Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Top Ten List of What a Grief Pass Will Buy You, With Love, To Mr Lady

Joining in today, with Denise Tanton's campaign, "A List Because I Can," where in we wave our list blog post fannies in Mr Lady's pretty much perfect face, with list posts of our own, because of what Mr Lady writes here -- that numbered list blog posts are SEO traffic driving witchery.

Also, because it's guaranteed fun to mess with Mr Lady.

So, here with sincere love, to you Mr Lady:

My Top Ten List of What A Grief Pass Will Buy You 

1)  Bakery has no calories during this time. Bavarian cream donuts and deep fried crullers, all made out of spun air.
2)  Fully loaded Whole Milk Lattes with whip: also see above.
3)  No make-up on in public, because obviously: grieving.
4)  No need to change clothes, if people feel pushed to ask if you're all right when they see you, answer, "My mother died." They won't ask again.
5)  Forgetfulness and tardiness, all forgiven and understood.
6)  If not, who cares.
7)  No need to clean house, fold laundry, vacuum carpet. Free Pass for 30 days. You give it to yourself.
8)  Take-out meals six nights a week, with home cooked meal on seventh day, and only because you are the one craving the comfort of feeding those you love.
9)  Falling asleep on sofa in today's clothes, family knows it's the spot where sleep comes easiest.
10) Sleeping in the same pattern as when you first brought your babies home, up, down, sleep, wake, all depending on the moments between cries.

**Seriously, thanks for the fun, diversion, invitation to community, Mr Lady and Denise. Smiles much appreciated, much welcome. To join in, let Denise know you'll be along for the ride, drop her a line, comment here on her blog. Let's list-stick it to Mr Lady. Sounds like something she'd like.


  1. smiles...that last one comparing it to first having a baby....yeah i get that....calories, what are they? smiles

  2. Great list. Yep. Grief Pass. Been there, done that and appreciated the grief pass. Everyone should know of this (thankfully you didn't listen to Mr Lady, so now they will.)


  3. Thank you for this, I have been using the grief pass myself for the last two weeks. It is not easy!!! Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending much love! xo

    1. Thank you so much, Kathy. I am doing what I need to do: chocolate eclairs and 500 calorie lattes and all. Much love to you. xo

  4. Yes, a free pass to wrap ourselves in comfort and let others take care of us for a change. I hope you are letting them do it. I know you are surrounded by love.

  5. Yeah, lists. I do them. And I love them. And so does the internet.

    Your #8 resonates with me so much. I do crave the comfort of feeding my loved ones. Providing nourishment is a win-win for everyone. xo to you.

  6. I am a list lover.
    Also, a lover of high calorie baked goods and full-cream everything. Love you, most of all. xo

  7. Hi honey!

    I liked Mr Lady's list. And there is so much truth in yours, even though it's a mix between funny and sad.

  8. That last one was beautiful and heartbreaking. Every mama knows what you mean, and you've made us understand a little better.

    1. Good to see you, Hillary. Thank you, it feels just like that: vulnerable, knowing you have to be strong and in charge, but also being so tenderly careful with how much you take on. Thank you for coming by... xo

  9. When Joe my dearly departed died, my then 13 year old and I told lots and lots of stories. And we asked other people to not be shy about telling their stories. The good, bad, and ugly. It helped a lot. We also laughed as often as cried.
    And when things really sucked, we stopped---canceled plans, forgot about school, and let the world go on while we grieved.
    Took me awhile to accept number 5 because before death I was so on time and organized and after death everything bottomed out and I couldn't remember anything and when I showed up I was late.
    In time it changes, you go on with the world.. but a smell, a scent, the hint of memory can still be our undoing.

    1. That's how it's going to be, always. xo

  10. Have been following the beautiful journey that was your mother's passing. Much love and my deepest condolences... Enjoy those calorie-free chocolate covered donuts.

  11. I agree wholeheartedly with your list. Also, because we're screwing with MrLady I do believe I will have to join in on the fun. ::rubbing hands together menacingly::

  12. I love that you are grieving out loud, too, Alexandra. You're allowing yourself to own your feelings. I've had a couple of close friends who'd lost parents but they couldn't utter a word about it. Even when I asked how they were doing they couldn't respond, as if nothing had happened. I don't know much about grieving and I know that everyone has his or her own way of coping, but I just admire that you acknowledge it and embrace it (if that is the right word...) as a part of life that you go through. xoxo

  13. Okay, wait. You're only supposed to follow these guidelines when you're grieving? Because you've pretty much nailed my regular lifestyle...

    (Hang in there and have a donut for me.)


  14. A FORMIDABLE LIST IF I EVER READ ONE. also, I love your guts. (so much, in fact, that I am commenting from MY PHONE) (Which is the 3rd base of blogging love) (id tell you #1 and #2 but then id be LIST COMMENTING which is WORSE than list blogging )

  15. The irony in the similarities of enduring a death to enduring the aftermath of a birth is amazing. That we get through either is just as astounding.



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