Sunday, March 3, 2013
I stay up late.
Sometimes not smart to do. Because I'm alone, and things on the internet beckon me, in the way that some are called to order all the tupperware they'll need in a lifetime from Home Shopping Network. But for me? It's more dangerous than that because I log in to forums and support lines and start to think I can teach myself code in a night.
What happens instead is that I try to do a tutorial on designing your own web page and instead I'm pulled into a blinking offer/help room yanking my chain from my peripheral vision. Like what I have copy pasted here, from a real Blogger forum where you're given a choice of a link to click on, offering a "free blogger evaluation." So yeah, I clicked on that and entered my website url and said have at it, bro.
And this delight came back and it's just too good to not share.
Enjoy, on my account: my Blogger evaluation, courtesy of @elcapitan227:
What is it that you hope to accomplish with your blog? What is it that you wish for us to evaluate? We have reviewed your request to evaluate your blog and cannot understand what the purpose of your blog is. Your purpose is unclear. What do you want us to review? From what we see, you have no main target audience or any sort of introduction as to why you are posting and what you are posting.
You have outgrown your platform as is sorely evidenced by the clutter on your sidebar. The sidebar is cluttered, and it's purpose is also unclear. Are you selling advertising? Do you have advertising space for sale? The purpose of your sidebar is unclear.
You list many blogs on your sidebar. Why do you have blogs listed on your sidebar? Do you write at the blogs listed on your sidebar? The purpose of all the blogs listed on your sidebar is unclear. Do the blogs on your sidebar pay to be listed on your sidebar?
We do not know what you are asking of us. You have crammed as many things as you can into your blog, and a first time visitor will have no inkling as to why they have been directed to your blog.
Also, who are you? It appears you are a rotund, rosy cheeked matron with short curly hair. Is this how you would like to be seen? Your profile is not one of a sophisticated woman. Your blog does not appear to be one of a woman who appears to wish to advance herself.
We suggest you begin over with a clean design. Uncluttered main page with orderly columns and much less color. Please have a professional photograph taken and placed in a more visible spot on your blog main page. Make the purpose of your website clear. What is it you offer? What are your skills? Why would someone want to be at your blog? We see no reason to be directed to your blog.
We are not sure if you have sent in this blog URL for a client or as a joke to us. Are you the author of this blog? If you are the author, we suggest you begin over, and study other blogs for at least three months before you begin again.
Go ahead, have some fun. Your turn -- ask ElCapitan227 to grace your pages with a visit. But, his services are only offered through Blogger's help pages. Lucky us.