Friday, March 25, 2016

It's Awkward, It's Uncomfortable: Death

People don't know what to say to someone after they've lost someone they love.

It's easier at funerals, and wakes, I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do.

But time passes, and the loss never disappears. It's acceptable and expected to express condolences and memories at the time of death, but what about in the years after? When someone has died and an anniversary comes up: a birthday, a life event, a milestone in their life.

What do we say, when we don't want to make the wound fresh again?

I know that the last thing I want to do is re-fuel the pain of their loss. I fear that I will remind them of what they fight every day to live through. But my sister, Lee, who lost her son three years ago, told me, "I am so scared people will forget him. I worry no one will remember him and when I die, no one will know that he lived. He was here."

Today is my nephew's birthday. I remember him, I will always love him.

Lee, I promise you, I will always say his name:

Tomas Rosas Garrett.


  1. After my sister was murdered, people were awkward and afraid of what to say. It was the GIGANTIC elephant in the room.

    I eased their awkwardness by saying, “My sister was murdered. She is dead. I am not the same. Part of me has died, too. I am sad. I am insane. She was my best friend. So, please acknowledger her.”

    This made a difference.

    SHE WAS HERE! She was important and amazing.

    Tomas Rosas Garrett was here; he will always be here.

    Say his name I will say my sister's name forever.

    xxx love and understanding from MN.

    1. I hold your sister in my heart every night. I made that promise two years ago. xo

  2. Tomas Rosas Garrett. What a handsome young man. I'm sorry for all the pain. Love and hugs to you all.

  3. I can't believe it's been three years ago.


    And I can understand. I feel like I'm one of those awkward people who doesn't want to say the wrong thing, so I just keep talking to fill in empty silences. But I want to know about your nephew and as long as we all shall live, his memory will live among us, too. XOXO



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