Friday, March 27, 2015

When My Mind Wanders, It Wanders to World Domination

My mind often wanders. I know there are medications for that, but then I'd no longer have ideas for my blog, so I'll take the sing-song skip along while trailing a stick across a white picket fence meanderings that make up my inner dialogue.

While folding laundry today who am I kidding I was just throwing another load on top of the last load on the sofa I thought, What happens to dictators when they get old?

Do their sunglasses interfere with their advancing macular degeneration? Does their stance on facial hair change? Will they always need to feel in charge of something? Will their way of complete authority grow even more insistent?

Where do all the old dictators go? Who listens to them as they feebly fight off the forced spoon fed stewed prunes with cries of "No negotiating!"

I think I found the place of their golden sunsets.
Right now, there are secret plans being drawn up for retiree dictator homes in South America. These facilities will be deep under cover in remote jungle locations, catering to the four basic types of despots:
1.) the Middle Eastern religious radical
2.) the European socialist revolutionary
3.) the South American strongman
4.) the Central African tin-pot dictator
These world leaders will have a place to be cared for in the Dictator Home, as well as duty-free storage and housing for their gold, jewels, and shoe collections, but can these power-hungry wanna-be rulers of the world all get along when under one roof?
Perhaps age has mellowed them and they are happily able to relive the glory days of their wild and crazy plotting against the free world. Can you imagine the meal time grazing at the all you can eat tropical high-fiber fruit buffet? I imagine that what we'd overhear would be something like this:

Dic. #1.) Did I ever tell you the story of how I single-handedly defeated a thousand-man rebel force in a climactic battle outside the gates of my Earthly palace?

Dic. #2.) Thousand-man rebel force? Is that what you call it? More like 300 old shepherds.

Dic. #3.) Shuttup and eat your prunes.

Dic. #4.) The prunes have been stewed for you, you with the one remainder of your teeth.

Dic. #1.) I have the medals to prove to you my worth in battle!

Dic. #2.) Would those be the medals that you awarded to yourself?

Dic. #1.) These medals are true and righteously awarded! This one here I gave to myself for bravery in battle against a deathly illness, and this one is for being an honored son of our country … and this one I gave to myself for …

Dic. #3.) Medals that are self-awarded are medals that hold nothing to what I have done! I once conquered an entire country in one week!

Dic. #4.) Conquering a country that you knew not what to do with after toppling the government! I once installed the most brutal, oppressive regime this world has seen!

Dic. #1.) Overthrowing a country of desert and sheep and is not the same as abolishing elections! Elections are for sissies!

Dic. #2.) Nurse! My rifles!

Dic. #3.) If he is given his rifles, then I demand my machetes!

Dic. 4.) My personal guards! Where are my guards?!

Dic. #1.) Gentlemen! We were known and feared in our time. And now we fight amongst ourselves? We must stop this useless feuding and focus on annihilating what threatens us now. Together, we can rise victorious once again as we take on the battle that must be fought - We must work together and overthrow that which is imposed on us! The Mike and Judy Present Piano Party Saturday Night.

Dic. #2.) Murder! Mayhem! We must make Mike and Judy beg for mercy. Nay, make them CRY. CRY! Let us waste no more time with speeches.
Dic. #3.) Agreed. We have vanquished governments before. We will be a force to be reckoned with when we turn our energies to rid ourselves of Piano Party Saturday Night.

Dic. #4.) They will beg at our feet and we shall demand our country's music!

Dic. #2.) As we have done before, we will do simply what needs to be done. I will begin with a ban on the Grand Ol' Flag sing-a-long sheets that they force upon us!

Dic. #1.) World domination, comrades! Why are we the only ones who see how it is always so easy?

Dic. #3.) Silencio! I hear the unmistakable rustling of music pamphlets being assembled! My generals, the time has never been better! The others are being fed their applesauce, leaving Mike and Judy alone and unaware! We strike now! Plastic forks, sporks if need be, but our weapons at the ready, to our seats in the atrium!

Dic. #4.) Yes, this is all good my friends, but perhaps another night. I hear my granddaughter calling my name. I cannot accompany you on our coup tonight...

"Grandpa? Grandpa! Here you are. What are you and your friends planning today? You must let things go, grandfather, and enjoy the twilight of your days. You had quite a brutal, oppressive regime, yes, but now it is time for bed and you must eat your prunes. No negotiating. Remember, I learned from the best."

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