Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sudden Sharp Noises May Lead to Knee Injuries... and ...

Last night I read about a study put out by Clowns International that reported findings of children being less scared when accompanied by clowns for medical testing. I was highly skeptical, one, because surprise! look who put up the study and two, of course they had a lower Galvanic skin response... the kids were passed out cold from the shock of a clown popping into the exam room like a Twilight Zone episode. The kids had lower heart rate and pulse findings because there was temporarily no heart rate and pulse to find until they came to.


These studies are amazing, "High heels give you bunions," "Sleeping on a bad mattress causes backache." Both studies funded by These Are Not Your Mama's Heels and The Airfoam Mattress Association of America.

But in today's paper? I don't know what to do with this one. “Sudden Sharp Noises May Lead to Knee Injuries.”

They neglected to add a few things.
Like “... and Trauma” because among the list of things that sudden sharp noises may lead to, how could they overlook:


--Getting hit by cars when you jump into the road

--Cracked skulls from tripping in your hurry to get away

--Broken wrists from breaking your fall as you run away

--Girly screams

--Chipped nails

--Stubbed toes

--Embarrassment down to your soul

--Humiliation depending on who's there to see

--Low self esteem as your children watch you jump because of an air horn

--Negative self talk as you chastise yourself with “It's only a motorcycle beep for crying out loud”

--Peril as you choose oncoming cars over a safe sidewalk

--Slipping tripping and falling from the sharp surprise bark of loose dogs behind you

--Cracked knee caps from falling while walking the dog who takes off from his own reaction to said sudden sharp noise

--Going into shock in a quiet house in front of the glow of the computer when a picture frame *sharply* drops from the upstairs bathroom

--Paralyzing flashbacks of sharp sudden barking dog encounters that didn't end so well

--Spasms as subcircuits in the brain -- like all of them ever – fire off all at once in both hemispheres

--Ruptured Achilles tendon from fight or flight response

--Broken bones from falling from running away

--Unsteady gait from the guarantee of adrenaline Jello legs

These are just a few overlooked outcomes to Sudden Sharp Noises. To this sudden sharp noise caveat of only worrying about your knees, I say, please.
Where's the warning to worry about the Double Threat now? Not only are you injured but the thing making the sudden sharp noise is going to get you for sure because of your cracked skull and broken wrists from flight or fight.

What do you have to say about that, Knee Study? What does your "Only worry about the knee" committee want us to do with this information? If it's to be en garde and prepared -- well, it's that pre in prepared that concerns me.

It would appear that the only way to be sure of any potential Sudden Sharp Noise Injury Avoidance is to be alert but not too alert, because you'll just startle yourself prematurely in anticipation and then what happens if you fall and you break your bones and the noise startles you again and you can't get up now? I think the pre in prepare will make the actual startle even worse.

It's not that I think too much, Knee Committee, because consider this. Every time you hear a noise from now on, because you will be more worried about your knees because of this study thank you that was meant to prepare you (I'm guessing that's what you wanted), you will proactively be jumping because of what happened with the last surprise noise that made you jump and crack your elbows and now muscle memory has set in. Because that's how it works.

The only good advice I can give anyone who read this study like I did, is to put on headphones.

A knee brace and headphones.

And now I am as guilty as the newspaper publishing this study because look at the mess I got you into by even bringing this up.

Okay, new advice – Backtrack and forget you read this. I want you to go back to before the time of knee pre-fear and have you not pre-prepare for the pre-noises that could cause the pre-knee injuries.

If all else fails, just walk around with a clown. I just read a study that said clown presence in your life puts off knee replacement surgery by ten years.

* * *


  1. Here's my BA-HA moment from this post: "A knee brace and headphones."

    Oh, lawsy. For me, the real risk is heart attack from sharp noises. I'm big with the heart clutch.

    Thanks for the levity here, my friend. I like to end my day with a grin.

  2. HEART ATTACK!! How could I forget HEART ATTACK!!

  3. Ironically, sudden noises were a HUGE issue when I was first floxed! I even turned the ringers off all the phones except the one in the sunroom. Noise can still startle me, but not nearly like before.

  4. I just hit my knee on the desk from laughing.

  5. heh. you know i used to be a clown right? long time ago...but yeah...its good to know i am good for something...ha

  6. Yeah definitely heart attack. Because my kids scare me by doing this high pitched scream and my heart pounds out of my chest.. way more apt to have that happen than a knee injury. Finally got back to being able to blog and trying to catch up... I have missed you hun...

  7. I have done many of alone. Does this mean I am high strung, like a poodle or that I live in possibly the noisiest environment in the US?

    P.S. Clowns are creepy and they make children (aka Me) cry. Take that clowns international!

  8. Ms. A: jumpiness. How interesting. Going to try and remember if Auggie was like that during that time... I think maybe yes.
    Brian: You ALWAYS make me laugh.
    ANgel: how are you??? Glad you're back.
    Diary: Did you know if you're afraid of clowns you have coulrophobia.
    Alison: you always make me feel appreciated. THANK YOU.

  9. My husband has this bluetooth speaker that makes this sort of fish-blub noise when it turns on. So of course he sneaks up behind me, holds it right up to my ear, and turns it on, and makes me practically jump out of my everloving skin.

  10. I like your husband, Leigh Ann. xo



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