Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Movie Review Time

*Baby E decided to do a move review for his post. It's the 1964 so bad it's good Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Worth watching with your kids, just once. Life wouldn't be complete without it. We found it on Netflix.

This is my first movie review. I will do more.

We watched this movie for Christmas. There is goofy music in this movie trailer.  I am dancing to it. You have to point your fingers and move your arms at the same way, at the same time. And only move one foot. And smile with your mouth open. Do it like this: and stay in one spot.

That's the only good thing about this movie trailer.

My big brother found this movie on Mystery Science Theatre. We watched it.

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. It's really a dumb and lame movie but is still fun to watch.

There's this part where this polar bear that you can obviously tell it's just a guy in a costume. His paws are just tube socks over his arms and he pretends to attack these two little kidnapped kids.

There is this gun and you shoot rays at people and they freeze. When it fires it makes a cheesey sounds of Pop, like when you pop your finger in your mouth, and then goes waahwaahwaah like on echo fast.

The robot is like a cheap box Halloween costume. With a coffee container for a head. My mom wants a book on how it ever got made into a movie.

This movie is pretty much about Martians that try to kidnap Santa, they actually do, to make the kids on their planet feel happy about toys. Except there's this evil guy with a dumb moustache and an upside down scuba diver hat. He tries to get rid of Santa and then there's this other dumb guy whose name is Dropo and he is just not funny. But when he comes on they play music to make you think he's about to be funny.

Also, there are two kids on Earth that the Martians ask for directions from to get to Santa, then they kidnap them, too. So they don't tell Santa. Then they take them to Mars with Santa and have them make friends with the sad Martian kids. All the people on Mars have names that end in -ar, so you just take a name and add ar and you are a Martian. Steve-ar, Mark-ar, Sue-ar, Ken-ar.

The Martians have a really lame space ship that's got a toy box shaped radar thing. The space ship looks like a pencil. The scuba diver heads that the Martians have, have antennae on them that looks like a slurpy straw. They go to the North Pole and kidnap Santa. Then they know that the earthling kids are homesick so they let them drive home by themselves on an auxiliary space craft even though they don't know where they're going.

And no one ever gets hungry in this movie.

My mom says she'd be embarrassed if she was in this movie.

She says she wouldn't do it if they paid her all the money in the world.

She says she'd tear down the posters, and change her name, and move to a different country, and get plastic surgery.



**Note to Adults: to read more about this movie, you've got to go here. I had no idea it was a cult classic. The review is hilarious. Includes recommending watching this only while stoned. 


  1. Hahahahahahaha!!! That's the best movie review of a lame ass movie I've ever read, thank you Baby E! (though I kinda want to watch it now)

  2. dude...awesome review...this sounds like an excellent movie...we have a cheezy holiday film we like called nestor the long eared christas donkey...worth a watch as well...

    hope you got some good presents e...

    i spent the day yesterday putting together the Lego Millenium Falcon...1254 Lego pieces...my mom got it for my son...

    have a great new year!


  3. Just to see those helmets and the robot was worth it all. But of course I'm not right in the head. Or anywhere else, really.

  4. I agree with Alison - one of the best movie reviews ever! I also thought it was very clever, Baby E, that you realized that the music was supposed to trigger certain expectations regarding the movie....you're awesome!

  5. I think the only possible way I'd be able to watch this, is if the grandkids insisted and margaritas were involved.

  6. I think this is the only review I've read this year that has convinced me to actually see a movie!

  7. I never heard of this movie but now I'm interested...And I agree with you Baby E, dumb and lame is often fun to watch!

  8. If I weren't such a lame-o, I would have been up past midnight to watch this movie (the MST3K version) with my family as well (how funny and totally random is that?). (Un)fortunately, I fell asleep before showtime so my parents/brother watched something else instead.

    Hope you all had a very merry Christmas! XOXO

  9. I hope all of you at least watch the last half of this movie.

    The kids will laugh.

    And you won't believe it...

  10. Really enjoyed this movie review. I am afraid it is probably far better than the movie itself! I am so glad I am not a Martian named Sue-ar. That just doesn't sound good!

  11. Baby E - You'll learn that many dumb and lame movies are fun to watch.

    And it's totally ok.

  12. Oh Baby E,
    People with mustaches can never be trusted.
    Trust me.
    I'm a Canadian.
    I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas!

  13. --Even though you are brillianly brilliant at movie reviews, your review is probably the best thing about this film...I shall NEVER get this movie. Never in a million trillion gazillion years.
    Aliens freak me out.


  14. This is the most comprehensive and HONEST movie review I've ever read! And somehow I have a feeling that this review would be funnier than watching the movie! Lol.

    But you know what, Baby E. Years from now, when you remember this movie, what you'll remember the most is the laughter and hilarity of the moment--of watching and laughing at this 'dumb and lame' movie together with your mom and brother. Some of my fondest memories came from similar moments :)

  15. I've missed you Baby E! You had me at dancing while pointing your fingers. It's the only way I dance when I watch movies. Hope Santa was good to you!

  16. How funny. I think your review summed it up so well I don't even need to rent it. Glad you're back in blogging form.

  17. Oh, I think I'd pay to watch a movie if Baby E were providing dancing lessons & a MST3K-style commentary.

  18. Dumb and lame? Hey, that's *my* brand!

    ;-) A.

  19. I just have one question: Does Baby E offer dance lessons?

  20. Just the trailer is wonderful, isn't it?? He's never heard music like that before, and really took to it.

    A natural.

  21. Baby E does an excellent movie review! I can't wait to read hte next one.

    We've actually watched this on MST3K and LOVE IT.

  22. A lot of people in southern California must have been in this movie.

    Because they are ALL getting plastic surgery.

    Silly actors.

  23. Listen Baby E,

    You are very cool to watch this movie and to reference MST3K. Any movie with robots made out of HVAC ducting is inherently good and I am doing your ringer pointing dance right now!

  24. You know I meant finger, right? ^

    Of course you did. . . .you're Baby E.



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