Let me begin by thanking you for a most enjoyable family night out this past November when your Circus Show came to our city. My husband and I took our three children and had a fabulous time.You do a fantastic job of keeping the acts in all three rings going and I love the look of your stretchy white pants against the pressed red coattails of your frock coat; formal yet whimsical. Way to go!
With all the people I saw under your direction that night, I can tell you are a busy man. Let me get right to the point of this letter and tell you that I have decided to run away and join the circus. Your circus, as a matter of fact, as it's the only circus I'm familiar with. You also keep your travels confined to the United States, that's good. While I enjoy travel abroad as much as the next guy, I prefer to begin any circus internship on this side of the pond.
If you're shaking your head already making a premature decision thinking that this is a case of wanderlust, you would be wrong. But if you bat around the idea of mid-life crisis as a reason, you might be on to something.
You see, lately, I've been having these wonderful dreams of flying, on a trapeze, where I swing from room to room and the feeling of sailing and changing across trapeze bar to trapeze bar is so real I can hear and feel the whoosh of the wind rushing past me. After my fifth night of dreaming like this, I knew I had to contact you.
I can touch my toes, and weigh in at
Before you tell me that there is little demand for clumsy middle aged women, let me assure you that I am turnkey talent. I could fill many roles for you. I have worked as a fortune teller, warning others that they will fall and break their necks if they don't stop jumping off that kitchen table now. I have performed magic tricks, feeding five from two chicken breasts. (slice and dice anything and you've got yourself a stir-fry)
Though not flexible, I am reliable. I can set up and tear down with the burliest of the bunch. You should have seen me at the outdoor graduation party last June when the tornado sirens went off. I have taught my sixteen year old son how to drive on the freeway, proving that I laugh in the face of danger.
I make twenty-one hour days look like a walk in the park, and am no stranger to cleaning up poop and sweeping out cages.
Am I too old for this?
Please let me be the one to answer that.
I can understand why you'd be hesitant, Sir, but all I'm asking for is a night on a low flying trapeze. I want to hang, dangle, fly, float, glide, like the woman in the Residence Inn Commercial.
If it's a matter of salary, please don't let that play into your decision: my life already consists of non paid performances throughout my day, so anything you offer will be an improvement.
I also supply my own Spandex (well, technically, it's Spanx, but who's gonna look.)
Just 30 seconds, Sir, to feel the wind through my hair. That's all I ask for.
Video: Residence Inn