I Can Tell A Story With a Little Help From My Friends/Kids/Same Thing

Me: "I had a dream last night that that one singer, Justin Bieber? No ... the other one ... the one that I like ... but not Justin Bieber, but Justin for sure..."

Them: "Justin Timberlake, Mom."

Me: "Yes! Yes yes. Justin Timberlake. Anyway, Justin Timberlake was breaking and entering into a theater - and I could tell it surprised me in my dream, because in my dream I thought That's not like him but I didn't say it, but knew I thought it. So, Justin is breaking his way into the theater to see that one movie I liked ... Hot Mess? Hot Ones?? It started Hot Something ..."
  

Them: "Heat, Mom."
  

Me: "Right. Heat. Heat. That was it. Well, they were selling Girl Scout cookies there at the theater while he was breaking in, but they had other kinds of cookies on the table too - not just Girl Scout. Like there was a basket already opened of my favorite ones ... the thin crisp ones. With the cranberries. Crisps? Crunchers? Cranberry Crunchers?"
 

Them: "Mom, Cranberry Crisps."
 

Me: "Those are the ones! Cranberry Crisps! So, Justin Bieber, I mean Timberlake, gets the cookies somehow, he has them in his hands, still in the basket, and he HIDES them like a little kid underneath a big car. One of those big cars ... you know like the one we saw the other day that your dad liked. But I think they're too boxy. What was that car called?"

 

Them: "Lincoln Navigator."

 

Me: "Ugh. Yes. That big box of a car. Anyway ..."

 

Them: "Mom, does this dream have an ending?"

 

Me: "Well, that's the funny thing. It almost did, see, it was just like that one series we were watching two summers ago. Remember? When we had Hulu for free? It was - what was that series called? That science fiction one that we all liked ..."

 

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The Things That Take Time

This Sunday was beautiful, sunlight was finally coming in through the house windows and there was a moment early this morning when all that was missing as I made breakfast was a bluebird chirping on my shoulder. Hearth and home, plenty to eat, we had it all. With a day that promised long-awaited rest, I pierced it with a sharp needle of haggard and nagging words, "No cinnamon rolls until all the laundry is put away!"

Even before the last s in the word rolls left my lips, I knew it was the dart that would pop the happy balloon of the moment. Why, Alexandra, why? Really? Threats with food? Why was it much too often this desperate take it all away from them cry to action? Do you know of no other way?

In those seconds of gut punching clarity I knew I had to find a kinder, smarter way to ask for what I needed from everyone in this home. Discipline methods that begin with "Here's what you're going to lose if you don't xxx!" are guaranteed heart breakers. My kids love fresh, warm cinnamon rolls, they mean Sunday mornings and introduce a day when we can forget about the work that Monday will bring. As for my threats and promises later that day of a future that does not include screen time, they feel just as half-assed and knee-jerk as the no cinnamon rolls promise.

If I needed any confirmation on how B.S. my discipline methods with my family had become, it was made sickeningly clear when mid-morning I put my hand up to apologize for my wackadackle ways and in unison I heard the kids side-mouth to one another, "Her hand's up, she is so mad, let's get the laundry done."

Right then, I felt it. The spikes that dug, the weight of the metal, the crown that I had woven for myself of raging power-mad Queen.

All or nothing, now or never, do it do do it. What happened to my deep-breaths-and-count-to-three mantra of patience? When did I lose it? Was it with the third child? Was it with the added hours of work and less hours of fun? Maybe it was the financial strain as children grow up, the pressures of trying to keep up with the people in my life, the need to include time to care for our body as we grow older. Yes to all of that and still, those are excuses.

As their parent, I do have the control to influence the energy and spirit in this house. And I am responsible for the tone that I set when I'm short and abrupt. The deep sighs of exasperation when someone speaks, not allowing my children the respect to finish their sentence, dismissing what they have to say because they're kids -- all of that, it's got to stop.

Children need us, and they need us without ever knowing they do. Parents are a significant influence in the temperament of the home, and that is the part that we forget. When we sell our roles short, and lose the awareness of the impact of our presence, we convince ourselves that we are a p.s. to their lives. We matter, and when we live together, we need to help each other.   

We err, we fall short. I did it today. But I have the chance to start again. And when I screw up tomorrow, I can keep trying something different.

I will never be perfect, and don't strive for that. But I can adjust my heart to become the kind of parent who weaves a crown from their heart. A ring made of tender resilient stems that weathers days that at times threaten to unravel but holds together plaited with gentle words of patience, hope, and determination to bloom in beauty for my children.

 

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Toy Talk

Does it bring you joy? If the answer is no, then it's time to toss and send it on its way. BUT if it's a toy, and you're asking a kid, the answer will always be YES I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

Toys will always bring joy to their owners but what about your house running out of room? What about every inch of shelf crammedjammedpacked to the brim with toys toys toys.

Teach your children to share them -- maybe it's not natural for them to want to let things go, but when you work with them to help them understand there are kids that don't get even a sixth of what I know our own receive from aunts, grandparents, cousins, friends, birthday parties, you may be able to lead them to water and make them drink.

I talk about encouraging a spirit of giving with your children, of spreading the good that we have when we have more than we need on The Morning Blend.

Thanks for watching! And thank you for helping me spread the message, Morning Blend!

Click here to watch.

Happy de-cluttering!

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She's Got Those Winter Blues

They're real, and they're a time of low energy, where everything you know you have to do seems like it's made up of 500 steps. I've learned a few techniques to help during these longs months of winter, I hope that by sharing here it can help to make this time more manageable for you, too.

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Before meeting Jane, my therapist, I waded through the winter months with a tried-and-so-not-true-how's-that-not-working-for-you approach. A big ugly monster throughout my life has been the winter blues, Seasonal Affective Disorder, what people call "SAD".

 

I have been this way about the heavy winter months for as long as I can remember, and grew up thinking Oh just me. Just me, sighing twenty times in a row while staring out of a Jack Frost impressed window. But if you ask around, you’ll find that it's not just you. Lots of us struggle with their mood during this gray time of year with the days of less sun, less hours of light.

 

Finding out that SAD is much more than a wimpy response to the fall and winter months made me feel like I had a chance of doing something about the anchor on my spirit that came during this season. If I could find a way to deal with October through April (probably only January for you, but I do everything extreme when it comes to lack of sunlight), then there was hope. There is a reason, proven and scientific, for the winter doldrums.

 

Less sunlight reduces the serotonin, which is nature’s feel good hormone, that your body makes. When our body makes lots of serotonin, we feel happy. Less sun, less serotonin, less happy.

 

If you're like me, which means you've been in a corner already crying ten times before 9:30 a.m.and not just to puppy commercials, and you’re taking everything personally including the sneer you know you didn't imagine from the bagger at Trader Joe’s because you forgot your tree-loving canvas bags, then I think I can help you with these suggestions for getting a hold of these winter blues.

 

--I can’t say this enough times: please see a Doctor. Medication is pretty dang close to miraculous, so ask for it. Talk therapy is another miracle worker. So are support groups. You don't have to tough out SAD alone.

 

--Use color. Sounds so dumb, but we don't have to make our black turtlenecks into our uniform. I have a bright orange cardigan I wear over my black turtleneck since I can't ditch my black T-neck altogether, it's my blankie. The glow of orange makes me feel like I'm my own chestnuts roasting by an open fire. The human psyche is influenced by color. Greens and blues have been found to be the most uplifting. (Surprise? Nope. It's because they remind us of outside!)

 

--Showers are magic. Though it can be tough to find the oomph to shower, it's worth it. You'll feel better being clean.

 

--Find ways to give yourself a lift. It costs $7.00 for a nail color, not a full manicure, at most nail salons. Your feet, color change only, run $10.00. I do this once a month in the winter. Every time I look at my twinkleberry hands and feet, I feel better about myself. Find what makes you smile.

 

--Listen to your favorite comedians on YouTube at least once a day. My tried and true guarantee is George Lopez. But I swear by Tig Notaro and Cameron Esposito. Prozac in 5 minute audio bursts.

 

--Get yourself a light box if you can. I found an affordable one at a warehouse store. If you are able to do it financially, this is an investment you will not regret. Exposure to the rays will stimulate serotonin production in your body and that's how the human body works, remember? #Themoreyou know

 

--Exercise. Exercise is like sunlight for your body; it makes your body produce serotonin. So walk outside for an hour, run around a local gym for 30 minutes. Join a pickle ball league (it's only for January, you can do it)

 

--SLEEP at least 7 hours a night. Serotonin is made while you’re at rest. More sleep, more serotonin.

 

Some more quick changes to help you during this time:

 

-Ease up on the sugar, turn to protein instead

-Take a multivitamin with D

-Give yourself a special hair treatment: cut, color, deep conditioner. Something out of the ordinary.

-Fight the urge to isolate yourself -- reach out to friends via phone, text, or social media

-Keep your choice of movies/books/music, light. (Nix The Fault in Our Stars. Same goes for Adele)

-Hold your pets. A lot.

 

Recognizing what we need in the way of mental health care is the best course of action. You’re not the only one struggling through these winter months, many of us are right here with you. As long as we keep a bright blue pitcher full of yellow daisies on the kitchen table, we help make the way to March easier. As long as we look for and implement whatever it is that brings a smile, we stand a good chance of seeing these months through.

 

When you're armed with knowledge and understand how brains and bodies work with SAD, it makes it easier to see why you have to do what you have to do. Read more, learn more, join Facebook SAD support groups, see your Doctor, check in with friends, and practice good health.

 

Hang on to hope, spring will be here again. It returns every year. I promise you.

 

Until then, come back here any time you need to and stare at this. I know I will.

 

 

2015: What the People Liked

It's always fun, and a guaranteed delight, to see what posts do well on a blog. Sometimes you feel when you hit the nail on the head, but when you really get to that sweet spot where others say, "Yes, this," that thrills me to no end.

It's also good for a snort and a giggle to see the searches that bring the people out of the woodwork, (let me tell you, the woods is full of them.)

I've pulled together a month by month compote of most viewed posts here on my blog in 2015, and capped it all off with a pecan brittle topping of google searches that brought all the  kooks people to the kitchen.

So much fun in a blogger's house.

Here you go, the most popular posts in 2015:

JANUARY:              Oomancy: Food for the New Year

FEBRUARY:            Happy Five Years, Good Day Regular People

MARCH:                The Unraveling of Mercy Louis

APRIL:                   13 Epiphanies About a Third Child

MAY:                     The Music That Made Me

JUNE:                    The Years Don't Lessen: On Father's Day Without My Father

JULY:                   35 Ways My Mother Loves To Torture Me Over Summer Vacation

AUGUST:            What You End Up Saying Instead of I Love You

SEPTEMBER:      Asking the Wrong Questions About Suicide

OCTOBER:        Go Ahead, You Can Miss Them

NOVEMBER:     Why Old Moms Tell New Moms, "Enjoy Them While You Can"

DECEMBER:     Wedding Vows From the 21-Year Other Side

 

As promised, the bag-full-o'nuts google searches:

--Can Latina Women Wear Ponchos
--Are Spanish People all short
--Jelly Bean Recipes for Easter
--What's Out of Style If You're Old
--I'm Sad I Have Boys
--Good frozen pizzas
--What do Spanish People Look Like
--Old Skin
--Is it Hard To Blog
--I'm Trying to Write
--Grunting Elderly


Happy 2016, everyone! THANK YOU for your friendship and your visits here in 2015. It means so much to me that you gift me with your time.

Here's to love, peace, and laughter, in 2015, and wishing you all the best in the year to come!

**P.S. Dear "Sad You Have Boys":  I wish you would read this and email me. Maybe I can help you see the way you'll fall in love with your children when you see them, as just children.

xo

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