Monday, May 14, 2012

My feelings about SOPA

A True Confessions Post, Stolen (er, inspired) by Taming Insanity, because you know my feelings on SOPA (you can read about it here)

Dear Kids: Here Are Some Things From Your Youth That I Must Confess:

-I used to mix vitamins into your oatmeal

-I lied to you when I told you that I called ahead to McDonald's and they said they were out of fries for the day

-When we planted tiny individual skittles in the backyard, and the following week we dug up huge packages of them? They really did grow from the skittles we planted, no matter what that kid across the street said

-Dear kid across the street: I have no idea what happened to your favorite frisbee

-I lied to you when I said the best movies were rated G: for GOOD, and PG meant only PRETTY GOOD

-I told you that soy ice cream is just as deliciously creamy as Ice Cream Ice Cream and you can't even tell the difference. Wrong: big difference. HUGE.

-Root beer really only comes in one color: brown (the yellow stuff your dad drinks isn't root beer)

-In the winter when it got dark out earlier, and it seemed to you like bed time came right after supper, it did (6:00, 8:00, what's a couple of hours anyway)

-When you'd ask me to go fast on the freeway and I'd turn on the fans in the car to max, those really weren't our van's turbo engines

-The wrinkles on my face aren't because I didn't drink all my juice as a kid

-Your hermit crabs didn't run away to find a mate

-Your fish didn't jump into the sink to find a mate

-Your turtle didn't crawl down the bathtub drain to find a mate

-Your frog didn't hop out the patio door to find a mate

-I didn't read the How To Care For Your Pet books for all your animals (tap water = bad)

-The boy in The Giving Tree really is nice to his mother, I have no idea what edition book everyone else was reading to their kids

**There it is, my beautiful children, the ugly truth: warts and all. I stand fully confessed before you, no more lies. I'm so glad I was able to get this off my chest tonight, kids. Let's start over with a clean slate and sleep the deep sleep of a clear conscience. Now hurry upstairs and get to bed; now that you're older, I read somewhere that you need even more sleep. Like 14 hours minimum recommended for ages 10 through 11.


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  1. You're brilliant and I love you.

  2. These are terrific... terrific because you can admit it. I was never able to fess up and probably never will, to most of my prevarications.

  3. Oh these are perfect. I can't keep an animal alive for anything and I've run out of excuses so we will not be getting any more.

  4. haha yeah, tell me if the get some extra sleep works so i can tuck that away for later....

  5. oooooh, I needed this good morning giggle, Alexandra!
    you're so cute.

    Hope your Mother's Day was lovely, just like you.


  6. Ha Ha! Excellent! But wait, My wrinkles 'Aren't' because I didn't drink my juice as a kid? ; )

  7. Love. Shhh...stop giving away all of my secrets. xo

  8. Mother of the Year. Yes. I mean it.

  9. How do you come UP with these things? Planting skittles? I am clearly an inferior mother. I am ready to sit at your feet and take notes.

  10. The frog could really have been looking for a mate, couldn't s/he?

    That is the true stuff.

  11. As wonderful as KLZ's and of course so much Funnier!!!!! Thank God my kids can't read yet. ;)

    Happy Mother's Day to you my beautiful friend.

  12. you mean to tell me that juice didn't cause this? Liars.

  13. I laughed out loud at "turbo engines."

  14. Awesome. I am using some of these.

  15. Thanks for the laugh today! I'm borrowing some of these!

  16. I love it...especially calling ahead to McDonalds! Bwahahaha!

  17. Those are genius ideas. And really all those pets could have been looking for their mates... they were lonely I'm sure.

  18. My Dad spent my childhood telling me all sorts of silly things and enhancing my world with wild stories and colourful tales, I'm really glad he did, it makes life interesting, right? :)

    I love coming here and reading your posts, much love xo

  19. You're a genius. What a great mother in law you will make!

  20. I'd say that all of these lies are forgivable. Except the soy ice cream. Yuck.

    Rice cream is worse.

    Thanks for the chuckle.

  21. SO funny! You're such an awesome mom. Sincerely.

  22. I am totally stealing the McDonalds' fries idea--and LOL over all the rest ;)

  23. I'm not sure what pet shop you used to acquire your pets but they all seemed overly-determined to seek out love.

    (When I accidentally poured sparkling water into my kids' Betta fish bowls, they 'went to seek their fortune' just like Jack in the Beanstalk.)

    Kids are the best.
    But moms are even better.

    Hope your Mother's Day was beautiful, mama.

  24. Some of these answers cough lies are downright inspired. I'm going to ask you to call McDonald's for me every time I want fries.

  25. I knew it about the skittles! I just didn't water mine enough, I think.
    Love this.

  26. Love this. Especially about all the animals finding their mates :)

  27. cute confessional. i love the parade of mate seekers:)

  28. I've always felt so guilty for doing this! I'm so glad it's not just me! These are hilarious!



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