Thursday, April 30, 2015

Ways I Figured Out People Were Saying I Love You

It's always good to hear I love you, but it's become a way of saying good-bye in the English language. Right before someone hangs up, they say I love you. Before they leave for the day, I love you.

See you later I love you bye.

That's how we English got to good-bye, to begin with. Once upon a time, Good-bye meant I love you. It comes from God be with ye. Now, back then with Shakespeare, it meant God be with Ye, and that meant something -- I mean, God be with ye is a weighty farewell.

Now, it's just, good-bye. And I love you, has become, 'bye. And, while I'm lamenting, farewell meant Fare thee well. May all go well for you. Serious send off, right?

How do we save the I love you of today so it keeps on remaining the L word, the one we pine to hear be said to us, and the one we hope to have people to say it to. 
We can't. It's going to go the way of God be with ye and Fare thee well.
But, the other day, I noticed, that people I know are sneakily letting it slip that they love me. They don't come out and say I LOVE YOU OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU, ALEXANDRA! But I've been reading between the lines. It's taken decades to figure it out but I'm onto it -- I can see all the hidden I love you-s that have been floating over my life.

And it's mind blowing. I used to think that my husband getting on my case about taking in the van for the check engine warning light was just his way of being on my case. BUT then he slipped. “Did you get the check engine warning light checked?”


“Good. You don't want the car blowin' up on ya.”

OH MY GOD, is he saying he doesn't want me to blow up? I think that's I love you.

My teen son takes me for a walk every day, “Like an old pet, mom.” I go along, so I don't get blood clots from blogging. We talk, but you know it's occurred to me. It's LOVE not a walk. He wants me around for as long as he's around. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ten times around the block with his old pet.

More I love you-s came to me just this week. I went in to Lisa, my hairdresser, with a picture of 1950s kitten with a whip blunt cut Betty Page bangs, I showed them to her, and she shrugged her shoulders. “Cute," she said. "But you know what would look really good on you? Side swept.” Now, you know she could have just pulled out the hedge clippers and given me the bangs in one chop, but she was saying I LOVE YOU, I want you to look like JLo. *love*

When I think back of other possibilities of I love you-s that have been not spoken, the flood gates open. My littlest was with me last Saturday on grocery shopping day, I was desperate for a dress for spring and we took a side trip to Kohl's. He came in with me and waited outside of the dressing room while I promised to be quick. I skipped out in a flirty flared red number. “How about this one, honey?” I asked him. Eyebrows up, he pressed his lips together, and I LOVE YOU poured out of his mouth, “There's better ones in the store, right, that don't show your knees?” Oh right you are, son, there are! I love you I love you I love you! I heard it loud and clear from him.

My friend Carol has an adorable sneaky method of I love you that I just noticed. She tells me without telling me by dropping off one doughnut at my house on her way to work. She knows I won't buy a doughnut because I'll never by one doughnut, I'll buy a nicely lined up dozen, though, so she brings me ONE. I love you I love you I love you. Here's 300 calories and not 600,000 because I love you so much.

Just as the easy-listenin' band Orleans crooned, Let it lift you off the ground. Starry eyes, and love is all around us – just listen to what people aren't saaaaayiiiiiiingggg

I think the most precious I love you that was never said to me came from my mother 20 years ago. We were shopping for wedding dresses, and after I tried on the 17th dress, she leaned back in the dressing room chair, “Just get it. You'll look beautiful to him no matter how bad the dress fits you.”

So much love I have never heard. I am a lucky, lucky woman.
* * *


  1. I wish my mom had read this post--and learned about the subtleties of gestures and "not I love you" expressions of love--before she divorced my dad at the 40 years of marriage mark. Because he didn't express his love enough to her. But he bought her donuts, scrubbed the pots and pans every night, and always told her, "Whatever you want to do, you should do."

    She couldn't hear it.

    Great post, you.

    1. Best comments ever, from you. That right there, Jocelyn, needs to be a post. xo

  2. This is just pure perfection, my friend. It took me a long time to not get annoyed with my husband when he said I needed to rest and not work so hard. I would tell him to stop acting like my parent. But then I realized he was just saying, "I love you," and that softened me … and made me sit and rest a bit. P.S. I love your way with words

    1. I have said it before, and that's because I mean it. I am lucky to know you. Thank you. xo

  3. I'll just come right out and say it - I LOVE YOU!

    1. Sweet thing, A. Love you right back. xo

  4. When I was in a bad mood and my husband would hand me my running shoes and push me out the door. "I love you! Please stop being such a b*tch."

    1. We have to believe it, right? xo

  5. Oh those last few lines . . . perfect example of your entire point. Loved this.



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