Friday, May 7, 2010
The following early morning exchange occurred on a day when the world's surliest teenager woke up late for school. If this is your first trip to Angstworld or exposure to TeenSpeak, I have inserted translations below the actual dialogue. I have become well versed in "Angst" and am available for hire. [Fee: free, in the spirit of fellow commiseration.]
PARENT: "Hey, darling, you'll be late if you don't get up now."
15 YR OLD: "What time is it? Why'd you let me sleep so late? You NEVER wake me up in time for anything."
HE IS SAYING: "I am so tired, Mom. Can I sleep a bit longer?"
PARENT: "Sorry you'll have to rush, sweetie. I'll help you out. What do you need?"
15 YR OLD: "You still don't know what I need in the morning? How long have I been your son?"
HE IS SAYING: "I'm too tired to think, Mom. You always do it right. Can you do it for me, please?"
PARENT: "Here, I've got breakfast set. Come on down, I'll pack your lunch. Then you can wash up instead of a shower."
15 YR OLD: "No shower???!! Did you say No shower??!! Man, does everyone get gross like that when they get old? I'm taking a shower. You're the one that got me up late. Why do I have to be the one to go without a shower."
HE IS SAYING: "You know how important my appearance is at this age. Please figure out a way to make time stop so I can get in the shower."
PARENT: "All right. Sneak one in. Fast. I can get you to school on time. You're never late, it'll be all right."
15 YR OLD: "Nothing's ever all right at that place. They always find something wrong .. I hate having to get a tardy slip. Just get me there, on time, I can't be late."
HE IS SAYING: "I have a lot of pressures with being cool. Walking in with a tardy slip like a little kid is embarrassing. Please oh please, Mom, break some laws and get me to school on time."
PARENT: "It'll be fine. You'll just make it. Come on, honey. Everything's set, and I fixed you something so you can eat it in the car. Get dressed, and you'll make it with two minutes to spare. I'll be out in the car. Your backpack's already in there, too."
15 YR OLD: "Thanks, Mom."
HE IS SAYING: .................
BUT in his silence, he says this: Oh, Mom, Why am I like this? So angry all the time. I'm so sorry for the way I acted toward you. I spoke to you with disrespect, when all the time you just want to help me. I love you, Mom. Will you forgive me?
PARENT: "Of course I do."
15 YR OLD: "Whatcha say, Mom? I didn't say anything--who are you talking to? You're starting to talk to yourself like an old person."
PARENT: "Oh, nothing, honey. Just something I heard in my head. Lean over, you've got some Clearasil left on your face. There. Better. You're so handsome. I love you."