Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Participatory Trophies: Parent Edition

Trophies for everybody! Or maybe just for me.

My kids have been getting trophies since they were three years old. A couple of times they even got a trophy and they didn't have to be there to get it. They got it because their name was Alec Xavier Auggie. BOOM! You win because you have the name you do.

Well, I didn't grow up with that. Nope. Any trophies that I coveted witnessed being given out as a kid were reserved for the ones whose names were SuperStar Winner or Not Alexandra.

I have always wanted a trophy. I have never gotten a trophy. But it occurred to me last month while I saw my son get a small gold painted plastic boy glued atop a white plastic pedestal for attending swim classes,  that I can get a trophy if I want one. I can go to Rudy's Trophy Store on 5th Street and order me up some small female statuettes.

Dang straight I can.

And I'll award them to myself non stop this parenting season. I'll inscribe them with my name and I'll bestow them upon myself for the awesome jobs I've done in 2015 like these:

Bringing in the Mail 2015 season

Remembering My Address at the Post Office 2015

Not Saying a Word When Someone Tried to Tell me What Something Meant in Spanish 2015

Keeping Quiet While Doctor's Receptionist Corrected Me on the Pronunciation of My Son's Name

Keeping My Promise to Not Let My Laundry Pile Up on the Bedroom Chair 2015

Forgiving Myself  for Always Forgetting to Tell my Hair Stylist I'm Trying to Grow My Bangs Out

Not Speaking First and Letting the Door Canvasser Win When Asking to House Paint Quote

Not Cancelling Any Dentist Appointments Even Though I want to Cancel All Dentist Appointments

Having an Apple and a Salad Every Single Day So Far in 2015

Never Giving Up My Dream That Someday I'll Be Tall 2015

Walking an Hour Pretty Many Times This Year 2015

Lifting Arm Weights Up Until June 2015

Waiting and Watching People's Faces Before I Say Are You Serious? When They Ask a question

Keeping up With the Laundry All My Domestic Life (This would get one of those BIG ones you need to carry with two hands)

Getting the Hang of Succulent Pork Chops 2015

Handling Junk Mail as Soon as it Comes in the House 2015

Being Ok with Body Shifting in Spots 2015

Giving up Manis and Pedis 2015

Giving up Speeding 2015

Finally Liking My BRF 2015

Listening to Child Detail Minecraft Plans 2015

Not Voicing True Opinion on Spouse's Choice of Weekend Wear Summer 2015

Another Year of Being Alive 2015

Having My Name Be Alexandra 2015

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  1. I hope your trophy fund is huge. 'Cause even if you go cheap on the golden-coated plastic, this shizz is going to add up. Don't forget to go for:

    Return to Lifting Arm Weights in September 2015

    1. OK, OK. Guess what? I started arm weights. Because of you, Jocelyn. Which means I get another trophy: for starting back up.

  2. All noble, trophy winning pursuits. I think you really hit it out of the park when you didn't pour a hot cup of Starbucks in the receptionist's lap when she corrected you about your son's name. That's the Grown Up Restraint Award 2015.

    1. I know!! Can you imagine, telling ME how to say my son's name. Privilege? I would say so.

  3. Are you kidding me, you deserve one of those big gold belts. I have no idea how you would hold it up around that skinny waist of yours though, so I guess you'd just have to carry it over your head (which you totally could do because...arm weights)

    1. Thank you, my friend. I will get myself a trophy, I've never had one but I will get one!



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