Monday, January 16, 2012

What In The World and Are Those Caterpillars?

I have long suspected that there is something different, something special and unusual, about what draws a person to become a blogger.

That's my opinion and my opinions are just that ... my opinions. And who am I but a lady who stays home with her kids and yet, I say, bloggers are off the beaten path. They search for something else, something more ... there's not enough for them in one world, they need another one. They search for community, opportunity, a bigger place to play than that of their own backyard.

Some day, just give yourself 30 minutes, blindly blog hop, and you will come across indescribable varieties of posts. Artists, photographers, foodies, poets, home decor, knitting, memoirists, aspiring authors, tech mamas, humorists, collectors, product reviews, cat lovers, social do-gooders.

And the ones like me: just looking for others that came from the same planet.

Too many times to count, throughout my days, I have wished to be in a village of bloggers like me: those whose mother spaceship ricocheted off course and crash landed here eons ago. I have days where I just want to be among my kind. Where I know no matter what shenanigans I pull, you will all get it. No questions asked, just nodding acceptance. I imagine that's what this village would be like, a land of  instant understanding, no explanation required.

Too many times in my day, I long to walk out into that village, like tonight.

I've told you before about my seasonal depression. I've come up with all sorts of mini-weapons in my arsenal to fend off that snarling black dog. One of my not so secret weapons is tiny little self-improvement projects. (Please don't get ahead of me here.)

Seasonal depression strikes fast with a punch that's hard, deep; and it doesn't wait for it to be an opportune time for you. It doesn't wait until you're under a warm, snuggly blanket at home, resting in front of a crackling fire, surrounded by those you love, and who love you.  Seasonal depression descends upon you when it decides to. By throwing its 500-pound weight straight at your head. It knocks you out with the swooping force of surprise and with a grip so tight you feel like you're trying to swallow a hard boiled egg. With no glass of water.

In my case, that foul spirit swept down on me yesterday, suffocating me with its impenetrable dark cloak, as I unsuspectingly grocery shopped for my family. My plan was to make a wonderful winter's day meal, and I couldn't wait to get back home and get started.

KA-POW ZING and HAHAHAHAHAHA, guess who wants to visit you?

Right in the middle of the cereal aisle. BAM. This wicked beast waited until I was happy and smiling to myself like an idiot, and then it came chomping down on my vulnerable grinning head. I was in Aisle #4, the cereal aisle, reaching for a box of Cheerios, and at that precise moment, the supermarket Muzak piped in with Wayne Newton's Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast.

Within seconds of hearing the lyrics Daddy, don't you walk so fast My darlin' cried Daddy, don't you walk so fast Daddy, slow down some 'cause you're makin' me run Oh, daddy, don't you walk so fast my entire field of vision was reduced to a blurry mess. And the free association that went on with that song?? Ho my god. My free association is the kind that prohibits me from EVER doing ANY kind of Stream of Consciousness post. 

With your well being in mind, I shall limit your exposure to only 20 seconds worth, but here it is:

What I listen to in my head all day:

Oh! It's that song...Daddy don't you walk so fast!
This song is killing me
I remember when they were so little.
How could they be teenagers all ready?
If only I knew then what I know now ...
I'd play Go Fish with them every dang time they asked
I can't believe I don't have babies anymore
What will I do when Alec is gone
I don't know if I can handle it
They used to love Cheerios.
And Cheerios necklaces.
And it was their favorite snack.
Xavier used to feed Cheerios to his talkingmatron Barney doll
In the high chair
And then he'd reach over and offer him apple juice from his sippy cup
Hold it together, woman
You gotta make it out of this store
You're in this aisle alone right now 
but you know any minute a cart's going to come around the corner
Oh sweet jesus I have to call my husband
No I can do this
No I can't - It's pretty bad
Quick. Snap out of it Snap out of it
Oh my gosh, LOOK!
Froot Loops too
Oh, they used to LOVE Froot Loops necklaces ...
How did it all go by so fast
::hic hic sputter hic hic::

You can't convince me seasonal depression isn't in kahoots with Muzak. 

One of the ways I fight back with that ugly monster SAD who takes advantage of a good, clean living woman like me, is to come up with a form of self-improvement. I treat myself to a new nail polish color, a new lipstick. If it's a particularly bad SAD episode -- it's all out with a new facial exfoliator.

I pushed my cart out of the hysteria inducing Aisle #4 cereal aisle and raced through as safely as I could until I reached my land of milk and honey, Aisle #7, Health and Beauty. I let out a big, deep breath.

As I took my time rolling out lipstick tubes and deciding which would be the color Prozac, my eyes fell upon the shelf on the other side of the aisle. They were promising youthful younger better faster over there.

I slid my shopping cart one section over. It was the hair-dye section. And there was a glorious smirking siren on the box cover beckoning me to come, join her hither, in the land of the avocado and coconut oil sheenness of it all. Ooooh ... she was good.

I picked up the box and put it on top of the Cheerios. Mama had big plans for tonight.

After I was home, groceries unpacked, dinner made, family watching the football game on TV, I took my rectangular sunshine in a box upstairs. Now, my hair color is fine ... it's my eyebrows that I really want to take back to their dark, youthful, lush days. [Exhibit A]

Ladies and Gentlemen: Eyebrow Exhibit A

Yes, I applied Midnight Raven #039 to my eyebrows.

Photo Credit

I know the box says Keep away from eyes.

But there was some Heavy Duty Major League SAD going on.

As my wonderful son, who sat through the ten minute brush-on process with me said in sincere hopes of providing comfort, "it doesn't look as bad in real life as it does in the mirror, Mom."
Yeah, Still - I sure could use a village of bloggers right now.


  1. I'm no village but I'm here!!! And I love you, caterpillars and all. xoxoxo

  2. Oh no... what can we do? Lemon juice? tweezers? Alcohol? Chocolate? Maybe if you open your eyes wide enough, they will look like really long beautiful thick eyelashes. Now don't you feel better? And get rid of that mirror. Obviously it was bought from an old circus carne.

  3. At least you HAVE eyebrows! I don't, haven't for years. That outta make you feel better.

  4. I hate depression in any form but I love how you use humor to face/fight it. Always do that.
    You have black caterpillars I have crooked hair from watching youtube videos thinking I could chop my locks on my own- eh I'm sure it suits us. ;)

  5. A village of bloggers ... sign me up, since regular people just don't get blogging and we have to stick together - right? ;)
    Oh dear, the eyebrows, mine are fading fast ... be glad you have some to pluck!!!

  6. I'm on the list with the disappearing eyebrows...I find an eye pencil is a little less drastic! You're son's comment is a keeper! Hope you feel better!

  7. I'd call your hairdresser and ask what you can do. I bet you can lighten them up!

    Also, for the future, I agree with all of the eyebrow pencil comments.

  8. Oh my goodness...! I've dyed my eyebrows before, even though they tell you not to. Only I went reddish blonde, to go with the rest of my hair - since I'm naturally dark haired.

    All I can say is, wash wash wash 'em to make that stuff fade as much as you can.

    And one more thing: Frankly, I'm glad mine are thinning out because I truly did have caterpillars like the ones in that photo. My high school grad picture is...a mess. I'm like one big eyebrow.

    And another thing: BIG HUG. I know how stream of consciousness stuff can end up hitting you hard when you least expect it.

  9. In Cahoots? Honey, Muzak and SAD are think as thieves. Sending you lots of love over these here interwebs.

  10. Oh. Dear. I thought this post from one of my favorite funny bloggy friends would cheer you up!

  11. Oh my, that's so sad. Look at it this way, at least you don't have long stringy eyebrows that if you don't maintain, look like I have bangs over each eye.
    May I suggest a Midnight Raven #29 instead!
    Your Friend, m.

  12. Just wear those big sunglasses that are in style right now. And I'm only one blogger, but I'm here.

  13. Does it make you feel better if I tell you that I really, really enjoyed this post? Well, I did. Do!
    A village of bloggers..I like that a lot. And I like you...caterpillars for eyebrows and all.
    Thank you for your honesty here. I treasure it.

  14. I rest my case.

    See these beautiful comments here?

    I want my village, right now.

    I hope the shampooing works.

    My husband was smart enough to not say a word.

  15. I would move to that village in a snap. We should organize and buy some land, you could be the mayor, it would be so peaceful. At night, instead of crickets, we would hear the tapping of keyboards.

    Love you, caterpillars and all!

  16. I'm so sorry about the dads and the eyebrows, but I'm so, so very thankful for the village and, of course, for your guy and his genius mirror line! xo

  17. I've had SAD for many years. This was the first year I didn't get it AT ALL. Which was weird. I used to combat it like this, the moment it hit, I would turn on all the lights in my apt starting at 4 pm and leave them on, IN ALL ROOMS, until I went to bed at night. I did that every day until the depression started to abate. It really helps. Some people buy the SAD lamp, you sit in front of it for an hour a day and the SAD goes away. Light helps our brains adjust apparently.

    But the fact that I didn't get a smidge of it this year made me think why not? Even tho my living situation is much improved (my finances notwithstanding)I'm no longer depressed over my life in general. Which happened over the course of the last 2 years before I moved. And in the summer and spring, when there was lots of light. So I'm convinced that underlying (unspoken) depression might pave the way for SAD. You have a child leaving home soon...connect the dots?

    Dooce sits in front of the SAD lamp and now it looks like she and her husband are living apart. Did that trigger the SAD?

    And as to eyebrows, I pay $18 to have a pro dye them every 2 months. (they recommend every 3 weeks but my credit card can only take so much abuse) CHANGED MY LIFE.

  18. Depression is a bitch, but it will pass. Just hang in there. I've made it through some horrible times but now things are pretty darn good.

    As for the eyebrows. They'll fade with time. If you have a hairdresser maybe you should give her a call and ask for some advice.

  19. I could send you the really annoying neighbors. The good news is that they would irritate the SAD right out of you. The bad news is that you would be so irritated you'd want to get the SAD back.

    But I figure that I'd offer because if anyone is willing to take these neighbors I am ready to ship them post haste.

  20. My lovely, lovely friends;;;; thinking the hairdresser is the next stop.
    Thank you.

  21. Oh sweet Lord... My dear friend, you were brave! What's up with supermarket songs? They definitely need to change their music selection! Maybe a little "Club Can't Handle Me?" ;) lol

    Big hugs to you. Am always, always here if you ever need that soft landing to crash for a little while, k? Seasonal depression sucks. I've had my share of them one too many.

    Having said that, the uni-brow 'situation' you have now... It is certainly a good distraction from it, don't you think? ;)

    Love ya, gf.

  22. My mom used to cut her own hair when she was 'out there'. Eyebrows are a big deal. If you wait a little while, you can re dye them.

    I used to work at the beauty supply. There is also a toll free number on the box.

    And here I have just been taking it. Of course. Beauty. Thanks.

  23. Hey eyebrow sister villager! I tried to wax mine a couple of years wasn't good and I believe the results are just starting to show now for whatever reason. Is it a little easier to focus on beauty secrets gone awry than kids getting older at least? Wishing you sunshine!

  24. Just...really wonderful. I love how you mix the poignant with the absurd - kind of like real life. And I always thought Brooke's eyebrows were fierce, in a good way. Maybe put a barrette up there or something.

  25. My village all here...I love you guys. Thank you.

  26. village - town - RV campground. You name it I'm there. I hope they told good jokes to make you giggle at the salon.

  27. You have the most wonderful son! He is such a wonderful cheerleader!

  28. Am I invited to your village? I'll be good... mostly. And I'll bake yummy goodness for you :)
    Loved this post!!

    1. also? my eyebrows need fixing in the WORST way.
      I had someone tell me I had "excellent eyebrows for theatre" which translates to "I could see them from the back of the theatre" so off to the salon I go!!!

  29. I <3 the idea of a village of bloggers. Seriously, if I were to strike it rich tomorrow, like, really rich, I'd seriously consider opening a writer's compound, where everyone can move to and just spend their days writing. There are enough foodies & knitters in my circle to keep food & clothing about.

    A big, big, big part of why I keep my hair so closely cropped is because it's disappearing, quickly, and what's around is turning white. My eyebrows & beard are pretty brutal.

  30. Oh, honey, that totally sucks.

    Have I told you about Clinique's Brow Shaper? IT IS A WONDER. I highly recommend it.

    And you know what? Just wear your glasses, if you have any, or buy a pair with clear lenses and put those on. Then no one will pay attention to your brows.

    You are part of such a wonderful village. You are the heart of it.

  31. i'm glad we're part of the same blogging community, in our own weird way:)
    i used to get seasonally depressed, but i live in a place with more sunshine and that helps. yeah, it's no fun. i is nodding like a bobblehead:)

  32. Loving all the good vibes, really.

    Thank you!!!!!!

  33. My eyebrows are the only place I get grey hairs. And of course they are my prime focus when I am depressed.

    Once? I tried a sharpie.

    Totally feeling you on this one... Keep your head up.

  34. Hiya! I clicked on over here from Kludgy Mom. This post is so awesome- I'm just really starting to feel incredibly fortunate and in love with my blogging friends. I can't believe the wonderful people I've stumbled across in the last year. Now. Eyebrows? Tricky business indeed. I think it's worth it to labor over them every day with your pencil or brow goop.

  35. I am there with you, feeling the SAD. For me, it starts right toward the end of summer, just enough to remind me that the darkness and cold are coming, not to get to chummy with the sun. I try my best to keep it at bay, try to find a few smiles to ease the load of when I start to feel like Z may be my last baby after all. Luckily I have you now.

  36. Me & SAD go way back. Add to that my January shitty dates, and well, I'm a hot mess.


    You? Make me Laugh and Laugh! Love your kid's comforting words, too. Love it.

  37. Oh honey. I relate to the depression in ALL forms.

    And with a face as gorgeous as yours, there's no way you can mess it up.

  38. Oh, my girl, I'll be honest, I'm giggling a little. Well, maybe a lot. I'm sorry. It'll grow out. Also shampoo your eyebrows vigorously every time you take a shower. Nothing mades color fade more than daily shampoos.

    And "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast." That's a killer of a song. It gets me every time and I don't suffer from SAD. Do NOT listen to the Muzak ever again. Bring your iPod to the store with you.

    I love the idea of a village. In the midst of writing, often times in frustration, I say, "I need to go to a writing community!" That or I want my husband to build me a studio in the backyard with the unwritten rule that when I'm in the studio, I am not to be disturbed. He doesn't seem to be moving on that too quickly.

    And to cheer you up, I'll tell you my hair story. My girlfriend and I lived next door to each other in our poor days. I decided to color my hair one time and she decided she would be my colorist, something she had no experience in. In my ignorance, I bought a frosting kit with cap and all. We did it at night and we drank a lot of wine while doing it. We were supposed to let it sit in the cap for awhile and then I was supposed to shampoo it out and style it. Since we ended up a mite tipsy, I went home, showered and went straight to bed with wet hair. Not bothering to style it and check things out. I woke up in the morning and went straight to the mirror only to discover I looked like a 70 year old woman. We'd pulled way too much hair through the cap and I was as gray as your grandma. The good thing is you can call that 1-800 number on the back and start crying and they'll fix you up, good as gold. This wonderful helpline lady had me buy three different colors, mix them together and wham, I had the most beautiful hair color ever. Of course, I could never replicate it again and I wasn't willing to turn my hair gray again to do it.

  39. Listen, my eyebrows always look SAD and I didn't even dye them.

    If we lived closer, I'd drag you and your brows out for coffee, lady!



  40. I have SAD too. It wasn't a problem when we lived in California. Now I bitch and whine the whole winter. My hubby doesn't get it, because he loves the snow and gray skies (he can be a moron though too). While I have almost bought a light box 248 times, I have never considered coloring my eyebrows. If I end up looking like Lisa Brock next week (a girl with a garish unibrow I knew from school) know I will place the blame squarely on you.



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