It's a miracle I didn't break my neck jumping over the chairs from the kitchen to get to the family computer this past weekend when I heard littlest clanking out on the keyboard and shouting out, "Mom?! How do you spell Poseidon?" As I'm about to answer, I hear him begin to tap keys and spell out loud, "P - U - S ... " I was in the kitchen stirring spaghetti and just like that, he was about to open the door to every perv in the world to come up to my little boy saying, "I'LL TELL YOU!"
I had been baptized by the internet fire years, ago, and I've got a WARNING! DO NOT GOOGLE! list taped to my forehead about what is off limits for a google search when it comes to kids doing homework. My two oldest are teens, and thanks to the iron fist of experience, I can share this compilation with you.
I remember my son’s fifth grade nutrition project where his assignment was to create a hot lunch menu. Just Google it honey, I told him. See what other hot lunches are out there. My sweet baby typed in “hot lunch” and SHAZAAM if Ice-T’s wife doesn’t pop up carrying her hot biscuits up on a lunch tray. Click out! Click out now! I shouted but it was too late, his retinas burned to the age of a 30 year old along with once dormant parts of his brain now awakened.
Google Search Lesson #1: NEVER GOOGLE anything with the word HOT in it.
Two years later, the second son is working on a book report for Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men. The final step was to find cover art for his paper, so we Google *Mice and Men* And we get just that: but with a switch to a tiny word, you know, Mice in Men.
Searching for the word shape is another one that will do you in. My third son was working on a math paper regarding ::shapes::
Google Search Lesson #2: Never Google anything shape-related: big, large, small, floppy, little, fat. They're all bad shapes when people are in them. Naked.
Our internet world has become so perverse that seeking information on cuttlefish results in an emergency visit to the family therapist.
Anyway, my NEVER GOOGLE list for you here. Keep it handy. Why find out for yourself?
[Cut and Paste]
DO NOT EVER GOOGLE:
- flash drive
- farm boy
- hand exercises
Now, please, don’t google human nature without me there to supervise. I’ll be able to hear your screams six states away.
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