Tuesday, April 3, 2012

So Raise Your Glass...

Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me
Just come on and come and
Raise your glass for me

~from Pink's Raise Your Glass

It's easy for our minds to default to all that we don't get done in our day and all that we never get to check off on our daily lists. Besides all the must do's of the day like the meals, the laundry, the house, the kitchen, the weeding; we also have the most important -- like eye contact and face time with our spouse and kids. We also have to find room for a healthy lifestyle that includes exercise, seeing people outside of our family, and spending time doing something that brings us satisfaction and peace.

Makes me want to start laughing maniacally, by myself. When and where and how am I going to get everything done? And so begin the thoughts that remind me of all the ways I come up short.

But you know what? With a more keen eye, I can see all that I do that is way above and beyond the average person. So, today, I am raising a glass, to myself, because the stuff I do would make the heads of Hollywood's stars spin.

oI return home from the grocery store with only one celebrity gossip magazine, even though there is no one there to stop me from buying out the whole rack.

oWhen it comes to anyone's Christmas or birthday gifts in this house, I always hit a home run.

oI have done an amazing job of smoke and mirroring my husband and children into thinking I've got this housekeeping gig down.

oI have always been able to maintain a clear pathway that runs through the house from the front door clear through to the back door.

oMy children love the names we gave them.

oMy kids still think I can kick their butts in any foot race.

oI have heard my husband fall just short of bragging about my ability to keep this family heartily fed.

oIt takes only one hand to count the number of times in seventeen years that my children have run out of clean underwear.

oMy children have no idea I'm unable to help them with their math. I remind them that if only it weren't dinner time, laundry time, toilet cleaning time, that I'd be more than capable of sitting down with them and helping them out with their polynomials (pile of oreos, what?)

oMy youngest has told me that from really far away and across the street, I kind of almost could look like a teenager.

oI have figured out a way to exercise every day, since I have no pride in what it takes or who is around. I climb up and down the house stairs for 40 minutes and ignore what my husband thinks is hilarious documentary style comments about my Andean Mountain DNA coming to surface in my middle age.

oI'm never at a loss as to what to wear since I figured out the secret to being in style is to baffle them with bullsh*t. Few things in life that can't be pulled off with good posture and a good haircut.

oEvery day of their lives, I have had a joke ready to tell my children sometime during the day. Corny, lame, eye rolling, but it's there, every day.

Now, who wouldn't raise a glass to that?

Forget about the perfect meals, gleaming floors, sparkling clean toilet bowls. Raise a glass to all you do that no one else can do. If you look hard enough, it's there.

So if you're too school for cool
And you're treated like a fool
You could choose to let it go
We can always, we can always party on our own

~from Pink's Raise Your Glass 

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**Thinking of going to see The Hunger Games? I've got some necessary advice to give you before you go. You'd be wise to check this out. My Hunger Games cautionary post at Sprocket Ink, here.


  1. I raise my somewhat dry-spotted by still clean (I swear) glass to you! You must post video of your Andean Mountain staircase workout - I think it could be as profitable as the one I've seen advertised on TV the Brazilian Butt Lift. Believe me, it takes a steady hand not to pick up the phone and buy that one.

  2. Now I'm going to have this song stuck in my head all day! Which isn't a bad thing. Ad I'll definitely raise my glass to you, Empress. And perhaps to myself as well. I'm with you on the clean underwear. And on the celebrity gossip mags. But that's only because you can read them online. Rock on!

  3. Coming home with only one celebrity magazine and keeping a clear path in one's home from the front door to the back door IS REALLY HARD. I'm not even going to comment on how brilliantly you've deflected the Math Sitch.

    I love your family, they don't even know what hit them!

  4. i'll faux clink to that. especially the almost heartily fed part.

  5. Cheers to you, my friend!
    Not only do you do all that, but you also manage to share your wisdom with your loyal legion of followers. I also am never at a loss to wear, as whatever is clean usually makes the cut and the math situation is easily avoidable by having houseplants instead of offspring. See how proactive I am?

    And I enjoy Pink, but I cannot stand the "too school for cool" line. I want to shake her and reverse the order...thank you OCD.

  6. I raise my glass to you, clink clink!

    I keep the house relatively clean and tidy, the laundry basket is always empty and I manage 4 home cooked dinners a week. Hey, I deserve a medal!

  7. I'll raise my glass to you anyday, ALexandra.This is all so true. And the source of much of my guilt. But hey, at least I'm not dealing w/ polynomials yet over here! LOL


  8. It's 8 am. Surely not too early to raise my glass, right? Clink!

    Love this post. Particularly the line: "Few things in life that can't be pulled off with good posture and a good haircut."

  9. You are all so wonderful.

    Really, when I opened up comments and saw the kindess, and all the understanding of what I'm talking about...well, it's enough to make me misty eyed. I love blogging.

    Thank you.

  10. It's so much easier to baffle 'em than to join 'em, isn't it?

    Love love love this one.

  11. "(pile of oreos, what?) " HA! Oh how I do Love You!

    Cheers Alexandra : )

  12. I raise my glass to you and to all moms who survived PPD. I raise my glass to me, cause my kids are happy, well fed and love Elmo. Why do I invlude Elmo? Its how I survive the day ;)

  13. LOVED this!!!!!! You've got it all going on so who cares about smoke and mirrors 'cause they work! Raise that baby really high!!!

    I, too, try to only buy one gossip rag at a time!

  14. It is easier to get caught up in "there isn't enough time" or "how will I ever finish it all." Focusing on what we're doing right, regardless of how the crazy people in our heads try to spin to make us feel inept, is harder, but worth it. I do not carry a flask. That deserves a toast! My kids love their names and that has made me finally like my own. I wash and braid their hair every weekend. I feed into my oldest's likely unhealthy desire to increase her wardrobe. I make it a point to make my middle girl not feel like a middle girl. There is always fruit. Always.

    Best of all, I could actually continue this list. Thank you.

    1. Sweet Arnebya: their is always fruit, way down under a bunch of debris that we lay over it ourselves, but it's there.

      We gotta love ourselves more...we're our oldest friends.

  15. This is why you are the best thing on the Internet.

    I remind myself that I'm doing great work because at least all my towels are folded correctly. And the cat hair tumbleweeds aren't taking over the house. Yet.

  16. I'll drink to that! And it is making me feel good to think about what I've got right so far today AND feel warm and fuzzy that you and I have similar priorities. And I love and am going to use your "good haircut/good posture" line the next time my hott farmer husband says "you're wearing THAT?"

  17. Raising my glass to you Lady! (off she goes to work on herself!)

  18. I need to work on my posture.

  19. ha i raise my glass to you as well...and it is def important to think on the things we do right cause the other will def wear you out...

  20. Awww Empress, you made me feel good about my momdom today. Now I feel the need to go brush up on my corny jokes. I would walk up those stairs with you my dear. Although it may get a little crowded with this caboose.
    Dana @ Bungalow'56

  21. I would most certainly raise a glass to you, without a doubt...plus the stair climbing thing, no laughing matter, that shizz hurts!
    ...and face time? We're supposed to have face time with them?...sigh...ok, right after I get back from the store with my gossip mag!
    Superb post Empress, written in the fabulous way in which only you are capable of!

  22. I'll raise my glass to you, *clink, but have always had a hard time raising it to myself, even if I did manage to raise four kids and never once let them starve, or do without the necessities, or even clean underwear! Cheers!

  23. L'Chaim!

    Especially to good posture and hair. Works every time!

  24. I now have a visual of you hoofing it up the stairs with perfect posture and a gorgeous coif. :-)

    p.s. I was helping my 8 yr old son with multiplication tables this morning and got 3 of them wrong ;-)

  25. Heard an interesting POV on this today - a very wise person said, "As women we tend to try to hide the millions of invisible things we do every day and mask it with a hearty, 'How was your day?'" to our partners. Might be better to elevate the profile of all that invisible work just a bit..."

    You've done it today.

    Also - good haircut. Key.

  26. I'm totally raising a glass to you!! You are right about the outfits and hair cuts. I also love that your sons love their names. That is awesome. Now, on to climbing my stairs over and over. What an excellent idea!

  27. I love love love this. In fact, my favorite is the gossip magazine part. because honestly whose to stop me from going to Nordstrom and buying some beautiful shoes, but I have restraint! Instead I buy my children shoes from the incredibly handsome children's shoe salesman. They did that on purpose didn't they?

  28. And this is why we love you! Did you see you are STILL getting comments on your guest post? That post had teeth! ;-)

  29. Thanks for this! I needed to read this because you know, I'm still stressing about the other twenty things that didn't get done today, not to mention my floors are still sticky after a few days. It's been that kind of month.

    Love this. You rock!

  30. I was hoping that I was wrong in all the right ways! This makes me feel even better! I tried my hand at tile grout today...let these three think that is how it is supposed to turn out! Kick your feet up with your trashy mag, your glass, and celebrate you!

  31. Oh my goodness, Empress! You never cease to amaze me and open my eyes and you always have me slamming my fist on my desk, chanting, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

    Guilt. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night, especially these days as my children's lives get busier and I'm working so hard at this writing gig. I can't even say I'm feeding them heartily anymore. Sigh. But I think that's the sign of a good mother, right? Someone who worries she's not doing it all. At least I hope so.

    I raise my glass to you today and every day for your absolute wonderfulness. The day I met you on the Internet all those years ago was a very good day indeed.

    Now I'm off to run my stairs.

  32. Cheers to mommies! We all should have a cross stitch of your list hanging in our kitchens!

  33. *Click* Awesome! With kids around you can't be shy about making a fool out of yourself while working out. Mine commentate my bad yoga. Good for you super woman!

  34. OMG...I thought I was the only one who ran up and down the stairs while her husband made serious fun of her. Cooooool! Nice to meet you, Your Highness...

  35. You have no idea how painfully this post hits home with me right now. And I'm going to take your lead and raise a glass to what I actually manage TO do instead of focusing on what I cannot. Cheers.

  36. You know, I'm a big believer in the fact that it's ok to raise your glass just for getting out of bed.

    You're doing things the right way, Empress -- truly. And I love that there's never a doubt about the fact that you "hit a homerun" with gifts -- that's the one part of my life that I wish I could exceed (when I know I've done gone, I know I've done good . . . but, sometimes, I don't get inspiration, and it just doesn't work out).

  37. Good for you taking the time to celebrate yourself. I don't think any of us do this enough. All we can do is compare, compare, compare ourselves to others and feel defeated, defeated, and defeated when we don't accomplish all the things we set to accomplish in a 24 hour time span. And I think sometimes we misplace the blessing of life happening to us throughout the day... the "inconveniences" to us that really take away from the fact that we are alive and breathing.

    Cheers to you, Alexandra. And to me. And to all of us. We all rock Monday thru Sunday.

  38. Cheers, my love. cheers!
    The smoke and mirrors on the house cleaning - you'll have to teach me that one. Right now it's just "mirror"... and the reflection is very very dirty.

  39. I can't even tell you how much I love that you included the fact that your kids love the names you gave them in your list of reasons to celebrate.

    I mean really. We worked hard on selecting those names, didn't we? And yet NO ONE gives the credit due for it.

    Until now. Because you're a damn trailblazer.
    With awesomely named kids.

    And an empire.
    That has a clear path from the front door to the back.

    Oh yeah.

  40. I'll cheers to that.
    And to the fact that you just put that song in my head for the remainder of this evening.
    And clean underwear...boom
    If only I can successfully throw away my husband's paper thin ones. i don't understand why he hangs on to them.

  41. Well done. I still haven't been able to fool anyone about my housekeeping skills.

  42. Love "smoke and mirroring". I raise a glass to you, my friend!

  43. I am so jealous of you and your "trail" through the house. I do raise my glass that I know what is in each pile of crap in the house. I know my piles. I need you to learn me in the way of this smoke and mirrors stuff.


  44. Well said! Love Pink, love this post, hate housework like the viral pox that it is....

  45. High five on maintaing your own standards, darling!

  46. Cheers to you. Oh damn, out of wine again.... how am I supposed to maintain the smoke and mirror-like hiding of my true housekeeping skills without the wine?!

  47. I'll raise my glass to you any day!

    I especially enjoyed, "I have always been able to maintain a clear pathway that runs through the house from the front door clear through to the back door."

  48. I've always considered myself too school for school. Duh!

    Love your self praise. You deserve it and more ;)

  49. Hats off to you, girly. And of course my glass is as high up as it'll go (I'm drinking some riesling as I type!).

    I like your oreo diversion tactics re: polynomials. Math makes my brain hurt :(

  50. Alexandra! Absolutely LOVE this. I raise my glass to you, dear, sweet friend.
    I'm catching up on your posts now. It has been crazy busy and I'm just sorry I haven't been here more.



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