Wednesday, March 4, 2015

When The Twilight Zone Calls



Double Takes.
My formative years were filled, hours of them, in unsupervised marathons in front of the television set. I had a thirst for my favorite series, The Twilight Zone, that was unquenchable.

As soon as an episode ended, I needed another. The big reveal, that moment when we got to see just what took a typical day and transported it into The Twilight Zone, left me without air. The Twilight Zone -- that break in space and time, where we either fall into something or something falls into ours, and whoooosh, we are knocked into another state of being.

I felt it every time right along with the actor on screen. The closest words to describe that split in being is this, whatever you just heard, or saw, or felt, makes you do a double take. You see it once, your head swings away in disbelief because you have to thinkthinkthink, and then you can't help it you need to look again, because: no sense no sense no sense. Your brain can't catch up to the reality of the situation. I'm not a physically demonstrative person, but if I were, then in the moment of Twilight Zone-ism you'd see me flapping my arms like my oven mitts were on fire.

What's that?

How come?

I don't get it.

THIS.IS.TRIPPY.

That is The Twilight Zone.

My children are the biggest cause of me finding myself in a double take, snapping my head back and forth like a cat following a laser pen. My children say something, do something, move their face or the light catches them in a moment where I can only open and close my mouth and stammer wha wha wha.

Of course, my three boys – some days more than others, look like me. But it's not the physical make up of who they are, nor the way they stand with one foot out like I do, not even the mannerism of how they have to smile before they begin talking in the same way I do. Those things are amazing, but they don't knock the wind out of me. It's the things they haven't seen me do, or heard me say, the ones I didn't teach them, that suspend me.

This week, when I went in to wake up my youngest, he opened his eyes and groaned, DANG. And he closed his eyes and rolled to his left side. I heard this, and stopped breathing. Because it's hard to breathe and freak out at the same time. My hairs stood on end because the word Dang is the first thing that leaves my lips every morning, but I say it to myself, alone, far away from everyone. He's never been with me at that point when night's rest ends and the day's bugles begin. And yet he just said it.

The Twilight Zone.

My middle boy will only eat one food at a time. I watch him and I know I've never talked about this, nor instructed him to do this, and there he sits: meat first, then the starch, finally, the vegetables, fruit comes last. Always in that order. We don't eat breakfast together, he has lunch at school without me, and dinner happens while I'm already at work some nights. But... the order of preference for food consumption. Identical.

Doodoodoodo doodoodoodoo

Most people can motivate themselves to do something because it needs to be get gotten done do it already. Me? I need the fire of a deadline singeing my hairs. The day I read a text from my oldest in college saying “Hey. Just found something out about myself. I need to have things due for me to get things done. That's when my work is really good.” Gulp. And yes, oh yes.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Where how why do they know this???

This all brings us to the close of today's post. How many of us really know what's happening here? Do we watch and learn from our parents? Do our children imitate us, sense our actions, or are things already in our DNA? Are we all just one step away from merging into a sole being??

I don't know! I don't know! What I do know is this - my children are the most mystical, mind-blowing, arresting beings on this planet.

They are the only ones that have taken me to The Twilight Zone. But it doesn't terrify me as the show did -- although that was delicious. It's a different dimension they take me to, one where I feel a world without me at the same time as I feel the brush of my children's lives against mine.

I am reassured, through the goose bumps on my skin, about my legacy. Of course it involves food that can't touch, surly first words in the morning, and a last minute due date as the only sure way to complete a task.
 
What else embodies me more?



The Twilight Zone, an area of indefinite boundaries. Unable to delineate where one existence ends, and another begins. 

 * * * 

17 comments:

  1. We must be related, although not having to wake to an alarm clock helps me to not have negative first words. (and dang might not be the exact word I used) My oldest Son used to have to have everything separate on the plate and ate one thing at a time, too. Also, the only way I, or a couple of my kids, get anything done, is to have a deadline.

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    1. So crazy, isn't it? My legacy, our legacies. Did they watch and learn? Or would they have been this way anyhow?

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  2. Can I still hang out here if I have never seen a Twilight Zone episode. I read and loved this post , as all others, but have to admit that the line that stopped me was the one about your son texting from school just because...you know why this caught me!

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    1. I cannot believe this. NEVER? Can't be. I will have to drive there and we will marathon!

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  3. "It's a different dimension they take me to, one where I feel a world without me at the same time as I feel the brush of my children's lives against mine." Yes. Yes. YES. I loved your gorgeous prose.

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  4. "It's a different dimension they take me to, one where I feel a world without me at the same time as I feel the brush of my children's lives against mine." Yes. Yes. YES. I loved your gorgeous prose.

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    1. Oh, how you make me feel like a million bucks. THANK YOU.

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  5. Great post. Did you also watch the 1980s version "Amazing Stories?"

    xo

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    1. I never heard of that, Ann. Going to google it. AND THANK YOU. xoxo

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  6. It didn't help that TZ was on late at night when everyone else had gone to bed! That show freaked my freak on more than one occasion.

    Genetic is (are?) fascinating. I find myself muttering under my breath often these days when I see my son do or say certain things, "Oh my gosh, you're me." Freaky indeed.

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    1. It does give in to a double take, doesn't it? Sometimes, you just catch them and realize, "he's mine."

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  7. i dont think we are conscious of how much we learn or take on that is our parents...especially since we proclaim we will be so differnt than they are...ha....but when you really stop to notice..

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    1. It gives me goosebumps. Especially, B, now that they're older. With Alec being 19 and Xavier 17, their faces... gah!!

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  8. It's amazing to me that kids have absorbed so much of who we are, whether on an observed or innate basis. Of course, my husband isn't so amazed when I point out that the things that drive him the most nuts about our kids are the very things he illustrates on a daily basis. Ouch.

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    1. OH YES. With each one, they have so much of me and I SEE IT.

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  9. One of my girls is a carb hound. So yeah, we're pretty much life twins.

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    1. My middle boy and I are crazy about starches, wheats, carbs, breads, muffins, rolls, crackers....

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