Friday, December 2, 2011

How To Make Friends and Have People Like You

If the title of this post made your heart race a little, then it's safe to say that you want to know how to get people to like you.

I can't help you with that.
I had to turn to the internet for friends.

But I have an idea.

If you do the opposite of what I do in my real life, then I think you stand a good chance of getting to know some real flesh and blood folks. The kind that maybe will like you back.

Just follow these pointers to a social life that consists of more than one person:

Begin your day with a solid breakfast. Heading out the door after four cups of coffee and nil in the stomach makes for a very shaky school drop off (pun intended.) You don't want to be the mom in the car line laying on the horn to the van full of preschoolers being dropped off in front of you, shouting, "you droppin' off gramma or what?!"

Dress in a manner that invites a good first impression. We all want to keep it real, but if your daily life involves yoga pants with holes in them, then it's time to change it up a little. Also? Use a real ponytail ponytail holder in your hair, and not the inked up red rubber band from that morning's newspaper. Trust me, the inked up rubber band's a deal breaker.

Shoes. Shoes are nice -- throw some on, no matter how late you are. Your teen son's size eleven Converses tossed on your size seven feet, sans socks, do not count as shoes. People hand out extra potential friend points when the ones you wear are your own.

Call attention to your mistakes indirectly. A soft "Oh, heavens, I can't believe Johny forgot his lunch" falls much better on the ears than "sonuvabeehive that kid of mine would forgot his head if it wasn't screwed on. I've half a mind to just let him go without and then we'll see how quickly he forgets his lunch again with the memory of gnawing hunger..."

Be cheerful, even when you don't feel like it. Do not walk around with the biggest, blackest, most face esconcing made in Italy sunglasses that money can buy just because you don't feel like eye contact that day. Just.don't. Especially when it's cloudy out.

Learn to make a great pot luck church supper. Deli pick up and dumps will never make it past the mummy crew radar. If  you don't take my word for it, and still decide to go and hit the deli anyway, be sure you don't show up with that day's advertised 99 cents a pound macaroni salad special that's splayed across every flyer in town.

Remember the two most offensive words in the English language. No offense. "Gee, I wish I could be more like you and just let my kids screw up on their own, no offense." Yeah.

Be alert for opportunities to show praise. Words of praise and flattery, like sap flowing out of a tree, go a lot further in hoped for friendships than becoming the green eyed monster seething in covetousness. Who doesn't love to hear, "Oh, girl, I am digging your chunky zebra bangle right now." Works wonders to melt even the coldest hearts. They'll like you, even if they don't want to.

Be open and accessible. Do not tally up transgressions, snubbings, blatant cold shoulders. Don't be hatin' back -- rise above, continue to be kind, kind, and kind.  We can't control how others treat us, nor whether they accept us, but we can be the nicest version of who we are.

So, let's raise a cup of coffee in hopes that you may get lucky one of these times, and the next person you meet could become a friend.

And keep your eye open for a morning newspaper rubber band in their hair. I've heard those peeps make the best BFF's.
___________________________________________________

51 comments:

  1. Oh Empress, who on earth wouldn't want to be friends with you?? See, I think I have the opposite problem in the friend department. I try to be good and demure and proper and so everyone likes me, but forgets me the minute I walk away. Maybe I should try the newspaper rubber band in my hair.

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  2. so its not good to make your kids go without food because THEY forgot their lunch...hmmm...smiles...snort, the dropping off gramma cracked me up...

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  3. Now I know - change out of them yoga pants and look for newspaper rubber band.

    You have such awesome advice as always.

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  4. I agree w/this on so many levels! I must do better w/the breakfast thing, I know (although my shakes come from energy drinks, no food, and less sleep). Also, my newspaper rubber band is an odd shade of red, so not only am I a loyal friend, but I'm special.

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  5. I love it when you write from your own personal experience. . .
    I love that you just put yourself out there.
    Dana

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  6. I'd like to add that using a paintbrush to hold your bun in your head because you didn't wash OR brush your hair isn't considered "whimsical" if you're over the age of 28. Not that I have a paintbrush in my hair. Or that I'm over 28.

    Ahem.

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  7. yes. Yes. YESSSS! I needed a laugh. And, a shove in the right direction as we approach "the hap happiest time of the year". Especially loved: "Words of praise and flattery, like sap flowing out of a tree..." ha

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  8. You guys? Why can't we all just form a commune of us?

    It'd be so great.

    xo

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  9. Can I add one to your list? If you decide to run out to school drop-off in the sweats and t-shirt you wore as pajamas to bed last night? DO throw some underwear on underneath first. Because there might just be a morning PA meeting you forgot about that, as committee chair, you need to show up at. Just sayin'

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  10. You know, I enjoy being a smart-ass grump and could give a rat's ass if people like me or not. As far as I am concerned, people would be lucky to have ME as a friend. I'm frickin loyal to a fault, will always have your back, and will say things that will crack you up, plus do various vocal impersonations that will make you piss your pants.

    But otherwise, thanks for the reminders. That was nice of you. I gravitate towards really nice people like you, mostly because it me reminds me to soften my edges. My best friend is one of the sweetest women on earth, she helps me be kinder and I teach her how to toughen up for certain situations.

    (p.s. my yoga pants have bleach stains on them).

    (p.s.s. the one thing I never leave the house w/o is lipstick. The rest of me could look like I was dredged through a sewage swamp, but dammit, my lip will always look mighty fine).

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  11. And THIS is why I'll never have new friends.

    Or at least, not new IRL friends.


    Hey - thanks for the Tweet love. I've had some new faces roll through my blog - aka free therapy. You really are the most gracious woman on the internet.

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  12. Hee hee hee... I have to laugh at "I had to turn to the internet for my friends." I'm sure you have lots of friends in real life too, but if it weren't for the internet, you and I would never have 'met.' So thank goodness for that!

    Very wise words... definitely need to work on the breakfast thingy. I'm one of those drivers who runs on caffeine and honks just about anyone standing in my way. hahaha.

    Not.a.Morning.Person. lol

    Hugs to you for being such a good friend!

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  13. So I have to ditch my beloved yoga pants?? Ack! At least they don't cause me any drama. The cheerful, when I don't feel like it...gets me everytime. I struggle with that one.

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  14. Wise advice. I'm friendly with my downstairs neighbors, who are from Cameroon. After the giant winds that hit us here in LA, I was watering off all the debris and dirt from my balcony. After a while there was a knock on my door.

    It was Mr. Cameroon and he was not happy. He looked like a storm cloud and angrily told me I was getting water on all his things on his balcony. I could see he was DYING for an argument so I just said, "I'm sorry."

    And he had nothing to say. He glowered at me, shrugged and walked away, didn't say a word.

    So I would add to your list, "Promptly admit when you're wrong."

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  15. You're so cute. I'm just as unlovable as you are, I'm afraid.

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  16. Ah hah, now I see why it isn't working for me! All this time I thought it was my crappy, negative attitude... and sarcasm.

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  17. Great advice! So glad I sprung for that $20 pair of yoga pants at Old Navy so I could ditch the ones with the holes and bleach stains.

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  18. No wonder nobody likes me! Now I need that potluck recipe!

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  19. I love that you wrote this! I don't like to wear yoga pants in public because I have a little jiggle going on but I will be more mindful of my sweats--the ones with the worn out elastic waist band.

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  20. That is a lot of effort...A LOT!!!!! Forget it, I'll just travel light and hang out here!

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  21. You make me giggle mostly because I know we would be fast friends ...who couldn't love that brilliant scarcastic nature of yours and the way you make me feel normal and understood. I'll be your friend any day lady!!!

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  22. Omgah, I'm hopeless then. Thank god for the internet. At least I'll have a few virtual friends.

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  23. Oh, I love you guys.

    COMMUNE COMMUNE COMMUNE

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  24. Good advice. I especially like the advice about not laying on the horn in the preschool carpool line. Though I'd like to lay on the horn when people violate the carpool rules!

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  25. I once wrote a post about what my personal ad would say if I wrote one looking for friends. It read: "Celery Banded boot-wearing Mom Seeks Same" because I spent the better part of last winter with a red celery rubber band holding my boot closed when the zipper broke.

    I would see someone with that newspaper rubber band in her hair and instantly love her. ;)

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  26. "Sonuvabeehive" Love that. I'd be your real life friend anytime. People would think we're twins.
    jj

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  27. lol and another reminder on how much i disliked drop off lines and walking in for pick up #lovehomeschool ;)

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  28. This is a pretty good post, but made me wonder if we'd met. I was raised by a hairdresser, so I would never put a newspaper rubber band in my hair. Other than that, you have totally solved the mystery.

    hilarious. No, really. You nailed me.

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  29. I am totally up for a commune. We'd probably be on the news... Occupy the Internet, Bloggers Burst Free!!!

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  30. Spectacular list. I have to say though, I can cook some pretty amazing food, *but* when I'm short on time (which is almost always, right?) I swing by Whole Food's deli, pick up something fancy, but not too fancy and put it in one of my containers at home. When I'm asked about the recipe or what have you, I fess up, but mostly people ask: "Who brought the pasta salad?" And with a broad smile I say: "Me!"

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  31. it's 3 now and I've had 3 cups of coffee and half a sandwich...hmmm...
    maybe I should print this up and put it on my fridge

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  32. I must wrap my brain around this...so, I have to NOT yell at the folks at drop off and it might be a good idea for me to wear pants? Crap. This does explain why most of my social interaction takes place online.

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  33. I cannot tell you how many times I've done the red newspaper rubber band in the hair. That's why you like me, right?

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  34. This was hilarious! I love how effin brilliant you are! I especially love that you...errr...I mean some people use those rubber bands from the morning newspaper. I am not alone!

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  35. "No offense" is the northern version of "bless her heart!"

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  36. That's it - I claim you as one of my new cyber BFF's.

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  37. Wouldn't we all be so happy together?

    I think so.

    My stretched out yoga pants are your stretched out yoga pants.

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  38. Oh Lord. Now I know why all my friends are bloggers. All except the coffee, I don't drink it. But it's 1 PM and I've consumed 12 cups of tea and two mini Reeses today total. That's my only variance. Oh, and I have a real pony tail holder but it's on crooked ; )

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  39. Lol.

    The sunglasses part...

    I totally do that.

    I don't want to change.

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  40. Yes, I have to remind myself that not dressing like a slob is a good thing when I leave the house. Working on my computer most of the day, I forget these things. Putting on some make-up helps too. Just wrote a post about that today.

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  41. I love it when they sayy, " I just thought your should know."

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  42. Eh - shoes are overrated.

    But, yeah, the potluck supper item is key - if you find something that people want the recipe for . . . you're in.

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  43. You forgot "WEAR UNDERWEAR!"

    I learned that one from your Victoria's Secret post.

    (Who says you can't teach an old sonuvabeehive new tricks?)

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  44. Awesome.

    These are now printed out and hanging on my bathroom mirror.

    My new daily affirmations. Gracias.

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  45. But those are my favorite yoga pants :(

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  46. Got to tell you that people get nervous when they see me in yoga pants and a scrunchy. They look at me like I am a chupacabra or some other mythical beast.

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  47. See, my problem is I've got that vendetta frame of mind, so letting go of slights is nearly impossible.

    But I'll try.

    PS I LOVE YOUR INKY RUBBER BAND. It shows that you can read.

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  48. OMG. You -- an EMPRESS, no less -- VISITED MY BLOG? ANDCOMMENTED?

    ::dying::

    THank you, oh Supreme One.

    (p.s. -- love your blog. I'm a fellow RFML-er)

    --kate in MI

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  49. Ha, this is great.

    I'm totally a sunglasses wearer and a newspaper rubber band wearer.

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  50. Everything about this post made me chuckle (as much as I can in my state). I know I would have liked you IRL even before you were the famous Emp.

    So let's raise our coffee mugs in toast AFTER having had a complete breakfast. ;-)

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