Sunday, February 13, 2011

I Am Not The Pioneer Woman, And That's OK

Dang this woman messes with my mind

Maybe I'm Unique In This, But I Highly Doubt It.

Let's talk about All Things Comparing. For some reason this week, there has been so much circulating in the blogosphere (our alternate reality) on bloggers feeling "bloggy despair." The feeling of where you don't fit in,  in the blogosphere, that you don't make the cut, that your blog isn't good enough. The feeling of others doing it better, having more readers, more commenters, more visitors, more pageviews, more beautiful blogs, better graphics skills, better photography.

Comparing ourselves to other bloggers, other blogs, other posts.

It's natural ---- we can't help it, and nothing will kill and shoot your blogging mojo down faster than looking at someone else's blog and then saying, "I've got nothin'. I'm just pushing the chair away, turning off the computer, and it was nice while it lasted and whooohooo I sure had some good times, but I got nothin'."

The thing is, we are all different. We bring something new and unique to someone's world, and those we strike a chord with, will return. The readers that like us, will come back. We can't be all things to everyone. I mean, yes, some can, like The Pioneer Woman...who, holy hell, just go look over there: what CAN'T she show you is more like it.

But, for the rest of the human blogging race, we can only offer who we are, and our own special experiences and style.

We can always improve, learn new things, take on a technical bit of new knowledge, improve stick figuring, and photography know how. We can tighten up the writing a bit. A little bit of angst about our site can be a good thing:  it can be the push we need to try a new prompt, or a different type of style that we usually don't have on our blog. Maybe we'll think of hosting a guest series, or creating a blog hop. All those things are ways we can get better, or offer more, and meet a new group of people. But, for the most part, we can only give what we know.

What I've learned, is that I have to believe. I have to believe that there is something in my writing and my blog, that feeds someone out there what they like.

If I go to a blog, and see all sorts of stupendousness there, and then I head back home with my head hanging, well, I can barely lift my shoulders off my knees high enough to hit the keys on the keyboard.

What I have learned to make myself do is this:

1. Straighten up that spine.

2. Take a deep, deep breath.

3. Put on a smile, literally.

4. Put the fingers on the keys.

5. Tell myself I am who I am. And only I can do that best. Only me.

6. Just do it. Type away. Smile. Check for typos. Check once more. Then Post.

If you love blogging, and love to connect and find people who get you, then keep doing it. Don't look at what someone else can do that you can't. Don't tell yourself that someone is so much better than you, they know more than you, their blog is so much cooler than yours.

Just don't.

Your love for what you do, and for who stops to check on you daily, will cross over into those fingertips that tap the keys, and put words out there that will speak to someone.

In other words, only listen to what the good voices in your head tell you to do. The bad voices?  pfffffffffft....shove them out the door. But, still, dang,  Pioneer Woman, 22,639 comments on one post? Really, woman?



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67 comments:

  1. Damn, this is the second time I tried to publish a comment. So, heres what I said. I've heard of Pioneer woman but I've never read her. I think that if you can stay true to yourself, be authentic, then readers will find you. But only if you have a unique voice, which you do, and only if you write well...which you also do.

    Honestly, the rest of it is all bullshit. Just saying...

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  2. i was guilty of bloggy despair this week. it was my saturday post.

    although somehow through it? I found myself to feel more confident and happy about what I am doing here on the interwebs.

    and you were a big part of that.

    thank you for being a friend (cue the montage of old ladies in florida).

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  3. You are so right! It's hard to tell yourself to just be satisfied with who you are when the bloggy world is so full of talent and amazingness, though. I'm fairly new at blogging and I get overwhelmed with the amount of creativity and talent out there! I'm a very small fish in a very large sea, but I love to blog and that is what should matter, right? Right? :)

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  4. But you are so right! We can't all be EVERYTHING. Know what I mean? Some of us just fit into our own particular bloggy niche. And I think that's fine. Most of us started blogging for ourselves anyway...we need to remember that! :)

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  5. I'm a new subscriber to your blog but I agree with your advice and Lynn's comment. It is important to stay true to who you are and be authentic. Write what you know and connect with people. I have found in my short time blogging that connections and communication can do a lot for your blog. And the other thing that is important is to not quit. If you enjoy blogging then keep at it and don't stop because you don't get the views or comments that other people get.

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  6. Hi Empress-so nicely said. Your special gift (one of many, anyways) is that you always have an encouraging word.

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  7. What a fabulously encouraging post! As a new blogger I feel that every blog I look at is better than mine in some way and I become frustrated that I can't dedicate hours a day to learning about blogging and working on my blog. I have definitely been feeling a little blogger despair myself. I can't even look at PW anymore without getting heartburn. But this post helps put it in perspective for me. I still love writing my posts and connecting with so many other bloggers. I will just have to be patient for the rest.

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  8. I'm feeling it as we speak. I can't keep up. I can't. I feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff out there, the sheer volumne and talent. There's never enough time.

    Not to mention the watching of the children and the keeping of the household.

    I'm drowning a bit.

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  9. Pardon me, did you say she got over 22 THOUSAND comments on one post? I don't think I've ever gotten even 22. But now I have something to be thankful for: think how long it would take to read all of those comments!

    Feeling better already...

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  10. I do believe I need to print this and hang it next to my computer. What I love most is that there is advice about improving your blog. But that doesn't mean comparing. Very tough when the blogs you read are top notch.

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  11. This was wonderful...I have been feeling the "bloggy despair" this week too. In retrospect, it wasn't even about my blog so much as life in general and feeling overwhelmed.

    Thank you for writing this and encouraging us all to just be ourselves and be happy with our blogs. I'm reposting this too!

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  12. whew that was better than seeing the psychiatrist...smiles. be yourself, have fun, the people will come...

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  13. True. True. True. It is very easy to get down on yourself when you compare yourself to others. I agree that you are your own best commodity. I am not looking to be like anyone else. Let an Empress be an Empress -Let a Diary be a Diary and let a Pioneer Woman be (nobody needs that kind of pressure).

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  14. I'm currently doing SITS 30 Days of blog improvement & it's interesting because you do need to compare some. Not in a 'woe is me I can never be this good' sort of way but in a 'what is this successful person doing that *I* can do to' sort of way. and PW was one of the people I looked at. Blogging has to be a very large part of her day. She WORKS HARD for it. I admire that & after really looking at her site, have no desire to dedicate that much of my life to blogging. She can keep her 22,000 comments. I'll be happy if one post reaches 22 on mine. :)

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  15. Blogging has been dying out for a very long time. As the younger generation jumps to Tumblr and Facebook and Twitter become the place to be measured in terms of your brand power, blogging is the new myspace.

    The only ones left standing in the next 3 years (maybe 2) will be the big sites like Dooce and Pioneer Woman.

    People get bored, they move on. Pioneer Woman offers a lot to her readers, not just a post on what she did on a Saturday.

    It's important to be who you are, for sure, but all bloggers are talking about the same thing. There is no uniqueness in blogging.

    A social media friend of mine told me that if you have less than 10,000 followers on FB or on Twitter, you're a non-entity. I asked him about blogs and he laughed.

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  16. Thank you so much for sharing this! I've been feeling some of this as a relatively new blogger, but then I have individuals tell me that they're really moved by what I write. I'm reminded why I write, and I'm grateful it reaches people who need to hear it!

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  17. Well, you already know how I feel about the Master of the Blogiverse, P-Dub. Not worthy! I am not worthy!!

    You, however, are amazing, Miz Thang. Look at your followers!!! And it hasn't been a year!!! And you're always you: sweet, gorgeous, humble, thankful, loving Y-O-U. Not some fake crap. Straight-forward Empress. I love it and look forward to all your posts.

    Since I'm working, it seems like all I do is gripe on my blog and I'm really tired of that. And I'm thinking of taking a different direction, but then that's scary because 3 whole people read it and what if I scare them off and it's kind of negative, too, and then I might have run on sentences that go for miles, plus really bad grammar...and I just worry. What to and what NOT to put out there. It's a hard thing since these Internetz R forevz. **insert LOL cat of choice here**

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  18. You're such an influential blogger. Thanks for the reminder.

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  19. You're right, we're all different and we all have our own niche. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that when we look at blogs with millions of followers, but if blogging makes us happy then we gotta keep doing it!

    :)

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  20. My blog is like my child. I think it's the best! Maybe I should work on a post about my delusions of grandeur!

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  21. Thank you, Empress. This is really what I needed to hear this week.

    You are so right. We all bring something new, different, and interesting to the table, and that really needs to be celebrated. I look to so many bloggers who seem to do it better but this is so discouraging. I have to be happy with what I post when I hit published. And if I am, mission accomplished, right?

    Hope you're having a wonderful weekend, sistah. *HUGS*

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  22. If it makes you feel any better, I don't read the pioneer woman but I read you religiously

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  23. I really needed to read this today, thank you so much for sharing. I've been feeling so discouraged lately - the judgment and divisiveness and blame that can be inherent in mom blogs can really wear a person down. Trying to shake it off now!!

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  24. You. Are. Awesome.
    Thanks for this post. That is all.

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  25. I think its a February things, the despair thing.

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  26. I hereby crown you Glinda, the Good Witch of the Blogosphere.

    So now your officially an Empress and a Good Witch.

    All that is left, is a Fairy Godmother...

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  27. Love this! I think everyone has their doubts at one time or another but we have to keep writing and let everything else fall aside.

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  28. Me? Doubts? Never, well maybe a little. The Pioneer Woman, I'm sure all those damn posts were spammer.

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  29. I love this post. :)

    Really, I'm not the Pioneer Woman either, and in all honesty? I don't want to be. I don't care if I am because...I'm NOT the Pioneer Woman. I don't cook like her, write like her, I'd never live on a ranch, yadda yadda. While what she does works for HER, it never would for me. Also I spend many hours working on my blog and I can't imagine how on Earth she'd even run the business (yes, it's a business) over there. I kind of doubt that she writes, cooks, and photographs every single thing on her blog. There must be people that she hires to do some things for her, whether it's running the ranch, photos, editing, etc. Nobody is superwoman and there's NO WAY that she's homeschooling, running a ranch, cooking, and keeping that site up all on her own.

    I would love, love, LOVE to have her level of success, but it needs to fit me and my family.

    My point is, be who you are and be proud of it. Write what you want and concentrate on you and your corner instead of comparing yourself to someone else. Because at the end of the day, YOU are the only person you need to please, and success isn't measured by numbers or comments, but rather those who you touch.

    Toss the numbers. Write like nobody is reading-and the rest will come. If not, at least you had a blast doing it.

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  30. Love this post, too. Well said. We do what we can with the time we have - and isn't the point to ENJOY doing it? If I'm stressing over not being good enough and not holding up in comparison, then I've lost what it's all about - the joy of actually writing the blog.

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  31. I tour the blogs a lot, and I know I don't get back to many of the same places. I love the variety of the blog world, and I love finding the common thread running it.

    Interestingly, a non blogging friend gave me the best advice which was, don't do it if you feel burdened by it.

    So far I haven't felt the burden. Excellent topic Empress.

    PS
    First visit to Pioneer Woman. I won't be back, it made me dizzy!

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  32. I can't read the Pioneer Woman regularly... because it starts that spiral of "I'm not here, I'll never make it as a big blogger" thinking.

    Don't get me wrong - I think she's awesome... but didn't she start somewhere too? somewhere smaller... somewhere... you know, kind of like where I'm still at?

    I love blogging - and sure... I'd love to somehow hook up with a bunch of other hilarious bloggers and have an uber-successful team that makes everyone laugh/want to cook/craft their brains out/cry/be spiritually better... but for now, I can just be who I am... do what I do... and build friendships with other bloggers... ones with less than 22,000 comments per post.

    seriously? I can't bring myself to comment if there's a thousand comments already - I'm pretty sure nobody cares after the first thou... (I'll let you know if I ever get to that number!)

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  33. I love blogging...and I'd love to make endless amounts of income from doing so...and I'd love to have a cookbook published...and a cooking show...and at the moment - I'd love my 3 year old to obey and get his pj's ready for bathtime by himself so I don't have to go do it and stop reading blogs. Lol!

    It's tough - no matter what arena we are in, we all tend to compare ourselves. In the workplace, in blogging, in churches, in relationships...in the line at the supermarket when we see the thin chick in front of us with all healthy foods in her cart and ours loaded with frozen pizzas and cheetos (for the kids of course!)

    We are what we are...we are where we are...and we are blessed to have each other!

    Comparisons stink! And you - my dear - are better than the PW - you actually interact and comment back and follow other bloggers...you go to her site and get lost in the masses. I like relationship better!

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  34. Maybe it's because she's too good, maybe because she does not speak to ME, but the Pioneer Woman? Not my bag baby.

    You? Love following you!

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  35. I've never read the PW. I felt very encouraged and uplifted by this post...at least until I read the comment about blogs being the next MySpace! sob!

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  36. I'd rather hang out in your empire any day. Ranches aren't my thing :)

    I love coming over here; you're hilarious and encouraging at the same time, which is harder than it sounds!

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  37. I try to reply to every comment. I could never to reply to all her comments. I guess I need to be content that I can answer the small number I get.

    Does she have a kingdom like you do?

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  38. Dude, there are so many AWFUL blogs out there. Go take a look at some of them and feel better.

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  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  40. Forget the 22,639 comments that Pioneer Woman has, I'm jealous that I can't even get 20!! Haha. Enjoyed your blog...I think I'll follow you now. :)

    ShanimalCrackers.blogspot.com

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  41. I was feeling very encouraged and motivated until I saw that 22k number. Seriously? Whoa. It's not that it bums me out, it's just that I can't wrap my head around it. 22 THOUSAND comments. Holy crap.

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  42. "Bloggy despair". Interesting. I didn't feel it at all until the 22,000 comment thing. Thanks. :-)

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  43. Absolutely true. It isn't just with blogging though. Many of us get ourselves down by trying to compare ourselves with those around us. She does this better, or she can do this, so why bother? Faith in self is a trait that should carry into many other aspects of day-to-day life, but it is a hard trait to learn. Little by little though, we'll get there. And on those bad days, there are awesome bloggers like you out there to cheer us on.

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  44. For the record, I think Pioneer Woman's blog is great. She seems like a nice woman and I am sure she wishes she had time to respond to the 22k comments she generates. Now lets talk about about Hyperboleandahalf. That cute youngster, now she's getting more famous than I think even she wanted to be! It is all about the unique voice, not always how long you've been in the game.

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  45. I so needed to read this tonight.

    Love your encouraging ways and your empowering wisdoms.

    I like the smaller more chill blogs myself. A handful of talented voices reading and commenting on each others efforts. For me that's more a feeling of coffee with friends, even if we're drinking our coffee at different times all and all over the country.

    Thanks, you

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  46. Your timing, as always, is perfect. A post on comparing and jealousy and feelings of unworthiness is ALWAYS perfectly timed because we all suffer from this malady. And guess what? The Pioneer Woman does too. I bet money on it.

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  47. I actually kind of feel bad for the Pioneer Woman...22,000 comments? That sounds like a shit ton of work...and I? am LAZY!

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  48. Well I sure love your blog. I do love PW's too, but I love yours and am just as interested to read it. (so there)

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  49. Great post! Especially for all of us self-depreciating females! Although personally, I have to say I don't stress much about my blog. I realize NOW that perhaps I should, but I can't. It's just fun for me. If someone else gets a kick out of it, great. If not? Suck it. Seriously? I have enough difficulty being a good mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. in REAL life. There's no way I can let myself be stressed over my VIRTUAL one!

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  50. I go to PW's site from time to time and enjoy it- it is very well done- but I rarely if ever leave a comment- I figure with her numbers she would never really read mine let alone take the time to visit my meager little blog. I'm lucky to get 5 responses when I post- and quite honestly- I work full time and have a family so I am not the most"regular" poster. I enjoy your blog Empress b/c I believe that you DO read the responses you get and you DO take the time to check out other people's blogs. :)

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  51. Believe me. If I thought you were anything like the (brain filtered expletive) Pioneer Woman, I wouldn't wanna be friends with you. And I certainly would NOT be reading your blog.

    Meh on her.

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  52. A to the MEN, Empress!! SOOOO glad you wrote this! Yes, we can't be all things to all people, and we shouldn't want to be so!

    Constantly worrying about what everyone *else* is doing is never going to be anything OTHER than defeating!

    Let's keep this blogosphere a positive place! :)

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  53. I agree with what you said...which was not that self-examination, or even comparing yourself to others, is defeating, but that self-examination can be a positive motivation.

    I use looking at others as inspiration and motivation. Sure, I have my down days, or even weeks, as I did last week, but that doesn't mean I'm defeated. It means I'm gaining perspective.

    We all do what we can do...and all have something to offer. But I also think getting too wrapped up in oneself is not good either. Humility in blogging is one of the best things you can have, I truly believe that. Which you have in spades, that's for sure. Pride goeth before a fall.

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  54. I'm a bit of a weirdo, but I'd still be writing even if I were the only person reading my blog. And you, of course. But I thought we just had to keep this all up for 10 years and then we'd be rich and famous, right? Didn't you read that somewhere?:)

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  55. I go through this a lot, then I will avoid blogging for a bit, til the guilt gets to me, I'll pop back in a bare my soul again. Then? Someone (usually KLZ, who is the most faithful commenter ever) will pop in and say something sweet and I will feel silly for thinking I had nothing to share.

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  56. Very well said. And to be honest, I thought you are one of the popular bloggers... so now you have just turned my world upside down. Thanks, YRH. ;-)

    I don't read TPW or Dooche (?) because really I have no time. When I have time, I hang out with my online friends (like what I am doing now) and if I have MORE time, I would like to read actual pieces of literature by actual authors. No offense: when it comes to book reading, because of my limited time, I am a total snob. Just finished reading A Visit From the Goon Squad, and I cannot stop thinking about it. That's what I ask for in my Literature with a capital L.

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  57. Just noticed "I think we're alone now..." so I am rocking to Tiffany in my office chair. Just thought I should let you know. ;-)

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  58. I think the first rule of blogging is don't compare yourself to The Pioneer Woman. But really, don't compare yourself to anyone. You're incomparable.
    xo

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  59. PW is a conglomerate of multiple folks. Hard to wrap my arms around an entity. Heart to heart is where it's at. Write on!

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  60. A little someone I adore mentioned this post. I've been in my writer's cage and missing my bloggy friends, but I'm taking a day off and I came over to see what's up. This is phenomenal, my friend. I have suffered not so much from blog angst, more like writer angst in general. And all the light that emanates from this post, from your words is just so empowering, as always. As always.

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  61. Oh I so struggle with not comparing myself. I need to read this daily and NOT Pioneer Woman and her outrageous comment count.

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  62. Blogging won't die. I don't say that because I have been doing it for seven years. I say it because millions have been writing for as long or longer.

    Blogging isn't going away now or ever. People have done this for as long as man has known how to write.

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  63. This is exactly what I needed to read today.

    Thank you for that.

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  64. Thank you, Empress, for writing this. I'm sure you know how much it means to your readers but I just want to reinforce how much it means to me personally.

    I've been through this - left, came back, and then floated around for a while. I find my mojo but then *poof!* it disappears.

    Every single post in this vein reminds me that I'm not alone. Thank you.

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  65. I'm late on this one, but wanted to chime in. Great post. And on a related note, thank you for visiting my blog this week ;)

    I will say this though: can you imagine having to read over 22,000 comments?! I mean, seriously. Oy vey.

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  66. She's got cowboys and cows...you have an Empire.

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