Wednesday, March 16, 2016

That One Time I Was Nature Mom

 Exhibit A:

-Black bean and brown rice crackers with sea salt for snacks.
-Gelatin without artificial color for safe jello jigglers.
-Wax paper bags (unbleached, take note) so plastic doesn't touch their 100% whole grain bread.
-An activity book for healthy outdoor play.

I have been feeling so disillusioned and depressed and blueblueblue over the state of our union, that I turned to what helps me heal and feel like I can breathe again. Because we have a long way to go in this election year and I need oxygen.

I turned to decluttering. Productive, visible results from my labor, the peace within of a cleared out shelf. But as I began to pull and shuffle and discard, what I found buried within white cabinets wasn't clutter as much as bearing witness to a woman who once held on to the ideal of the highest level of conscious parenting.

All natural, all chemical free, all healthy and wise and 100 percent in earnest.

Souvenirs of when I was Natural Mom. Natural mom , the one who wouldn't buy anything unless it had the word natural written all over the natural container in soybean-based ink at least five times. Seven if you count the back.

Natural value 100 percent natural waxed paper bags made with all natural ingredients that are natural from a natural environment using a natural process for a natural lifestyle! Great for packing natural snacks! (There's eight here, what a beautiful thing)

Not pictured in the photo above because they didn't fit are the GoGreenMama silicone ice cube trays for freezing home made baby food along with the 25-pound Happy Healthy Baby acid-free pages cookbook for making my own preservative-free baby food, and the baby food mill with BPA-free blades for making the baby food.

I am not poking fun at anyone who chooses this lifestyle. The endeavor and hope comes from a place of sincerity: wanting the healthiest world for our kids but but but... guess who won't go along with it? Guess who spends just one freakin' afternoon at a playdate where they have their first hit of cherry red kool-aid and my friends? THE HEALTHY HOME HEARTH IS OVER.

It's impossible to forget that summer weekday afternoon when my four-year-old son ran in through the front door, fresh with the first mustache of his life: a red one. Still licking the lifetime supply of powdered sugar off his lips, he cried, "I had something delicious at Jeremy's house today and I drank a whole container of it and all I can tell you is I was wishing so hard that Jeremy's mom was you!"

"Oh yeah? Yeah? Well, does Jeremy's mom hand-shred your co-op carrots on a bamboo grater?!"

Pffft. Most assuredly not.

If love can be this easily bought, then why the heckhellheck am I doing this Organic, Non-GMO, Gluten Free, Kosher Vegan Raw Handmade production of your lives? Why am I working two part-time jobs for the sole reason of Trader Joe's? I ask you, where are the brains in that?

So, dear children, if you ever find yourself wondering if your mother ever had any other chef than Chef Boyardee and Little Caesar's Friday into if it's Monday then it must be $5.00 20-piece chicken nugget night, please consult Exhibit A above.

*Also not pictured above: the Essential essential home oil-making kit every mom of a newborn needs.

Living Lavender was my favorite.

* * *


  1. I'm laughing so hard remembering that I lined his dresser drawers with unbleached waxed paper! The clothes couldn't touch pressed wood! But contact paper... The adhesive... The vinyl... Oh the comfort of brown waxed paper.

  2. Awwwkkkkthe other day your website was down and I thought shit, did you give up blogging like me! So glad you and your red lip mustache live on.

  3. Ahhhh...This reminds me of the mom who said to me "I hope you aren't one of those mothers who thinks granola bars are a healthy snack". It kind of made me want to whip out Hershey bars for everyone! They were NATURE Valley for goodness sakes!

  4. may i give you the recipe of your dreams, which will use FIVE envelopes of that gelatin, and endear you to everyone at your thanksgiving table? i kid you not, this stuff is the bomb. and gelatin lasts forever.

    Cider Jelly
    adapted from Laurie Colwin's More Home Cooking

    Five (5) packets of unflavored gelatin
    2 cups sugar (or less, to taste)
    grated zest of 1 lemon
    ¼ t. cinnamon
    1 cup cold water
    1/3 cup lemon juice (from about 2 lemons)
    1 quart apple cider

    1. In a bowl mix the gelatin, sugar, lemon zest and cinnamon. Pour in the cold water and stir to combine well.
    2. Add the lemon juice.
    3. Bring the cider to a boil, skimming off any scum. Pour the cider into the gelatin mixture and stir until the gelatin is completely dissolved. Set aside to cool.
    4. When the mixture is cooled but not yet set, pour it into a 1-quart pudding mold and chill it in the refrigerator overnight, or until set.

  5. Seriously, the apple cider jelly is a ridiculous thing to put on the table, a Victorian frou-frou not far off from canned cranberry sauce with the ridges showing. It falls somewhere on the main course side of the sweet/savory axis; it's definitely not dessert. It is a quivering delight. You make it in a fancy mold, and it has altogether too much gelatin in it, and it's a rather wonderful jiggly eccentricity.

    Make it. You won't be sorry.

  6. Oh, dear god. This will be me one day. And my kids will absolutely hate my healthy, natural, earthy, granola hippy a**. HA!

    I always love stopping by here, Alexandra. You are just the best :) Even if there was a brief moment in time when your son wanted to swap moms. He didn't really mean it (damn that neighborhood mom and her enticing KoolAid). XOXO

  7. I think I went natural and organic for 30 seconds myself. Glad to see we came to the same conclusion. Great minds, ya know?



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