Monday, September 19, 2011

Blues Before Sunrise

I have been overwhelmed with having to clean my house.

I have never been a fan of cleaning, never.

My in laws are coming and I have   6 months worth of housecleaning to do in one weekend. Entirely my fault, no one to blame.

The average normal life skills equipped person would have their hands off the keyboard right now and into some hot soapy water.

Which is why I'm here instead, typing in front of the screen, and not on the kitchen floor, scrubbing. Because we all know that when the going gets tough, the tough get blogging.

What popped into my head as I ran the water to fill the wash bucket just now, what couldn't wait till the work was done? This song, and I had to sit down and write it before I'd forget it. I know you'll all understand these  words, which are best read to a harmonica blues scale:

     Well I woke up this Monday morning, already knowin', I didn't stand no chance
     Yeah, well, I said I woke up this Monday mornin'
     I'm tellin' ya, I knew I had no chance--no chance
     With my list of things I gotta to do today
     I just wanna run far away
     oh so far away

     You know when I woke up this very mornin'
     I knew, that list would kick my a**
     I woke up this very morning, with that list kickin' my a**  
    With that list of things I gotta do
    I just wanna go and get my wineglass

     The truth is I gotta confess to you all
     The mess that I'm in is only my fault
     I chose to sit and do twitter from day into night
     And now you see me here paying the price

     Just like I done did already confess
     This house here, is a mess
     I could clean from now until sundown
     And it would still look like it got shook
     upside down


Pray for me? They arrive at 3:45.


  1. I have never been a fan of cleaning either. Another irony of my life. I think if you have 7 kids, you should really be a fan of cleaning or have a maid. I have neither, except for my kids. But they aren't fans either.

    We always do the last minute I-am-a-crazy-mad-woman-when-was-the-last-time-these-walls-were-cleaned cleaning before my MIL comes, too.

    And then two things happen when she arrives.

    First she cooks an absurd amount of food for my children, whom I have obviously been starving based on the portion size she supplies.

    And then she sets in on cleaning my house. You know, the one I just spent 3 days scrubbing?

    17 year anniversary is Friday. Perhaps by 20, I will just forego the mad pre-MIl clean and let her do it? Doubtful.

    Good luck with the scrubfest!

  2. This post made me feel better.

    Thank you.

  3. Not a fan here either! Good luck. Hope she doesn't bring the white gloves! Perhaps if you greet her with a bottle of wine, she won't care what the house look like.

  4. Every six months hire a cleaning company to do a "move out special" and use the time saved to blog. We need you more than your dirty house.

  5. If they knew what you do in the blogging world, they would forgive any filth.

    Love the song!

  6. "When the going gets tough, the tough get blogging." Love it!

  7. I have always felt like housework is a soul killing job. It's arduous, thankless work that will get undone in just a few days.

    Good luck, my beautiful friend. At times like these, the iPod and some kick ass tunes will be your best friend. That and Mr. Clean Magic Erase pads.

  8. Oh man -- is there a tune to that song, because it needs to be my new theme song!

    I have a suggestion for you! Change all your lightbulbs to lower wattage. Better yet, wait until the in-laws pull up in the driveway and then go flip the breaker and pretend there's a power outage. Your MIL can't judge the dirt she can't see.

    The really sad thing is that I have a cleaning service coming in about 3 hours, and my house looks like a bomb went off, spewing junk mail, piles of work, kids' schoolwork, laundry, and dirty dishes all over the place. And Legos, did I mention the multitude of tiny Legos strewn all over just about every room in the house, including the bathrooms? Every other week when it's cleaning day I go around in a panic just picking up all the messes (or hiding them) so the cleaning service can do their thing. All the while my husband makes helpful comments like, "why do WE have to clean up if we're paying a cleaning service?"

    Well, I'm rooting for you, Empress. Go fight those dust bunnies!

  9. Ooh, I loathe cleaning. Loathe it. I would rather do anything but. Seriously. Part of my problem is that I need to get organized and I honestly don't know how to do that. Good luck!

  10. Oh, cleaning. CLEANING.

    I hate it.

    I tried a cleaning lady: picking up the house and then paying someone to clean was just so dumb to me.

    I might as well clean since it took me 4 hours to pick up.

    And then having to be gone from home while she cleaned.

    It was so ridiculous.

    I'll just stay home, do it myself, and save some money.

    That I can spend on coffee.

    LOVE THE commiseration: THANK YOU!

  11. I'm not a fan of cleaning either... but that's why I have kids!!

    Hope that the visit goes well!

  12. ok, here is the secret...when they screaming from the house lavishing on them how happyyou are that theyhave arrived....just after a freak cyclone ripped through the house....thank goodness no one was hurt andthere seems to be no structural damage...they will obviously give humanitarian aid in the clean it is not your fault at, maybe you could even sing to them...smiles.

  13. Housework, ugh...So mind numbing. But singing the blues while you do it is bound to help. Good Luck! You can do it!

  14. I'm so jealous of your clean house. If we could afford it, I would stay home and clean my house 24/7. Nothing gives me more pleasure. I know, I'm sick, but there you are.
    In fact, when I was in my 20s, I used to clean other people's homes on the side. That would be after working my day job. Then when I would finish, I would stand in the door way and admire my work. Ah, I wish I could go clean something right now just thinking about it. You know how to turn me on!
    Your Friend, m.

  15. I'm swaying to the music. Where are those Fairy Godmothers when we really need them?

  16. I'm in Mark's camp-and apparently it's kind of lonely over here! I find cleaning/tidying enjoyable and cathartic and I'm actually uncomfortable living in a mess. It's like "visual noise" to me. But since I'm a "Tidy" of course I married a "Messy". God has such a sense of humor... So I have house cleaners. They're called Divorce Insurance.

  17. Housekeeping is my nemesis. And dog hair is my other nemesis. Don't work too hard today. If you see them looking at your house drag their attention back by pointing to the wonderful children. Perhaps you can teach the boys a little song and dance routine?

  18. I have to clean: I know it's important to clean.

    But I hate to clean.

  19. you're too good to pick up the house. my sisters has no shame. she does not pick up anything. i have no time, she says. cleaning is no fun, but when it's clean, it's a good feeling. however, i don't have kids and i know that the cleanliness won't stay together for long. good luck with the cleanin'. i have to do other personal infastructure, as i call it. i have bill to pay, which i can barely pay, and coffee to drink:)

  20. I've decided to be an elitist snob, and bringing cleaning people in every so often. It's wonderful!

  21. LOL! Love your song. I hate cleaning too and its not easy when dealing with 2 under 2, so I've decided I am just gonna let somethings go. Not blogging or tweeting of course ;)

  22. Hey, a girl can't be wildly accomplished at everything, right?

  23. Sweet!! I feel much better about the ginormous dustballs in our home; and thanks for the reminder...

    I always suggest family and friends bring cleaning supplies when they visit. Then I put them to work; and ask they whistle while doing so.

  24. Ya know? Grabbing that wine glass would probably make you not mind all the cleaning nearly as much!

    Good luck!!

  25. Update:one toilet down...two to go.


  26. GOOD LUCK! I have faith you'll pull it out!

  27. Good lord! My aunt and uncle are coming to visit on an unspecified day this week and our house is a wreck. I know they don't come to look at how poorly I clean, but I know they'll notice anyway. GAH! I hate when I box myself into a corner like this.

    Good luck with having your house right-side up by the time they arrive.

  28. On the bright side... this visit should provide you with a whole bunch of blog material!

  29. Good luck girlfriend! I'm the same- hate to bring on the clean. It's so tedious and icky and well, DIRTY.

    {Also, maybe I'm a titch lazy??}

    Love you, you'll be great!


  30. Good luck, girl!

    I am an horrible housekeeper. I sometimes wish I could pay someone to clean... okay, I wish that every single day.

  31. I'm so glad I'm not the only one whose computer habit has left her home in less-than-sparkly shape! I'm just thinking, though--you're an Empress! Don't you have minions to do such things?

  32. I scrubbed and scrubbed all day and cooked and cooked all night and now I have made such a mess in the kitchen I'm going to have to scrub and scrub again tomorrow.

  33. Oh my darling.

    I think only the sane people pick blogging over cleaning. Because seriously cleaning? Not super entertaining.

  34. Oy. One of my least favorite things to do in the world either. My apartment is the size of a shoebox and I can't even manage to keep that clean so I'm afraid of one day having a house of my own. Good luck--I'm sure your house will be immaculate in time for the in-laws :)

  35. cleaning and scrubbing

    and scrubbing and cleaning

    NOT what I like to do. Not one bit.

    Thanks for the visits that are keeping me sane right now.

  36. Did I write this post? Oh no, it's just my twin. I am PRAYING.

  37. You can do it. I always get my best cleaning done under pressure. Actually I do most of my best work under pressure as I am a chronic procrastinator.

    A hint? Closets with doors are your friend. Second best? Under the bed.

    Good luck

  38. I wonder how it went?

    I was away from the world this weekend - cleaning my house. Like a purge/clean we haven't done in years.

    I am appauled at how much junk came out of my home. But I am also so happy now that it is done.

    Hope you conquered your beast!

  39. ---damn, i believe you need a maid :)))) xx

  40. If you were insured, perhaps a brief but intense kitchen grease fire, and the responding fire department, would provide an excellent cover for an absence of housekeeping. Hypothetically.

  41. I am just praying for you because the in laws are coming. Screw the house cleaning, did you get a stock of wine???? !!

  42. I'm loving you as a blues composer. Seriously. But as we all know, true cleaning is about stuffing crap in closets and doing a quick swiffer.

    "When the going gets tough, the tough get blogging" - I want that on a bumper sticker ASAP!

  43. OK.

    And now?

    I just broke out in hives.

    Jiminy Christmas..

  44. I'm terrible about leaving the cleaning until the last minute when house guests come. But hey, if you cleaned earlier, the family would just mess it up again!

  45. Maybe you could have put on a show singing this song (which is awesome btw!) To distract your inlays from noticing the dirt?

    And I totally know what you r saying about procrastinating and clogging when everything else is on the line!

  46. The out-laws are coming, eh? Well, you won't do anything right enough. Having a messy house is a perfect excuse to disappear while they are there.

    "Sorry! Just have to do a quick load of laundry..."

    "Excuse me while I clean the oven..."

    "Pardon me. I just want to put clean towels in your bathroom and give the toilet a good scrub. Be back in a jiff..."

    If you really love your family, clean before they come. If not, just wait. And then call a cleaning service AFTER they go. ;-)

  47. Many years ago I got into trouble for suggesting that we keep a dirty house so that my MIL wouldn't come over.

    Apparently I was the only one who thought that was not only funny but a good idea.

  48. Ha! I procrastinate in the worst way until everyone is right about to arrive. Then I'm a screaming, cleaning, crazy woman!

  49. Yeah well I'm having a bit of a cleaning pity party at my house. Mrs. Tuna got laid off from Giant Engineering company last week and had to let the cleaning woman go.

    I am going to clean my house for the first time in FIFTEEN YEARS. Pray for me too that I don't mix the wrong crap together and cause a toxic cloud.

  50. I used to be on top of all of my cleaning. Then I started blogging. Now I just push the mess around to get to my computer. ;)

  51. I'm just like Kimberly. My cleaning now takes second seat to blogging. But what can one do? Blogging helps keep me sane!

  52. I'm thinking, key of Bb?

    I hate cleaning . . . and I'm horrible at it, which is a horrendous combination. When I was a bachelor, I always kept my apartment "barely presentable," so that if I had a surprise visitor, they could say "oh, he just needs to clean up a little."

    Now that I'm married and have kids, any area of the house that is "mine" gets pretty grody . . . until something happens and I snap and spend an entire day cleaning it (which means it'll go back to "grody" in just a week).

  53. ha, ha! I'm feeling your pain!

    Visiting from SITS :)

  54. I'm Greek. My house is NEVER clean enough. Especially when my mother and grandmother are over!!!!!

  55. Oh, I'm sorry I missed this yesterday. I would have declared my solidarity in the war against cleaning. Or something to that effect.

  56. True story:

    My mother-in-law has a large, hand-painted sign hanging in her kitchen that reads this -

    "A dull woman keeps an immaculate house."

    So naturally, I love her.

    (And a good harmonica blues scale.)

  57. If I would've been SMART: I would've asked for housecleaning TIPS/SHORTCUTS.


  58. I've adopted a sort of "If you can't beat it, join it" attitude when it comes to my dirty house - I just live in it. When the spirit moves me, I vacuum, scrub, and/or dust. And we do have a cleaning lady who comes sporadically, depending on our budget. Otherwise, I'm content to live in squalor. Sad but true.

  59. I have a little wooden statue that says "Housework makes you Ugly"...I remind myself of that from time to time. I don't have much affection for cleaning either since I had to do so muchof it growing up...and my mom is still a clean freak, I too have a little OCD about the house being about once every 2 weeks I make a real effort. What I am trying to say is "I get it". Xoxo

  60. Empress, this is what you have kids for: to blame when the house is dirty. I like to say: "Geezaloo, it's amazing the amount of wine bottles the 3 yr old leaves around and, crap, he has no shame, leaving his grannie panties all over the house like that." I'm pretty sure I convinced my in-laws.

    My favorite line: when the going gets tough, the tough get blogging. So true, my friend. So true.

  61. Wait! I think you commented on one of my posts that we could clean when the kids moved out?!?!? I hope you only cleaned the actual areas that they would overachieving!

  62. I hope you post a follow-up song so we know how it all turned out!



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