Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Our youngest, Baby Emperor aka Baby E., has just put his foot down. For the past two months, ever since I began this blog, it seems that whenever he speaks I RUN and grab one of the blog tickler notebooks I have stashed all over the house, in anticipation of ...well..blog fodder. He has noticed this.
In my defense, the boy doles it out continuously. Today, finally, he has declared his limit. After an incident this morning, he saw me running for the notebook in the laundry room. I heard him shout after me, "Don't put that in your blog, either!"
So, in all fairness, it is his turn to turn the tables today. He speaks, he dishes out the dirt, he airs the dirty laundry. Here is all the scoop that Baby E finally gets to voice. It's His Turn....buckle your seatbelts and put up the lap tray...
I swear to type the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, as dictated to me by Baby E: I am his fingers.
"Mom has a crazy chocolate problem. I have to stop her from getting any in stores. Like The Chocolate Factory place here...she wanted to buy a little paper bag there for 6 dollars. She'd eat worms if they were covered in chocolate. She is crazy. Well, not really crazy, but pretty crazy.
She also likes coffee. Like another crazy problem. She always has it. 24/7. I have to stop her all the time from her friends inviting her. Well, she doesn't like tea, though. Yeah...not so crazy...but pretty crazy.
She always runs away from librarians. (whispering: Mom, can I tell the part about why?) OK. This is the part about why: cause she always has late fines cause she didn't finish the book on time and she has to finish. So she hides in the car and I have to go in the library for her. Well, see, for instance, yesterday I was walking out of the library and I happened to have a librarian walking out with me, and Mom practically stomped on the gas when she saw me walk out with the librarian. When I got in the car, I heard lots of deep breathing and like, so, ummm...she sends me in to do her dirty work.
She fights with people at the bank (whispering: can I tell the part about the bank thing?) OK. Here's the bank thing that happened yesterday. I was sitting down reading books at the bank, and all of a sudden I heard this, "Nuh-uh " "Yuh-huh" "But this is supposed to be a free bank!"
And I went over and heard mom say "what do you mean you won't put in a check cause it's from a different country??" and something like that.
She is awesome. She is funny. We laugh. She loves me. She makes me do school. I don't like the math part.
I'm done, mom. Can I please have lunch now? I really wanna have lunch now. Like really now. Like I need to...dying of starvation. dying. really dying this time. Don't make it late like you did yesterday, either."
WARNING: Though Jessica Bern is one of the funniest woman in the world, she is NOT for the faint of heart. Or those averse to... well, don't have the kiddies around, that's for sure.