Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Yeah, I'm a Freak

I have a son. A son whom I adore.

He is one of three, the middle one.

He doesn't laugh as much as the other two, or as often as the other two, he never has.

So, when this boy does open up the heavens and hand over the pearl of a gift that his laugh is, ..our entire household stops in our tracks, and we communally surrender to the surprise and the sweetness of the sound of middlest laughing.

It is such a treat, that when we hear it, we announce it, like one excitedly shouts the winner of a race.

"Hey! I made middlest laugh!"

"Mom? Did you hear that? I made middlest laugh."  

"Hey, boys...did you hear that? I just made your brother laugh."

Sometimes, the joy and exhilaration I feel at being able to make him laugh are such a rush, that I question what I've just heard.  I ask....just to be sure... "Hey, hon...did I just make you laugh?," I want to be sure.

I will stop at NOTHING to hear this child laugh.

It's all fair game. All is fair in laughter and war: physical humor, cheap shtick, corny jokes, the chicken dance. Do I care what I look like? No. All of it is in my arsenal. I can flap my arms and knock my knees like nobody's business.

I stop at NOTHING. It is hopeless to resist. I am on to what he likes and that which tickles his funny bone.

He likes the quick jabs.

The one two punch.

The unexpected twist on his brothers, gets him every time.

The build up...then the surprise he didn't see coming.

He likes the call back to events from earlier in the day. 

I have studied him and now major in him.

This boy doesn't stand a chance.

"Hey, middlest, did I ever tell you I went to Yale?"

"You did, mom?"

"Yep. Don't you want to know when?"

"Yeah. I didn't know you went to Yale, mom. When did you go?"

"I yust got out."

*Ba dum dum*

You stand no chance, my beautiful boy. And I will show no mercy.



    Why American men should boycott American women


    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.


  2. I would laugh at that joke but apparently I'm supposed to boycott American women.

    Sorry, Empress.

  3. I believe that is the most fantastic bit of spam I have ever seen. How do you feel about this whole American/non-American woman issue?

    On a more pertinent note, I must say that there is nothing sweeter than a son's laughter. Nothing in this world.

  4. smiles. i now major in him...i like the sound of that...so go make him laugh already...

  5. Middlest is blessed to have a crack-up mama such as yourself, my dear.


    Oh sweet laughter.

    P.S. hey, anon spammer, let's not, but say we did.

  6. Who is that stupid spammer!! What a weirdo!

    ANyways focusing on the current context, I think you are a genius. Off I go... wheeeeeeeeeeeee

  7. Hahaha...that's cute...this whole family laughs but like you, that would be a never-ending challenge for me...to make him laugh.

  8. Since I have decided not to boycott American or non American women I will say that you always make me laugh and I am not sure how your son stands a chance at keeping a straight face with such an entertaining mom. Good luck in your quests to crack him.

  9. OK I love the post and I am seriously that you have warranted the boycott spammer.. soo jealous right now. I mean it was a post about your son and making him laugh how did that warrant a spammer that boycott's american women?

  10. Love this hilarious post!

    Love the spam more!

  11. I got the boycotting of American women this morning, second time! I love that! It's almost as good as my recent spam accusing me of being a robot. If I were a robot, my house would be a lot cleaner, because robots get the job done instead of blogging all day.

    And I love your constant quest to make your boy laugh. We're a laugh filled household, but nothing gives me more joy than to make my husband laugh. He's the toughest one to crack and I love it when I do.

    I gotta go. I'm supposed to be boycotting you.

  12. I hear this American woman boycotter is making the rounds. Doesn't that mean he's not really boycotting them at all.

    Love your joke for the Seriousest Middlest. I will have to put my thinking cap on and see if I can come up with something for you.

  13. LOL!! Spam comments are pretty funny sometimes!

    And I wish you the best of luck in cracking your son son up!!! He'll start laughing and never stop!

  14. LMAO!!! So sweet :) I always find that when you have to work a bit harder for something, it's just so much sweeter to reap that reward.

    And a reward in the form of laughter? Beautiful.

  15. I love that you work at making him laugh and I love that you write about making him laugh!

  16. I just adore this. It's a beautiful gift to know your children - and it's made all the more special when that knowledge leads to sweet, laughter filled moments.

  17. The sweet sound of laughter is probably not heard in Boycott American Women............

  18. I love how you rise to the challenge of making him laugh. Don't you just love the sound?

  19. Crying here.

    So beautiful, like him.

    Nichelle (we miss you all!)

  20. I love a good heartfelt laugh from my kids, an unadulterated giggle is just contagious.

    Although as an American woman, it stings a little to know I've been boycotted. He'll have to pardon me for not clicking over...

  21. I say show Middlest the Boycott comment, and you're sure to get another laugh!

  22. I absolutely love this. There is not much sweeter to a mother's ears than the laughter of her children.

    We have to pull out all the silliness in the world to get laughs from my daughter, and I do it...because it is worth it every time.

  23. Wow. Boycott American Women?? I think I've seen every spam blog comment there is to see now. Ugh.

    I have a child who's not so quick to laugh so I know how awesome it is when it happens! YAY for laughter

  24. Love the gift of laughter from mine, too.

  25. Aw, so sweet. When you can actually follow through, you should try the real cheap gag and ask him to pull your finger...


    A hairy foreign man, pretending to be a foreign woman, who is actually impersonating an American woman....

  26. That spam is so lame. Got it on my today too but I deleted it.
    I love this post though. Beautiful. :)

  27. This is so very sweet. It's bringing tears to my eyes. No, really, it is. I do love the special relationship you have with your boys. It just makes me can't wait until my 3 get a little older, then I will get to experience some of the cool moments that you're having with your boys now - though I am cherishing the "now" moments too.

    I'm smiling as I write this as my oldest son, watches. I wink at him and chuckle and he grins, asking me "Mom, why are you trying to make me laugh?" Ha! How funny and bizarre?

    Amazing post. Thanks for sharing and here's to lots of laughter from our kiddos...and the freaks who try to pull it out of them.

  28. I really like the Yale joke! Ha! Your middlest sounds like my husband. He reserves his laughter for things he REALLY, REALLY finds funny. He doesn't want to laugh too much at things I say because he doesn't want my head to get big. You know, I've got the blog and all... I love that you are relentless with trying to make your middlest laugh. What a fun mom!

  29. I got this SPAM too! How lovely it is to have the perspective of more than one child, to help you realize how precious the laughter of middlest is!

  30. That face didn't make me laugh. Scared the hell out of me. I'm just now looking out from behind the couch.

  31. Oh the sweet sound of child laughter! What a fun challenge to see if you can get middlest to break.:)

  32. How come I never got this spam?
    Once again I'm reminded that I am not one of the cool kids and probably never will be.

    I love making kids laugh.

    It sounds like your middle guy is a lot of fun despite the serious demeanor.

  33. so sweet. and not in a 'dude, that was sweet' kind of way but in a 'boys laughing with their moms is the sweetest thing ever' kind of way.


  34. I beg to differ. Tickling is off limits. Tickling is like torture that burns my soul.

    Oh, wait, that's how people try to get ME to laugh.

    Alright then, carry on your no limits game.

  35. Love this post because I understand it exactly! There is nothing I won't do to make Carter laugh. Nothing. I will willingly sacrifice my dignity in service of a giggle or a guffaw from my little boy.

    And you? I think you are the first blogger I've ever seen get upstaged by spam. How come *I* don't get cool spam like that? Most of my spam is dirty or unintelligible!

  36. I love the extremes we go to as mothers, to do what we do for our children, to bring them joy which brings us joy!

    It's a vicious cycle! Isn't Loving our children grand?

  37. My baby is 13 months old. She is a very happy kid but she barely ever laughs. If you tickle her really hard, she will kind of laugh but in a way that you know she is really trying hard to stifle it. She has either no sense of humor or such a superior sense of humor that we are not meeting her standards for funny. I'm going with the latter. Future Tina Fey.

    Show the spam comment to your son. That's gotta make him laugh!

  38. What is the problem of that spammer. I hate people like that.

    BTW, you're such a cool mom and I think there's nothing more sweet to a mother's ear than to see her child laugh.

  39. Hola Alexandra! My little sister used to do the same thing. She was so so serious. We would all have to work hard to get her to crack a smile, but when she did... it was like sunshine after a week of rain. I love that you all work to make him smile. He is so loved :)

  40. Reminds me of a joke my husband told my kids and their cousins on the cruise, about an SOS message to a German coast guard: "I'm sinking, I'm sinking?" "Yes? what are you sinking about?".

    (Let me know if Middlest likes it)

  41. I love you because you are a freak. All my favorite people in the world are. :-)

  42. I love that you "major in him". Too sweet!! Nothing like your child's laugh!

    Seriously? The only spam I get is in Japanese. So jealous. ;-)


  43. My kids aren't quite so particular yet. Fart jokes work. Any mention of the words penis, poop and puke (the 3 p's) send them into hysterics.

    I can feel a change a comin' though. My kids are just starting to "get embarrassed" of me. I don't get it. Don't all the moms drive their kids to school in a robe, slippers, curlers in their hair and sporting an unlit cigarette dangling from their lip? I don't smoke or wear curlers, by the way...I just get a kick out of humiliating my boys.

    The good moms are always kinda freaky.

  44. Um, I second what Moooooog said. WTF with that spam??

    I LOVE that you are showing Middlest no mercy! Way to be, Empress! Way to be!

  45. For sure the good moms are always kinda freaky.
    And I say that because I am.
    Kinda freaky, I mean.
    And also desperately hoping I'm a good mom...

    Me, though? I dance in the car to music. With just my upper body. That does the trick. My kids laugh AND think I'm a freak. And are, also, a little embarrassed by me.

    Which is just how I like it. I want them to remember I always have humiliation in my back pocket.

    Not that I'll ever need it. But it's there. My good-behavior insurance policy. Because I plan ahead like that.

    Now go make your boy laugh!

  46. Ah, the stupid spammer is back...Empress, I think you've won some sort of prize! But you may have to send $5,000 immediately to a foreign relative you've never heard of to claim it.

    Anyway, I love that you all work so hard to get middlest to laugh! Some people are harder to get, but it makes that laugh all the more rewarding when it comes!

  47. He sounds like my daughter. Daddy used to say "She's a tough house".

    Oh, and I just want you to know I'm boycotting all American women. Except for you. :-)

  48. I usually have to burp or fart for the real laughs.

  49. I heart spam.

    I'm the same way with my little brother so I know exactly what you mean. He rarely laughs out loud and when he does it's the sweetest music to my ears. And if I get an "I love you" it's like a Christmas gift.

  50. I want to make Middlest laugh, too. I'm checking my aresenal. I'll get back to you. I know I have something in here.

  51. Again with that American women hater guy??? What's up with that? And if he hates us all so much, why is he visiting blogs and helping our page ranking?
    Anyway, loved the story. I love it when I make my kids laugh and they're 17, 19, and 20.

  52. Ahh...love and laughter...the best combination. You're an awesome Mom XOXO

  53. HILARIOUS. I laugh easily, but still you would get every time too.

  54. It sounds like making him laugh is such a joy! I bet is makes bright moments in each day! Have fun making him laugh today.

  55. I have students like this. The ever stoic, serious ones that I do all sorts of jackass behavior to get even a smirk out of.

    Yes, it is my job to see smiles.

    I like your style.

    and that spammer? what the mess is that about? I like how you didn't delete it though. that makes me giggle even more.

  56. I love the mental image of you performing all manner of crazy stunts for a laugh. Those boys are lucky to have you. (and you, them.) You're a wonderful mom!

  57. Hearing them laugh is truly the best! Wait who is boycotting women? Ugh love the spammer!

  58. Aww, you are such a great mom! Every mom has to know how to be a good freak for her child.

  59. You could not have planned that Spam any better...

    You did plan it didn't you! You evil genius!!!

  60. Like your son, that is my husband. It is hard to get him to LOL so when I do, it brings me major happiness.

    Of course, he says he doesn't laugh because I'm not funny. I disagree.

  61. Love that story about your son. How sweet! What was with that first comment though!?!?

  62. Is your spammer really your stalker, very odd.

    You can make the stone faced boy laugh I know it!!

  63. Nice, You got crazy Boycott American Woman's comment too. Oy.

    "I am on to what he likes." Ha! That's a hoot.

    Happy laughing! xo jj

  64. I have studied him, and now major in him...that's brilliant! Love that!

  65. Oh the joy of the hard earned laugh. The DH is that way. My daughter is an easy target (like her mommy) but the reward, still sweet.

  66. Oh goodness sweet lady! You are truly the perfect mix of heart warming and funny. I agree completely, there is nothing like the sweet sound of honest to goodness belly laughs. & for the record- I had to read it twice but the Yale joke- GOOD stuff! :)

  67. Love, love, love hearing and sharing a good laugh. Which, like some of your other commenters, I got when I was told to Boycott American Women!

  68. Kids will make us do the darndest things, don't they? I have a similar thing with Little CEO. I will do anything to get her to clean her room.. so far, I haven't hit on anything. Maybe i'll try your joke. snort.

  69. Am I supposed to be boycotting American women? Good thing I'm Canadian.
    Now, did that make him laugh because I had to read it again to get it...but in my defense, I am reading from my iPod and didn't realize that the j was replaced with a y...sigh...removing blonde American wig now.

  70. I feel that one of the most amazing things about children is their laughs - no matter how down, depressed, stressed, angry, etc. we are - their laughs are like miracle drugs. You're a good mom to know your boy so well. He deserves the tickles and laughs!



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