Monday, May 7, 2012

We've Been Found Out



Somebody, after a special time together with their spouse this weekend, when they were feeling extra super close and intimate and confusing he is so my BFF with just he is my pal, confessed to their SO.

One of us out there leaned in close and whispered, "You know, honey, how when you call me from work and ask my how my day is and I say awful? Almost didn't survive. The twins just about did me in today. Can you stop on the way home and get take out?"

"Yeah?"

"Well.

Some days, it's not that bad.
Some days, it's pretty good.

My friends come over.

And we have our coffee with Bailey's.

If it's after 12:00, we'll have the opened box of Franzia's in the fridge (more affordable and better for the environment), mixed with a little Mott's apple juice. It doesn't sound good, but it really is.

One day a few weeks ago, Cindy was over with some others for our Sports Equipment Acquisition Meeting and mixed too little of the Mott's with too much of the Zin, and I didn't have time to go to the store for cheese and crackers because I had to run back here after school drop off and clean the toilets before anyone came over, so there was the wine on the empty stomach and next thing you know she freaked out -- even though she was fine -- about having to leave and pick up her kids from school.

She forgot her Xanax that morning because she was in a hurry to get here, and so with the Franzia in combination with the no Xanax and no Cheddar she spun into this full huge panic attack -- have you ever seen one of those? -- and half of us had to stay with her and talk her off the ledge, and the other half of us split up and got her kids to piano, soccer, and swim.

Even though I personally think it was just low blood sugar, we decided not to let Cindy make her own wine-apple sippers anymore.

So, some days are pretty hard.
But some days really aren't that bad."
                        *
Yeah and Thank you for that Miss-Gets-Weak-In-The-Knees-By-A-Little-George-Clooney-Weekend Stubble. Now the cat's out of the bag.

Which is why there are these posters up on every single street corner of the subdivision this morning:




*24/7 Party Alert*

If you hear of a party about to happen under the guise of  "playdate" or "playgroup" or "book club" or "school fund raiser meeting," please call this number 26I-KNOW.


Ingestion of alcohol may be occurring.


Your call will be kept in confidence ... you may make it anonymously if you choose.


A family member will contact the homeowner, the party host and /or the appropriate responsible party without identifying the original caller.

Any of these parties under the cover of a legit activity has the potential to result in unweeded yards, garbage days being missed, frozen Encore for dinner, and unwalked dogs.

There may also be alcohol loosened lips resulting in gossip being spread that was sworn to secrecy, physical injury from ones thinking they can still dance to Flo Rida, and assault over someone outdoing another in their Bakasana crane pose.

This hotline is staffed Monday through Friday, from 9:00 - 3:00 PM.

PLEASE CALL and an appropriate chaperone will be dispatched to monitor the "Plant Sale Committee" in session.

Thank you.

*thanks and no thanks, you know who you are. We realize the flesh is weak, but still -- next time you find yourself wobbly weak in resistance to weekend time with your spouse, commit to zipping your lip first. And if you dare let in on why we actually go to Story Time [30 minutes alone, with People magazine] consider yourself alone, mixing your own Mott's Specials from now on. 



 Flickr via Photopin cc

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31 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, L...always love seeing you here.

      xo

      Delete
  2. I gotta join more book clubs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pssst., Betty...they can be disguised as "walking" club meetings, too.

      xo

      Delete
    2. Spiked water bottles for "walking club" is my favorite.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Right?? SOMEBODY.

      I know it wasn't you, Suni..

      Delete
  4. Franzia and apple juice? What's the ratio of wine to juice? I feel the need to know this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOTS of ice, mostly Franzia, light handed splash of Mott's.

      GOOOOOOD.

      Delete
  5. i'm thinking i need to do more "volunteer work."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Guess it didn't make much difference that you cleaned the toilet... unless someone's head was in it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ugh oh...someone got busted...lol...since i work in the afternoons i need to start me one of these early morning support groups you know...smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  8. OK! Where do you live and is there a house for sale nearby! Mama wants some Motts apple juice too!

    ReplyDelete
  9. my husband thinks to this day that the reason i became co-prez of the PTA was out of the goodness of my heart (and an attempt to get kid #2 into the school). i would mutter something about a "committee meeting" or volunteer thisorthat and off I'd go...to this lovely little spot that served the most AMAZING margaritas. Work was done (I think)...and no one, NO ONE spilled the beans (or the corn chips). What's the code they have in the Godfather movies? Omerta? Someone in your house is a snitch, broke the omerta code, and will now have do penance via carpooling everyone's kids, for at least a month.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I need to find some local friends like yours...lol...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Now I am going tosit and think of all the kinds of food and drink that I can mix with liquor. "Mommy? Why does my cereal taste funny?"

    ReplyDelete
  12. And where can I sign up for these clubs?
    Note To Self: Find club within stumbling...errr...walking distance.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I might have just peed my pants a little...I'd better claim uti infection and go lay on the couch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheesh, what the heck was that woman thinking??

      xo

      Delete
  14. Playgroup should be treated like Fight Club: The first rule of Playgroup is that you never talk about Playgroup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right?

      And who the heck was it...

      Delete
  15. I'm with above, never talk about playgroup. Totally going to try a Mott's Special next time. I've been missing out.

    ReplyDelete
  16. After "George Clooney stubble", it was a blur.

    Than man makes me weak in the knees. FOR REALZ.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh man, I wanna play! Story time (doing air quotes right now, by the way) and Mott'ssangria, now that's a party. Talking your momma bud down from a panic attack, now that's a true friend. So can one get in on these shindigs via Skype?

    ReplyDelete
  18. I need me some of this Mott's Apple Juice Special. Sounds delish.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Too funny and fun....I could use a night, day, weekend of crazy.:)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've been doing it wrong. I need to find more friends/groups.

    ReplyDelete
  21. So what you're saying is that my wine in the driveway with my Mom friend at 4:00 on Friday's is pretty tame then, right?

    "Apple Sippers"... I like that... ;)

    ReplyDelete

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