Monday, April 27, 2015


I have been on the verge of tears about Baltimore. I remember someone telling me years ago, when it feels like too much, turn away. I have that luxury, many don't. Some of us are living in the face of what it all comes down to  -- the color you were born.

My heart is stopping today, the breath in my lungs being pulled out furiously. I want to change everything, and all I can do, is sit with a lump in my throat. Every time I read of people being left to die in the street. Like a dog run over by a car. To even type that, I have to sit back and shake my head not being able to believe the images I have seen.

America is no longer in the dark. Are there more protests? Yes, because finally, the truth is exposed in a medium that can't be denied -- video captures moments that have been hidden for hundreds of years. The world is seeing it all. And we are reacting. No longer secret, secrets that should be shameful, but aren't. The frustration for how our country cannot listen to the people who live here feels like an explosion.

Justice for all. We don't have it. It's not available to the groups and we know which ones. It's our young black men. It's our brown men. It's our men of color who are trying to do what we all try to do: live. And with people making Baltimore about looting and NOT about Freddie Gray's broken spine, being explained as a result of "a rough ride injury"?? We have seen decades of violence, corrupt legal systems, cover ups, and denials. Ridiculous reasons given for racist behavior in a land where we are promised equality. What is happening here? More protesting or finally, truth telling.

People of color are being killed. And the news that gets covered isn't of the 10,000 peacefully protesting, or the 500 clergy assembled to march in solidarity. The story that hits is looting. That's what people pounce on. Do we think there is no reason for protesting? How does anyone expect law and order in the face of INJUSTICE?

Do we say nothing about the good? What do we do then, when all that gets seen is that which paints horror. What do you do SO SOMEONE LISTENS. What do you do when the world you live in DOES NOT CHANGE. You cry out, you say enough, you do what you need to do to get someone to look at you and hear.

Consider, that the life of another, is and always will be different than yours. Believe that, that some cannot do what you do: live anywhere, work anywhere, be treated as you are, be offered the realm of existence as that of being born white.

Why do so many not listen or believe, when we have video, we have photos, we have data, we have statistics, we have documented events of brutality. I begin to ask and then I remember once hearing, that to ask why is to say that if the right explanation is given, than the possibility exists to be accepted.

I won't ask why. Because there is NO reason acceptable. We are equal in biological make up BUT society has made those of color Unequal in opportunity and life.

This is not nature's way. This has come as a mistake, a huge mistake, on man's part. From the beginning, we see what happens when you treat people unequally. This, is the result of that first moment, of treating someone as a lesser.

This, in Baltimore right now, and who is being made to look ugly? Who is being called an animal. Something I again wish I didn't have to type.

Every time I have posted here, or on Facebook, or twitter, about the inequality for people of color in America, I have had to delete comments, read ugly emails to me, and block people on twitter. And I've been unfollowed. For voicing the sentiment I was raised with. We are one. We are humans. We are brown, black, yellow, white, but one. I am not color blind, and I don't say we need to be color blind. We see color.

But to react the way you do with others different from you, is a decision you make. We're not born hating. We are born to see a difference, but when are we taught that our feelings need to be based on color? People are individual. No group can be said to be the same because of an action. People act individually and we need to see people as their own person, and not a collective to be stepped on and battered.

What do you do when you feel like me, that you have no voice. You don't make the mistake of not speaking out. You don't silence yourself when you see injustice. You speak out against it, in any way you can. In the way you raise your children, in the way you use any platform you have. No matter the consequences.

I won't turn off the TV, I won't turn off the radio, I won't keep the newspaper closed. I will learn about Baltimore, and I will learn about any other protest in the face of calling for justice. Our world is in a tragic state. There is violence, grief, pain, loss. There is injustice and our Americans are calling for fairness in their world.

My children saw me crying today. I have talked to them about Freddie Gray. Now, the house is still. I couldn't sleep because of the anguish of not being able to do something. With this post, for the handful that read this, it is my act of doing something.

I believe that is something.

I pray for you, Baltimore. I pray that America listens. And works to start anew.



  1. I understand what you are saying and I agree that there is a legitimate reason for the citizens of Baltimore to be upset. Not just about Freddie Gray (although in all fairness, we don't really know what happened) but for all the reports of injustice in that area. There seems to be a real problem. does burning down your very own neighborhood solve the problem? My heart goes out to the homeowners and business owners who have worked their whole lives for what they have only to watch a group of people burn it to the ground in protest. There are ways to initiate change. This is not the way. It did not work in Ferguson and it will not work in Baltimore. It will ruin the economy in the effected areas and the those places will be worse off then before this started. Yes, my heart breaks for the people who have been wronged by those in authority. But this response is wrong, just wrong.

    1. I know for me, I can't imagine the life of being treated the way our black Americans are treated. There will always be looters who will take advantage of uprising, and they darken the work of protesters who are calling out for equality. That's humanity... I hope, I have to have hope, that AMerica listens to the cries of those who are at the blunt end of what our statistics show as injustice, mistreatment, and hatred for their skin color.

  2. It's the worst to feel helpless, and the issue in Baltimore feels so enormous. I try to focus on improving what's in front of me, hoping it will have a lasting effect. Sometimes it's big, sometimes small, but over and over it adds up.

    1. Yes, Courtney. It is so hearbreaking, the pain, the push to outrage. But peaceful hasn't worked. We all know what history has shown us... peaceful maintains status quo... and a significant percentage of our population is being treated as second class.

  3. Every time I think I have no words, I find a few. And when my son asked me why our neighbors and our school have posters that say black lives matter, I told him. Because they do. And because some people seem to not think that they do. And that finding out that parts of our country are rife with people who won't examine how disgusting our history has made our culture is simply horrific. And that we need to train police officers to see people as people, and we also need to train our teachers and retail personnel and judges and letter teach all our children... to see people as people.

    1. Yes, this is what hurts me, Naptime. People are people and to be born dark skinned in this country, is to be facing life as an uphill battle. I hear you.

  4. I have been so heartbroken about what is happening in Baltimore lately, too. The other day, I watched a news segment while at the gym and nearly lost my footing when I heard some of the incredibly blatant and racist remarks the anchors were making... and I don't even think they thought there was anything racist about them!

    It is time for us all to wake up. To realize that this IS a problem and one that won't go away until we learn it is not right to leave a man to die like a dog on the street (hurts my heart to type that, too).

    I hope that change is in the air and that at least the consequent uprisings remind EVERYONE that we are all equal and deserve to be treated as such.

    Thank you for writing about this so eloquently, Alexandra. XOXO

    1. Charlotte, my heart is broken, too. This is wrong, racism, bigotry, prejudice. Hatred for another because of skin color. And the frustration of just wanting equal opportunity, when studies show: anything but that occurs. It is sad, it is wrong, it is unjust, and we blame young black and brown men... for what? For wanting a chance at life like everyone else? I hear you, dear friend.



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