be a zombie.

    I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with your mom though - 30 minutes of computer time is enough..especially now, while it's still nice out!

  53. I think an hour a day is reasonable for computer time, personally.

    LOL, love this. I will tape the "how to be safe from zombies" checklist on my fridge :) You never know.

  54. I think an hour a day is reasonable for computer time, personally.

    LOL, love this. I will tape the "how to be safe from zombies" checklist on my fridge :) You never know.

  55. Oh BAby E. Thank you so much for your zombie survival guide. I will be so much more prepared for Halloween now!! Congrats on your goal. You are awesome. As far as computer time, I think every family has its own policy and I don't want to interefere. But in our house, we can use the computer freely as long as we are doing educational stuff. Your moms is awesome. I'm sure you will work it out!! Have a super Halloween and please show us those pics of your costume asap.

  56. Wow, these are such practical tips. If I ever live in a house by a cemetery, I'm printing this list out and stapling it by my door.

  57. congrats on scoring that winning goal, BabyE and sorry for just getting to this now. I agree with you about all the scary stuff. I'm definitely going to stay away from the windows. There were quite a few zombies and aliens in my neighborhood on Halloween. I find that carving a really happy pumpkin also discourages them. Re: The computer time, I think an hour seems reasonable, particularly if you are using the extra 30 minutes, or some of it, to learn something new or practice keyboarding skills. What was the verdict? I'm guessing it has already been decided since I am here so late.



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